Because we are so nice to courthouse staff, they reciprocate and herein we present exclusive access to the transcript of the arraignment of the United States of America vs donny "b good" trump.
The Clerk: All rise. The United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida is now in session. Magistrate Jonathan Goodman presiding.
Mag Goodman: Call the case please.
The Clerk: The United States of America versus Donald J Trump and Wault Nata. Counsel please announce your presence.... (thereinafter counsel for the government made their appearances)
Alex H Banana: Alex H Banana for defendant Osvaldo Escobeiche ...no wait, that's the 2:30 non-moving violation calendar in Hialeah, umm, ok, Alex H Banana for Donald J Trump. No pago es ticket.
Mag Goodman: I'm sorry, what was that last bit?
Alex H Banana:: Just something I say in every case Judge.
Mag. Goodman: I have reviewed the pre-trial services report, does the government have a recommendation on bond?
Alex H Banana: Objection judge. My client requests that the court disclose who you voted for in the last three presidential elections. My client further requests that the court make inquiry of the government prosecutors who they voted for as well. Furthermore....
(thereinafter a person in the courtroom stood up): FREE DONALD TRUMP! THIS IS BULLSHIT. WHERE IS HUNTER? WAY TO GO BRANDON! MAGA MAGA MAGA....
(thereinafter the US Marshalls removed the individual).
Alex H Banana: Sorry Judge, my staff members get a little excited at times. It won't happen again. I have not yet received an offer on the case. I'd like to know if the state is seeking an adjudication and points?
Mag Goodman: Okay, lets all settle down. To quote the Grateful Dead, what a long strange trip it has been. Let's arraign the defendant.
Alex H Banana:: Yes Judge. Alex H Alex H Banana: for the defense providing representation for traffic and nonmoving violations in Broward, Dade, Monroe and let's not forget West Palm Beach County. My client was caught completely by surprise. You see, he can declassify anything just by thinking about them. And no one has ever seen charges like this and many lawyers are saying they've never seen anything like this.
Mag. Goodman: Is that a plea of not guilty?
Alex H Banana: No judge. There just seems to be a great deal of confusion here.
Mag. Goodman: I asked you a very simple question. How does your client plead?
Alex H Banana: It's just that he didn't do anything wrong and...
Mag Goodman: Once again, the communication process has broken down. You seem to want to skip the arraignment, skip the trial and get a dismissal. So once again, how does your client plead?
Alex H Banana: Not Guilty.
Mag. Goodman. Noted. Having reviewed the pretrial services report, and noting that you can take it to the limit, one more time, and that the defendant is presumed innocent as Billy Joel has sung, the court will set a two hundred thousand dollar personal surety bond, with standard conditions of release. There are some special conditions I am going to impose. And I want to be very clear that any violations of these conditions will result in a revocation of bond.
Mr. Trump: You don't tug on Superman's cape. You don't spit into the wind. You don't pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with Jim.
Am I clear?
Alex H Banana: Yes judge.
Mag. Goodman: I will notify the judge assigned to the case and you will get a notice of a status conference. Ok, court will be in recess.