"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts;
they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Monday August 28, 2006. Dade County Office of the Chief Judge (CJ).
Chief Judge (CJ)
National Weather Service.
Various Judges, as themselves.
Asst (on the phone): “But he just had a talk with him. Again? No bathroom breaks? OK. I’ll tell him.” (Hangs up phone). “Chief, a clerk just called from criminal court, seems another court reporter was not allowed to use the bathroom before the end of the arraignment calendar.
CJ: “Well how long could that take?”
Asst: “They say it was past 3:00 pm. Should I get Judge …..”
CJ: (cutting off assistant) “Not now. Call him later. He should be done with calendar by 7pm. I got other problems.”
CJ: (Looking at computer and talking to himself): “Yesterday the National Weather service had the hurricane going to New Orleans. Last Night it was Tampa, and Today its Miami. What do I do? What…do…..I do….hmmm"
(begins to pace back and forth slowly, hands clasped behind his back).
To close the courts,
That is the question!
Asst: “You said it chief!”
CJ: “shhsh. I’m on a roll."
(starts pacing again)
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Not to mention sarcastic comments from lawyers
And that stupid blog.
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them.
(A Judge pokes their head into the office of the Chief Judge)
Judge: “Hey are we closing this week? My Canasta club just canceled their game tomorrow night.”
Asst. “Shhssh. The chief is thinking.”
The insolence of office….
Why did I take this job?
To grunt and sweat under a weary life
Of banging gavels during discovery’s strife,
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of wind speeds and rain
Gives me now a great big pain.
OK. Courts are closed!
Asst. "But Chief, what about “Neither rain nor sleet, nor gloom of night shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their rounds” ?
CJ: “Hey. That was pretty good.”
Asst. “Yeah. I used to work right across from the main post office in Manhattan. Saw that every day.”
CJ. (getting serious again). “We are not the postal service! We are not a group of government bureaucrats who show up to work everyday and wear some goofy uniform just to collect a paycheck.”
Judge: ”We’re not? That’s what I do every day.”
CJ: "No. Courts will remain open. I’ll show them tough and pluck."
Asst: (on phone to chief of clerks) "Wait, No cancel that. We’re staying open."
CJ: (turning on the television to channel 7)
Reporter: BULLETIN. THIS IS OUR 3:23 EMERGENCY UPDATE. HURRICANE ERNESTO HAS BEEN RE-NAMED TO KILLER TROPICAL STORM ERNESTO!!!
ITS GOING TO RAIN IN MIAMI. PLUS WIND. IF YOU HAVE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS KILLER TROPICAL STORM BY NOW. GIVE UP. LEAVE YOUR HOME AND RACE, NOT WALK, RACE TO THE NEAREST SHELTER. BY PREPARATIONS, WE MEAN 60 GALLONS OF WATER PER PERSON PER HOUR, PLUS 260 GALLONS OF GASOLINE AND HOOKING UP ONE SMALL NUCLEAR GENERATOR RIGHT INTO THE ELECTRICAL BOX OF YOUR HOME.
WITH ALL THE DETAILS ON THE IMPENDING DEATHS, WE TAKE YOU TO THE MIAMI MEDICAL EXAMINERS OFFICE WHERE THEY ARE OPENING AIR CONDITIONED TRAILERS TO ACCOMMODATE THE EXPECTED INFLUX OF CORPSES…..
CJ: "No. Better close courts for the foreseeable future."
Hindsight is always 20-20. Our wonderful chief Judge closed the courts and saved hundreds of lawyers from getting rained on while walking from their cars to court. The CJ forever earned the love and respect of the lawyers who remained warm and dry.
The Dane, from whom the CJ drew his introspection and indecision, had a much different fate.
See You In Court Thursday.
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