Miami Herald Ace Reporter David Ovalle has a new article out about the "Name Game" judicial candidates play in Miami.
Judge Blumstein caught continuing flack for wearing his Navy hat in campaign posters. He has been endorsed by the Village People (Below), but the 3rd DCA frowned on his infamous decision to not allow a 12-person jury in a first-degree murder case. The rules of criminal procedure are malleable, right?
What caught our jaundiced eye was our current favourite "name change" judicial candidate- Teressa Maria Tylman Cervera -Jlo-Afllack-Tua, et. al.
When asked about her trial experience- she is after all running against a well-regarded and highly experienced Circuit Court Judge (Lody Jean) who took the bench with significant jury trial experience- Ms. TMTC said, and we quote, that she had "hundreds of hours" of evidentiary hearings "which is the equivalent of a trial."
Hmmm....
Scene: The Oval Office: The President's Chief of Staff tells Joe Biden there is going to be another opening on the supreme court.
Biden: Who do we have ready?
COS: The usual suspects, but there is this lawyer in Miami. No trial experience, but she has "hundreds of hours" of evidentiary hearings.
Biden. OMG! How did we miss her? Did I hear you right? Hundreds of hours of evidentiary hearings? WOW!
Scene: Law Student interviewing for job with Kathy Fernandez-Rundle
KFR: Do you have any other questions?
Law Student: Well, actually yes. Will I be able to get experience in evidentiary hearings? Because um, like, I wanna be a judge, and we all know that's what it takes.
KFR: Well, you will get a lot of jury trial experience.
Law Student: Well, yeah, but like I want the evidentiary hearings experience because that's the ticket to the top.
Rumpole: What kind of egotistical [fill in pejorative curse word] thinks they should replace a well-regarded and experienced judge simply because they have hundreds of hours of experience in hearings? We may be called to try a case before this unqualified wannabe pretender. The trial will mean everything to our client. And something may happen, and Ms. HIJKLMNOP Call Me Whatever You Want As Long As You Call Me Judge is going to tell US what to do based on what? Her vast experience as a trial lawyer? He sterling qualifications in misrepresenting who she is? A Lawyer who should appear as a Gecko for some insurance company advertisement? We've spent almost forty years honing our craft as a trial lawyer. And all she can do is change her name.
Why did Ms. TMTC challenge Judge Jean? Here are her own words: "This candidate has never been on a ballot." That was all she could articulate in her vast experience as a litigator.
But it gets worse: When The Herald asked Tylman Cevera to highlight a case she worked on (they obviously couldn't ask her to highlight a case she tried) she responded "Can I get back to you on that?"
Nothing better indicates if a candidate will be a great judge than preparation. To be fair, our hero then mentioned something about "a construction case' and "a contract case".
Guess what Mr. President? That lawyer you are considering- besides the mind-blowing "hundreds of hours" of evidentiary hearings, she also has handled "a construction case" AND "a contract case."
Doesn't get much better than that does it?
There once was a lawyer so unqualified that when he appeared at a Cuban-American Bar Association judicial function to speak, more than half the room got up and turned their back on him. The same should be done to the candidate who has NO trial experience and doesn't care what you call her as long as in January you call her Judge.
And now, coming at ya from 1979, in honor of Judge B and his campaign signs, the Village People and IN THE NAVY