FDC and County Court Judges....that's what is on our mind.
Your County Court Judges are back from a week in semi-tropical paradise, sipping Mai Tais and attending lectures on such topics as "The Defense Demanded Discovery...Now What?" (the defense has demanded discovery, you should A) look at them in genuine puzzlement, as if you have never heard of the concept before; B) Shake your head in disgust and move to the next case; C) audibly mutter 'if that's the way you want to go on this one'..."). Their location was and is a secret for security reasons. Next up- your Circuit Court Judges hit the road for lectures on "Probate and You-having fun while banished"; "Salacious Secrets of the Civil Rules Of Procedure"; and "Why Rule 3's are for Chumps."
From time to time we are forced to perambulate from the garage that also houses law firms, to FDC to see a client who wishes to retain us and has not yet been released. Things have changed. First, The Governmental Select Committee on Allowing FDC Forms to be Filled Out On Line, has issued its semi-annual report, indicating that the software protocol for filling out the forms has been reduced to thirty-six finalists. The Committee expects the issue to be resolved "no later than 2026."
There are now NEW FORMS and new posters - all paid for with your tax dollars.
The walls of FDC are now adorned with posters such as "Wash Your Hands" (in English and Spanish); "The Seven Signs OF Covid" (as surprising as this will be to you, the FDC poster says a cough, sore throat, fever and loss of sense of smell MAY be signs of Covid) and "Vaccinations Work!" ("honey what do you think about a covid-19 vaccine? I don't trust that Fauci guy, but I was in FDC the other day and they have a poster." "Well, if the Bureau Of Prisons said I should get a vaccine, that's good enough for me. They should know.").
There is now a form denying you have Covid. It is as effective as those questions at the airport if someone else packed your bag, paid you money to take their bag, whether you have batteries that could explode, and whether a mysterious person of Middle Eastern descent gave you a box that has a radiation warning sign on it and asked for a favor.
There is also a new form sly quizzing you on if you have Covid.
"Do you feel sick?" "Do you have an unexplained fever?" "Do you have feelings of anxiety and dread?" (Gee, we just lived through a pandemic, there is a new strain even more infectious, Senator Joe Manchin just sealed the fate of the planet to overheat and kill all life on it because otherwise West Virginia Coal Miners won't make it....nah, I have no feelings of dread or anxiety." )
We put people on the Moon. We put Rovers on Mars. We cured Polio and invented the Silicon Chip which eventually led to the creation of Tinder. We can do great things, and yet the BOP spends money on useless forms and insipient posters and refuses to allow lawyers to fill out forms on line to schedule visits with clients ; and WHY, someone please tell us, in this age of Uber, do they need to know the Freaking Car We are driving? AND the license plate, just to allow us access to see our client. And we know they don't really check, otherwise someone would want to know why consistently put on the form that we are driving a 1936 White Rolls Royce Phantom with the license plate 123ABC.
We kid about the judges. We are all in favor of judicial education (and if you could see us fighting not to write more about WHY they need more education, you'd understand just how difficult writing this blog can be at times).
Enjoy your summer weekend. Heat courtesy of Senator Manchin.