SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Before we begin: The hapless Giants play the powerful 49ers. Our Survivor pool selection this week is the 49ers. 

Sweet Home Alabama

 Last November Alabama tried to legally murder Kenneth Eugene Smith by strapping him to a gurney and keeping him there for hours as the execution team needled around in several locations to insert two intravenous lines without success, before calling off the execution. It is hard to imagine a more ghastly ordeal than being marched back a second time to face the executioner and a new method of execution that has the possibility of unknown agony after decades in prison awaiting death.

And that is just what Alabama is going to do. They brought together the best legal and medical minds, and a few good-ol-boys from the Piggly Wiggly and decided that in the United States of America- of which Jim Bob would proudly tell you "has the best dag-gum legal system in the world" - the enlightened thing to do is restrap ol Kenny Smith to a gurney and suffocate his ass by putting a mask on him and making him breathe nitrogen until he suffocates. 

Yee Haw don't that sound like fun?! 

Here's the NY Times Op Ed from Mr. Smith's lawyer.  Not that it matters much as in Alabama they don't read no commie-pinko-Hillary Clinton lovin, Hunter Biden helpin  NY Times when there's Newsmax and Fox News. 

And as we all know, Alabama as a sophisticated a system of justice as the rest of the country- especially Beechum County. 

CIVIL PLEADING WE LOVE

 

We might have been too harsh in our prior comments to Judge Watson about civil. There are definitely parts of civil law that seem right up our alley and we could get used to.  No split infinitives in this pleading. 

H/T an alert reader who sent us to Above the Law

NFL WEEK TWO 2023

 Week Two - Here we go!

We are ALL IN on your Miami Dolphins. They are playing tonight against the Cheaters in Boston.  The Dolphins are 2 1/2 favorites on the road, which means the Cheaters are home dogs and we've talked before about paying for summer vacations by betting on home dogs. But the Fins went on the road last week and won a hard fought game against the LA Chargers in which there were several lead changes. Miami never gave up and Tua was truly the BEST qb of the week. So, understanding we are betting with our heart and not our head, take Miami in Boston -2 1/2. Miami has a chance for an early season lock on a division that once looked to be hard fought. The J...E...T.,,S are no longer a threat without Aaron Superstar Rodgers- they will be lucky to go 8-8 with a bad QB, an awful offensive line that cannot pass protect (Rodgers dropped back to pass four times and was running for his life each time) and a really good defense. 

All odds are from our DraftKings sports book app which we can use here in the Northeast and you fools sweating it out in Miami cannot. 

The game of the week is the Colts vs the Texans. Two round 1 rookie QBs slinging it out. Houston is a home dog getting 1 and we like CJ Stroud who played very well last week. So did rookie QB Richardson for the Colts, but the Colts are a mess internally and Houston is not. Take the Texans at home and watch the game with some good BBQ Brisket. 

The KC Chiefs are in Jacksonville and normally we would say take the points and the Jags. But KC- coming off a loss ten days ago and with ten days to prepare we think Patty Maholmes will come out firing bullets. 

We also like the Bills at home - 7. 5 over the Vegas Raiders  to recover from their MNF loss against the J...E....T...S (Rumpole had the Jets on the money line 500 to win 1250 no points- so the thrilling OT was a nice way for us to start the season).

Which brings us to the Jets against the Cowboys in Dallas. NY along with Buffalo has to be the top picks in the Survivor Pool. The 8.5 line is too much for us to pick the Cowpokes because we think their offense stinks. But with two top defenses, we line the under 38.5 and if you want to have fun let's tease the under up to 44.5 and the Jets getting 13.5 points (a two play teaser allows you to move the line six points on both plays). 

Coming in a few minutes the Survivor Pool and our power rankings for week two. Cannot wait for the Sunday night game. let's go FINS!   

WEEK TWO POWER RANKINGS 

1) 49'ERS - Looked totally dominant in both sides of the ball. We believe in Purdy. 

2) Cowboys- great D- not convinced about the other D- Dak-  and the offense. 

3) Dolphins- looked amazing in week one. If Tua stays healthy, it's time to starting thinking of Vegas in January. 

4) Lions- winning moves them up a spot. 

5) Eagles- 2& 0 is 2 & 0. 

6-8) Bills-Chiefs-Bengals- all aren't as bad as their week one loss. 

9) Jags. 

10) Ravens. 

Keep your eye on- The Packers; Rams; Jets; Commanders. Falling fast- Giants , Steelers, Seahawks- none were as good as we thought. 

Aaa2023 Regjb Survivor Pool Week Two by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

TO SPLIT OR NOT TO SPLIT

 No this is not a post about divorce. 

It is about a more serious subject: split infinitives. 

In a pleading we wrote that a client had " to also face the application of..."

Our AI editor highlighted the infinitive  "to face" and frowned upon splitting it, and suggested we write " also to face the application of ..." . Personally, whenever we get an AI Bot to frown, much like when we get a judge to frown, we think we are on the right path. 

We recognize that split infinitives should be avoided like swinging at an 0-3 fastball while down by a run or telling a jury that your client did some of the things charged in the indictment, 

But we think "to also face the application of" just sounds better. 

As Judge Moreno likes to say- "what say you?" 

JUDICIAL ROUNDUP FALL 2023 Ed.

 Can't tell the players without a program... can't tell where your favourite judge is without The Blog. 

Who's zooming whom? 

We know.....

Judge Watson from REGJB to Civil (yuck) starting 9/18. See ya- wouldn't want to be ya. Summary judgements and all that. Ewwww. 

MAYBE Judge Laura Gonalez (just bumped to Circuit by Gov BS DS) to the REGJB to replace Judge W,  but maybe not... Judge Wolfson will help out until then. 

Judge Javier Enriquez to Circuit DV (Double Yuck) 

Judge Christine Bandin (also bumped to Circuit by Gov BS DS) coming to the REGJB because she heard we have good Cuban coffee. And she's right. 

County Judge Alicia Garcia Priovolos leaving the REGJB to County DV (why would anyone willingly go without kicking and screaming?) 

And let's give a warm REGJB welcome to NEW judge Rita Cuervo who will replace    Judge AGP (kinda good nickname doncha agree?) 

LUIS PINO HAS PASSED AWAY

 Luis Pino, a well-loved former prosecutor in the Dade SAO suddenly passed away recently. 

We did not know Mr. Pino personally, but we are aware of how his loss has affected those who knew him and how well beloved and respected he was by all who did know him. 

Luis had a young family and a Go Fund me was set up for them- click here

NFL 2023 WEEK ONE

 Since the confetti🎊 fell on the Kansas City Chiefs at the end of the Super Bowl, we have had  September 10 circled on our calendar. 

Football is back baby, and we have everything you need to enjoy the NFL. Let's get right to it. 

Rumpole's Power Rankings. We debut a new feature:  REGJB Power Rankings (c) REGJBMedia 2023; all rights reserved. 

1) Eagles; 2) Bengals; 3) Chiefs; 4) Bills; 4) 49ers;  5) Lions; 6) Dolphins; 7) Cowboys; 8) Bears; 9) Jaguars; 10) Jets.  And keep your eyes on.... Steelers; Ravens; Vikings; Commanders. 

When the confetti 🎊falls in January in Las Vegas, your Cincinatti Bengals will be holding a Lombardi trophy while the Philadelphia Eagles watch for the second year in a row from second place. 

YOUR Miami Dolphins are in a very tough division. Both the Jets and Bills will win ten games. But while we are on the subject, Rumpole is NOT on the Jets bandwagon. Too much hype and bluster from a team that has done nothing for decades.  While the Jets are talented on both sides of the ball, their ego is writing checks their team cannot cash. We wouldn't be surprised to see them 2-2 after the first month. That being said, they have a top five defense (which is why we have them on our FF team) and defense wins games. 

Your Dolphins are well coached and they have some talent. But this team rises and falls on the Tua tide, and it remains to be seen if he can stay healthy all season. Surprise Rookie? We L.O.V.E the rookie RB De'Vone Archane. He could be one of the steals of the draft- he is that explosive (which is why we have him on our FF team as well).  The Fins will go as far as Tua can take them. 

WEEK ONE PICKS

You'll always make money over the long run picking home dogs. While Phil Simms says the Cowboys are loaded this year, they never fail to disappoint, and we pretty much paid for our European tour this year picking against them last year. We will start the season taking the Giants at home +3.5 over the Cowpokes and the Steelers at home +2.5 over the 49ers. The Steelers could surprise some people this year and as you know, we love identifying trends early on in the season and riding it until the rest of the bettors catch up.  And while you're at it take the UNDER 45 in the Giants game and OVER 41 in the Steelers/ San Fran matchup.

The Texans start a rookie QB. The Ravens have the ever-dangerous Lamar Jackson. Take Baltimore -8.5 and the final score will be more like 35-10. 

 Our Super Bowl Pick, the Cincy Bengals are giving 2 on the road at Cleveland. Whatever window the Browns had has closed. Super Bowl teams win on the road. Bengals -2 over the Browns. Under 47 looks nice as well. 

The Falcons should be on the rebound. The Panthers have a rookie QB starting on the road. Enough said. the -3.5 seems low to us. Should be closer to 6. Take Atlanta at home -3.5. 

Raiders at Broncos is a matchup that makes us yawn today. Under 43.5

The MNF matchup between the Bills and the J..E..T..S.. Jets Jets Rodgers/Jets is intriguing. We will break this game down for you on Monday afternoon. 

Sports App Parlay of the Day. (See our rant below). On our DraftKings Sports Book App- which works here in New England- we have the following $50 parlay- which if it hits will pay over $750: All four of these players scoring a TD today:  MCCaffrey, Justin Jefferson, Derrick Henry, and Tyreek Hill. 

  

SURVIVOR POOL

We will have the chart posted by kickoff as stragglers are still sending us picks. No one won the second bye contest, although a few- including favorite Fake Alex Michaels-  came close picking the total at 40 (the total was 41). 

Are you ready for some Football? WE ARE. 

Book1 Survivor Week One by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

A small Rumpole Rant. 

Sitting here in New England, we have our DraftKings app open and are happily betting our picks. And maybe if we go out to the pub for a cold one in the afternoon after returning from our hike, we might tap the app and put $25 on the Fins for the 4pm game. We can do that. You - in Miami- cannot- because Florida doesn't allow sports betting. 

You can go to the Hard Rock casino and lose your paycheck in their slots. But for some reason, you cannot open an App and put a Benji on the Fins. Florida is leaving tens of millions ebery year in tax revenue on the table, and that sucks. We are sure the PDS and ASAs and RCs would like a raise, not to mention public school teachers (don't mention gay people or civil rights in the classroom!) and first responders. 

Isn't it about time Florida joined the 21st century? All the major sports teams have embraced sports betting. The NFL and NHL have teams in Las Vegas for Pete's sake! Sports betting has been around ever since the Greeks were running marathons. Billions and Billions of dollars are bet on sports every year. Pass the legislation and allow on-line sports betting in Florida please. It's not like we are saying teachers have to tell the truth to their students about the civil rights movement. It's just the ability to put a $50 parlay on MCCaffrey, Justin Jefferson, Derrick Henry, and Tyreek Hill all scoring a TD today so we can enjoy the games.