Saturday, April 01, 2023


 Like a shark circling in the blue depths underneath its target, the Miami Grand Jury sprung into action on Saturday April 1, 2023, unleashing a string of charges against the embattled former president. 

Stemming from it’s investigation of the Trump Doral Hotel properties, the grand jury charged Trump with hotel fraud, PGA fraud, food fraud and fraud fraud.

“The hotel has engaged in a pattern of overcharging, especially with visitors from Dubai” said the Miami Dade State attorney whose office led the investigation. “Eighteen thousand for a standard room, four hundred dollars for a plate of eggs is just not outrageous but it’s hotel fraud, motel fraud, and Holiday Inn fraud “ the State attorney said, lapsing momentarily into the lyrics of an old rap song. 

“There is also golf fraud” the State Attorney charged. “Par fours expanded into par fives just to help the former president get a birdie is intolerable in South Florida where cheating in golf ended with Jackie Gleason and some late former county court judges. Par is par” said the state attorney to a raucous crowd of golfers clad in plaid. 

“And finally there is food fraud. Steaks listed as 14 ounces are actually 12. We love a good steak in South Florida and people are entitled to the steak they pay for.” 

Asked about the possible outcomes of the case or whether there would be plea, the state attorney squared her shoulders and stared directly into the cameras “The Victim Wants The Max!” 

After the indictment was unsealed, there was no comment on when the arraignment would be held, or whether the former president’s case would be assigned to a judge who takes lawyers out of turn for arraignments. 

Thursday, March 30, 2023


UPDATE: TRUMP INDICTED!  INDICTMENT ANNOUNCED THURSDAY AS THE NY GRAND JURY FILED AN INDICTMENT UNDER SEAL FOR DONNY TRUMP. IT WILL BE UNSEALED NEXT WEEK.  For those of you in the REGJB Trump Indictment pool who had the 12-6 pm block of March 30, 2023, you will advance to the Perp walk/arraignment pool bracket. For the rest of you, much like picking the Jets over the Chiefs in the survivor pool, thanks for playing. 

Let's play ball!  Today is opening day. We have a traditional opening day post you newbies can read here. It's a good one.  But today we are in a reflective mood. 

What is perfection? It's a 6-4-3 double play. It's Willie Mays gliding in center field and making catch. You want to see perfection? Watch this video on throws Roberto Clemente made from right field. He was the first (or one of the first) Hispanic superstars. When the Pirates won the World Series in 1971 and he showed the world how good he was and won the MVP, he was interviewed in the clubhouse and made the shocking decision to first speak in Spanish on nationwide TV to his people in Puerto Rico. 

Perfection is Henry Aaron hitting a home run. And Aaron Judge hitting one as well. Aaron and Aaron- there are no coincidences. 

Perfection is the smile on a child's face walking into a baseball stadium for the first time and walking down a tunnel and suddenly this bright green field emerges and their face beams. 

Perfection is a Nolan Ryan fastball. It is Bob Gibson scowling from the mound. It's a Dwight Gooden curveball impossibly breaking over the plate and it's Sandy Kofax and Tom Seaver and Lefty Carlton. 

Perfection is Graig Nettles at third base in the world series, making breathtaking plays time and time again. And it's Brooks Robinson at third in any game he played. 

Perfection is Ozzie at short and Johnny Bench behind the plate. 

Perfection is stealing second base, and then running to third on the bad throw. Perfection is Jackie Robinson dancing off of third base in the world series and stealing home, and Yogi probably making the tag and then arguing with the ump. Because in baseball, perfection is dispute and arguments and Billy Martin kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes. It is Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris in 61 chasing the greatest ballplayer of all time- The Babe. 

Perfection is the hit and run. 

Perfection is a 2-1 ballgame played on a hot July day when the fans are drinking cold beer and eating hot dogs and peanuts and there is pitcher's duel, and the home team wins in the bottom of the ninth. 

Perfection is Jack Buck yelling "I don't believe what I just saw" after a lame Kirk Gibson hit a game winning home run on one leg in the bottom of the ninth in the world series for the Dodgers. It was any game Vince Scully called. And if you want to go way back, it's Red Barber and Bob Prince calling games on the radio, because in the right hands, baseball is a game for the radio and the mind's eye. 

Perfection is any baseball game that takes two and half hours, or three hours, or four because baseball is played by its own rhythms and not with a clock (pitcher's clock not withstanding). 

Perfection is the sound a ball makes on a wooden bat and the sound the ball makes as it smacks the leather in the center of a glove. Perfection are the memories of an old man about the games he played in his youth, and the cheering of a father as his daughter strokes a single in her first at bat in a little league game. 

In life there is so little that is simple and pleasurable that can make you smile. Baseball can do that and does it over and over every day, every year. 

Perfection is baseball and baseball is perfection. 

Monday, March 27, 2023

BANG BANG NSFW warning- this is a long and winding post, well worth the read

UPDATE: Monday is the 86th day of the year. We have had over 100 mass shooting incidents in the United States this year, including, tragically today at a school in Nashville, Tennesse, that left three children and three adults dead. Three children! Dead. Children who got up this morning excited to go to school, and died there at the hands of a crazy woman with a gun. 

And the Florida Legislature's solution to the pandemic of mass shootings? More guns and less restrictions on carrying them in public. It's like needing to go on a diet and buying five boxes of cookies and two gallons of ice cream. 

Welcome to Florida, where we encourage you to carry a concealed firearm, because there's been no tragic gun violence in this State since, well, maybe never. 

As of Sunday, there is no more CCF law in Florida. You can carry your gun to McDonalds now. Or into Thomas Keller's joint in Sunny Isles, and you do not need a permit. Don't you feel safer now knowing the people in your movie theater may be armed? It's not like anyone has ever gotten into an argument and then pulled their gun and shot someone out of anger, only to regret it later when the Dade ASA intones "next of kin wants max". 

Florida is run by idiots who are encouraging more guns in public, not less. 

Query: You have a pending CCF and now it's legal. Will the State drop the charges, or does "the officer wants the max" still apply? 


Do you have a friend or colleague who is a plaintiff's lawyer? Be a nice person and buy them a drink when you see them sitting at a bar staring forlornly off into the distance, wondering how to break into the lucrative traffic ticket defense business because their plaintiffs' practice was just destroyed by the Florida Legislature (Motto: "We can do as much damage as an unlicensed and angry gun owner who isn't seated on time at Cracker Barrel in Two Egg Florida with his family on a Friday night. Maybe more.") 

As of Sunday: 

Attorney fees multiplier? Zap! Gone (or severely reduced, we don't know a whole lot about this stuff). 

Homeowners' attorneys getting fees when the insurance company loses or settles? Zap! Gone. 

What this means:  Tropical Storm Ron comes through Miami and rips a hole in your roof. The water comes flooding in and damages your 75 inch TV, and MacBook Pro, not to mention your Subzero fridge and your expensive Pakistani hand-woven carpet. The insurance adjuster comes walking though your home. "Hmm, older tv, rug already had pasta sauce stains, the roof was previously damaged, the subzero looks fine to me. $3,500.00 is our offer." 

Previously you could hire Dewey Cheetum & Howe and sue your insurance company. Debbie Dewey, the named partner, settles for $110,000.00 and the good news is the insurance company paid her 56 hours of work at $650.00 an hour! 

NOW? You have to hire Debbie Dewey and agree to pay her out of the recovery if you win. 

Rumpole expert analysis: This is what you pay for. Our in-depth analysis of the issues, seeing things others (and especially judges) do not see. 

There are a few big losers here. First is Dewey and other first party defense law firms. But the second big loser here are the banks making loans to buy homes in Florida. 

"The Banks" you say, wondering if Rumpole is out of his league on a complex civil issue. We are most assuredly out of our league, and yet, our insight is correct. 

Follow this scenario: 

A Bank loan Debbie Dewey the money to buy her 2.2 million home in Gables by the Sea. She put 500K down and the bank has a 1.7-million-dollar mortgage and interest in her beautiful home. 

The bank wants Debbie to do two things: 1- pay her mortgage; and 2- UPKEEP her home, so their investment remains safe. 

If the roof is blown off in Tropical storm Ron and Debbie's insurance company offers her $2,500 and she has 100K in structural and flooding damage beyond 75K for a new roof, and Debbie cannot afford to pay that out of her pocket because her income has gone down because of this new law- then Debbie's house's value is reduced. 

Now Debbie defaults on the mortgage because the traffic ticket defense gig isn't as good as it used to be and the bank take's Debbie's home. 

The problem is that the home, with all the water and wind damage is now worth 900K and the bank needs to recoup its 1.7-million-dollar loan. 

The bank sells the property, loses 800K, Jim Cramer reports this on Squawk Box on CNBC the next day, and then the shares of Gables Savings and Loan tank as there is a run on the bank because Debbie is one of 9,000 homeowners in Gables by the Sea that the bank has loaned money to on houses the owners cannot get adequately repaired after Tropical Storm Ron roared ashore on August 1, 2023. 

All because the Florida Legislature likes insurance companies more than banks. 

Property Values Plummet:

Last domino to fall: Citibank and Bank of America see Gables Savings and Loan fail and don't want to be lending money to people to buy homes in Florida, the land of hurricanes and storms, when they now know the homeowners are at the mercy of insurance companies who will be offering pennies on the dollar when their roofs blow away. 

Judge Sally Goldstein-Tegucigalpa has worked diligently for the last thirty years. She has raised a family, and paid off her home, all while avoiding an opponent in her election cycles by diligently following the prosecution on every case where "victim wants max". 

Now Judge Sally wants to retire to Sun City in Arizona. Her house in Pinecrest has gone from $224,000. to 2.4 million over the last 30 years,  and she wants to sell it. Her two kids are both heading to medical school, and she wants to give each of them $750,000.00 for college and medical school and take the rest of the money and buy that adobe condo in Sun City she has her eye on.  

Miranda Castro-Schwartz, age 31, a lawyer for 5.1 years has just won a judicial election defeating some male judge who is sixty and been a judge for 17 years. Miranda has 300K left from her election that she wants to use to buy Sally's home. All is good until Miranda finds out no bank will lend her the money to buy Sally's home. 

Judge Sally reduces the price to 2.2 million and Judge Miranda still cannot get a loan. 2 million, 1.8 million, 1.5 million, still no dice. No lending institution will do business in Florida real estate anymore. 

Judge Sally's kids take second jobs at Starbucks to help with expenses. They get B's in organic chemistry because they have less time to study and that means they cannot get into medical school, so both of them are forced to do the only thing they have left. Go to law school, become a lawyer, wait 5.1 years and win a judicial election because of their multi-ethnic hyphenated last names. 

Then they spend their days on the bench smiling as the State says "victim wants max."

Thursday, March 23, 2023


 It's time to play...YOU ARE THE JUDGE. Everyone can play, even those with a predilection for wearing black at work. 

What bond would you set? 

The defendant has no prior record. He is 75 years of age, and a successful businessman, with properties overseas, extensive world travel in the last six years, and access to significant funds. 

The charges are non-violent and relate to a violation of ethics and certain reporting requirements. Upon conviction he would face a minimal amount of incarceration, along with home confinement and probation. 

What bond would you set?

Additional facts: The defendant is also under federal investigation for various acts of fraud, and a total of two state court investigations. 

Now what bond would you set? 

Additional facts: The defendant was involved in publicizing and praising the acts and affrays of a violent crowd of people. 

Now what bond would you set? 

We are under an INDICTMENT WATCH  for the 45th President of the United States. New York will be the first shoe to drop, followed by Georgia, and then the feds. Will he get bond in all three cases? 

What bond would you set?  

Monday, March 20, 2023


UPDATE: THERE IS AN AMENDED ORDER BY JUDGE HIRSCH which has what has rapidly become an internet/legal phenomenon with the now famous "needle and haystack" reasoning, soon to be etched in the pantheon of legal analysis. 

InReSearchWarrantMarch14 15PDF Updated by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

There are a few things that our Judge Milton Hirsch does not like. These items are well known 

He does not like hitters who do not run out a ground ball. 

He does not like split infinitives. 

He does not like Fingerprint evidence. 

He does not like abridged editions of Shakespeare (neither do we). 

And now we know he does not like search warrants that ask for ALL of the target's social media records.  (existing as we do in cyber-space, we don't like these either). 

Particulary, the Judge does not like that the warrant applications ignore the requirement that the warrant identify the documents to be seized "with particularity" (pun intended by careful design). 

Amongst the many quotable highlights by the Judge, who when he was a lawyer was known as "The Dr. Ruth of the Fourth Amendment" [FN1]: 

The warrant in this case provides that, “This court finds that it is impractical for [Meta] to sort the evidence of the articulated crimes specifically sought herein from innocent or innocuous documents or records intermingled therewith.” When, and upon what factual predicate, did I make this finding? I conducted no hearing. I received no evidence. I took no testimony. This entirely conclusory statement is offered without a shred of support. I claim no expertise whatever with respect to computers or social media, but I find it impossible to believe that Meta (formerly Facebook), one of the largest and certainly one of the most “tech-savvy” businesses in the world, is utterly without reasonable means to conduct word searches or other specific searches of account data that would make possible a much narrower and more particularized seizure than the one sought here.

In Research Warrant Application Dated March 13 PDF by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

FN1: Dr Ruth was a diminutive older woman who spoke with a thick Israeli accent and became famous in the 1908s for dispensing sexual advice.  The term's usage for the Judge (a lawyer at the time) was one of endearment by his colleagues. 

A review of our social media posts would reveal the following: 

Kim K πŸ’•;  Michelob Hard Seltzer πŸ’“; Shun Lee Sunday night Chinese Food πŸ’–; Kourtney K πŸ’”;
etc. We invite law enforcement to sift through that. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2023




Long rumored in the comments section of the blog, where rumor is currency, and juicy rumors are like cyypto-up and down-  Judge Michael Hanzman, fresh off of a remarkable handling of the Sunny Isles building collapse tragedy, has RESIGNED from the Miami Dade Circuit Court bench. 

This is a loss for our judiciary and our community. 

Monday, March 13, 2023


 Prosecuting offices around the nation have instituted Conviction Review Units. 

And guess what? Even Broward County- the land where justice goes to die- has one. 

But Miami Dade does not. Either they are that good that they do not ever wrongfully convict someone, or they just don't care. 

On Monday Sidney Holmes, age 57, was exonerated in Broward County, after assistant state attorney Arielle Berger acknowledged that only one faulty identification tied Mr. Holmes to a robbery in 1988. It being Broward in 1988, although no one else was prosecuted, and only one witness gave an identification of Mr. Holmes as the get-away-driver, Mr. Holmes was convicted and sentenced to...steady yourself- 400 years- at age 23. 

We could engage in a lengthy exposition at the shocking abuse of the criminal justice system and a judge that sentences a 23-year-old young man to 400 years for being, at worst, a get-away-driver.  But as we said, this was Broward 1988, and that's how they treated young 23-year-old black men who fell within their dastardly clutches. 

Instead, we will congratulate Seth Miller of Florida's Innocence Project, the State,  Judge Edward Merrigan for granting the order vacating the conviction, and for the prosecution for then nolle prosing the charges. 

Here is the Herald article (sans Mr. Ovalle who is now a Washington Post hot shot reporter) on the events in court Monday. 

Thursday, March 09, 2023


 A death can start with a sneeze. A small cut, then an infection, then sepsis, then death. 

Senate Bill 23-00233B-23 will restrict the ability of the defense to take depositions in domestic violence cases (because as we all know, disgruntled spouses do not make false accusations of domestic violence to use as leverage in divorce proceedings) and in sexual battery cases, because as we all know, complaining witnesses in sexual assault cases can always identify their assailant- exoneration by DNA is virtually unheard of in these cases,  and again, disgruntled girlfriends/boyfriends never ever ever have a motive to make up an allegation of sexual assault.  

Just ask the members of the 2006 Duke Lacrosse team if so-called victims ever make up sexual assault accusations, and whether prosecutors are complicit in such skullduggery, 

So the Florida senate, knowing that in these cases that if there's smoke- there's fire, and that wrong accusations are never made, has now introduced a law to restrict depositions of such complainants in CRIMINAL CASES and NOT IN CIVIL CASES,  because as we all know, a person will never make a wrong accusation of sexual assault in criminal cases, but those devious victims make up #metoo allegations all day long to cheat poor, honest, struggling insurance companies. 

What this means, is that there is a new wave of anti-defendant and anti-defense bills  washing up on the beaches of Florida, and the courthouses that line our shores.  Death penalty cases will no longer have to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Defense lawyers will face disbarment "for trying to defend murderers" (see e,g. State v. Nicholas Cruz), and depositions are a needless waste of time because if he/she said it, and the police believe it, then the defendant did it, and let's move on to execution, because as we all know....(all together now) the VICTIM WANTS THE MAX!

Goodbye depos. It wasn't really fun while it lasted, but every now and then a good depo helped us a bit. 

Tuesday, March 07, 2023


 Did you know that there's a SIXTH DCA?  Yup, and it's up and running. The appointment process was a little different. First they gathered a bunch of circuit judges in a room, and the top twenty who accurately typed "PCA Affirmed" on criminal cases moved on to the next round. 

The next contest was a graded essay "Why I hate Disney World" in 500 words or less. Extra credit was given to paragraphs sneering at the cancel culture. 

Eventually a full complement of judges raring to deny criminal appeals and reverse the awarding of attorneys fees to plaintiffs' lawyers was set loose on Florida. 


They are rolling out a NEW electronic search and filing system for the appellate courts. Clerks everywhere are running their hands in anticipation. 

"Yes Madam, you did file with the on line system, but your brief was due on THURSDAY and you didn't use the system for Thursday filings. Plus, every word I'm telling you now, under the new rules, comes off your word count for your brief. So currently you are down....ummm (yeah, ummm is a word)...fifty nine words! Have a nice day. Make that sixty eight now." 

Saturday, March 04, 2023


 Alex Murdaugh was sentenced to life in prison Friday for the murder of his wife and son, ostensibly done to re-direct scrutiny from his financial crimes. Putting aside for the moment the weakness of the motive, the crime, if true, is heinous. 

But do all first-degree murders deserve life in prison? 

One of the great tragedies in criminal justice in the country in the last fifty years are the number of people serving life in prison for felony murder. The driver of the car during a convenience store robbery gone bad, or the unknowing accomplice to a break-in when the co-defendant pulls a gun the accomplice never knew she had, and shoots someone. Most of these people were part of a felony when they were young, they never killed anyone, and yet they are wasting away in prison. 

Which brings us to Pamela Smart. Before there was the OJ case, there was the Pamela Smart case in 1990. Smart was a schoolteacher having an affair with a fifteen-year-old student- Billy Flynn, who broke into her house and killed her husband. Flynn, the killer, is free. Smart, is serving a life sentence issued by the State of New Hampshire, who transferred her thirty years ago to the infamous maximum security women's prison in Bedford Hills, NY. 

While in prison, Smart has become an ordained minister. She lives on an honors floor for inmates who have earned it. She has mentored generations of young women inmates who have done their time and been released. And still, at age 55, she serves her daily death-in-prison-sentence for a crime an immature 22-year-old woman committed. 

The simple question is whether we as a society believe in redemption? If we believe in the human spirit, and redemption and change, then people like Pamela Smart should have the chance to be released. If we believe in vengeance and retribution, then let's just affirm that what we are running is Gulag America. 

There are signs this is so. Florida doesn't distinguish between first- and second-degree murder in many cases, mandating life for both. Florida is now seeking to expand the death penalty to include non-homicide crimes, which sits just fine with the diminishing legion of Miami-Dade prosecutors, seemingly hired only for their ability to mindlessly intone "victim wants max." 

True story: we walked into court this week and saw a female ASA, during a sounding, robotically intoning, over and over, "the victim authorized plea is..." usually followed by a high prison sentence. Proseutors have become a ChatGPT bot, serving only as a conduit between complaining witnesses and the court. But we digress. 

Here is the NY Times article on Smart. 

We love to talk about having the greatest justice system on earth. But beyond the massive wrongful conviction problems we have, our justice system doesn't allow for the redemption of the human spirit. Once wrong, always punished. No room for change. 

Let he who has not sinned, impose the life sentence. 

Here's the penultimate paragraph of the Smart article:

She called the requirements for clemency a conundrum.

“They’re trying to box me into confessing a crime I didn’t commit,” she said. “So if I say I’m a coldhearted killer, you’re going to let me out, but if I say I’m rehabilitated, you won’t let me out?”

Thursday, March 02, 2023


 This is breaking news Thursday night (at least they avoided a Friday verdict). 

The disgraced South Carolina lawyer was found guilty of murdering his wife and youngest son. What a tragedy! 

We didn't follow the case much, but there appeared to have been lots of extrinsic and unrelated evidence about Murdaugh stealing money from clients. 

That always worries us. Jurors are not trained to put aside evidence of wrongdoing. Prosecute a person for murder, and prove that they also stole, just makes the jury more likely to convict on the murder count. 

It seems like that occurred here. 

Your thoughts? 

UPDATE: We just read some of the defense closing. No physical evidence was obtained. Murdaugh was accused of "butchering" two people, and there was no forensic evidence. Very troubling, along with the fact that the police never considered any other suspects. That always troubles us the most- when investigators focus on one suspect from the beginning. 

Tuesday, February 28, 2023


 Need a job? It's apparently sign and go this Friday, so long as you can pass a simple test. 

Can you say "victim wants max" ?

Can you say "state is withdrawing all plea offers because the defendant filed a motion to dismiss or suppress." ?

Can you say "I need to speak to my supervisor about that" ?

Can you say "the state is offering probation but after trial will be seeking five years and this is not a trial tax"

If you can say and believe in those four simple statements then an exciting career as a bureaucratic automaton robot Assistant State Attorney in the Magic City of Miami awaits you. 


 The US Marshal's service was hit with what it calls "a major cyber-attack" on February 17, 2023. The DOJ says the data was compromised. 

As such, the Marshal's may have lost current data on people they are seeking. 

So now they are going back to square one. 

Ever helpful, we post a wanted poster they have circulated as the recollect their data. 

So if you've seen this guy, maybe hanging around a bar or cafeteria in Hialeah, let the Marshals know. 

BTW DOM has a bonus podcast up with Douglas Brooks, the Boston lawyer who walked Harvard fencing coach Peter Brand in one of the few Varsity Blues cases that went to trial. 

Check it out here.  

Season five of the podcast including a REGJB judge who used to be a criminal defense attorney who worked with Mr. Markus for a short time. Wonder who that could be? 

But in case you're wondering, they haven't bagged their biggest get...a certain legal blogger read world wide. 

Sunday, February 26, 2023


Baseball means many things, and debate is one of them. Nothing better than sipping a cold hard seltzer (which somehow, we have started to enjoy) on a hot summer day and debating the top ten in baseball. Not including pitchers, and in semi- order of our ranking, here are our current top ten:

Aaron Judge RF Yankees: Current home run king. Almost had the triple crown last year- 62 HR, .311 average and 131 RBIs. Shows up on defense.  Averages 49 HRs and .292 over his career.  Rookie of the Year 2017 and AL MVP last year. 

Mike Trout CF Calif Angels: All around skill, talent, stats. Won an AL MVP in 2014, 2017 AND 2019. Does everything but win. And how much of that is his fault and not managements?  Averages 40 HR, 23 stolen bases, and .303 for his 12-year career. Those are HOF stats. He just needs to get into the postseason. 

Yordan Alvarez DH/LF Astros- MVP in of ALCS where he hit .522 and was unstoppable. Won a WS. Shows up in big situations (hit the homer against Rodney Ray to set Houston up in the post season) adequate fielder. Dynamic and exciting baseball player.  Rookie of the Year 2019. 

Mookie Betts RF LA Dodgers:  Speed and daring on the bases. Solid fielding. A career .293 hitter. Smacked 35 HRs last year and shows up in the post season- hit .429 in the wild card series last year. A winner and a guy you want on your team.  AL MVP 2018.

Shohei Ohtani P/DH Calif Angels: Unique. Hits 260 and is a DH, but throws 140-150  innings a year and wins 10-15 games a year on a lousy team. Perhaps the worst hitter of the top ten. But because he's a pitcher and hitter, he makes the list. 

Jose Ramirez 3B- Cleveland - Only guy on a lousy team that can hit. No one in the lineup protects him, and yet he gets the job done.   Hit .280 and 29 HRs last year which is his average for his nine year career. 

Bryce Harper RF Phillies:  Hits big pitching. Won 2 MVPS. Won the pennant for his team last year. .280 career hitter. Averages 165 hits and 33 HRs a year. The kind of player than can anchor a World Series team.   Rookie of the year 2012; NL MVP 2015 and 2021. 

Freddie Freeman 1B LA Dodgers:  NL MVP for the Braves in 2020. Hit 25 HR and .325 for the Dodgers last year. Quietly does the job. Dependable. 

Rafael Devers 3B Boston:   Hits big pitching. A few great years. 165 hits in 2021. 164 hits in 2022. Consistent. 65 HRs in two years and .280 hitter. 

Autin Riley 3B Braves: Hits 35+ HRs a year. Hit .303 in 2021 and .273 in 2022. Great on defense. 

Manny Machado 3B Padres - Plays every day. Good defensive 3rd baseman. 25-30 HRs a year- hit 32 HRs last year while batting .298. Potential to change any game at any time. 

Friday, February 24, 2023


 As the wave of covid19-continued-cases crests and washes upon the shores of the overworked, understaffed and highly caffeinated denizens of our beloved REGJB, we witnessed a judicial rant of sorts the other day about the age of a case. It occurred to us that that old standby in criminal defense cases- resorting to quoting Vladimir Llyich Lenin was in order: 

"There are years where nothing happens in a case, and weeks where years happen."  

For those federalist society judges who are now fretting that Sharia law is going to overtake our courthouse, relax. Lenin was before the time when our judiciary was obsessed with Sharia law. He was the boogeyman well before you were worried that the Ayatollah would be sitting in judgment of your decisions (which, by the way, given the results of many federalist society judges' decisions, the Ayatollah would probably approve of most of them). 

Of course what Lenin actually said was

Lenin was playing for the long ball. He just didn't comprehend that his stadium (communist statism) was warped beyond repair. 

Which brings us to the question on everyone's mind: when will Judge Rebull be replaced at the REGJB? Or was he so good, that in honor of him, no one is being assigned to his division? Sort of like no ballplayer can wear 42 in honor of Jackie Roosevelt Robinson. 

Speaking of which, it's allegedly springtime (but not in Maine today) and pitchers and catchers are reporting and soon the sounds of a ball thwacking into a catcher's mitt or a crack of the bat will be echoing across the land, letting us know, much like the return of the Monarch butterflies πŸ¦‹, and a spring Robin and Bluejay, that all is right with the world. 

Have a good weekend. 


Wednesday, February 22, 2023


 We came across the below video on the Miami Dade Courts Instagram page- one of our first forays into or on to Instagram, which the regulars call IG. 

A few thoughts. This clearly applies to only to state court cases. Because of this little snippet "The judge and attorneys ask questions to see if you can be fair to both sides..." Ummm...not often in court that bear the great seal of the United States. But then we did a little research and found that the video was produced by NCSC which is the National Center for State Courts. 

So what would the fictional National Center for Federal Courts video say? 

"You will be summoned to federal court to serve on a jury. Woe to those of you who do not show up. No matter how complicated and complex the case, the judge will ask some very basic questions about whether you have heard of the case, what you do for a living, and whether, in finding the defendant guilty, you can promise to do so in a fair and impartial manner." 

Anyway, IG is a weird place, and who knew the Miami Dade Courts had their own IG page? 

Maybe they can get Kim Kardashian to do a post. 

Before you get back to work, or in the case of certain wearers of black robes, get back to Wordle, check out DOM's blog post on death in prison during the pandemic. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2023


 It's whispered in hushed tones in the backways of the REGJB. "It was tonight, wasn't it? Around 10:30 p.m if I recall correctly. in 1972 right?" 

We are talking about the seminal shift in US foreign policy when President Richard M. Nixon arrived in the People's Republic of China, the first US president to visit the country. 

What made Nixon's opening to China so startling- is that he was an American President who built his reputation as one of the staunchest anti-communist politicians in the country.  Which in turn made the phrase "Only Nixon could have gone to China" a powerful philosophical statement of a politician being able to achieve a breakthrough by doing the one thing he or she would seemingly be the unlikeliest to do. 

Prior to the visit, the U.S. had refused to recognize the legitimacy of the Chinese communist government and instead recognized the government of Taiwan as the sole legitimate government of China.

Nixon built his political career on anti-communism starting with the Alger Hiss case.

Senator Nixon accused Alger Hiss, a former State Department official, of being a Communist spy in 1948. The accusations were made during a highly publicized trial, which centered on Hiss's alleged involvement in passing classified documents to the Soviet Union. Nixon played a key role in bringing the case to the attention of the public, and his pursuit of the case helped to establish him as a rising political star.

When Nixon first ran for the senate - as any 30 something federalist society scholar-judge can tell you- it was against incumbent Helen Gahagan Douglas, who Nixon dubbed "the pink lady" accusing her of communist ties and "being pink right down to her underwear."

The possibility of Nixon going to China is like asking the most conservative judge to sentence someone leniently; or asking the 3rd DCA to throw out evidence of drugs after a bad stop based on the police officers not being believable; or getting an ASA to say "although the victim want's the Max, we are going to offer a reasonable plea commensurate with the crime and the lack of priors so as to fulfill our duty to seek justice and not just be a mouthpiece for victims who are understandably emotional about the loss of their heirloom rake and bag of cut grass." 

Our point is that there is a lesson in reaching beyond your boundaries- doing things that you are not used to doing, or which are against long held beliefs. Winston Spencer Churchill said "those who don't change their minds don't change anything" and what Nixon did changed the world (plus he created the EPA but that's another story). 

So perhaps the next time one of our learned federalist judges is contemplating just calling balls and strikes, maybe a more in-depth and nuanced analysis might be helpful. Or when one of our rabid defense colleagues contemplates engaging in a Rumpolian tirade against a lying police officer, pausing and seeing the issue from the officer's point of view might be helpful in resolving the case.  

In any event, like the most important things in life, like the solution to the Kobayashi Maru simulation, Star Trek provides most of the answers: 

Sunday, February 19, 2023


 Eighty-one years ago today (Sunday) President Franklin Roosevelt signed executive order 9066 which incarcerated in concentration camps nearly 120,000 Americans simply because of their race (Asian/Japanese). 

A Japanese Child holding the barbed wire in an American Concentration camp 

Don't ever think it cannot occur here again. 

Freedom requires unyielding vigilance.

A Jewish Child in a German concentration camp from the movie the Boy In The Stripped Pajamas. 

Saturday, February 18, 2023


 James Earl Carter, the 39th President of the United States has elected to receive hospice care at home rather than continue to receive care from the short hospitalizations he has recently endured. 

Query: Who is the best one term president? 

Speaking of one term presidents, what do you think are the odds that the last one term president will be charged with a crime in 2023? 

Without football to bet on, we are looking for distractions to occupy our time. 

We put the odds at 7:5 that you know who will be indicted at least once this year. 

Second query: If a former president is indicted, convicted and sentenced to jail, does he still receive secret service protection? 

Wednesday, February 15, 2023


 Legendary Miami Juvenile Court Judge Tom Petersen passed away Friday. He was 80 years old. 

They do not make them like Tom Petersen anymore. He was the type of judge, the type of man, that did not let bureaucrats, or legal niceties stand in the way of helping and protecting the children of Miami. He was not the type of judge to shrug his shoulders at an injustice and say that he just calls balls and strikes. He was the type of judge who saw a wrong and righted it. He was the type of judge who would take off his robe, roll up his sleeves and get his hands dirty. 

Judge Petersen would not just read reports on how a child was doing; he would get in his car and visit the home. As the Miami Herald reported, he once took a child to a Marlin's game as a reward for completing his assigned community service. He would dress up as Santa for Christmas and deliver toys to children. He was a judge, but he was so much more. A humanitarian; a ceaseless advocate for juvenile justice and the rights of children. 

Judge Petersen, both a former public defender and a former prosecutor, used the grand jury process to investigate wrongs and help right them. One of the first pre-trial diversion programs in the US? Tom Petersen developed the program and saw it instituted in Miami. Have a client whose case was dismissed after PTI? Thank Tom Petersen. That program alone benefited -- a hundred thousand Miamians? Maybe more. 

What people who knew Tom Petersen closest will tell you is that he used the law and courts to make society a better place. And he did it exceptionally well. Judge Petersen comes from a time when Judges worked to make a difference in the world we all live in. From a time when Judges carried the ball of desegregation over the goal line; a time long gone, replaced by judges who believe that they are empowered to do little, and solve less. Judge Petersen was the antithesis of a conservative judicial philosophy. He lived his life believing he was empowered to try and make the world a better place. As we said, they don't make judges like Tom Petersen anymore, and unfortunately that is by design.  

Miami owes a debt of thanks to Tom Petersen that will never be fully recognized or repaid. We are all better for the life he lived.  

Here is the Herald Obit- spend a few moments and read about this remarkable man.

Tuesday, February 14, 2023


 A sad ending on the horizon to the troubled legal career of former Miami Dade County Judge Mike Mirabal. Judge Dan Casey of Broward has filed a report with the Florida Supreme Court recommending the D word- Disbarment. 

The Bar proceedings have a tortured history, starting with complaints that became JQC complaints when Mirabal was elected a Judge. Those complaints increased exponentially when the "Mirabal Style of Campaign Financing and Reporting" was both uncovered and disapproved as rank fraud. 

The "Mirabal Amendment" ((c) 2018) finance scheme went something like this- raise $20,000.00 in donations or personal funding during a quarter; report $20,000.00 in money raised; then file an amended report for $21,500.00; then ... total up your initial report and the amended report and    VOILA! the 20 thousand looks to all the world (and potential candidates) as 41,500.00 raised. 

Insidious; petty; and fraudulent. 

There is more to the order and findings, including a long list of things the former judge "FORGOT" to add to his JNC application to be appointed as a judge, including small matters like a federal lawsuit for fraud that he lost, and cooperation in a federal fraud investigation. Various defaults on mortgages and accompanying lawsuits. Small stuff like that. 

Overall, the episode speaks very poorly to an election system that mostly selects judicial candidates by name. 

Oh, did we mention he and his attorney "THREATENED" and "DISPARAGED THE REPUTATION"  the Miami Judge who filed the Bar complaint? Judge Casey found those allegations to be proven. 

One small area of support has emerged. 

NY Representative George Santos has opined that the opinion is a "rush to judgement"; "a witch hunt"; and expressed confidence that it will be overturned on appeal. Santos did this, BTW, during a press release in which he expressed gratification for being named the Super Bowl MVP on Sunday night. 

Birds of a feather... cheat elections together. 

Here is the order: 

2021-1469_miscdoc_375549_f01 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

Sunday, February 12, 2023


SB UPDATE- The refs just gave the game (again) to the Chiefs with that ticky-tacky holding call on 3rd down. That being said, the Eagles had a horrible game plan. To many QB runs. No good plan on defense. No sacks. No turnovers for the Eagles D. What a very disappointing performance by the best team in the NFL this year. 


Gen. Glen VanHerck, commander of the North American Aerospace Defense Command and U.S. Northern Command, said he was certain that the initial episode, the downing of a Chinese surveillance balloon off the U.S. East Coast on Feb. 4, “was clearly a balloon. These are objects. I’m not able to categorize how they stay aloft.” The general also declined to rule out any possibility, including whether the objects were extraterrestrial in origin.

Is it us, and our age, or was the WORST halftime SB show since "Up With People" in the old Orange Bowl? It could not have been any worse. To us, it was someone lip-syncing nonsense with some people wiggling around a bit. 








The coin flip will be.....based on dew point, humidity, moon gravitational pull, and other factors....HEADS! 

 The Eagles will win their second super bowl in five years. It should not be close. 

The Eagles have a superior defense. 44 sacks and 9 INTs. 

The Eagles have a superior offensive line. 

The Eagles dominated their opponents this year. Most games were not close. The stat making the rounds that Jalen Hurts threw 24 passes all year with the Eagles behind, is meaningless. When you have the kind of support the Eagles have given their QB, then there is a reason they were rarely behind- they are so much better than the rest of the NFL. 

The Chiefs barely beat a better Bengals team, and only did so by getting questionable penalties called on Cincy that moved them into FG range at the end of the game. 

When the best argument you can make for KC is that their QB has been here before, well ask Fran Tarkenton or Jim Kelly how much that is really worth (Tark lost 3 and Kelly lost 4 in a row!). And while you're at it, what was KC Coach Andy Reid's record in NFC playoff games when he coached the Eagles?    1-4! And he lost the SB he took the Eagles to. Reid is NOT a money coach in big games, so we discount the supposed "experience edge" the Chiefs have. 

This is very simply a bet on an overall better team against a very good QB who is coming off an injury. And don't discount that his receivers were all banged up. Players coming off an injury are more susceptible to getting injured in a game. Would you even think of betting on the Chiefs if Mahomes was injured, or JuJu or Kelsey were out? No. 

We do not think it will be close, so give the 1.5 points and take the Eagles and the over 50.5. 

A few more prop bets: 

+1850 Philly WR AJ Brown to be MVP. 

+500 any FG or extra point to doink a cross bar or upright of the goal post. 

Eagles first half -.05- our biggest bet of the day. The Eagles come out strong. 

Rumpole's SB menu: 

Seafood stuffed mushroom caps; 

2018 Caymus Cabernet. 

Joes grilled tomatoes with cheese and spinach. 

Soy and garlic marinated chicken wings air fried. 

Intercept Chardonnay. 

Ginos Philly Cheese Steak hogies. 

Buffalo spiced air fried cauliflower bits with Rogue River Blue cheese crumbles. 

Wyke Farms cheddar cheese on crackers. 

2016 Quilceda Creek Cabernet

Bison sliders with pickle relish.

Nathan's Hot dogs with chili-cheese and onion relish.  

Fireman Derek's Red Velvet Cake

2017 Palmiz Louise Riesling. 

 Before we get to the much-anticipated Super Super-Bowl post, our last football related post until perhaps the NFL draft and then pre-season when every young PD and ASA is sure they can win our world-famous Survivor Pool, and hushed conversations are overheard in chambers about where to draft Tua in a fantasy football league;  we have some serious news/thoughts for you consider. 

If you wanted to get the attention of the beer-swilling, wing-eating world, what better event to announce your presence and/or intentions than the Super Bowl? It's not like you are going to get much attention if you show up at the Vermeer exhibit at the Rijksmuseum, which has been called "the blockbuster exhibit of the century". Because let's face it, most federalist society judges reading this post will quickly Google Vermeer and Rijksmuseum to figure out what we are talking about (a liberal art exhibition, in case you're wondering. The kind of thing Federalist Society lawyers sue the NEA to prevent government money being spent on exhibiting Girl With a Pearl Earring in the US).  

So if you want to get the attention of Hank and Harriert as they return from the Piggly Wiggly, not to mention Sam Alito, George Santos, Vlad Putin, Marjorie Taylor Moron Greene, and Ron DeSantis, then perhaps the Super Bowl is your best venue. 

Are we talking about a terrorist attack? Nope and hopefully that is not part of the story today. 

Abortion vs. Right to Lifers? Nah. 

Rihanna groupies? No, but don't bet that she leads with Diamonds  πŸ’ at the half-time show. If Rumpole knows a song she sings, and we only know one, then it must be a mega-hit which means she will close with it. 

Hialeah Property lawyers protesting the new law removing their ability to get attorneys' fees for plaintiffs? Not even close. 

Watch this description by Canadian Defense Minister Anita Anand- scroll to 1 minute in: 

"A small cylindrical object..." which is not a Chinese Balloon 🎈. Hmmm.... can you say "INDEPENDENCE DAY?"  
AREA 51?

Yes dear readers, let us be the first to go on the record as saying we are deeply suspicious that this is the opening chess moves by an Alien Race, visiting earth, preparing to make contact TODAY during the Super Bowl. 

Imagine their conversation as they decelerate from warp drive and approach Earth orbit:

Klatu: Gort, who should we contact first? 
Gort: That's an excellent question. There aren't really any men or women of intelligence who are in charge. 
Klatu: Yes, Earth abandoned leaders with intelligence around the time Adalai Stevenson lost for president in 52 and 56. 
Gort: Well, Jimmy Carter was smart. 
Klatu: And look what happened to him. 
Gort: This would have gone better if we could have got here when Obama was president. 
Klatu: Then next time I remind you to recharge the Di-lithium crystals before we leave, please listen to me. 
Gort: Well, who had to stop at Starbucks and get two dozen lattes for the trip, Mr. I need my caffeine every morning?
Klatu: Moving on, how about Trump or Netanyahu?  
Gort: One's indicted, one's about to be. 
Klatu: Emmanul Macron or Fumio Kishida? 
Gort: Too flashy, and no one knows who the other guy is. 
Klatu: Stephen King or J.K. Rowling? 
Gort: Fiction writers. No one will believe them. 
Klatu: Fox News?
Gort: Ditto. 
Klatu; Then it's down to plan NK I guess.
Gort. Yup. The only world leader than everyone listens to and studies. The one person who can grab the attention of the world and lead a peaceful collection of leaders to meet with us so we can discuss how our technology can help them reverse global warming and a cure all vaccine for the upcoming Covid 24.  
Klatu: Just remember, 49% of Americans and 99.8% of Republicans and 100% of Federalist Society judges in the US do not believe in science in general and global warming in particular. 
Gort: Then it's the one leader who believes in science and has the gravitas to bring the rest of the world on board while helping stop the inevitable panic our appearance will create. 
Klatu: Yes, but first, can we wait just until after the game ends? I have the over parlayed with the Eagles at DraftKings Sportsbook and I'd like to collect. Start my earth experience with some real money. I'm dying to try some NYC pizza. 
Gort: Of course. So you have his cell phone number?
Klatu: Hang on...ok, right here, to contact.... we need to call, let it ring once, hang up, call, let it ring twice, hang up and then call a third time. 
Gort: And then Kim Jong-Un will pick up. 
Klatu: It's a plan. 
Gort: Like Mike Tyson said, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. 
Klatu: Or their advance probes are shot down. 

Saturday, February 11, 2023


 The fun of the Super Bowl if you are NY Jets or Texans or Cleveland Browns fan is that you can place proposition bets on just about anything. Which celebrity will be shown first on television; the color of the Gatorade bath on the winning coach; the first play of the game being a run or a pass; how many yards will Mahomes throw; and who will be the MVP are some of the prop bets. Here are our favorites and Rumpole's picks:

Remember that everything is based on a $100 bet. For a + bet, you bet a 100 and win the number. So +2500 means you bet a 100 to win 2500. In a minus bet, you lay the number to win a 100. So -245 you bet 245 to win 100. Have fun. 


KC WR Sky Moore to return a kick or punt for a TD  +2000. Moore is a rookie with speed. We don't think this will happen, but we like the odds and if anyone is returning a kick, it's Moore. 

Final score Eagles 37- Chiefs 34. +5000. This is close to our final score prediction, so we are letting it rip for 200 here. 

Jalen Hurts over 350 yards passing and over 2 TDs (meaning 3) +2000. 

Parlay of Eagles -1.5 and over 49.5 +250. 

Number of the player jersey who scores the first TD- Over 11.5 =+130. This is a lock.  This was initially a win but then the TD was overturned, and it became a loss. 

Eagles first score will be a TD +285 WIN 

First score is an Eagles TD +200. Both teams have a tendency to go for it on fourth and short, so this is worth a play. 

Will either team score a safety? Yes +1500. SB trivia- who scored the first safety in SB history. The team, the city where it occurred and the player?


We will post our never-fail, dead-lock guaranteed winner of the coin toss before the coin toss. Certain atmospheric conditions, the dew point in the Arizona desert, whether the person tossing the coin is left handed or right handed, the drag coefficient of this coin along with the weight, the gravitational pull of the moon at the time of the coin toss, the humidity, as well as a slight but not insignificant .0001% incline from the 50 yard line to the south goal line must all be considered and entered into our simulation program for us to arrive at our decision. By the time we post our call, our sim program will have run the coin toss well over ten million times and a noticeable bias will be revealed.  

But here is our best bet. Take it to the bank that the national anthem, sung by country singer Chris Stapelton will be OVER 1;59, Book it!

Gatorade bath for the winning coach- yellow/green +225 (for $10 to win $22.25).

Will the announcers mention Tua at any point during the game? NO -1000. 

A Chinese Spy Balloon will be shot down over the stadium during the game? Yes -600. If yes then an F-22 will shoot the balloon down +800 or an F-35 will shoot down the balloon -220. No- +1800. 

Thursday, February 09, 2023


 Not recently, but in the past, we recall Miami Judges voluntarily leaving the bench for career purposes. It is a rare occurrence in Miami. The last District Court federal judge that we can recall leaving the bench voluntarily (who was NOT on senior status like Judge Ungaro) was Judge Tom Scott, a legendary and prodigious hard worker.  Janet Reno, no slouch in the hard working department (she was known to bring a sleeping bag to work on Fridays and sleep in the REGJB) once told us that the hardest working judge she ever saw was Tom Scott, who longtime denizens of the REGJB will recall was also a Circuit Court Judge- and, under the truth is stranger than fiction category, did a little state court appointed death penalty defense work in the interregnum between leaving Circuit court  and before his  District court appointment. He also brought his dog to chambers, but that's another story. 

Which brings us to the center of the legal universe: The SDNY. 

I was at the point where I had children who were approaching college, with a husband becoming an ex-husband who was just getting his feet on the ground at a law firm so he had not yet started to earn Big Law money. I frankly did not believe I could continue to perform as a judge because of the money.

Katherine Forrest who left the bench of the prestigious Southern District of New York, quoted in an interview given to the National Law Journal (Motto: "We read Rumpole, we just don't admit it"). Forrest had served as a judge for seven years before she joined Cravath in 2018. She recently made a lateral partner move to Paul Weiss.

Hat-tip Above the Law. 

Tuesday, February 07, 2023


 Not to be outdone by Alabamah Judges, our own Miamah Judge has issued an order with this footnote about the expert witness who testified:

  Mr. Collier is also a Chicago Cubs fan. Tr. 8. Standing alone, that may not qualify him as an expert witness; but it does demonstrate loyalty, the ability to weather suffering, and an unquenchable hope. In the words of columnist George Will, “Cubs fans are 90 percent scar tissue.” See https://www.azquotes.com/quote/1388745. Surely these good qualities must count for something. 

Now who wrote that order with that footnote? No peaking at the order. 

Based on the sheer statistical number, you should guess one of the thirty-something federalist society judges in our courthouse, because they populate the REGJB bench like boll weevils in a cotton field. And being members of the federalist society, they surely spend their time off the bench pondering deep issues like the emerging philosophical arguments over whether substantive due process should even exist. And of course they make frequent use of Ayn Rand's books like Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology, because they know the fundamental philosophical underpinnings of the federalist society are based, in part, on Rand's writings, about which they can speak at length about. Right? 

Is our sarcasm seeping through?  Just like when Bruce Springsteen (who is playing tonight at Hard Rock) would introduce Clarence Clemons at concerts during Tenth Avenue Freeze Out, by shouting "Do I have to speak his name?", we do not have to speak the name of our resident Cubs fan on the bench. 

And should there be ANY doubt, the use of the word "tintinnabulation" in granting the motion to exclude the prosecution's expert witness is surely a historical first in the annals of REGJB orders, especially in current day, when "after carefully reviewing the evidence the defense motion is denied" passes for scholarly dissertations and thoughtful analysis of legal issues in our Boll Weevile infested courthouse. 

Here is the order. 

Bullard Daubert Order PDF by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

 "...Well they made that change uptown and the Cub's fan took the bench... From Doral to Miami all the appellate lawyers waved their hands..." 

Monday, February 06, 2023


 Longtime and careful readers of the blog know that the two things we like the least in the law is civil law and those who sit several feet above the rest of humanity wearing black and perpetually scowling. 

Thus an alert and longtime reader sent us the order below from a judge whom we will say is not just good, but great. R. David Proctor, US District Court Judge for the Northern District of Alabama, southern division (y'all). 

The issue: the filing of a responsive pleading at 5:15 pm when the party was ordered to file by 5pm. Which, this being civil law, of which there is nothing civil about it, caused opposing counsel to file a motion to strike because the pleading was 15 minutes late. Now we know some judges, whom we shall not name, who would have promptly issued an order striking the pleading. And if per chance, the party who filed late was representing some individual plaintiff who had been squashed like a bug on a windshield by a large corporation, why we would hazard a guess that the 11th circuit would have ruled in favor of the big corporation, because as you know, rules are rules, and if litigants can get away with missing a deadline by fifteen minutes, then we are half way to applying Sharia law. 

Read the order and let us know if you recognize, as our reader did, "our schtick". 

Steven Mezrano and Mezrano Law Firm PC by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd