Dateline Washington , DC, The Capitol.
The third trial of an Impeachment of The President of the United States has begun. The Senate Sergeant at Arms started the proceedings as follows: "Hear Ye Hear ye Hear ye! All persons are commanded to be keep silent, on pain of imprisonment, while the House of Representatives is exhibiting to the Senate of the United States articles of impeachment against Donald John Trump, President of the United States."
House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff then took the podium and read the articles of impeachment to the Senate. Once done, the members of the House present were dismissed and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Mars) summoned the Chief Justice of the United States to the Senate. The CJ will be sworn in by the President Pro Tempore of the Senate (literally "the oldest guy in the room").
Once sworn in, the CJ, pursuant to Article I, section Six of the Constitution, will swear in the members of the Senate, who will swear to do justice, according to what polls best for their re-election chances. Then, in groups of four, the senators will be called to the podium to sign and oath book, which entitles them to receive a groupon for 1/3 off all footlong Subway Subs in the Dayton, Ohio, area during the week of February 3, 2020. Upon signing the oath book, the official Senate Social Media director will record and post on Instagram the act of the Senator signing the oath book and receiving their groupon.
Rumpole knows, and now you do as well, that there are only two times senators sign an oath book- when they are sworn in as a senator, and when they are sworn in as a juror in an impeachment trial.
Rumor discounted: There is no truth to the rumor being floated that as a protest against the impeachment trial, Republican senators have agreed to sign the name "William Jefferson Clinton" and/or "Alfred E Newman" in the oath book. Nor have three senators agreed to sign the names "Moe, Larry, and Curly" but this is mostly because there was no agreement as to whether Shemp could be substituted for Curly.
According to schedule, the Senate will then break to take up other important business of the country, including resolutions approving "National Plumbers Day" (October 19); "National Pumpernickel Bagel Day" (June 11) and a resolution approving the posting of the phrase "Don't text while driving or flying" in all Transportation Bureaus of the United States.
We will continue with our coverage of the senate trial of Donald John Trump as events warrant.
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