Friday, June 30, 2023


UPDATE: In our continuing effort to stay on top of the most important news from the Big Apple 🍎, comes this startling report: 

Six unelected people, cloistered away from the public, with lifetime tenure and physical protection have in a space of a few days upended American Society. 

The Supreme Court just

1) Held that being of color in the US is no big deal. There are no disadvantages to being black or any other minority such that  a student's race should not be considered by colleges. Students for Fair Admissions v. Harvard.  The opinion notes "with distinct approval" the formerly discredited comments of a notable sports tout that none of the Judges in the REGIB reading this (and most do) will know because their parents were in diapers when Jimmy the Greek Synder said this: 

The decision did all but say "some of our best friends are black...:

NB: Philosophically Rumpole agrees with the proposition that two wrongs do not make a right and considering race in college admissions has inherent philosophical problems. BUT we also note that racism still pervades US society on a scale that does not allow courts and legislatures to turn a blind eye and announced that they are "Shocked! Shocked that there is gambling    racism going on in these premises..." 

2) Held that Gay people have less rights than they might think they have. Businesses can discriminate against a customer on the basis of their sexual orientation. 303 Creative LLC v. Elenis

Again, Rumpole philosophically agrees a business has a right to have signs that say "We do not serve Jews, Judges, or Armenian people" because we believe in the sanctity of property rights.  But under that premise, are we prepared to return to a society separated by race?

And in that vein, the Court announced a willingness to reexamine Brown vs. Board of Education: "What's exactly wrong if people are separate but equal?  We have three separate but equal branches of government. Why can't we have separate but equal education? "  Thomas, J, concurring in the grant of Certiorari. 

The Court also announced a grant of Cert on the issue of whether a domestic violence restraining order constitutionally can prohibit someone from possessing a firearm. First, we must all agree what we need in this country is more guns in the hands of angry and unstable people. Second, since the framers were not DV PC and didn't spend a lot of time discussing domestic violence restraining orders, the court will most certainly rule that DV restraining orders cannot stop people from carrying firearms. 

We really mean this. Follow us on this quick legal journey (judges, ask a PD to help you out on the law)

In New York State Rifle & Pistol Ass'n, Inc. v. Bruen, 213 L. Ed. 2d 387 (2022) Justice Thomas, writing on behalf of school gunmen everywhere, and the majority, wrote: 

We reiterate that the standard for applying the Second Amendment is as follows: When the Second Amendment's plain text covers an individual's conduct, the Constitution presumptively protects that conduct. The government must then justify its regulation by demonstrating that it is consistent with the Nation's historical tradition of firearm regulation. Only then may a court conclude that the individual's conduct falls outside the Second Amendment's “unqualified command.”

Earlier this year, in US v. Rahimi, the 5th Circuit struck down the constitutionality of a law prohibiting possession of a firearm when Rahimi, a violent drug dealer, was served with a domestic violence restraining order. Citing the Bruen decision, the 5th Circuit Judges, reveling in legal etoufee wrote such gems as "our ancestors would have never accepted the law on domestic violence restraining orders..."  (because they f'ing beat their slaves Rumpole notes). 

So- unless the current crop of Judges on the supreme court uncover some discussions between Jefferson and Adams on DV restraining orders: 
Adams: "Tom, when are you going to stop beating your wife?"
Jefferson: "You should try keeping Abagail in order. She has a mouth that one..." 

the court is destined to place battered women more at risk, because lets face it, there's only so many schools a shooter can shoot up with an AR15 without turning his attention to taking pot shots at battered women, with Justices Amy Comey and Clarence "Big Man" Clemmons Thomas supplying the clips. 

Thursday, June 29, 2023


 In as a misbegotten prosecution as we have ever seen, the Broward State Attorneys Office (Motto: "New State Attorney, same old crap...") was handed a well deserved defeat Friday as a jury acquitted former officer Peterson for child abuse charges for his alleged failure to act as a first responder during the tragic Parkland school shooting.

A well deserved NG for a State attorneys office that doesn't know its ass from its elbow. 

You know what they need? A big HUG. Maybe a judge will hug the state attorney trial team. 

It's been done before. 


An interesting take on the felon in possession of a firearm. Judge Reeves in the Middle District has found the statute unconstitutional. Run with it. 

"It is unsurprising that the government relies on jurisprudence 

filled with such methodological flaws. The same errors define

the Supreme Court’s own Second Amendment jurisprudence."

Judge R is our new favourite Judge for paragraphs like this: 

B. Revisiting Originalism

Bruen shows us that originalism is now the Supreme Court’s

dominant mode of constitutional interpretation. This Court is

not so sure it should be.

For one, the originalist case for originalism is lacking. This

Court has yet to see evidence proving “that the original meaning

of Article III of the Constitution included the understanding

that courts should interpret the Constitution based on its

original meanings.” Erwin Chemerinsky, Worse than Nothing:

The Dangerous Fallacy of Originalism 82 (2022) [hereinafter

Worse than Nothing]. In other words, it is not clear that

founding‐era Americans collectively agreed that for time immemorial,

their descendants would be bound by the founding

generation’s views on how the Constitution should be read.

There are a lot more gems in this remarkable order. We recommend you lawyers read it (of course you judges have better things to do than read well-reasoned federal orders. Like pinochle.).

Reeves Order by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

Tuesday, June 27, 2023


 We've all been there. A client needs a private moment of time. The lawyer and the client huddle... and then..... 

An elbow to the face.  Link is here if the video doesn't play. 

Kudos to defense attorney who downplayed the incident and didn't sell his client out. 


Attached is the list of lawyers nominated for the vacancies from the retirements of Judges Seraphin and Hanzman. 
Judge Hanzman's seat can be filled, but he cannot be replaced. What he did with the Chapman towers cased is unmatched in recent US legal history for the management and quick legal resolution of an enormous tragedy. There are DUI cases in the open county seat that took longer to resolve than the Chapman towers case. 

Meanwhile, one name on the list of the nominees for the County Court seat has caught our eye. 
Can you guess which one? 

JNC List Announcement (Circuit and County) by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd



 Long storied in song and fable, the 17th Avenue Bridge, which spans the mighty Miami River, is now open once again. This bridge which has brought countless clients to the courthouse for rescue and redemption; this bridge, which has conveyed legions of prosecutors to work in the early morning hours, hopeful that an early start to the day of trial will result in a win, only to see their hopes dashed against the rocks of a Rumpole cross and closing, is once again open, connecting our little slice of heaven known as the REGJB with the sights and smells of Cafecito like only they can make it on Calle Ocho. 

While it lacks the historical significance of the bridge at Remagen; the grandeur and majesty of the Brooklyn Bridge or the romance of the Ponce des Arts in Paris, our 17th avenue viaduct serves its purpose to those who call the crossroads of 12th street and 12th Avenue their second home. 

Welcome back old friend!

Monday, June 26, 2023


     Well dear readers, it's a summer Monday in Miami. The world is still here. Putin is still running Russia and Judge Sayfie is still running the Eleventh Circuit of Miami-Dade. Not that those two belong in the same sentence other than those are the two topics we are blogging about. But while we are on the subject, if they ever faced off, our money is on Judge S. She would clean his clock. 

There's quite the contretemps about what attorneys can and cannot bring into the jail. Here is an updated memo- but let us add in our thoughts about these matters below the memo:

Some thoughts: 

Smart watches are peligroso! (dangerous). They have been watching War Games too much. They think we are going to take an Apple smart watch and disable the jail. We can't even get our damn watch to show us the weather anywhere other than Little Rock Arkansas. 

You can bring in computers! Hang on while we try and stop laughing. Corrections won't even let us see our clients! And the powers that be somehow think the officers at the desk will allow a laptop in????? Come on now. 

Rumpole: We are here to see our client. 

CO: You with the Public Defenders office? 

Rumpole: No, the PDs put in a notice of appearance but then we substituted in. 

CO: But if you are not with the PDs office, you cannot see the client. In fact only a Mr. Carlos Martinez is listed as the lawyer. 

Rumpole: Do you see our notice of appearance? 

CO: Yes, but unless you are a PD you cannot see the client. And what is that you got with you? 

Rumpole. A laptop. 

CO: What you think you're gonna do with that? You sure are not bringing that computer into this jail. (Turns to a friend) "Hey Sally, you're not going to believe this. There is some lawyer here who thinks he can bring a laptop into the jail!!" (loud and prolonged laughter ensues). 

Rumpole: It's not like it's a gun or a hacksaw. 

CO: Oh, you can bring those in as long as you're with the PDs office. 

And so it goes. 

Send your adventures in trying to get a laptop into the jail to our email. First person who successfully gets in with a laptop without a letter from Governor DeSantis and an order from the Florida Supreme Court wins a prize. 

Saturday, June 24, 2023


For you robed readers out there, calling balls and strikes and struggling to find ways to deny motions to suppress ("While it's true the defendant was beaten to confess, he is guilty, the crime is bad, and the court must balance that against ethereal "rights" in the Constitution which was written at a time when hanging and flogging were accepted.")  we will guide you through the situation in Russia. 

Russia has two armies. The Russian army, which has proven as effective as the French Army against Germans, and the Wagner Group, a mercery army run by Yvgeny Prigozhin (YP), a cook and restauranteur.  It's sort of like if the guys who run Prime 112 raised an army and invaded Hialeah. ("They are lobbing baked potatoes and truffle butter and the people are taking shelter and eating pastellitos... It's chaos....")

For a few weeks now YP has been feuding with the Russian Army generals. YP accused the Russian military of treason for not adequately supplying Wagner troops with supplies needed to fight Ukraine.  It may have peaked Friday night when YP claimed a Russian military strike on a Wagner military camp.  This has led to a very warm (but not yet hot) conflict. There's a lot to consider here. 

First, how much civilian support does Putin have? Will it take a little or a lot for YP to get the support of the people? 

Second, YP needs access to media beyond social media to get his word out. Watch for Putin to shut down his access to television and radio. 

Third, How tightly will Putin hang on to power? Will he order the Russian Military to engage the Wagner group and will the military follow those orders while Ukranian missiles, drones and artillery are falling on them?   

Fourth- can YP make an alliance with Ukraine? Should he?  What will that do? 

Fifth- the control of nuclear forces. Watch this closely. 

Sixth- the market will fall Monday so hang on Sloopy, hang on...


We will be updating you as needed. But for now we bring to your attention a more immediate crisis unfolding in NYC where we are currently staying for a short period of time until our EDNY judge issues the order "and therefore the defense motion to dismiss is GRANTED." 

Thursday, June 22, 2023


 Texas has had it shares of W's, including POTUS 43 George Walker Bush. 

But there's a new W in San Antonio, and he was the first pick in the 2023 NBA draft-   Victor Wembanyama. 

This Guy is Talllllllll
VW is 19 years old. He is at least 7'3;  7'5 in sneakers. He has a size 20.5 shoe and an eight-foot wingspan, just 2.5 inches shy of the human record.  He can touch the 10-foot basketball rim just standing beneath it and raising his hand. If he is 7'5, then he's tied for the third tallest player in NBA history.  And...and as Bruce Springsteen sings in 10th Avenue Freeze Out- this here is the important part- he runs the floor and shoots like a 6'4 point guard and blocks shots from anywhere on the court. In short, he's a generational talent. 

And the San Antonio Spurs have him, drafting him as the first pick Thursday night, despite threats to seek an injunction before Judge Cannon in the SDFL under the "The Miami Heat Must Always Have The Best Player In The League" rule. 

But alas the draft went off as planned, and Heat fans are reduced to waiting for a game seven when they will stream into the arena wearing their silly white shirts and pretending to be life-long fans, much like Dolphin fans, who last went to a game when Ed Newman was blocking Alan Page. 

Think about that for a second.  Alan Page was a member of the famed "Purple People Eaters" Minnesota Vikings defense. He retired in 1977 and was later elected to the college and pro football hall of fames. He went on to a career in law and served as a Justice on the Minnesota Supreme Court. 

Ed Newman played in the NFL from 1973 to 1984 (playing in three super bowls - 1973 (win), 1982 (loss) and 1984 (loss) ).  IF there is film of Ed Newman blocking Alan Page in the 1973 super bowl, when the Dolphins beat the Vikings, and Newman was a rookie, then it may be the ONLY time in profession sports that two future judges played against each other. 

These are the kinds of things we think about that make us the hall of fame blogger we are. 

Meanwhile, we have neglected to comment on the NBA finals. Your Miami Heat lost. 



 The news today, terribly sad, that the Titan submersible broke up during descent and the five souls on board are all lost. 

We immediately thought of a prior tragedy that touched the nation, and the words of President Ronald Wilson Reagan. The speech, given from the oval office the afternoon after the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger, is now considered one of the top political speeches of the 20th century. His closing words are worth remembering in this time of sorrow: 

There's a coincidence today. On this day 390 years ago, the great explorer Sir Francis Drake died aboard ship off the coast of Panama. In his lifetime the great frontiers were the oceans, and an historian later said, "He lived by the sea, died on it, and was buried in it." Well, today we can say of the Challenger crew: Their dedication was, like Drake's, complete.

The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God."

Also, in the future, a good rule of thumb is to avoid complex machinery that your life depends on that is controlled by this: 

This does not inspire confidence 

Tuesday, June 20, 2023


 There are two things that caught our eye this Tuesday morning after the prosecution came to their senses, looked across the courtroom and saw Rumpole filling out his voir dire chart and dismissed the case, saving us a few days of work and them from the inevitable outcome. 

First- there was a train wreck on Twitter with someone named Moriah Mills who launched a vicious attack on NBA star Zion Williamson, culminating in her bizarre threat to the NBA and the New Orleans Pelicans to either trade Zion - her ex squeeze- or she would release sex videos from her "trap phone".  Why she wanted to have the Pelicans trade Zion is beyond us. What does she have against the people of New Orleans? Don't they deserve an NBA        (oft injured) superstar?   And we are not sure exactly what it is, but we probably need a trap phone for something. "Hello Best Buy? Do you have trap phones for sale?" 

Moriah Mills- a woman scorned 

Zion with his new squeeze which caused Mills to lose it on Twitter 
Our interest piqued, had to educate ourselves on the new foreign language of social media. BM= baby momma; SMH=shaking my head; etc.  Next we had to piece together the source of her rage, which was that she was dating Zion but then he announced he was having a baby with another woman who previously worked in an establishment in which women take off their clothes for money while men are served drinks of flavored water for 25 bucks a pop. 

Ms. Mills sells videos on a site called "Only Fans", and previously stared in movies in which the story line is thin, but the (naked) women are- in the vernacular of the day- thick. 

Doesn't anyone meet a bf/gf in a bar anymore like the good old wholesome days of the Taurus in Coconut Grove? 

Unfortunately Twitter and Elon suspended Ms. Mills account before we could luxuriate in the drama over her BFs baby mama. It was fun while it lasted. 

Second, we became obsessed with the unfolding drama two miles beneath the north Atlantic where adventure-tourists who are on a submersible  trying to catch a glimpse of the Titanic may end up staying longer than they anticipated. Like forever.  It's an unfolding Apollo 13/miners trapped in a mine drama, and we are hoping for the best, but it's almost easier to rescue someone from the moon then two miles deep in the Atlantic. 

Oh yeah, and after the nolle prosse we went home and worked on an appellate brief too.  Just a day in the life of Miami's favourite blogger. It's not all glitz and glamour. 

Sunday, June 18, 2023


 A remarkable piece in the NY Times by a remarkable young man who is going to go far in life. Not confirming anything, but your curmudgeonly blogger may have had a tear in his eye by the end. 

How Father's Day Became My Favorite Holiday

He Lives in the Double Helix of My Cells, but I Do Not Know Him

It's a bright and sunny spring day here in NYC. People are out and smiling and it's not sticky and there's plenty of interesting restaurants to enjoy, museums to explore, and independent movie theaters to see something interesting. So to sum it up, it's all Miami is not and never will be. 

Saturday, June 17, 2023


 When we posted a parody of the arraignment of the disgraced former president, some readers saw an allusion to a law firm that advertises on bus benches. We cannot be responsible for what you read into our posts. But then soon after, Vanity Fair, while not the blog, no slouch in the media world, had this story with this headline:

Trump Basically One Day Away From Hiring a Lawyer Who Advertises on the Side of a Bus to Defend Him

Much discussion on who will represent the prior president. You are missing the point. It's not the lawyers now. They will be fired or resigned. It's not the second round as they will be fired or resign. It's the third round, when the trial is six weeks out and Judge Cannon Middlebrooks (Moreno!!!??) denies a motion to continue and he needs counsel. 

    We had occasion to speak with a prominent forensic psychologist. She gave us some interesting insights.  A child's stuffed animal is a transitional object they use for comfort as separation with their parents occurs (pre-school, daycare, etc). The object provides comfort to the scared child.
The former president charged in federal court was known to have a habit of bringing boxes of personal items with him when he traveled. Deeds to property, leases, bank statements, magazines in which there were articles about him.  This was long before he entered and exited the presidency. 
Transitional objects also may serve negative functions like fantasies of grandiose power and the need for that power to cover up deeper feelings of weakness and inadequacy. 
When a transitional object is taken away, there are common responses of sadness, anger, and rage, as well as the failure to pay for food at certain Miami restaurants after promising to do so.  (Is dine-n-dash a federal crime?)

Just some amateur psychology to explain why a loser kept boxes in his bathroom. 

Friday, June 16, 2023


The Best Constitutional Calendar yet. 

Read it and remember when this country had heroes who fought side by side regardless of their different races and religions. 

A hearty well done to Judge Milt Hirsch who reminds us there was a time when heroes and bravery didn't always mean you carried a gun. 

On June 12, 1964, Martin Luther King wrote a letter to Rabbi Israel Dresner of Springfield, New Jersey.  Addressing his friend and fellow-clergyman by his nickname – “Dear Sy” – Dr. King explained that he was writing from the St. Augustine, FL, city jail.  King knew that Dresner was about to attend a “rabbinical assembly,” and asked that he arrange for a number of rabbis to come immediately to St. Augustine.  “It would do much to buttress our efforts here and across the nation.”  Dr. King knew how serious was the request he was making.  His letter concludes, “Perhaps if this letter could be read to your brethren next week, it might be considered a ‘call’ to St. Augustine.  I would imagine that some 30 or so rabbis would make a tremendous impact on this community and the nation.  We would hope that some would be prepared to submit to arrest.”

Rabbis heard Dr. King’s “call.”  And rabbis came to St. Augustine.

On June 19, 1964, it was their turn to write a letter from the local jail.  It was written, ironically, on the back of an arrest form.  Entitled, “Why We Went,” it included these words:

“We were arrested on Thursday, June 18, 1964.  Fifteen of us were arrested while praying in an integrated group in front of Monson’s Restaurant.  Two of us were arrested for sitting down at a table with three Negro youngsters in the Chimes Restaurant. . . .

“We came to St. Augustine mainly because we could not stay away.  We could not say no to Martin Luther King, whom we always respected and admired and whose loyal friends we hope we shall be in the days to come.  We could not pass by the opportunity to achieve a moral goal by moral means – a rare modern privilege – which has been the glory of the non-violent struggle for civil rights.

. . .

“We came as Jews who remember the millions of faceless people who stood quietly, watching the smoke rise from Hitler’s crematoria.  We came because we know that, second only to silence, the greatest danger to man is loss of faith in man’s capacity to act.

. . .

“We praise and bless God for His mighty acts on our behalf.  Baruch ata adonai matir asurim.  Blessed art Thou, O Lord, who freest the captives.”

Tuesday, June 13, 2023


 Because we are so nice to courthouse staff, they reciprocate and herein we present exclusive access to the transcript of the arraignment of the United States of America vs donny "b good" trump. 

The Clerk: All rise. The United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida is now in session. Magistrate Jonathan Goodman presiding. 

Mag Goodman: Call the case please. 

The Clerk: The United States of America versus Donald J Trump and Wault Nata. Counsel please announce your presence....  (thereinafter counsel for the government made their appearances)

Alex H Banana: Alex H Banana for defendant Osvaldo Escobeiche ...no wait, that's the 2:30  non-moving violation calendar in Hialeah, umm, ok, Alex H Banana for  Donald J Trump. No pago es ticket. 

Mag Goodman: I'm sorry, what was that last bit? 

Alex H Banana::  Just something I say in every case Judge. 

Mag. Goodman: I have reviewed the pre-trial services report, does the government have a recommendation on bond? 

Alex H Banana: Objection judge. My client requests that the court disclose who you voted for in the last three presidential elections. My client further requests that the court make inquiry of the government prosecutors who they voted for as well. Furthermore....

(thereinafter a person in the courtroom stood up): FREE DONALD TRUMP! THIS IS BULLSHIT. WHERE IS HUNTER? WAY TO GO BRANDON! MAGA MAGA MAGA....

(thereinafter the US Marshalls removed the individual). 

Alex H Banana: Sorry Judge, my staff members get a little excited at times. It won't happen again. I have not yet received an offer on the case. I'd like to know if the state is seeking an adjudication and points? 

Mag Goodman: Okay, lets all settle down. To quote the Grateful Dead, what a long strange trip it has been.  Let's arraign the defendant. 

Alex H Banana:: Yes Judge. Alex H Alex H Banana: for the defense providing representation for traffic and nonmoving violations in Broward, Dade, Monroe and let's not forget West Palm Beach County. My client was caught completely by surprise.  You see, he can declassify anything just by thinking about them. And no one has ever seen charges like this and many lawyers are saying they've never seen anything like this.  

Mag. Goodman: Is that a plea of not guilty? 

Alex H Banana: No judge. There just seems to be a great deal of confusion here. 

Mag. Goodman: I asked you a very simple question. How does your client plead?

Alex H BananaIt's just that he didn't do anything wrong and...

Mag Goodman: Once again, the communication process has broken down. You seem to want to skip the arraignment,  skip the trial and get a dismissal. So once again, how does your client plead? 

Alex H Banana: Not Guilty. 

Mag. Goodman. Noted. Having reviewed the pretrial services report, and noting that you can take it to the limit, one more time, and that the defendant is presumed innocent as Billy Joel has sung,  the court will set a two hundred thousand dollar personal surety bond, with standard conditions of release.  There are some special conditions I am going to impose.  And I want to be very clear that any violations of these conditions will result in a revocation of bond. 

Mr. Trump: You don't tug on Superman's cape. You don't spit into the wind. You don't pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with Jim. 

Am I clear? 

Alex H Banana: Yes judge. 

Mag. Goodman: I will notify the judge assigned to the case and you will get a notice of a status conference. Ok, court will be in recess. 

Monday, June 12, 2023


UPDATE:  "A SUSPICOUS PACKAGE" was located outside of the Federal Courthouse. However long time denizens of the REGJB recognized it for what it was- upon inspection the bomb squad found a MAGA hat and t-shirt, a dead chicken, and some white egg shell powder used in the santeria religion. 

DONT FORGET TO CHECK BACK IN AROUND 330 when we will have exclusive access to the transcript of THE ARRAIGNMENT (soon to be a six part series on Netflix). 

 As part of our continuing service to serve the community (and gently disparage those who wear black to work every day) we provide some insights on Tuesday in the South Florida legal community. 

Nothing out of the ordinary appears planned. 

Oh yeah, the former president of the United States is surrendering on yet another criminal indictment at the Wilkie Ferguson courthouse in downtown Miami (directly across from a garage that has a bunch of lawyers working at the top... weird right?).  Just another day in the Magic City. 

Anyway, the word is going out, very hush hush (do the judges have a whatsapp group? Boy would we pay for that number!!!) that almost all pending matters in the family and civil court house will be conducted via zoom. Jury trials on the very important PIP and first party insurance defense claims will be suspended if they are in progress, or delayed if they are starting or settled because that's what they do anyway.  Many state and county offices downtown are closing and telling employees to zoom in. 

The benefits of Covid for South Florida- we are all zoom ready. Thank you Covid19 and the Chinese Lab that released the virus at the request of Hillary Clinton and Hunter Biden!!! 

The Arraignment: Have some balls and don't waive reading. HA!   (yes we know tomorrow is the first appearance but still, give no ground in this defense. That's what we say). 

Next, the PRE TRIAL SERVICES REPORT . Who wants a copy? 

Maybe it will be this...

The defendant is a retired politician who owns various real estate ventures, the value of which he claims is mostly off-set by outstanding loans. He reports less than a million dollars in cash on hand. He lives in both South Florida and New Jersey. When asked about those properties he replied "they are the greatest properties anyone has ever seen. No one has ever seen properties this nice." 

Health: the defendant appears significantly overweight. However when questioned he responded that he was recently told by a doctor that he was perhaps the healthiest individual the doctor had ever seen in 30 years of medical practice. 

The defendant has been married multiple times. He stated each of his wives were "considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world" at the time he married them. 

Prior Record: The defendant currently is out on release in the State of New York and is an active target of a criminal investigation in Georgia. The defendant was recently found civilly liable for a sexual assault in New York. The defendant blamed all the pending and prior cases on prior lawyers he had hired, as well as the judges assigned to those cases.  

Risk of Flight:  🛫The defendant has a passport, an airplane capable of overseas travel and reported traveling within the last five years "all over the world, including North Korea."  The defendant claimed to have a personal and intimate relationship with the head of North Korea and remarked that they were "in love" and had exchanged numerous "love letters". The defendant also owns numerous properties around the world. Based on the defendant's admitted close and personal contact with the leader of North Korea, with which the United States does not have a mutual extradition treaty, along with his access to a private jet and numerous properties around the world, the defendant is a risk of flight. 

Danger to the community: The defendant is charged with possession of top-secret documents relating to national security, including but not limited to pentagon plans for the simultaneous invasions of Canada, Mexico, and Antigua - the last being drawn up at the defendant's request because of a dispute over a hotel property that was not being amicably resolved to his satisfaction. Although the defendant denies reading books, he showed these plans to an author who had no security clearance. 

On January 6, 2021, the defendant was directly involved in inciting numerous individuals to storm the capital, disrupt congress and prevent the certification of the results of the 2020 presidential election. 

The defendant represents a significant danger to the community. 

The recommendation is that there is no combination of bond that protect the community and ensure that the defendant will return for trial. 

Pretrial services also recommends that if the defendant is released that he be ordered to undergo mandatory mental health counseling as he frequently mentions conspiracy theories involving lawyers, judges, former presidents and secretary of states that he believes are all out to get him, not to mention the entire states of Georgia, Arizona, Nevada, as well as the former prime minister of England and the nation of Lichenstein about which he said "is very small and nobody goes there and nobody likes it there." 

Saturday, June 10, 2023


The former president of the United States was indicted on Thursday. 

On Friday your Miami Heat 🏀 lost at home (they were never in the game) and went down 3-1 in the NBA finals. 

Things are looking dim if you're a Maga Heat Fan (what an awful combo). 

Here's a few random thoughts. 

We don't like front-running-phony Miami Heafans and their simpy white shirts paying thousands of dollars a ticket for the one game they attend all year (an NBA finals game). But we do admire their coach, their no-name gutsy undrafted players. And Jimmy Butler is as a money player as there is in the NBA. The Heat are an eighth seed and they got where they are on guts, coaching, determination, and one superstar. They have more to be proud of this season than the years they bought championships with Lebron et al. So there you have it, well earned Heaprops. 

POTUS 45 is another story. He's set the record for criminal charges by an ex-president, and Georgia hasn't weighed in yet. Two criminal cases in two separate states- one fed and one state. The bar is high. And MAGA apologists are railing at the cases. In the federal case there is an admission to possessing classified material (a pentagon plan to attack a country) and showing the material  to people who have no security clearance. And the MAGA response is Hillary Clinton and Hunter Biden.  That reminds us of the client who is charged with insider trading and tells the police "why aren't you out arresting murderers and drug dealers?" 

You know what would be amazing? An offer by President Biden to give Potus 45 immunity. Or better yet, a commutation of his sentence to supervised release. 

The Heaare playing tough and have no quit in them. They don't blame others for their problems. They have grit and integrity. 

We cannot say same for that pathetic excuse of a former president.  

And yes, long time and careful readers of the blog will note what it took for us to praise the Miami Heat: Pond scum. 

Thursday, June 08, 2023







Tuesday, June 06, 2023


 There's something very compelling about May and June, 1944. England was an armed fortress. The streets of London were populated by young men in uniform from all over the world. American Airborne soldiers were so primed that men of the 82 and 101st Airborne could not drink in the same bar without a fight breaking out. 

General Dwight Eisenhower, a mid-level general at the Pentagon before the war, was plucked from obscurity by George Marshall, Chief of Staff of t US Army. Ike was selected to be the Supreme Commander of Allied Forces in part because he got along with the British, and President Roosevelt didn't want Marhsall leaving Washington. 

Marshall in Washington; Eisenhower in Europe; General Douglas McArthur in the Pacific; Admirals Halsey and King and Kincaid in the Pacific, and slowly, very slowly the US was awakening as a force for freedom. 

As May ended, the weather in Europe deteriorated.  There were only a few days every month when the moon and tide would be in alignment sufficient to allow the invasion of France to proceed.  On June 4, the day before the invasion was scheduled, as nearly three million men were pulled taught like a bow, the weather got worse, and Ike called for a 24-hour delay.  That decision was momentous. Eisenhower literally had the weight of the world on his shoulders. On June 5 Ike was told there would be a break in the weather on June 6 to allow the invasion to proceed under the minimally accepted conditions.  Saying that a further delay was too biter to contemplate, Ike gave the go-ahead. 

18 and 19 year old boys, members of the 82 and 101 Airborne divisions, their bodies hard from a year of training, many of them with shaved heads and mohawks, trudged on to planes with a hundred pounds of equipment. They were told they needed to give three days of fighting and then they would be relieved. It ended up being close to a month. 

Ike and the Airborne on D-Day -1 

Some of those men looked outside the planes they were on and saw a sight never before seen in history and never to be repeated. Hundreds of ships with hundreds of thousands of men steaming towards five beaches in Normandy, France. 

On Omaha Beach, later called "Bloody Omaha" because the first, second, and third waves of troops were pinned down, mostly by one well positioned German 75mm gun with machine gun support, thousands of men- men who had spent three hours in small landing crafts and then were dumped into the surf seasick and scared, were slaughtered. Those that made it ashore were pinned down. 

Omaha Beach June 6, 1944 

In stepped a man -perhaps the oldest man on Omah Beach that morning. Not as famous as Ike or Patton or Bradley, Brigadier General Norman "Dutch" Cota, 51, leading the 29th Infantry division, was not surprised by what he saw. He knew invasions rarely went as planned and he instructed his staff on what to expect. Cota made it to the seawall and saw men being slaughtered. But he knew great generals lead from the front, so he stood up, bullets flying around him- he later admitted he was scared to death- and he began yelling at the men- urging them to go over the wall and fight inland. Cota came upon a squadron of Rangers and bellowed "I know you Rangers won't let me down. If Rangers lead the way then start fucking leading..." A Ranger captain, angered by Cota, jumped up, told Cota he would lead his men, and off they went. 

Check out our D-Day post on General Cota four years ago, here. 

Slowly, very slowly, men up and down Omaha Beach began to move inland. Yards at a time, the full history of their bravery will never be truly known. But one by one, American boys, from farms and cities the year before, began to fight as citizen soldiers against the best professional army in the world. 

And they won. 

D-Day fascinates us. The decisions facing Eisenhower; the individual bravery of the Airborne, scattered across Normandy, they did what Americans do best- they improvised, and then they fought and accomplished their mission.  And then there were the boys on the ships, many of whom died in the surf and at the water's edge. 

These American boys invaded France, seeking only to free Europe and then go home. The ones who made it home, like Captain Dick Winters of the 506 PIR of the 101st Airborne, (made famous from the book and show Band of Brothers) raised families and lived successful lives. 

This the 79th Anniversary of D-Day. If there is nothing else we can do, then hopefully we can do this and pause on June 6 and remember their sacrifice. And hopefully on the 80th and 90th and 100th anniversary of D-day the world will pause just a moment and remember a time when people joined together to fight for a just cause. 

Monday, June 05, 2023


 We have always been proud of the fact that we publish dissenting opinions (no matter how misguided) from our own. 

Perhaps Miami's most loyal Heat Fan, certainly the most loyal Heat Fan that wears black robes to work, has seen fit to email us about the Heat's come from behind victory in Denver Sunday night. 

Reprinted with her permission, Judge Colodny Rubs It In:


Here I sit in my office wearing my HEAT jersey under my robe. (Don’t tell Sayfie!)  I was tickled to learn that after many years removed from the Criminal Bench that I made the Justice Blog for a positive reason – my undying obsession with the MIAMI HEAT!   I am grateful for the shout-out!


As you can imagine, I am beyond ecstatic with our journey to the Finals.  Its been a long fought battle this season, but I am confident that the team is ready to win 4 more.  (I predict the series will got to 6…and we win on our home court!) 


My superstitious nature prohibits me from making public statements regarding the HEAT fandom of others.  The true #HEATLIFERS know who they are!  We have suffered through a lot to get to this point -- Alonzo’s kidney issues,  the 1988-89 15 win season, Referee Scott Foster – to name a few.


Whether a #HEATlifer or a bandwagoner – LET’S GO HEAT!!!!


Be well, Rumpole!

See you at the parade down Biscayne Boulevard!



Thursday, June 01, 2023

GAME ONE 104-93 HEAT LOSE ( 0-1)

 Your Miami Heat were thoroughly thumped in Denver Thursday night 104-93 and it was never close. This is the first game one Miami has lost in this playoff series. The Heat set an unenviable record by attempting a mere two free throws in an NBA finals game, an unmatched record of free-throw finals futility (giving rise to a classic Rumpole alliterative roll). 

Denver, playing in its first NBA Finals ever, set the tone by taking Miami out of the game early. 

Things are looking grim for all ten of you season-long die-hard Miami Heat fans. For the rest of you front-running phonies, there's always Ocean Drive, the new Spiderman Movie, Sexy Fish,  and the Dolphins pre-season OTAs. 


DOM, who spends his days off watching federal trials for fun, scooped us on his blog and reported that the federal jury found Joey C liable for the tune of 60 M I L L I O N dollars in the civil lawsuit that generated some buzz when Carollo's lawyers were held in contempt for snapping photos in federal court. 

Team Carollo summary: Lost; gobsmacked with an 8 digit verdict north of 50 million; held in contempt; facing a two-year ban on handling cases in the SDFL. 

All in all, not the kind of trial you put on your webpage.