Tuesday, March 27, 2018


The (fake) news media is reporting that the President cannot get legal help. No lawyer will take his case.
We have a bunch of lawyers here in South Florida who send mailers and pay bondsmen for cases. 
Hey guys and gals, the mailing address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Wash, DC. 
Send an ad. You never know. 

Who do you think in the REGJB should take the case and do a good job?

Meanwhile we have a few suggestions:

Or this....

But really when you think about it, there is really only one lawyer for POTUS:

Monday, March 26, 2018


Count us as being supremely bored by the 60 Minutes interview of Stormy Daniels. She slept with Trump before he was. president. He paid her to keep quiet. And the sun rises in the east. What else is new? 

We actually were surprised by some of the "facts" we heard on Fox news Sunday morning whilst stuck in a NetJets airport waiting room, including that the Obama administration didn't want to ban bump-stocks and that Obama didn't want to raise the pay of members of the military.
That was surprising news.  If you can call what Fox broadcasts "news". 

Just when you think you've seen it all, some yahoo legislators have proposed Proposition 96 which, inter alia, will allow the prosecution to file a speedy trial demand. And this differs from the prosecution objecting to a defense continuance how? 

(10) The right to proceedings free from unreasonable delay,  and to a prompt and final conclusion of the case and any related  postjudgment proceedings. 
a. The state attorney may file a good faith demand for a  speedy trial and the trial court shall hold a calendar call,  with notice, within fifteen days of the filing demand, to schedule a trial to commence at a date at least five days but no  more than sixty days after the date of the calendar call unless the trial judge enters an order with specific findings of fact  justifying a trial date more than sixty days after the calendar  call.

Friday, March 23, 2018


The famous and wildly successful lawyer(s) that run the Southern District of Florida Blog which can be found here have changed the look and the layout. 

Count us as one vote against the new format. 
We don't like it at all. 
What say you? 
(Apparently we were taken to a mobile version of the blog. So never mind). 

But while you're over there, check out the post on the money for the new federal courthouse in Ft. Lauderdale being included in the new federal budget. 
We're against that as well. 
A real trial lawyer can try a case in an asbestos laden building where the roof leaks. 

Our own humble REGJB has been adjudicatin criminal cases since cira 1960 and we are doing just fine. You haven't earned your bones at the REGJB until you and your trial briefcase are thrown for a loop when an escalator suddenly stops and a crush of humanity falls on you. 

From occupied America, where no self-respecting local government should take money appropriated by those sell-out morons in D.C., fight the power and try your case with an umbrella. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2018



We present to you today the collected wisdom and rulings of former REGJB Judge, and rapidly becoming a legal legend- Judge Hanzman. 

In the first order, Hanzman vacated a fifty-year sentence on a PVH for a new arrest of a defendant in a car in which a gun was found under the passenger's seat. Represented by a well-respected attorney who was forced into a PVH by Judge Rebull when he was not ready to proceed, Judge Hanzman found that the lawyer's performance was "an outlier" to his long and distinguished career. DNA evidence not introduced excluded the defendant as a contributor to the DNA on the weapon. 

In the second order, Hanzman vacated a conviction after trial in which there was only one eyewitness and the defense failed to impeach that eyewitness on the grounds that the eyewitness at the time of the trial, the eyewitness was in custody and facing a life sentence on an armed robbery charge. Woops! Giglio anyone? 

The Third Order deals with the question of whether the State can collect DNA, not at the booking/arrest stage, and without probable cause for the case the defendant was charged in- for the limited purpose of comparing that DNA sample to other crimes. Adopting the "timing is everything" analysis, Judge Hanzman denied the prosecution's motion. 

Not every client is innocent. Not every motion should be granted. But when we live and practice law in a time when Judge's fear their own shadow, much less negative media associated with a ruling for a defendant, it is nice to see a Judge who calls it like he sees it. It seems like an easy thing to do, but it is not. 

Come back to the REGJB Judge Hanzman.

UPDATE: The comments correctly pointed out that there was some fine lawyering here as well, including Daniel Tibbitt who has won several impressive 3.850 motions for his client this year. Well done. Well done indeed. 




Monday, March 19, 2018


It's never too late to look back at the last year. And especially for our intrepid prosecutors and their office, more than two months into 2018, they have published their 2017 year in review. "Better late than never" they often say about discovery and their Year-In-Review. It's perhaps the most anticipated document in the South Florida Legal Community, other than, of course, the yearly traffic citation stats, and the pedestrian flow analysis for the south end of Brickell Avenue.

So here it is, and pay particular attention to the crowing about the prosecution of former North Miami Beach Mayor Myron Rosner (husband of Judge Sarah Zabel) in the FRAUD section. 

The entire document cannot help but engender in our mind the wise words of the greatest man of the 20th Century- Winston Spencer Churchill: "In War, Resolution. In defeat, defiance. In Victory, Magnanimity. " Magnanimity doesn't appear in their dictionary. 

The Russians, so often in the news these days, have word for this type of document:  агитпроп,  which means Agitpróp

Thursday, March 15, 2018


Here's an interesting NY Times OP Ed piece on the need for progressive fines. 
A single $151.00 speeding fine sent an African-American into a seven year odyssey of fines, collections, loss of license, arrest warrants and homelessness. Should she be fined the same as Mark Zuckerberg for a speeding offense? 

The Times piece misses the point. The issue should not be the enactment of progressive fines because rarely will the issue be the appropriateness of a fine to a billionaire and a homeless woman. The issue should be the tax misdemeanors and traffic tickets extract on lower income Americans. A brief sojourn into county court a few weeks ago yielded an (unscientific) view that most litigants are those who can least afford to be there, and who can least afford the devastating impact of a misdemeanor conviction. 

Progressive fines are a slippery slope. But the criminalization of quality of life issues (traffic crimes, panhandling, marijuana possession) should be the discussion we are having. Decriminalizing a majority of the misdemeanor crimes in Florida would allow the cases to be handled in a cost efficient manner by magistrates without the expense of prosecutors and public defenders. Do we really need everyone charged with disorderly conduct or possession of marijuana to lawyer-up? 
We could then reduce many felonies that are given short shrift, to misdemeanors. Wouldn't it be more costs effective to  have car theft, burglary of conveyances, third degree grand theft,  possession of cocaine, and resisting with violence cases off the dockets of circuit court judges?


The 2018 World Happiness report lists Norway, Denmark, Iceland, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Canada (with its fake trade deficit), New Zealand, Sweden and Australia (home to Miami's most famous fugitive Joe Gerstein) as the happiest countries- one through nine. The US of A limped in at number 18, down from 14 in 2017. 

Burundi, the Central African Republic, and Cleveland were the unhappiest countries in the world. 😞
(emoji courtesy of Millennial Me).

REJB Happenings
There were more trials today in the REGJB. Many pleas of guilty. Lots of cases filed, a few no actioned and some nolle prosses. 
Everyone who isn't a lawyer went though a rigorous security screening to enter the building, but in a fascinating story, Judges were able to park in the garage in the building and avoid security! 
The clerks offices reported many requests to view files. 
We know this is absolutely fascinating stuff for many of you, so we will hold  your interest and leave the rest of the action for tomorrow's blog post, which may, just may, include an exposition on the attorney's parking lot!!!!! YES!

From sad and unhappy occupied America, Fight The Power!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018


If you read the comments section, then you know some people want the blog to be about the courthouse. Because they don't want to read about Trump.  Wah wah wahhh. 

Ok. This is for you. Some judges picked some juries this week. Some defendants were acquitted. Some were convicted. There was a mistrial this week in an armed robbery trial because of A Golden Rule violation by the State. How shocking is that? (-yawn-). 

Long time ASA David Gilbert is probably picking his last jury and trying his last case as an ASA. A brutal multiple murder and shooting. Stop by Judge Venzer's courtroom and watch Gilbert and Frank Ledee. Bruce Fleisher, inter alia, for the defense. 

Coming next week, as a special blog service, we will post the lunch specials at the El Chapo Café. Yum. 
An escalator was out. Coming soon our exclusive interview with Elmer, the Otis escalator repair man. Elmer will give our readers his top six tips for getting on and off the escalator. 
And not just that, but out secret expose': You Don't Want to Know What's In Those Hot Dogs From The Carts.

There's going to be some retirement parties for clerks and corrections officers. Promises to be a good time for all. 

Isn't this fun and fascinating? 

Parking is a problem at the REGJB. Let's start a petition! We can all sign it and demand change. Yes. That's the ticket for an exciting post. A petition! 

Oh, our State Attorney doesn't like the 2nd DCA. Like they ever did anything to her. Here's part of an email from her. 

In late 2016, Florida's 2nd District Court of Appeals overturned a conviction for a juvenile convicted of written threats to kill or do bodily harm. The juvenile offender made multiple posts on social media threatening to "shoot up" his school.
One of the posts included a photo of a firearm. The appellate court reversed the offender's conviction and found that the threats did not violate Florida law. The court stated that it could not "add words not included by the legislature" and that the current statutory language was "very limited."
I am delighted to report that our Governor signed Senate Bill 7026, a Public Safety Bill 105 pages long, which amongst many other items intended to improve public safety includes the necessary language to amend Florida Statute 836.10 to include threats of mass shootings or acts of terrorism.  Anyone found responsible for issuing such a threat commits a felony of the second degree, punishable as provided in s.775.082, s.775.083, or s.775.084.  Law enforcement now has one of the necessary tools to ensure that no child feels unsafe at school because of online threats.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018


(the following is based on national-fake news sources. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.)

The last days of Rex Tillerson....

Thursday March 8, 2018.
Rex Tillerson arrives in Ethiopia. He is surprised to learn that his boss has agreed to meet to North Korean dictator and killer of American tourists and students  Kim JongUn. 
Tillerson responds by stating that "We're a long way from negotiations.
This announcement surprises and angers  the President who at that precise moment is negotiating for the delivery of McDonald Hamburgers and Kentucky Fried Chicken to North Korea for the meeting. 
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders calls the food "freedom meals." 

Friday March 9, 2018. 
The next day Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is awoken from sleep around 2:30 AM by Chief of Staff John Kelly who tells Tillerson to expect a "tweet" after the weekend.  Trump is in his PJ's watching the Best of Dean Martin Roasts on cable TV. 
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders announces that the White House has bought more space on iCloud to list the latest resignations from the White House. 

Friday March 10, 2018. 
The President is scheduled to receive his daily briefing at 11:00 a.m, but instead plays Tiger Woods Golf on Xbox. The President then tweets that "Tiger got a bum deal. The women lied. Fakes news!" 
The Secretary of State asks for a briefing on the economic situation in Africa but is told that Jared Kushner has revoked his security clearance. Instead, he is given an iPad and googles "Africa" and "problems?" 

Saturday March 11, 2018. 
Secretary Of State Tillerson clears his schedule. He isn't feeling well. 
Trump goes to Pittsburgh where he campaigns for a Republican for Congress. He calls the White House switchboard looking for his wife, but all the switchboard operators have resigned, and is forced to leave a voicemail after listening to this message: "You've reached the best white house switchboard. A switchboard that no one has ever seen one as good. If you are a cabinet member seeking to resign press one; if you represent a porn star and want to have your client give an interview, press two; if you are the attorney general of the United States, you suck and your time is coming pal."

Sunday March 12, 2018.
CIA Director Mike Pompeo goes on Meet the Press and is asked by Chuck Todd about Tillerson's involvement in the upcoming Korean negotiations. Pompeo suppresses a giggle and responds "Who?" before saying, "Oh, yeah, well, we will see about that."
Tillerson receives a secure message from Ivanka Trump asking for four bottles of Kahlua. 
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders calls the news that a new counter in Times Square - similar to the deficit counter-that will count the total of White House resignations- "fake counter news". 

Monday March 13, 2018. 
Rex Tillerson decides to return to the United States early to "prepare for the North Korean negotiations." His trip is delayed when during a lay-over in London, he is bumped to stand-by on an American Airlines flight. 
Prime Minister Theresa May announces that Russia is behind the poisoning of a former Russian spy and his daughter who are both living in London. Tillerson immediately issues a statement supporting the English Prime Minister and denouncing Russia. Trump Tweets calling May "Fake News" and "An Obama Plant" and has his phone ripped from his grip by Chief Of Staff Kelly before he can tweet anything else. 
The Secret Service forcibly ejects Trump aide and Body-Man Randy "Macho Man" Savage from the White House for unspecified "Crimes Against Humanity" and finds the book "The Ten Best Speeches of Vladimir Putin" in his office along with a taped language course in Russian and a bottle of Vodka. 
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee "Stormy"-Sanders tells the press that the removal had been "planned for months." She then hands out the daily list of White House resignations. 

Tuesday March 14, 2018. 
Tillerson gets a seat on a Virgin Atlantic flight to Dulles. 
Trump, in the Oval Office, points out the window and yells "Look, it's Obama!' and then grabs his phone from Kelly and runs into the bathroom and locks the door and Tweets "Rex You're Fired!'.
Tillerson lands at Dulles. 
The White House issues a statement that Tillerson was fired in November, but "we kinda forgot about ol'Rex."
Tillerson's State Department spokesman Steve Goldstein gives a press conference in which he states that Tillerson was fired by tweet when he landed at Dulles. 
The White House immediately fires Goldstein.
Trump Tweets that "Prime Minister May has lost her mind- she's no Margaret Thatcher."; Trump appoints a Boise, Idaho City Councilman Herb Meyers as Assistant Attorney General for Fake News and orders him to fire Special Counsel Robert Muller. Herb resigns, stating that "I've been honored to serve the president and the people of this country for the last forty-two minutes. I just wish I could have seen the White House before I quit."
Sarah-Huckabee Sanders denies all events of the week, stating "fake news fake news fake news" before announcing "the planned departure of the White House grounds crew, the White House kitchen staff, the White House valets, the White House barber, and the White House gardening crew." After the press briefing she is asked to leave the press room by John Kelly who has revoked her security clearance.
The President ends the day watching Sean Hannity, who calls Rex Tillerson  a "Hillary Clinton  lovin fool" and eating four portions of dippin dots for dessert.

Monday, March 12, 2018


Check out DOM's blog which has a link to John Grisham's NY Times Op Ed piece on wrongful convictions. 
Get that? Rumpole to Markus to Grisham. Sort of like Tinker to Evers  to Chance. Don't know what that is? Ask Judge Milt Hirsch at the start of his calendar tomorrow. 

The Fourth DCA has a new courthouse. There will be a tour on Monday March 26, 2018 given by the Dade County Bar Association. Click here. We have it on special, inside authority, those who sign up for the tour will be given limited access to see the new, special PACA robot, who can write "Per Curiam Affirmed" over eight thousand times an hour. 

We can understand Ukrainians or Jews hacking the election. But Tatars? Really? Tatars!  Now he's gone too darn far. 

Meanwhile, remember when George blamed Astroturf on the Jews? 

From Occupied America, please join our Anti-Tartar Defamation Campaign and Fight the Power!

Sunday, March 11, 2018


Dear Diary.
Best president ever. 
No one's ever seen a president like this one. 
Big tax reform. Biggest ever. No one could do tax reform like this. 
Big steel tariffs. Biggest ever. No one has ever seen tariffs like this. 
Best tariffs ever. They say it couldn't be done. The experts said it shouldn't be done. That it would ruin the economy. But what do they know? Have they run hotels into bankruptcy? No. Have they run a successful Trump-Wine, Trump-Steak, Trump-Water, and Trump-College business? No. 
So I know tariffs. Terrific, beautiful, wall-building tariffs. 

Memo to self: tariffs on Mexicans? Tariffs on Muslims? Tariffs on Hillary? Tariffs on CNN and the failing NY Times?  Could be done. Would be beautiful. Amazing.

Very fun week. Fired Hope. Fired Gary. Fired that Mexican Gardner who grew flowers for Obama. He was hiding for a while in the sheds, but I had the NSA fly a satellite overhead and we nailed him like we nailed Bin-Laden. Obama takes credit for that. But we did that. Not Obama. Trump. Fake News says Obama killed Bin Laden. But Fox news knows it was me. Bullet to his head while he tried to shoot me. Anyway, found this Pedro gardener and I had the 82nd airborne do a drop and I came running out screaming "Pedro you're fired!" It was a thing of beauty. No one's ever seen anything like it.   

Big Big News. There were some stormy times with North Korea. Oooops. Not Stormy. Can't use the Stormy word. That's a big fake media thing. Anyway, we had some tough times with Rocket Man. Then he asked to talk to me. ME! Not Hillary. Not Obama. Not Richard Nixon or Jared or General Patton. But me. And I said yes. Then no. Then yes. Then maybe. No one knows but me. ME! I know. 
So I'm going to meet the head of North Korea. Mao Zedong. Lil Ol'Rocket Man. Sushi-eatin North Korean Jap. Should have nuked him when Patton Nuked Japan. I'm going to have Elton John sing his rocket man song when we meet. On TV. Fox. A special. Trump meets Rocket Man Mao. Will get terrific ratings. Gonna need a host. One of those Fox babes in the short skirts. Not Stormy. But another one. 

Big rally in Pennsylvania on Saturday. I won Pennsylvania. Won it all. No one's ever seen a win in Pennsylvania like the one I won. Biggest line was death penalty for drug dealers. Lots of applause. So I've been thinking...
Death Penalty for Murderers. Death Penalty for ANY crime committed by a Muslim or a Mexican. First that, then expand to all Arabs and all South Americans not just Mexican South Americans. Death Penalty for Speeding. Speeding kills. Death penalty for vandalizing a Trump Golf Course. And of course Death Penalty for Media. No one loves the First Amendment more than me. But enough is enough. So all news=death. Also Death Penalty for Hillary. No more lock-her-up. Now it's zap-her! Plus her husband. A president who cheated on his wife....scratch that. Bill's fine. Just Hillary. 

Death Penalty for having an affair. No one loves marriage and woman more then me. If a man has an affair. Death penalty. 
And Pedro that White House gardener. Let's grab him and kill him and then deport him. And Jeff Sessions. And The Secretary of State, whaz his name? Kill em too. And Bannon. And Vermont. Vermont Didn't Vote for me. Death penalty to everyone who didn't vote for Trump. 

It's been a great week diary. Full of love and life and success. And the Death Penalty. A beautiful wall tariff death penalty. Best President thing ever. 

Wednesday, March 07, 2018


THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.
Thomas Paine, The Crisis, December 23, 1776.

And these are the times that try our soles (of our feet)
Yes, that is the escalator on six in the REGJB, in its normal non-operative state. 

We missed this article by ace Herald scribe Ovalle on the sentencing of REGJB irregular Sam Konell to five years in federal prison by US District Judge Jose Martinez late last month for patient brokering. 
It was a nice touch for Judge White-Labora to be a stand-up gal and write a letter on his behalf. But as the article makes clear, Konell had free run of the jail and was pulling down over a 100K a year for six years brokering patients for Medicare treatments they didn't need. Martinez was sympathetic to Konell's lifetime of good deed, but the SDFLA is the epi-center of medical fraud and we, the taxpayers foot the bill for shenanigans of this sort. 

It's always sad to see a good man turn bad. These are indeed the times that try men's souls. 

From Occupied America, where everyone but us wants to work at the White House, Fight the Power!

Monday, March 05, 2018


In 1965 the young English mathematician Roger Penrose devoted himself to the study of black holes, and, in 1965, he proved an important theorem which showed that a gravitational collapse of a large dying star must result in a singularity, where space-time does not exist,  and classical general relativity breaks down. 
A few years later, Penrose collaborated with his Cambridge friend and colleague, Stephen Hawking and they proved that singularities are a ho-hum feature of general relativity and that black holes are not rare events. 

In 1974 Hawking Ali-liked "shocked the world" by showing that something- now called "Hawking radiation" emits from black holes. In other words, all is not lost. Black holes are not completely black, and because they emit energy, the rules of thermodynamics hold they will not last forever. They will expend their energy and disappear.

Hawking radiation is good news for the denizens of the REGJB, specifically those who deign to enter the black hole known as the clerk's office on the 9th floor. 

Cosmology was on our mind when this missive recently crossed our email from the FACDL-Listserv 

Has anyone else reached their wits end with Harvey Ruvin?
If I have to wait in another 30+ minute 9th floor line just to get a document that should be downloadable on line...
When is enough going to be enough?

So cosmologically speaking, if black holes aren't entirely black, and they do not last forever, then an attorney entering our own REGJB black hole has some hope that her entire day is not lost waiting for help:

Clerk: May I help you?
Atty: Sure, I'd like to view a file. 
Clerk: Sure! Write the case number on the paper and I'll be right back.
Atty (panicking) Nooooo....please wait....
Clerk leaves....
Time stands still... (it is relative and inside our 9th floor black hole space-time has ceased to exist as Penrose/Hawking confirmed circa 1970.)
Clerk returns (remember, the black hole is not entirely black)
Clerk: Hi! May I help you? 
Atty: Ummm...I said I wanted a case file....
Clerk: Hang on, I'll be right back...
Atty: Noooooooooooo.........
Rinse. Repeat. 

A few hours later.....
Clerk (returning from post lunch, pre-coffee, snack break)
Here's what I have learned...the file was in court yesterday, which means it's on 8 1/2.
Atty: 8 1/2??
Clerk (rolling eyes) You've read the Harry Potter books right? The train station...platform 9 3/4, duh! Same thing, except we have floor 8 1/2. 
Atty: So I need to be a wizard to see the file?
Clerk: I don't need your attitude madam. Just walk outside, go to the elevator and run as fast as you can to the buttons on the wall. You'll see. 

From Occupied America, where clerk's office tariffs might not be a bad idea, fight the power! (but be nice to the over-worked, under paid clerks or you'll never get your file). 

Sunday, March 04, 2018


Rest in peace David Odgen Stiers.

Our favourite quote: "I do one thing at at time. I do it very well. And then I move on."
Charles Emerson Winchester III. 

Quick Poll: [  ] Maj. Frank Burns vs. [  ] Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III. 
Better on MASH?  Answer in the comments section. 

Some of our favourite clips:

MASH/Winchester Trivia (no Googling):

1) When Dr. Winchester first arrives, he performs surgery on a surgeon who had a difficult issue - an operation Hawkeye had never performed. What was the operation? Bonus: name of the surgeon. 

2) What was the Winchester family Christmas tradition? 

3) Colonel Potter is the last surviving member of his WWI outfit. He and his friends composed something- Winchester knew what it was. What was it? 

4) What does Winchester leave in a time capsule? 

5) What instrument does Winchester play in the Swamp that makes his tent-mates go crazy, and what do they do in response? 

6) In the last show, what vehicle does Winchester leave the 4077 in?

7) What is Winchester's sister's name? Spelling counts. 

BONUS: Name and rank of the person in Seoul, Korea who is angry at Winchester when Potter first calls for a replacement surgeon for Burns. And why is he angry? 

Rumpole, devoted M*A*S*H fan.