WHAT WILL OPEN FIRST?

 What will open first- the Straits of Hormuz or the first-floor escalator in the REGJB?  Both have been closed for about the same amount of time. Both are semi-controlled by unpredictable characters who say and do different things from day to day and hour to hour. Ever try and get a City Of Miami engineer to do anything? For example, it takes a several year environmental study to lower the thermostats in courtrooms. The good news is that the requests made during the cold snap of December 2012 have just been approved, and judges on the fourth floor can warm up their courtrooms just in time for summer. (Don't get us started on summer in Miami. Because come July 1 we will NEVER be putting on a jacket and tie in the summer again.)

It may well be that the escalator needs to be plugged in, but there are several permits, inspections processes that need to be followed, and technicians that need to be retained before the people who run the REGJB can pick up a plug and put it into an outlet. Life in 2026- there's an app for that. And perhaps we should make an app that - like the ones that show the lines at TSA security in airports- shows the moment-to-moment operations of the REGJB escalators. Seems completely ridiculous. So did putting cameras into phones. And yet...

Our bet? The Oil 🛢 flows before the people move at 1351 NW 12th Street. 

How about our Captain shaming the governor and Florida into accepting applications for open judicial spots. Who else can do that? It's not like Mr. Markus can move the needle to get appointments in the SDFL. Just sayin being in trial all the time slows the blogging process down. 

This is a great blog we built. Someone needs to step up to run it. April, May, June...👻

Some nitwit files against Judge Gordon Murray? We will have A LOT more to say about that in the coming days and weeks. Stay tuned. 

Did you buy stocks over the last few weeks?  You did if you followed Warren Buffett's timeless advice- Be scared when people are greedy and be greedy when people are scared. And people were scared this last month- and what did the market do Wednesday? 🚀 We may see a sell off this morning as the scaredy cats recoup some of their losses and sell. And we will be buyers, especially of Microsoft, Broadcom, Apple (naturally), and heres a new one we have mentioned but LOVE- ELI LILLY. Jump on the GLP-1 gravy train. They got approval for the pill form of Mounjaro, and their next generation of meds coming out in 2027ish  will make even the laziest judge skinny.  Afraid of tech? Some health care stocks are a nice haven. 

CERRADO

 

The scene at El Chapo Cafe This Week 😞

12th st/ave REGJB Blog irregulars sent many iterations of the picture we have posted. Is this the end of El Chapo Cafe? (Dozens of DeSantis drones are asking ChatGPT about our irregulars reference.  ChatGPT: The famously cranky and misanthropic blogger was most likely making reference to the Sherlock Holmes series where Holmes frequently employs Baker Street ruffians- street boys who have their pulse on the neighborhood and can run unseemly tasks for Holmes, follow suspects by blending in, and reporting on the goings on in London. They were called Baker Street Irregulars.") 

Anyway where were we? Oh yeah. The First-floor cafe appears to be closed, a victim of changing courthouse norms where more people are appearing by zoom (despite the efforts of a few dyspeptic county court judges who will not be ignored!). We always liked the 7th floor snack bar better. Less chance of being disturbed by hoi poli, and their grits, Cafecito,  and Cuban toast is a decent earlyu morning repast. 

Gone are the mornings where a dozen or more judges and lawyers met for breakfast and Cafecito  on the first floor as hale-fellows-well-met. War stories were exchanged, and deals on cases were made, and being a young lawyer invited over was akin to Carson inviting a young comedian to the couch after his/her set. (Those same drones are asking AI about who Rumpole is referring to and why being invited over to Carson's couch could make a comedian's career take off.) 

Speaking of Cerrado, the days of this blog breaking news and being the cutting edge of reporting not only on the REGJB, but the Miami Legal community (sorry DOM) are fast dwindling down to a precious few. June 30 is our target date and so far we have not found a suitable replacement (no surprise there). We are considering continuing blogging on subjects more interesting to us. Finance. History. Epistemology. Politics. Sports and sports wagering. We would rely on an expanding group of 12st/12 ave irregulars to keep is in the loop about the comings and goings at the REGJB. Robed Readers will always be a source of easy amusement. But when we are gone we are gone and you can expect essays on the changing of the seasons, the barn owl we have befriended, and the characters we intend to meet in our local pub who we can talk with since they will be speaking a language we understand, unlike our forays into drinking establishments after another difficult day in Hialeah branch court where the best we can muster is a passable mas cerveza por favor. 

So for everything there is a season, and as we enter spring for most, it is the winter of our (dis)content. 

MONDAY'S HOT TAKE

UPDATE 2:  As of Monday afternoon all is well. The building (but not necessarily the DeSantis drones therein) are all cooling off and your bond hearing schedule for Tuesday is returning to normal- or what constitutes for normal in a courthouse where one Judge today achieved notoriety for spending a majority of his time not adjudicating cases, but doing what DeSantis drones do, and focusing on nonsense - in this case upbraiding lawyers for not wearing ties on zoom. 

Here’s the thing- Judges who are confident in themselves and the job they do care not one whit how someone is dressed. They get respect by earning it through their rulings and demeanor. DeSantis Drones who have no self confidence get respect not through their rulings but by their picayune application of nonsense just so they can bloviate and hear themselves speak and order lawyers and clients around. We are sure you agree with us Judge____ , right? 

UPDATE: (and this may be a record for the quickest update to a post)

As per Judge Wolfson- an excerpt from an email "We have every reason to believe that operations at the REG will be normal today..." 

Rumpole responds: By normal we assume you mean chickens running through the hallways, protestors outside, jurors mistakenly chatting up defendants in the elevators, broken escalators, judges starting 9 am calendars at 10:15, internecine squabbles amongst the Criminal County Court Bench over petty perceived jealousies, and other such quotidian activities that comprise life in our building. 

We also assume that as to the AC a crack team of repair experts descended on the building over the weekend, replaced a few air filters, plugged in a plug that had been pulled out, and otherwise did all the things similar to the crack team that keeps the escalators running so well. 

It may again be cool to be in court today. We shall see. 

BUT THERE STILL WILL NOT BE JURORS IN THE BUILDING TODAY- which means no NGs for yours truly. 😡pp

Here's the memo floating around about where to go and how to handle your HOT Monday

Remember, no AC is no excuse for not wearing a Jacket and Tie in court for gentlemen lawyers. Tradition is tradition no matter how ridiculous it is and how much you sweat. 

RE: ALTERNATE LOCATION FOR RICHARD E. GERSTEIN JUSTICE BUILDING BOND HEARINGS FOR MONDAY, OCTOBER 16

Due to repairs underway in response to an emergency maintenance issue at the Richard E. Gerstein Justice Building, first appearance hearings and jail arraignments will continue to be held at the Miami-Dade Children’s Courthouse on Monday, October 16.

Please see below for additional details:


Miami-Dade Children’s Courthouse, 155 NW 3rd Street

Felony first appearance hearings Monday Oct. 16th: Courtroom 12-1 – https://zoom.us/j/93208306120 (https://zoom.us/j/93208306120)

Jail Arraignments and Misdemeanor first appearance hearings Monday Oct. 16th: Courtroom 12-4 – https://zoom.us/j/93571408057 (https://zoom.us/j/93571408057)

A HOT TIME IN THE REGJB

 Ok, all together now…and a one and a two and a three and ”We’re having a heat wave…a tropical heat wave ♭”

Heard around the building:

“How was court?”

“Rough. The Judge was hot.”

And 

“You see that lawyer? S’he’s hot…”

And

“There was a hot time in the old courthouse today.”

We are speaking of course of the REGJB air conditioner failure Friday  which caused a cascading effect of issues including the literal meltdown of the REGJB computer network because the hamsters that spin the wheels that power the sophisticated REGJB computers overheated and the all the equipment including the hi-tech Compuserve dial up modems literally had a meltdown.

Judges over heated with each other trying to get calendars covered. County Court is in total meltdown with personalities overheating. More on that at another time. 

What we know: There is no AC. 

What this means: NO jurors on Monday but court will be open and gentlemen lawyers are expected to wear jacket and ties because this is Miami and common sense is arroz con mango.  However, courtrooms 3-1 and 5-2 will be turned into coed saunas…bring towels and flip flops. $30/hour.

Yes dear readers, the Old Gray Lady is having some hot flashes. Try and sympathize- she’s getting older. 

MASK UP 2.0

 Now you see them; now you don't. First you don't need to wear them; then you do; then you don't; now you have to wear them again when you enter the courthouse. Thank you, Omicron. 

On Thursday Chief Judge Sayfie issued the order- if you enter a Miami-Dade Courthouse you have to wear a mask.

Why Thursday? It's complicated. 

Who do you think owns the REGJB? The rumored shadowy Japanese real estate conglomerate that went on a spending spree in the bubble 1980s and bought Rockerfeller Center is not the owner of the REGJB despite QAnon hinting otherwise. Neither is the Trilateral Commission or Venezuela - the country that makes all the US voting machines. 

Nope, good old Miami-Dade County owns our courthouses which means the Mayor can issue orders about entering county owned buildings. And when Miami Dade Mayor Cava issued the mask order this week, Judge Sayfie quickly followed. 

On Thursday the hard-working Miami Jury Trial Task Force (yes there really is such a thing. They Zoom weekly and have some top doctors donating their time advising Miami judges and lawyers) recommended that jury trials be suspended until mid-January. But since the Florida Supreme Court (Motto: "Ignoring precedent and medical advice since 2018")  has not approved such a measure, Judge Sayfie cannot issue such an order, no matter how many lives it would save.  Gotta follow the Florida Supreme Court don-cha-know. Of course, in silly matters like, say, the death penalty, the Florida Supreme Court doesn't follow the Floirida Supreme Court. But why get bogged down in details when talking about a vicious virus that kills people? 

So on this Christmas Eve, some sense of reason has returned as we battle this deadly endemic. 

We wish you peace, health, and happiness as this year ends. Make reading the blog daily part of your New Year's resolutions, as we will make writing the blog daily one of ours. 

Happy Christmas one and all. *

*In England, we say "Happy Christmas" not Merry Christmas. 

CALL YOUR FAVOURITE JUDGE? PHONES ARE DOWN

 The phones at the REGJB, and possibly other courthouses are DOWN...

"We are sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and dial again."

That is the exact recording you will get when you try and call your favourite judge at the REGJB. 

So here is our big question: 

WHO FORGOT TO PAY THE PHONE BILL? 

We can just imagine the story in El Herald: "A call to the administrative judge was not returned because we could not get through to their chambers."

(RE) OPENING DAY

UPDATE: From Judges having a party in their chambers (Rebull, which makes perfect sense for a "re"opening) to a bailiff (Vic who works with Judge Milian) who made lasagna for the occasion,  (re)opening day was a great success for Circuit Court, while County Court Judges still zoomed ("it's complicated" is the answer we get most often about County Court).  Judges had big smiles on their faces as lawyers, some with masks and some without strolled into court and handled business for their clients. 

As Rumpole always says- quoting an ancient Native American shaman, "the longest journey begins with the first step." 

THE REGJB IS OPEN (mostly, sans County Court) for business. 

The elevators have been revamped. The escalators replaced. The Courtrooms freshly painted with new carpet and furniture. The building is, as we say in sea-faring England, in Bristol fashion. 

This is what is known as literary license. What we do know is the doors were unlocked, weapons screening people were at their station, judges were in courtrooms and the business of criminal law in person began anew. Some people were wearing masks, Some were not. Hint- Rumpole will be wearing a mask. 

As we walk through the valley of post pandemic court, the big question is "wither zoom'? 

We advise to be patient. Some judges love Zoom, some do not. Just like some judges read case law, most do not. But mark our words, zoom, like Ethereum, and some STDS, is here to stay.  

We of course remain the repository for anti-zoom judge stories. "Rumpole, judge XYZ in Broward made me drive up from Key West for a PTI acceptance. She would not let us appear by Zoom." 

Meanwhile, send your opening day pictures, and enjoy life returning back to nornal-ish. 

And once again, See You In Court. 

MONDAY IS OPENING DAY

UPDATED WITH COUNTY COURT INFORMATION 

Monday is opening day (for circuit court. See below for county court)! Field of Dreams it is not...but how long has it been since you have sat in what we used to call "Cozzolis/The Pickle Barrel/ Au Bon Pain/....El Gordo Cafe..." and had a cup of coffee and pastelito with your favourite judge? 

Monday is the day. June 28, 2021, a date which will live in REGJB history. 

Concerned? Wear a mask. You can. Avoid the elevators, which we always have anyway...ditto black robe wearers at side bar. 

There is a bunch of hoo-ha about each judge having two zoom calendars a week, and the possibility of showing up for an arraignment or doing it by zoom. 

Ignore it for now. Our advice is put on a suit, shine your shoes, and get into court. If you have a continuing and compelling health reason not to go to court, call the Judge's JA. It's been almost sixteen months since JAs have been able to put defense attorneys on interminable hold; they are back and raring for action. When you get though and explain your problem they should be able to help you set up a zoom hearing. And if the judge won't comply....there is always a snappy email to us which will will post and get things moving. 

Lets make this a soft opening. We do not expect a room full of potential jurors, prosecutors making outrageous offers which in turn cause Rumpole to sigh "OK, lets pick six." 

It is going to take some time until things return to normal-normal. But walking in the door. Seeing lawyers lugging files and prosecutors balancing boxes on the escalators will be a sight we have longed to see. 

Send in your pics of opening day to our email and we will post them and cover the festivities. 

REGIB 1 COVID 0. 

We won. We persevered and we out -thought and outlasted our common enemy (covid, not judges). 

We haven't said this in a long long time. But it is worthy of saying now. 

SEE YOU IN COURT!

County Court: In a prior post we speculated that the reason the courthouse was not opening was someone had lost the keys when the REGJB was closed last March. Apparently the keys were found in an old gym bag in the back of a 68 Ford Mustang so the courthouse is now accessible. County Court is NOT opening Monday for in person cases. Do not show up for your Disorderly Intox case; do not pass El Gordo Cafe; Do not collect 200 community service hours.

 Everyone knows county court is more technologically sophisticated than circuit court, with multiple overlapping computer systems using dial up modems where the password used to be "FastGerryKlein"  and the user ID was "FredNesbitt1351". 

The Clerk's office is working diligently to send out notices for county court cases which apparently have a lead time of 6-8 months, so they just cannot open the doors because people with undersize snook cases will not know where to go or what to do and the entire criminal justice system is balancing on the ability of Florida Fish and Game to prosecute those cases. 

Check this site often for county court updates and screeds of the county court chief judge who does not like our mocking of misdemeanor cases. He reacted the last time we did it, and clearly did not understand that when we wrote that a county court judge's time should not be spent on disorderly conduct cases, it was in conjunction with us writing that many felonies should be reduced to misdemeanors so those same judges could handle more serious cases which they are more than capable of doing. But we are often misunderstood, which is a cross we bear lightly. 

THE PATH FORWARD AT THE REGJB

SATURDAY MORNING UPDATE: Ace Herald Reporter @DavidOvalle305, is just one of a long line of distinguished Herald reporters who have called the crime beat their own. From Susannah Nesmith all the way back to Edna Buchannan, prowling the hallways of the REGJB and digging up the stories the powers that be want hidden has been a hallmark of these intrepid members of the Fourth Estate. Now, of course, covering the REGJB has been reduced to "click-n-Zoom". The other day, David realized that he had some competition. Another person was Zooming around the REGJB Zoom calendars. His Name: "Big Meat Daddy". You can read all about their encounter in David's twitter feed listed above. 

This is the email from Judge Sayfie about new normal at the REGJB. It has been approved by the Motion Picture Association for distribution to all ages. 

Greetings to all.  I hope this email finds you all healthy.

As you all know we are back in phase 1, having spent less than 2 weeks in phase 2.  While this means that we all need to continue to be vigilant, in and out of REG, the good news is that we can move forward with our next stage.

Beginning Monday, July 6^th, we will go back to normal…our new normal.  All division calendars will be heard in the respective division’s VIRTUAL courtrooms.  To appear in court you need to zoom into the virtual courtroom.  Attached is a directory of all virtual courtroom ID’s with clickable links. [Rumpole says: we have included the attachments below]. Each judge will preside over their virtual courtroom. If a judge is covering another judge, the covering judge will appear in the virtual courtroom of the division being covered. If questions or issues arise please contact chambers.  All chambers numbers are also attached.

We will still be limited to 3 “Pods” or connections to the 3 jail facilities.  The judges will continue to special set hearings and pleas in their respective Pods for defendants who are in custody and need to be present.  Additionally, every AM there will be one judge on duty for each Pod to cover pleas and other issues that arise in the AM calendar, from divisions assigned to that Pod, that may require the presence of the defendant.  The Pod duty judge will cover their division calendar first then “move” to the Pod virtual courtroom for matters requiring inmates.  I have attached the Pod schedule and the clickable link for each Pods’ virtual courtroom. This will be amended as MDCR works to increase the number of zoom stations or pods.

We have also created a procedure for the safe fingerprinting of out of custody defendants to take pleas.  These will be set by the division JAs.

Finally, thanks to the hard work of MDCR, the COC, and our CITES, we have been able to limit the physical appearances in the courtrooms to the judge, bailiff, court clerk and court reporter, ensuring that movement and contact within the REG is limited and within the CDC guidelines.

As always, please contact me if you have any questions or concerns.  I want to thank all of you for your leadership and cooperation and patience as we tackle these issues. 

Please take care and wear your mask and keep your distance and stay healthy and safe!    

Rumpole says: The Judges have put themselves in Pods and we have not said one word about it- not even a passing reference to 

Invasion of the Body Snatchers. That deserves some type of award in our opinion.

Judge's Pod Schedule by HR on Scribd

Virtual Courtroom Zoom Id Directory by HR on Scribd

Coming Monday: Judge Matte Belle Davis; Judge Ted Mastos; David S Markus; David O Markus; a star-studded blog post not to be missed!