The Brittney Griner case and the Russian prosecutor finally replaces the knock-kneed, jelly spined Dade County State Attorney's Office "Victim Wants Max" theory of justice. Dade Prosecutors routinely ask for five years on third degree felony cases (The defendant thew a banana at the victim, who was both in fear of the projectile (assault and throwing fruit into a moving vehicle) and the banana splatted on the victim's car, causing the victim to needlessly have to wash their car (criminal mischief) ) and ....everybody together now 'VICTIM WANTS MAX".
But there is a new infamy a brew, as the Russian prosecutor in the Brittney Griner marijuana case has asked for a 9 1/2 year sentence for possession of (if we are reading reports correctly) .072 grams of marijuana. This is an outrage. A violation of human rights across the world and in 49 of 50 states (people in Texas are drawling "at least they didn't ask fer the maximum of ten" ). Kim Jong Un registered shock at the request, and Ayatollah Khamenei of Iran was supposedly driven to call Putin and ask for mercy on Griner's behalf.
UPDATE: She was tragically sentenced to 9 years. What a total f'ing farce.
People are being prosecuted for marijuana. In 2022. And yes, for homosexuality in foreign countries as well. Women can be arrested for driving alone in Saudi Arabia. And banana crimes are on the uptick in Miami. Global warming is driving people mad.
Speaking of driving people mad, we have an update on the F-Word. As you recall, an injunction issued by the World Court in the Hague in FACDL Miami v, Rumpole prohibits us from explicitly mentioning that august organization- especially in August when we are bored. So imagine if you will a different organization of criminal defense attorneys - call it CLAM (Criminal Lawyers Against The Max). And let's say CLAM has a list serv where members communicate with each other.
And let's imagine that in the dog days of August CLAM has a board members retreat scheduled. And let's finally imagine that there is one member of CLAM that doesn't like another member of CLAM in whose home the board retreat is taking place. Then imagine this exchange:
Prelude: When we last left our merry band of legal warriors, several were in Mariupol, Ukraine, repelling a Russian tank attack on the famous steel mill. Home from the battlefield where they eventually retreated, they have turned their attention to more important matters regarding retreats- and by that we mean ....(brace yourself) FEATHERS.
Yes, a bird menagerie has flown into a heated legal dispute by the very best legal minds in Miami. As David Ovalle is wont to tweet: "Only in Miami. Arroz con mango."
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| NOT part of the menagerie tour as best we know |
CLAM1: I am aware there is a board meeting taking place at a private home in which on the agenda is a tour of a bird menagerie, a pool party, pizza, and then some legal matters. I object. This retreat should take place in the open- like at the Dade County Jail.
CLAM2- I have had enough of you CLAM1. And yes the retreat is at my house, and no you are not invited, and do you remember when I sent you the laws on cyber stalking to stop you from staking me?
CLAM3 (trying some rumpole humor) The actual agenda is a bird tour, a parrot show, pizza and beer, beer pong, a limbo contest (how low can you go?), a suit and tie pool party, a charity dunk tank with special appearances by several of your favourite judges, including one special guest federal judge dunkee (alas not Sam Alito), followed by a bored meeting.
More frivolity ensued. Last we left the Clams, they still had a clam bake scheduled, some clams were invited, some were not.
So many lines....so little space.
Birds of a different feather should not flock together;
Don't get your feathers ruffled Clam1;
"I am a feather for each wind that blows" Shakespeare;
"Hope is a thing with feathers" Emily Dickenson;
"Self pity in its early stages is like a feather in a mattress. It is only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable." Maya Angelou.
And doesn't that say it all really? Self pity for missing out on what is becoming THE bird menagerie tour of 2022. George Clooney wants in. The Kardashians want an invite. It is becoming an EVENT. Will there be a "bird menagerie tour " Twitter account? The sky is the limit. (Pun intended).
And then there is this