Monday, July 18, 2022


 Miami Herald Ace Reporter David Ovalle has a new article out about the "Name Game" judicial candidates play in Miami. 

Judge Blumstein caught continuing flack for wearing his Navy hat in campaign posters. He has been endorsed by the Village People (Below), but the 3rd DCA frowned on his infamous decision to not allow a 12-person jury in a first-degree murder case. The rules of criminal procedure are malleable, right? 

What caught our jaundiced eye was our current favourite "name change" judicial candidate- Teressa Maria Tylman Cervera -Jlo-Afllack-Tua, et. al. 

When asked about her trial experience- she is after all running against a well-regarded and highly experienced Circuit Court Judge (Lody Jean) who took the bench with significant jury trial experience- Ms. TMTC said, and we quote,  that she had "hundreds of hours" of evidentiary hearings "which is the equivalent of a trial."


Scene: The Oval Office: The President's Chief of Staff tells Joe Biden there is going to be another opening on the supreme court. 

Biden: Who do we have ready? 

COS: The usual suspects, but there is this lawyer in Miami. No trial experience, but she has "hundreds of hours" of evidentiary hearings.

Biden. OMG! How did we miss her? Did I hear you right? Hundreds of hours of evidentiary hearings? WOW!

Scene: Law Student interviewing for job with Kathy Fernandez-Rundle

KFR: Do you have any other questions?

Law Student: Well, actually yes. Will I be able to get experience in evidentiary hearings? Because um, like, I wanna be a judge, and we all know that's what it takes.

KFR: Well, you will get a lot of jury trial experience.

Law Student: Well, yeah, but like I want the evidentiary hearings experience because that's the ticket to the top.  

Rumpole: What kind of egotistical  [fill in pejorative curse word] thinks they should replace a well-regarded and experienced judge simply because they have hundreds of hours of experience in hearings? We may be called to try a case before this unqualified wannabe pretender. The trial will mean everything to our client. And something may happen, and Ms. HIJKLMNOP Call Me Whatever You Want As Long As You Call Me Judge  is going to tell US what to do based on what? Her vast experience as a trial lawyer? He sterling qualifications in misrepresenting who she is? A Lawyer who should appear as a Gecko for some insurance company advertisement?  We've spent almost forty years honing our craft as a trial lawyer. And all she can do is change her name. 

Why did Ms. TMTC challenge Judge Jean? Here are her own words: "This candidate has never been on a ballot."  That was all she could articulate in her vast experience as a litigator. 

But it gets worse: When The Herald asked Tylman Cevera to highlight a case she worked on (they obviously couldn't ask her to highlight a case she tried) she responded "Can I get back to you on that?"

Nothing better indicates if a candidate will be a great judge than preparation. To be fair, our hero then mentioned something about "a construction case' and "a contract case".  

Guess what Mr. President? That lawyer you are considering- besides the mind-blowing "hundreds of hours" of evidentiary hearings, she also has handled "a construction case" AND "a contract case." 

Doesn't get much better than that does it? 

There once was a lawyer so unqualified that when he appeared at a Cuban-American Bar Association judicial function to speak, more than half the room got up and turned their back on him. The same should be done to the candidate who has NO trial experience and doesn't care what you call her as long as in January you call her Judge. 

And now, coming at ya from 1979, in honor of Judge B and his campaign signs, the Village People and  IN THE NAVY 


Anonymous said...

Rump you are getting sloppy heading into this election as this post is a smidge off.

The Herald article says that she tried 10-11 cases to verdict. In regards to why she picked to run against Judge Jean she did say she had never been on a ballot but also stated that:

“I do believe in free and fair elections. Judges should be elected. It’s a public office where you put yourself up for election within the county. I believe in democracy. I believe in the voters. I’ve relied on my team.”

This seems like the standard answer that all the candidates (who are challenging appointed incumbents) are saying when they are asked why they challenged that particular incumbent.

Rumpole said...

Let’s be clear. she has not tried ONE JURY TRIAL. NOT ONE. she has a few bench trials. What were those ? Tickets?

She also said she chose Lody Jean because she “relied on an expert” who was what? Some political Consutant hack she paid fifty grand to ?

Explain to me how someone who has never tried a jury trial can claim to be a better candidate for circuit judge than a very experienced judge who tried a whole lot of cases before a jury - when she was a lawyer? And how about that big case she handled ? What was it again ? A workers comp case? A contracts case? Did she ever get back to the herald about her big case?

Everyone should turn her back on her. She has no business challenging a sitting judge. And she has no experience to be a circuit court judge unless you buy that claptrap about hundreds of hours equaling jury trials.

Anonymous said...

READ THE ARTICLE. It does not make the distinction, but states she took 10-12 cases to verdict.

Look we all get it, you have cases in front of Judge Jean and are clearly biased towards her in this race. That’s obvious. But from an APD who has not been before this judge I have no opinion of her or her opponent.

BUT, I like my judicial election coverage/info to be fair and ACCURATE from this blog….

Do better please or let the Captain take over 🛳

Anonymous said...

🥱 This is sooo tiring. No one cares about this Cervera chicks name or what she calls herself on a particular day of the week.

🚨 Breaking News 🚨
Hispanic civil lawyer challenges non-Hispanic incumbent. This happens (multi-times) every cycle.

Give us the deets about other races that the people care about. Judge Watson?? Hello!!???

Rumpole said...

Hey idiot. Learn to read.
This is copied from the article -

Cervera has run her own civil practice since 2012 and is a certified court mediator. She told the Miami Herald Editorial Board that she has taken part in “10 to 12” bench trials and “hundreds of hours” of evidentiary hearings, “which is the equivalent of a trial.” When asked to a highlight a case she’s worked, Cervera asked “Can I get back to you on that?” before mentioning a trial involving “construction issues” and “contract issues.”

Anonymous said...

Rumpole ♥️‘s Teresa Cervera

I think secretly he is going to vote for her

Rumpole said...

Now that’s what I like. A reader that thinks way outside the box. Kudos to you. Well done.

Anonymous said...

The "name game" is often part of a "race game," also. The most blatant example I have seen is the Facebook page linked below promoting ORF.

ORF should immediately demand that this unashamedly racist Facebook page
remove his name, and he should denounce it.


Anonymous said...

Wait…Rump is voting for Cervera now? I hear her number is 90 on the ballot

Anonymous said...

Hi ya Mr. Rumpole. New ASA to be here. Haven't started yet, but already told about reading the blog at work is a fire-able offense, so of course I immediately started reading it (at home of course).
Visited Miami several times from my Northeast law school before moving here. Gotta say the Tinder dates here far exceed anything I am used to. Maybe it's the Latina girls that are rarities in my social circle. They get right down to business and it's great. Gotta say the dating scene makes the low salary worth it - at least for my commitment time.

Any tips on where to go/hang out? Got a sweet rental in south tip of south beach starting Sept 1- staying in an Air-bnb until then in Adventura they call it? Not as nice as Sobe.

Can you tell me how the blog started? Who asked you to start it? Were there competing blogs and you won out? Or did you and Mr. Markus decide to split up the legal community into federal and state? It's a great blog. We don't have anything like it where I went to law school.

Finally, any readers want to tell me about judges? I will start in county court and I'd like a low down on who to try and get assigned to.
I'm keeping it light here. No identifying details other than I went to law school up north. Still finding my way around here- Miami and the SAO. Seems like a good place to start, although I turned down a 175k/offer from Big Law and my folks think I am nuts. But I have a plan.
New ASA to be.

Anonymous said...

Black's Law Dictionary says that "verdict" means the decision of a jury, and not the decision of a court or referee or commissioner. Ms. TMTC has tried zero cases to verdict.

Anonymous said...

Wake me when the Q/Shumie endorsements come out.

New ASA- Prime Italian, but not sure you will be able to afford it. Sit at the bar, sip a beer, order some apps and go home with a hottie. Works every time, but basically you need a nice view in your condo/rental to seal the deal. Make it look like you're happening even though you're not on your 45k starting salary.

Anonymous said...

Hey new ASA- new PD here. I am assuming you're a dude, but actually you didn't say and even if you're a chick, I still want to meet. I sent Mr. Rumpole an email. If you email him and he sends it to me....we can meet! How about that new Brad Pitt Japanese Train Movie? They have this place called Brickell City Center with movies and you get your own big chair and they serve bottles of wine. We can hit the wine, take a gummie, have some snacks and watch Brad Pitt. I'd post my Tinder name, but I already got enough older creepy guys hitting on me, including a few when I was walked through the courthouse. (Mr. Rumpole- any interest in the travails of a young pretty lawyer and how even in 2022 and #metoo I am constantly being made offers to be groomed- like the 40 something guy who offered to hire me to work on an appeal- 2,500 bucks! But it turns out he has a 'home office' in his rental, is separated, and well, figure out the rest- I told him to take a hike) Lets do this after the Bar exam New ASA- I'll be ready to party!

New PD

the trialmaster said...

We have El APONTE. She needs to go to the supreme court with her vast experience. And she says she is part black. She is incompetent and yet she beat an experience well financed respected judge ( by a large margin) solely because her of Hispanic last name. She raised $3000 dollars, didn't campaign and now wears the robes, Don't count out another unqualified name changer to win over an vastly superior Judge. Quite a system we have. With a few exceptions ( Hanzman, Diaz and a few others, this bench is disgraceful. We deserve better.

Real Fake Former Sobe Dandy said...

Anybody else loving these comments? Especially the two newly minted lawyers hooking up. Just another service Rump is providing. So cool.

Anonymous said...

This is why the general public should not be voting in judicial elections. They know nothing about the legal process and procedures. Heck, they would vote for Jennifer Lopez Affleck if she ran for dog-catcher -- but only if she dropped the "Affleck." Well, bad choice. She would win if her name was Jennifer Uranus just so people could stare at her good looks, but you get the drift.

Anonymous said...


Make sure to repeat this to the judges you appear in front of: "Maybe it's the Latina girls that are rarities in my social circle. They get right down to business and it's great."

And I'm sure KFR would really like to hear it too.

As for the judges that you may appear before, pretty good bet you'll be appearing before a "Latina girl". https://www.jud11.flcourts.org/About-the-Court/Judges/Judicial-Directory

Anonymous said...

"This is why the general public should not be voting in judicial elections."

Public judicial elections are the law. Don't like it? Go lobby your legislators and fellow citizens to change the law. That's what judges and lawyers always tell the general public.

Anonymous said...

The script has been totally flipped on the Jean/Cevera race. The people love Cevera and she has a huge buzz. My 93 year old Dominican grandmother will not shut up about this broad

Anonymous said...

If you plug in the Cervera - Tylman bar number into the Dade County Courts search engine you will discover that in over 12 years as a lawyer, she has had 9 different office addresses. She has appeared in a total 19 cases over 12 years. Most cases were inconsequential, condo maintenance fee cases and landlord tenant disputes, many in County Court. Every case was settled after a few pleadings. Her most frequent pleading in these 19 cases was a motion for extension of time. In 12 years of practicing law she has attended five depositions. Just like she lied in her financial disclosure by omitting a $400,000 mortgage and a recent $500,000 line of a home equity line of credit where she is a debtor on the note. She is bigly underwater and needs a raise from the $55,000 a year income she claims on her financial disclosure. As of today, July 19,2022, " Teressa Maria Cervera" is practicing law at "Law Office of Teressa Maria Tylman, P.A." as per Sunbiz and her most recent pleadings. Her law school ethics professor at FIU, Professor Fingerhut, got it right when he called what Tylman - Cervera was doing a "public fraud". https://law.fiu.edu/2022/05/10/professor-fingerhut-in-daily-business-review-on-judicial-ethics-of-candidate-playing-name-game-to-win/

Anonymous said...

We tend to focus on the negative, but I’m actually pretty happy with the elected judges in the criminal division. I’d say more so than the appointed judges.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, just let Desantis appoint all of them, great idea. He’s done a bang up job with the Florida Supreme Court.

Anonymous said...

Senior ASA here. No one cares if you read this blog. We all read the blog. 🤦‍♀️

Anonymous said...

I have been told numerous times -at least for new asa's- to NOT read the blog at work and NEVER post -especially in any relation to my name. And reading the nasty comments about my comment, I see why. I didn't mean to demean any woman, Hispanic or otherwise- I was just saying I have no experience with any women of any other ethnicity than my own, and I have found it unique and interesting and was a bit surprised about how aggressive vis-a -vis the woman of my ethnicity and hometown - they are0 which is totally fine- everyone is different and entitled to their own needs.

Meanwhile the new PD who posted a comment made matters even worse, because now there's a bunch of texts and emails flying around about how if I am with someone who has a cannabis gummie and get caught I will be fired and in deep sH&t with the Bar - which I am not even a member of yet- all because someone expressed an interest in hooking up.

What I have learned is my small-town experiences and life have NOT prepared me for this big city life. I have a whole lot to learn and one thing is I doubt I will post again. Love the blog- but without even really trying I am already in quicksand with people trying to figure out my identity. So glad I never even identified if I was a man or woman. That has helped. Whew.
Anyway senior ASA and Mr. Rumpole- love the blog- so unique- and I will be a reader from here on out.
New ASA to Be-
and yeah- Mr. Rumpole did connect my email with new PD- but I told her- we can meet and see the movie and drink wine and take Uber but NO GUMMIES.

Anonymous said...

Leave Aponte alone. Her JA is working really hard making rulings and signing orders!

Anonymous said...

What in the actual f**k 😡 Judge Jean sent a mailer out saying she is endorsed by Governor DeSantis??!! But why? That can’t be permissible

Anonymous said...

Why on earth would she want to be endorsed by DeSantis? Maybe she is getting desperate….

Anonymous said...

To Teressa Cervera Tylman, you know you and your husband read this blog. Please tell him to stop writing reviews for you. It's sad and pathetic, especially since you have no real legal experience. You need a pay raise since you clearly cannot get a client on your own. As per your consultant that you spoke of in the Herald, is it Michael Gongora? Your husband's law partner that is involved in Miami Beach politics? Just remember that your reputation is the most important thing in this profession. The legal community now thinks you are a laughing stock. Want to redeem yourself, show up to the next few judicial forums coming up. Answer the questions, talk about your experience. At least Rosy Aponte showed up to the judicial forums.

Anonymous said...

Judge Blumstein is desperate. Just received an Instagram post with his Navy uniform. Ugh. This needs to be stopped.

Anonymous said...

No one can be worse on the bench than Perkins, regardless of their name

Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone is butt-hurt because she didn’t come to your forum (probably a prosecutor one). I have no idea what Tylman/Cevera is doing to gather up all this new found support, but she definitely seems to be trending upwards at the right time.

I have never had any issues appearing before Judge Jean before. However, a little healthy competition for her is good for the mind and soul.

Anonymous said...

2:00 - Consultant Pedro Diaz. If you don't pay him, he will run someone against you. This is known among the judges.

Anonymous said...

Judge Jean should not have been challenged by someone so incompetent. It will be horrific to have Tyllman/Cervera (whatever the hell her name is) preside over any court calendar or trial!

Anonymous said...

The only reason she may be “trending upwards” is because she changed her name from Tessa Marie Tylman to Teresa Maria Cevera. She is incompetent and the only way she can “trend[] up” is to stay away from any forum and keep her mouth shut. I don’t think the same person conducts all the forums Tessa Tylman hasn’t gone to. As long as she can hide behind her signs that just show her last name and no one actually finds out who she is, she may unfortunately have a chance to win. Her and Blumstein should be reported to the JQC.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I dont know him personally, but I heard Pedro Diaz has quickly become the consultant of choice for candidates and judges who want to win. He really knows Miami politics from the ground level. I spoke with a lot of judges who prefer Pedro Diaz to the other familiar names because he knows what it takes. He is also fair priced and has a lot of connections with Miami's biggest movers and shakers. Whenever judges or people who want to run for judge talk to me (I am someone very connected), Pedro Diaz is always the first person they tell me people recommend they talk to. Incumbents and people who want a guaranteed win usually choose his "strategy" option, which is $25,000 and all inclusive, but his "Tier 3" and "Tier 2" plans are also winners. Miami elections for judge have really become about the quality of your consultant. Not like back in the old days when I first became a criminal defense lawyer.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Definitely a disinterested post. There’s no way this is actually Pedro Diaz self promoting himself. There’s simply no way.