TOP TEN CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS 5-2

  Now we get to the superstars, the best of the best. And other than number one, the rest are really interchangeable based of the charge and the location. For example Lee Bailey would be our pick for a murder defense over every other lawyer except #1, while our own Roy Black would be our #1 choice for a federal drug conspiracy, and you'd be a fool to walk into a court in Texas without Dick DeGuerin if you could get him.  And that brings us to #5 ...

5. Dick DeGuerin

Texas born, steel-eyed. Walked Robert Durst out of a Galveston murder charge on self-defense. Faced down the Waco inferno and the Tom DeLay circus. His genius: an unshakable calm when the whole courtroom was losing its mind, and he is fearless while defending his clients before Texas judges, who let's just say, would prefer that he come in second. You got a case in the lone star state? Dick DeGuerin is your man. 

 4. Roy Black

Miami’s own. The professor of cross-examination. The man who turned “reasonable doubt” into a living, breathing presence in every courtroom he entered. William Kennedy Smith, Rush Limbaugh, Justin Bieber—Roy made the impossible look casual. The GOAT of South Florida trial law. And one thing we learned from Roy was the power of humor. He had a wry sense of humor that he used as a scalpel during cross and closing- and when the jury was laughing, the prosecution was losing. The other thing about Roy was that he was a master of his craft because he mastered his craft- ordering transcripts of famous cases when he was just starting out, so that he could study the masters, and listening to speeches of great orators so he could incorporate their style into his own. His contribution to this blog about his successful defense of Officer Luis Alvarez in the case that made Miami burn can he found here. 

Now we are getting to the very rarified air of true legends. These are the GOATS of our profession. 

3. F. Lee Bailey

The original showman, the bridge between eras. Sam Sheppard’s savior, O.J.’s bulldog. Bailey believed the courtroom was theater and he was Olivier with a bar card. Nobody ever did a cross quite like him—equal parts charm and destruction. His book The Defense Never Rests is one of the reasons we became a criminal defense attorney. He had a brilliant legal mind and no one, and we mean that NO ONE prepared better for a trial than Lee Bailey. 

2. Edward Bennett Williams

If our #1 was cowboy wearing a bolo tie and boots, Williams was cufflinks and a limo. The D.C. legend who represented CIA directors and mob bosses in the same week. His preparation was so obsessive he probably knew what time the jurors brushed their teeth. He made power lawyering look elegant. He cut his teeth in the same type of criminal court in DC that is like the REGJB, and he rose to be the premier criminal defense attorney (along with Lee Bailey) of his generation. If there are two books every criminal defense attorney should read, they are Bailey's The Defense Never Rests, and The Man To See, the phenomenal biography of Williams. His clients included Jimmy Hoffa, Mobster Frank Costello, Senator Joe McCarthy, and Secretary of the Treasury John Connally. The list goes on and on, because for decades, if you had a criminal case, EBW was THE MAN to see. 

Attorney General Bobby Kennedy's Justice Department brought the case against Hoffa. Kennedy, who was a friend of EBW said he would "jump off the capital dome" if he didn't get a conviction of Hoffa. After the acquittal, EBW offered to buy Bobby a parachute, ending their friendship. 

What we love and admire about EBW is that he started small, representing burglars and defending misdemeanor and felony theft cases, and ended up defending some of the highest profile cases in the country. He knew how to defend a case, throw an elbow when required, how to outmaneuver the prosecution, and how to take a witness apart on the stand. He was a brilliant trial lawyer and our #2 greatest of the last generation of criminal defense attorneys. 

Combing tomorrow: The Greatest Trial Lawyer of the 20th Century. 

NFL WEEK 7 2025

 Good Sunday morning. We are going to take the day off today, as we were in Washington for the Kings Rally. Yes, you read that right. We are a group of people seeking to overturn the Declaration of Independence and bring  America back under the benevolent rule of England. 

That would mean fealty to King Charles. Let's consider that. He's a nice guy with a social conscience who believes in global warming. We could do worse- and we have. 

To be transparent, out Survivor pick was the Bengals...just kidding. We are rolling with the KC Chiefs, and our man Mahomes who has QB'd our Fantasy team from the bottom to second place, and he's just getting started. We will post the other picks by this evening. 

We like KC -162 (-12) over the Raiders [WIN].  Da Bears -4 at home over New Alwalins [WIN] , and the suddenly best team in the AFC East- the Cheaters -7 over Tennessee. [WIN] 

Enjoy your Sunday, and brush up on God Save The King. 

WEEK 7 by Anonymous PbHV4H

REQUIEUM FOR THE DOLPHINS     

Your Miami Dolphins are done. They have quit on each other. It's over Johnny. Put a fork in them. The team is in total disarray, and the coach has lost the locker-room.  They didn't just lose to the hapless Cleveland Browns, who since 1990 have had more quarterbacks than the president has read books- which actually isn't hard to do, but the point is the Browns are awful and the Dolphins are worse. 

And so now the question is -- they have a Qb with an ill-advised contract that pays him 50 million a year until 2090(or something like that). 

So what do your Fins do? Eat the contract (ala Denver and Russell Wilson) and clean house and start over, or just fire the coaching staff? Pretty much the only quality players they have are Achane, the two WRs and a TE, and maybe Mika in the secondary.  

What we do know for sure is that seats on the 50-yard line on the shady side of the stadium  will go for the price of a Big Mac for the rest of the year because if there is one thing this front-running-jump-on-the-bandwagon-town does not do is support a Miami team through thick and thin. When the Dolphins become competitive in 2032 the stadium will fill up with fans who will high-five each other and pretend to have come to all the games when the Dolphins stunk, but you- as blog readers- will know better. 

Miami has the Dolphins 

A lousy football team

they always go 3 and out

first downs are rarely seen 

Tua throws picks

The defense gives up TDs 

And when you're talking Miami ...

Well, you're not talking Miami because when your team is not competitive you drop them quicker than a MAGA supporter drops a book on the constitution. 

TOP TEN CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS

UPDATE: A protest is planned tomorrow at the Torch of Friendship in downtown Miami from 10am to 1pm 

Protest what? Something good we are sure. So if you want to fight the power, put on your tie-dyed shirt, take a gummie, and go march for social justice, in support of immigrants, preserving the Last Carrot in Coconut grove (being sold to a condo developer 😠) unfair parlay lines on the Hard Rock betting app, the Dolphins in general ( Hey hey Cluck Cluck don't you know the dolphins suck?) , the Supreme Court's secret "We Are For Trump" docket, or any other cause that seems appropriate. 

We live in an age of  plea bargains, Zoom Hearings,  and prosecutors who call a 36-month offer a “gift.” But once upon a time—and still, on the rare good day—there walked among us trial lawyers. Real ones. The kind who smelled of sweat, stale coffee, courtroom adrenaline, and Paco Raban. The kind who could talk a jury into seeing light where the government swore there was only darkness. 

They walk into a courtroom alone, carrying a battered brief case filled with legal pads that had undecipherable notes and proceed to destroy the prosecution’s case. When needy clients called, they growled “before they get to you they have to get through me” and then hung up the phone.

 Here, for your arguments and comments section brawls, are the ten greatest criminal trial defense attorneys of the past half-century—men and women who owned the well of the courtroom. Starting with numbers 10-6

 10. Johnnie Cochran

The poet of the  Dream Team  “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” should be engraved on the wall of every law school—and maybe tattooed on the arm of every defense lawyer who forgets the power of rhythm and rhyme in a closing. Cochran turned persuasion into performance art. He had the trial of the century, and he won it- enough said. But he was no one trick Pony. He made his bones suing the LAPD for brutality and became the lawyer they feared most.

 9. Judy Clarke 

While the men were chasing cameras, Clarke was saving lives.  Unabomber, Eric Rudolph, Jared Loughner. Boston Marathon bomber. Her genius wasn’t in “not guilty,” it was in "life-not death". A master of mitigation who could find humanity where others only saw evil. 

 8. Jerry Shargel 

The killer from Brooklyn. Defended mobsters, politicians, and moguls with surgical precision. His opening statements were symphonies; his crosses, scalpel work. When Shargel stood, prosecutors felt a sudden chill and jurors paid close attention.

 7. Benjamin Brafman 

The New York street fighter who could argue a mob case before breakfast and a celebrity scandal before lunch. He convinced a Manhattan jury that Sean Combs wasn’t packing heat in that club and made the DSK case evaporate. Swagger,  intellect, and  timing—he has it all.

 6.  Thomas Mesereau 

This is our guy. The silver-haired California samurai  who cross-examined Michael Jackson’s accusers into oblivion in 2005. A man who could charm a jury while slicing witnesses like sushi. Always the outsider, never the showboat, yet the show inevitably belonged to him. He became the center of attention in every courtroom he walked into- and he knew what to do with that attention.

We lived through the golden age of criminal defense attorneys. A time we fear is gone with harsher penalties and the trial tax that prosecutors and judges swear does not exist, but the rest of us know it does.  "Take five or risk thirty" is proving to be the death of the Sixth Amendment which is dying a slow-one plea at a time- death. 

 And now, even the best of us are no longer lone wolfs, showing up alone in some out-of-town courthouse in Missouri, New Mexico, or Delaware. Now we are accompanied by a team of twenty-somethings setting up our laptops to access the thousands of files on the terabytes of discovery turned over. 

One of the lawyers in our top five showed up in a Miami Courtroom in the 70's, unknown to the local feds, defending a client, and had a celebrity sitting in the front row- driving prosecutors to complain, and causing the judge to chuckle at their discomfort. Then he proceeded to smash their case like a boat crashing into a jetty.  Those days are gone, and we are the worse for it. 

NFL WEEK 6 2025

 We enter week 6 with a healthy bankroll thanks to the Indiana Hoosiers going on the road Saturday and beating #3 Oregon.  We had the money line +225 and it wasn't even close.  Then we spent our winning at Sunny's Steakhouse. 

The week opens with yet another 9 am game in London. The hapless 0-5 J E T S jets jets jets are looking for their first win against the Broncos. "Not bloody likely mate" as they saw in the Eastend.  If you need the action, lay the 7 and take Denver. Otherwise the over 43.5 is doable, but that half point is bothering us. Tease is down with a cupa tea and a scone.  Off topic, but does anyone really like a scone? It's like eating sawdust. 

We do not like a lot of the spreads today. 

Maybe the Fins at home +4.5 over the up and down Chargers. 

Over 46 Arizona (which has been our biggest disappointment) at Indy.

Under 48.5 Cowboys at Carolina. 

Under 42 Tennessee at Vegas, and take da Raiders -4. 

Under 44.5 the sinking Bungles at Green Bay. Flacco, who recently qualified for social security, but could not get the money because the government is shutdown and Dodge closed all the offices except the one in Ogunquit, Maine,  is not the answer. 

As our friend and now podcaster Mike Francesca said on his pod Friday, if you're a football fan, you love the Lions at KC Sunday night game.   We're going ride or die with KC and taking them as a home dog +2.5. 

And finally the Bills -4 at Atlanta for the first of two MNF games looks a bit low. We are taking now as that number is going to drop. 

And call us crazy, but ds Bears are a bit better than people are giving them credit for, and the commies a bit worse, so Chicago +4.5 at DC. 

Did someone say a MNF parlay Bills -4 + Bears +4.5? Yup! We did. 

SURVIVOR 

We told you last week it was tough pickings. The field was decimated with seven players going down, all of whom didn't use their bye and a few had an extra bye. You can outsmart yourself in Survivor very easily, as the results of last week show. This week it's all Packers and Steelers, two home favourites. 

week 6 by Anonymous PbHV4H

As always, Fake Alex Michaels has appealed his loss, which he does every year, to no avail. But we admire his pluck, as would Alex, rest in peace. 

REMARKABLE JUDGE FARUQUI

 There is a remarkable Magistrate Judge sitting in DC.  His name is Zia M. Faruqui , and his actions must be astounding to the Desantis drones we have here in Florida. 

In recent weeks, Judge Faruqui has called out federal prosecutors for making an end run around a federal grand jury. When a federal grand jury refused to indict a defendant on a gun case, the prosecutors ran to a DC jury and got the indictment. The NY Times article is here. 

“I am not a rubber stamp, as frustrating as that may be to the government,” he said

We can hear the drones gasping. "Wait! Prosecutors charged someone and the judge didn't accept the charges??? Can he do that? And wouldn't that perhaps stop him from getting an appointment to the district court? Why in the world would a judge publicly help a defendant and hurt himself in the process?" 

Judge Zia Faruqui is pretty much our new favourite federal judge. 

But wait! There's more! 

Here's a remarkable order in which Judge Faruqui questions the truthfulness, reasonableness, and downright intelligence of  law enforcement officers who stopped and searched a man of color, who was well dressed and in an upscale mall, for....wait for it...adjusting his backpack!!!

From the order (the link to the order is here) 

This was an illegal search.

 Before the first opportunity to have its case pressure tested, the government folded. The U.S. Attorney admitted to “mov[ing] to dismiss the charges once she was shown body camera footage of the arrest on Friday. 

...

Riley was wearing a backpack. Officers found that suspicious because it looked as if something heavy was inside of it. See Compl. ¶ 3. Isn’t that the point of backpacks: to carry heavy things, like laptops, books, etc.? The body worn camera from the officer shows how mundane the backpack appears...

 Adjusting a backpack is neither a crime, nor does it give rise to reasonable suspicion of one. Elementary-school experience and the caselaw support that. 

OMG! we can hear the drones exclaiming. A judge that has issued a ruling against the prosecution and police with the type of common sense he says one acquires in elementary school. He is surely sunk. He will never get elevated with opinions like that.

So there you have it. A judge who most certainly isn't a drone simply calling balls and strikes where every call favors the prosecution. And in 2025 to boot! Imagine that. 

CLUELESS FOR 500

 Querry: You need to set a video conference meeting. What App/Platform are you using? 

If you are 98% of the normal and intelligent world, you are sending a Zoom link. 

BUT, if you are an obstinate doofus, who wants to be different and make things difficult for everyone else, then you use Microsoft Teams. 

Now, here's the easy/tough part. Which entities fit the above description? 

Time for a little Jeopardy. (Cue music) 

Jeopardy Contestant: "Ken, I'll take clueless entities for five hundred." 

Ken Jennings (host of Jeopardy) "And the answer is, these two organizations are so difficult, clueless, and out of the mainstream, they use Microsoft Teams instead of Zoom." 

Jeopardy Contestant: "Umm, uhh, who is the United States Government, and ummm....hmmmm...."

Ken Jennings "Five seconds" 

Jeopardy Contestant: "And..ahh...hmmm. Oh! The Eleventh Judicial Circuit of Miami! Whew." 

Ken Jennings "Correct! And just in the nick of time."

Jeopardy Contestant: "I'll take clueless entities for a thousand."

Ken Jennings: "This clueless entity's Teams service is currently down...again."

Jeopardy Contestant: "Umm...who is the Eleventh Judicial Circuit?"

Ken Jennings: "Correct. We threw you a curve ball with the last two answers being the same." 

Yes folks, your favourite Miami Judge cannot answer emails, write DENIED on their MS Word program or check in with other judges on Teams because their server/program ain't working (add your favourite pun about the user also not working as usual.) 

So currently, the US Government is closed, and Miami Judges cannot use their Microsoft products. How will the civilized world survive? 

But no worries, Nvidia ran nicely today so all is right with Rumpole's world. 

TNF

Nice game on tonight. Giants at Eagles. The Philly squad is coming off a letdown loss this weekend, while the Gints had the game against New Orleans as much in hand as a judge grabbing the last free po-boy off the tray at the buffet. But the Giants blew the game, and Rumpole's bet. 

The  Giants are getting 7.5 and that may be enough for a backdoor cover with a later TD, but the better play is the over 40. 

We are also trying to rebuild our bankroll which has been seriously hurt by the Phillies and Yankees by picking under 36.5 yards rushing for  Giant QB Dart, over Barkley rushing for 83.5 yards, and just a few few dollars on Gints rookie Skateebo rushing for over 46.5 yards. 

With a couple of hard seltzers and a Di Fara pizza, we are starting the holiday weekend early. 

FIRST MONDAY IN OCTOBER

   It's that day again. The day when every county court judge recalls all the great things people said about them at their investiture and they dream of the day when writing           "Wh & cc" becomes "the petitioner's writ for certiorari to the United States Supreme Court is hereby DENIED!

It's the First Monday In October, when, by tradition, the *Trump Supreme Court convenes and meets for the first time of the year after the summer recess. 

Here's a neat article by retired Justice Anthony Kennedy, who, apparently had so much free time whilst serving on the Court that he was able to read the correspondence of Chief Justice Hughes during the construction of the Supreme Court building and learned that the words engraved above the entrance "Equal Justice Under Law" was not plucked from some learned decision by Justice Marshall, but was in fact added by the construction company because...steady now...it fit!

So what's on the docket? Glad you asked.   

The Right Of The President to Order The Artillery Shelling Of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. "If the President thinks a simple bombardment of a city that mocks him is necessary for national security, who are we to stop him?" wrote Justice Kavanaugh in accepting cert. 

The Right Of The FDA to Ban Painkillers.  Colloquially called the "Suck it up baby" case, the Court examines whether the right to effective pain management is written anywhere in the *Trump Bill of Rights.

The Right Of The FDA to Ban Antibiotics.  Similar to the previous case, but with some significant differences. Justice Alito fought to accept the case, employing the close scrutiny analysis of "Do you know what's in that stuff these doctors give you? Neither do I, and thus it should be banned."  This case has achieved a certain amount of notoriety because of the  leaked email of Justice Sotomayor, who wrote Alito "Are you out of your ever-loving F'ing mind?"  The case is being called the "Return America to the Dark Ages" case, where science and scientists are once and for all rejected by the Supreme Court. 

The Constitutionality of the Congressional Funding of the January 6 Heros Monument. In a move that surprised most court watchers, the Court agreed to examine the bill authorizing the federal funding of a monument to all of the people who stormed the US Capitol on January 6. "Re-writing reality is a fundamental part of what we are being told to do by the President" wrote Justice Thomas, in arguing to take up the case.

The Ban The EPA case, is also causing some excitement. "Who created the EPA?" asked Chief Justice Roberts. "Nixon!, And if that doesn't tell you all you need to know about the fake pollution and global warming bill of goods we have been sold for decades, then nothing will. Dumping fun chemicals in drinking water should be left to the solid and good discretion of the companies who have made the chemicals in the first place." 

 And finally 

The Criminality Of Running For Election ,  case looks closely at the right of the President to order the arrest and indictment of "certain individuals running for election."  Justice Coney Barrett (motto: "The name is Coney, NOT Comey...") wrote that "With the wrong people running for election, we get elections stolen like what happened in Georgia and Pennsylvania and Nevada in 2020." 

So there you have it. With some slight exaggeration, this is the state of the law in our country in 2025. Welcome to the dark ages, shepherded in via the mumbo jumbo of six people with no backbone, pride, or common sense. 

Let the shelling of Sheboygan and other renegade cities begin!

Ready. Aim....FIRE! 

*Renamed by executive order in 2025.  

NFL WEEK 5 2025

 If you can jump on the over the 35 Vikings/Browns in London do so. (10-7 at the half and Vikings may be down to a third-string rookie QB, endangering our bet and our wine selection for next week - see below.  Carson Wentz just has no luck as a starting QB in the NFL. Sheesh). 

Update: One TD away in the 4th Q from cashing and starting out our Sunday with a win$.

UPDATE: BANG! With that late Viking TD we ca$h the over!

Yesterday was shaping up to be a great day, with our picks of the Brewers and Blue Jays hitting easily. And then the Dodgers staged a late comeback, spoiling our three-team parlay for 200 units that put us slightly in the red. 

This is a very tough week for NFL picks. Not a whole lot jumps out. 

Colts at home -7 is too many points, but we have no faith in the Raiders (although their rookie RB has started to pick up some yards and TDs, helping us in fantasy). 

The Eagles are the best team in football, but they are not going undefeated. Are the Broncos +4 a trap game for Philly? Could be.  We are putting a few cheesesteaks on the Eagles, but not a whole dinner. 

We are tired of losing money on the Cowboys. But the J E T S are just not a very good football team. Are they worth a few knishes as a home dog +1.5?

Here's our pick. The NY football Giants, getting 1.5 on the road against the Saints. And under 42. The Gints have a top five defense and their rookie QB looked not bad. They have a hellish schedule coming up, including the Eagles, 72 Dolphins, Chiefs, and 78 Steelers. So this is a winnable game for them and they know it. 

We like the Bills at home over the cheaters for the Sunday night game, which we will watch sipping an Opus One courtesy of our winnings the past few weeks. The 7.5 is worrisome, so we are teasing it down a point. 

And we like the resurgent Chiefs -3 on the road at Jax. There's life in this team yet. And it's the MNF game so there's plenty of time to ponder the pick. 

MLB Playoffs. 

Phillies at home +1.5; ditto Brewers over Cubs. (games are Monday). Two years ago we made a small fortune on their Playoff run and we are looking to replicate our success.  

Yanks and their ace Max Fried to bounce back against Toronto. They lost the first game to the Red Sox in the previous series before winning the next two.  We don't like giving up 1.5 but that's the standard line in baseball. 

Speaking of which, the Phillies were down by two with bases loaded in the 8th yesterday and all we needed was one run to cross the plate for our nice three figure parlay to payoff. But alas mighty Casey struck out (or in this case a weak fly ball to left ended the inning). 

SURVIVOR POOL

We lost one player last week. This week the Colts are the popular pick, while Rumpole wisely chooses his bye in the difficult week. Public Pretender realized the mistake of picking Broncos for the second time last week and timely changed to the Fins and remains alive. As always, if you make a mistake and have enough to Z$ell, we will accommodate you. 

week 5 by Anonymous PbHV4H

YEA OR NAY

 And it's another edition of our famous "Yea or Nay" game. This is the (mostly) ALDS and NLDS edition. 

Brewers -Yea! Cubs -Nay. 

Blue Jays Yea! Yanks-Nay. 

Dodgers with Ohtani pitching? Nay. Phillies Yay! 

And the last pitcher to get a hit in a playoff game was not Babe Ruth. It's some guy in 2020 before baseball ruined itself and went to all DH all the time. 

Seattle Mariners Yea! Detroit Tigers Nay. 

Taylor you know who and The Life of a Showgirl? (Steady now)- a big chunky NAY 

Bruce Springsteen and Deliver Me From Nowhere- A BIG BOSS YEA! 

"Well they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night..." 

Such a brilliant opening to a song of discontent and sadness. 

And if you want your question on Rumpole's Yea or Nay, just shoot us an email and we will most likely ignore it as we do this entirely for our own amusement and could care less about what our readers think. 

ATLANTIC CITY

RAINY WEEKEND

Make sure you read the previous post so you can update your favourite judge about the 2nd DCA's en banc decision this week that the smell of marijuana is not probable cause.  

We are in for a rainy weekend as per Hank and Roy, two guys who have agreed to cover the National Weather Service in between their shifts at Costco, as the NWS fires most employees during the shutdown for "spreading malicious and false rumors about so-called global warming". 

Hank and Roy think that there will be rain all weekend here in South Florida because of "like, dude, some weather thing that is like nearby in the ocean". 

In other weekend news, the Government is still shut down. The Yankees beat the Red Sox and advance to the divisional series, and the Cubs eeked out a win over the Padres and will now face the team with the best record in MLB: your Milwaukee Brewers.  In probably the best series scheduled, the Dodgers and the Phillies face off, and (yawn) Detroit plays Seattle. At this rate the World Series will start in December. 

Our picks? Yanks, Brew-crew, Phillies (Dodgers have no bullpen), and Seattle.  The WS? Seattle vs Phillies. Winner? Phillies. 

Your Miami Dolphins head to Carolina as one-point favourites, and our advice is to jump on the Fins now before you have to give more points by Sunday. 

Stay tuned as Hank and Roy stock those shelves at Costco and do their best to provide weather updates in the dark ages of the USA where scientists are the enemy. 

 

SOMETHING (DOESN'T) SMELL RIGHT

 The Second DCA leads the way. 

The now, oh so familiar scent of marijuana is no longer probable cause.  The decision is en banc (literally "a whole bunch of us, like all of us, thought about this for a really long time")

Opinion Smell Marijuana by Anonymous PbHV4H

YOU SHALL AFFLICT YOURSELF

 

• "And it shall be a statute to you forever, that in the seventh month, on the tenth   day of the month, you shall afflict yourselves and shall do no work... For on this day shall atonement be made for you to cleanse you.   You shall be clean before the Lord from all your sins."
• Leviticus 16:29-31

And it shall be to you that on the first day of October, all government work shall cease and you shall afflict yourself and not pay government workers nor shall the government be funded for on this day it shall be made for the dear leader to end all government  services and you shall be in the wealthiest country in the world with no longer the capacity to make vaccines, pay social security, employ scientists, or clean up polluted areas. But upon Portland shall you make war. 

SHUTDOWN

 The government is shutdown. What does that mean? Glad you asked. 

Q: Will the judges still come to court and work? 

A: Unfortunately, yes. 

Q: What about jury trials? 

A: You should try and win them. 

Q: What about the IRS? 

A: They have funding for a week, after that - f -em. 

Q: How long will this last? 
A: Rumpole says the two sides will not come to a resolution until at least the third week of October. 

Q: What about the stock market?
A: Generally, the market shrugs off Gov shutdowns. We are watching some stocks that we like that have government contracts like Palantir. If they fall, we are a buyer. 

Q: Will this affect the football season? 

A: Are you crazy? The politicians will let social security payments stop and the FDA stop issuing warnings about health issues, but on important matters like the Cleveland Browns switching QBs this weekend, nothing will get in the way of that. It's in the bible and Constitution you know. 

Some Government shutdown headlines. 

The Dear Leader is taking advantage of the shutdown to clean up some messy matters.     For example, he fired Vermont: "Everyone says to get rid of Vermont. What do they do? We don't need maple syrup, and they have communist senators, so I have fired the state. Canada can have Vermont if they are stupid enough to take it."

The Dear Leader also announced the invasion of Portland. "October first will be remembered must like June 6, where brave soldiers invaded a dangerous territory to fight for freedom. No longer will the thugs of Portland be able to roam the streets cursing the President."

And finally, the Dear Leader cut off all federal funds for New York. "They want to elect a commie? Watch what I do. Plus, the government is shut down, so there is no money. Invite me to the UN and stop escalator will you? Try getting around when there is no money for the subway or buses. But we are going to keep open those .99 cent pizza places open. Everyone says it's great pizza, and also Papaya Dog. Nothing better than a papaya juice and hot dog, even in a city run by commies." 

BLOG SHUTDOWN?

 As we are not (surprisingly) an essential element of the government, we may get shut down if the government gets shut down. And let's face it- who wants to work if the EPA isn't working?

In other news, the director of the FBI fired all the remaining agents who haven't previously been fired. "I told you I was going to shake this place up, and I have" crowed Patel. The FBI will currently employ a woman named Mavel who will handle fraud complaints for all states west of the Mississippi, and two guys named Dareen and Ngyuen for everything else. "That should about cover it" said Patel. "And if needed, Mavel can help the FDA in disapproving new drug applications. She got a B in her high school health science course and RFK Jr is very impressed." 

The Dolphins won MNF, we won our healthy bet, and we are heading into days of reflection and contrition. 

For those of you not working starting sundown Wednesday, you're in good company- most of the federal government will be joining you. Of course some people will be fasting because they aren't getting paychecks or money from government programs that are shuttered, but a fast is a fast, right? 

DOLPHINS MNF EDITION

 We know we promised an expose of the Comey indictment, but life (work) intruded. Now we might not get to it until Friday. 

But that doesn't mean we are not going to ride our suddenly hot hand and not pick the MNF game, especially when it is here in Miami. 

Yesterday we hit big on KC over Ravens, Cheaters over Panthers, Eagles over Tampa Bay, and Cowboys at home getting 6.5. With our bankroll way over the Mendoza line, and no more opportunities to lose money on the Mets until 2026, we are suddenly flush with cash, and we are putting chunk of it on your Miami Dolphins at home -2.5 over the J E T S Jets Jets Jets!

Back off the Bengals over Denver. We like them, but just a little. 

Both games are over 44.5 and we like a little parlay fun after a hard Monday slugging it our with judges who give us sickeningly sweet smiles while mentally composing their orders denying our motions.  

NFL WEEK 4 2025

 Good Sunday morning. Our bankroll, like the bears of Katmai is getting fatter, thanks to a late back-door cover of a parlay of over 52 and Oregon over Penn State on Saturday. 

The week starts with a 930 am kickoff in Ireland with the Vikings playing the Steelers.  We aren't fans of these European games, and we tend to stay away from them, as travel and time zone issues play a part that we have a hard time calculating. Erin go blitz. We love Dublin and have downed many a pint of Guiness while swapping stories with new mates in a pub, but we see no need for Football in Ireland. 

We are all in on our Fins getting a home win Monday night against the J..E...T...S, mostly because we think Miami has the better QB even with Justin Fields returning. Miami -2.5 Monday. 

Detroit is the popular pick in the Survivor pools. But those Browns have been pesky (beating Green Bay last week) and the 15 seems to many points to lay. 

You know who our guy is? Daniel Jones! Cast out of NYC and  from the Giants, the QB   has found new life in Indy. Can the rollicking Colts win getting 3 in LA against the Rams? Maybe. But we are going with the over 50. 

Two great games today. Eagles at Tampa Bay and Ravens at KC, closely followed by Green Bay at Dallas. 

KC is getting 2.5 at home over the Ravens, who always find a way to lose against tough opponents, and you know we LOVE home dogs, so that is one of our picks. Eagles haven't lost since it seems like GHWB was President. Tampa is another home dog getting 3.5. The Bucs have won every game they have played this year with a late comeback with a few minutes left. That magic just cannot continue and it stops today against the most complete team in the NFL- Philly -3.5.

Dallas is a home dog +6.5. They are up and down this year, and today they are our best bet over the Packers who lost to Cleveland last week. Take those Cowboys. 

And only if you're very bored and must. Cheaters at home over the Panthers -6.5 and Bengals +7.5 over Denver. 

THE SURVIVOR POOL

The Lions are the top pick in the Survivor pool, but one contestant with the shortest last name appears to be playing 3D chess whilst the rest of us are playing checkers. Will his strategy work? 

week 4 by Anonymous PbHV4H

GAME 162 ⚾

And because we love baseball...the NY Mets play their last game of the season here in Miami. The Mets, arguably one of the most talented teams in baseball, were running away with the division and then, in mid-June something happened. One of their pitchers went down, the rest of their pitching disappeared, and now, in game 162 they need to win and they need the Cincinnati Reds to lose to just make the playoffs.  The Mets have two 30-30 players- 30 home runs and 30 stolen bases- Lindor and Soto. Soto is a 40-40 player this year. But the maxim in baseball is that pitching is everything, and the Mets had none to speak of in half of June and all of July and August. Three rookies brought up from AAA have steadied the boat and made fans hopeful for next year, but after the Amazin run the Mets had last year in the playoffs, this year their fans expected a World Series in Queens. Alas, that will not happen. This year. 

THEY'RE BACK AND FATTER THAN EVER

 Good Saturday morning. We eschew posting our thoughts on the Coney indictment (thin) and will post about it Monday, as well as a can't fail motion to dismiss. Saturdays should be about fun, unless you're a federal blogger who works on top of a garage and is currently immersed in the intricacies of the rules of civil (yuck) procedure. 

SERGIOS TURNS 50

Before we get to the plump ursines, we note that El Herald is reporting the 50th Anniversary of a favourite Rumpole hangout: Sergios! You can often find us deep in a breakfast serving of mezclado and a colada many days of the week. And nothing beats a late-night steak sandwich or Cuban sandwich (or both!) after imbibing some of our favourite adult beverages. 

FAT BEAR WEEK!!! VOTE HERE 

Yes it's one of our favourtie times of the year when we get to vote for our favourite chunky denizen of the Katmai National Park. This is the cam that allows you to watch these chubsters chunk up for the winter on salmon. 

Our guy is Chunk (naturally). He is an eating machine...and it shows. Unlike 88% of the REGJB, no mounjaro for him. If he was in Miami, he definitely would be rampaging through Sergios with us.  While his main source of calories is wild salmon, he never met a carb he didn't like.  While Ben may have quit Jerrys (or was it the other way around?) he can go through a case of Jerry Garcia and then finish it off with gallons of Chunky Monkey. He votes 9.9 for every pizza Dave Portnoy reviews. And no "one bite" for him, unless its half a pie going down in one mouthful. 

So Vote Chunk. Because big is beautiful. 

CHUNK IS THE HEFTY FELLA ON THE RIGHT

Sunday we set about rebuilding our bankroll with some can't miss bets, and Monday we tell you all that is wrong with the Comey indictment. Hint: Everything. 

SPEECH, CIVIL LAW ,THE INDEPENDANCE OF THE DOJ AND THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE

                                            THE DEAR LEADERS 
                                

SECOND UPDATE: JAMES CONEY INDICTED! One US Attorney, with many years of experience, refused to seek the indictment of former FBI Director James Coney, so the Dear Leader fired him, brought in a civil lawyer with ZERO experience in criminal law, and lo and behold James Coney was indicted Thursday evening. 

Let September 25, 2025 be remembered as the day the Age of Totalitarianism arrived in the United States. 

And while we are at it- how about re-examining the grand jury system, because if some know-nothing civil shrill can get an indictment of James Coney, the grand jury system is broken. Just let the Dear Leader decide who should be charged. He knows so much about everything else and is, as he has said, a "very stable genius." 

Coming soon: The indictments of Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Jimmy Kimmel, George Clooney, Kamala Harris, Chris Christie, Lettia James, King Charles, Mitch McConnell, Pope Bennedict, Alex Baldwin, Bruce Springsteen, Paul Skenes (for throwing a sinker/splitter that is unhittable and should be illegal) and Russell Wilson (because his QB play - especially throwing the ball away on 4th down was downright criminal.) 

Aren't you just bursting with pride over our Best In The World- criminal justice system tonight?  Think about it- where else in the world can a leader orchestrate the arrest of his political opponents? Bolivia? Venezuela? North Korea? Iran? Cuba?  Russia (no- they just assassinate Putin's opponents and dispatch with the show trials we have here). All the great countries we should be emulating and with the help of our Dear Leader are. 

TNF Update before we begin. We like the over 43.5. The Cardinals are home dogs getting 1.5 against the surging Seahawks. If you have to, Seattle reverts to the mean and comes down to earth. Arizona +1.5. But if you want to go that route, eschew the points and take Arizona +110.  

We want to say goodbye to a few things. 

1) Freedom of speech. Check out Mr. Markus's blog. A very respected AUSA was FIRED because in 2017, before he was working for the government, he made some posts critical of the Dear Leader in DC. Exposed (and who exposed him has been the subject of intense chatter in the federal courthouse), he was FIRED because criticism of the Dear Leader will NOT be allowed. 

2) A moment of silence if you will. Mr. Markus has confessed on his blog he is, it really pains us to write this, engaged in a three-month CIVIL TRIAL. Ewww Gross. 

Another one bites the dust. 

3) The failing NY Times today reported here  that the DOJ instructed multiple jurisdictions to open investigations into George Soros for his criticism of the Dear Leader. The DOJ was told to do this by the Dear Leader himself.  So goodbye to the independence of the DOJ. If you recall, last week the Dear Leader ordered HIS Attorney General to immediately indict  NY AG Letitia James  and former FBI Director James Comey. If you recall, James obtained a civil judgment against the Dear Leader's businesses in NYC and that, of course, is a crime. The crimes of Comey against the Dear Leader are well known and need not be repeated here. 

A word about civil law. 😢

Ah the siren song and allure of the civil world, much like the allure of the dark side of the force, is strong. It is beguiling and ensnares even better men (and women) than us- as Mr. Markus surely is.   

Careful readers will remember that our namesake, in the episode entitled Rumpole and The Bubble Reputation sees our grizzled veteran of the Old Bailey's criminal cases eagerly jump into the civil defense of a newspaper charged with libel in which there is both a large retainer and, as Rumpole salivates over-  £500/day refreshers. 

Alas we have lost another to the power of the Dark Side. 

DAVID WEED REMEMBERANCE TODAY AT PDS OFFICE 2 PM

 A reminder that the Celebration of Life for David Weed will be at the Law Offices of the Public Defender, Carlos J. Martinez, at 1320 NW 14th St., Miami, FL 33125 at 2 PM today. 

Here is the link to R.S.V.P. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/david-weed-celebration-of-life-tickets-1636821740889?aff=oddtdtcreator. If you cannot make it in-person, the Zoom link will be emailed to individuals who register.

 

VITAMIN C AND TYLENOL

 Fresh on the heels of the big announcement Monday that Tylenol causes autism ( as per Robert Kennedy Jr, Lunatic, Mass: "A couple of people we know who have autistic children said their wives took Tylenol while pregnant and while the Biden administration hid this valuable research, we will not...")  comes the warning from Robert Kennedy and the FDA ( Motto: "Science driven until January 2025") that Vitamin C causes liberalism. 

"Liberalism is a disease as we all know. And who are liberals? Democrats. And Democrat starts with D and what comes before D? C!" 

Besides a campaign to ban vitamin C Kennedy announced new "recommendations" including 1) don't ever go to a hospital. Where do most people die? In a hospital. So what do the statistics show us? To avoid dying, do not go to a hospital.  2) People need to "tough it out" when having a heart attack or an appendicitis attack. If people would just exercise more, it would all go away. 3) Kennedy dared Covid to come back. The next time we get a Covid attack we will, as president Trump said in his first term, just chug a little Clorox. The days of vaccine makers fooling the public are over when Clorox will do the trick.  4) Announced a public "shaming" of all children who have been vaccinated. "Children who have been vaccinated will be required to enter school through a side entrance where the rest of the children will be lined up and will chant SHAME SHAME at those stupid enough to get vaccinated. Parents of vaccinated children should face immediate prosecution under existing child welfare laws. 5) Announced the resumption of bleeding therapy. "It was good enough for the 1700s, why shouldn't it be good enough today?" 6) Ordered the removal of all references to Doctor Jonas Salk from all government buildings and texts and further ordered that he be labeled a "a criminal of the twentieth century" for his "misguided work on Polio. Everyone knows that it is vitamin B that protects children from Polio. All that Salk did, like Hitler, Biden, and Obama, was line his pockets money from with disinformation. 

So there you have it. Vitamin C causes liberalism. Science sucks. And we are headed straight back to the dark ages. 

Just remember this. When the next pandemic hits, and it will. And people cry out for the experts to invent a vaccine and cure, the United States will not have anyone available to help as Kennedy has fired most of them and purged scientists from the government programs where science used to carry the day. 

LIONS AT RAVENS & APPLE

 We do not have a strong feeling on tonight's game. The Over 54 seems too high. We like the Lions +4.5 but only for a few bucks. 

In the market today Apple soared over ten dollars after the demand for the iPhone 17 was record breakingly strong this weekend. The news out of China, where Apple has faced stiff competition for the last few years was even better, as demand was very strong and that did not include the surprise hit of the iPhone 17 Air which currently cannot be sold in China until the chip in the phone is approved. 

All in all, Apple once again surprised critics by bringing a superior product to market and quieting the naysayers. And the ten-point run today occurred without any news about Apple's AI project which is not expected to be unveiled until 2026. Apple has been beaten up pretty badly for most of 2025 because of its perceived laggard performance in AI. And yet all they did was bring a fantastic series of new phones to the market. Faith in Apple has always been rewarded, even if sometimes it tests your patience. That is why we reiterate the maxim "Hold Apple; Do Not Trade It." 

If Apple could surprise the market with the new iPhone 17, imagine what they are going to do when they do unveil their new AI next year. 

And speaking of AI, Nvidia popped today when CEO Jensen Huang revealed a small 100 Billion (with a B) investment in Open AI. 

These are amazing times we are living in. We are on the cusp of an AI revolution that will change nearly everything about how we live our lives, including how law is practiced, and how law firms are staffed (hint- current AI is replacing teams of first, second, and third year legal associates). 

There's never been a better time to consider plumbing as a profession. Just sayin read the writing on the wall: 

"AI WUZ HERE" 

DO YOU REMEMBER

 Sunday was the 21st day of September. 

Do you remember?

NFL WEEK THREE 2025

Update and a lesson in betting:

Here are our thoughts on the 1pm NFL games.  The Eagles over was lox and bagels. So the day is shaping up nicely to restore our bankroll from a horrible start to the season.  And the NY Jets are just snakebit right now. And we should have never ignored our rule about the Bengals in September. 

Now read what happened to us. We had a nice parlay Eagles -6 & Buccaneers -6.5. We tune into the Eagles game. There is no time left, and the Rams are lining up for a FG and the Eagles are up by one, so we are going to lose the front end of the parlay. AND THEN the Eagles block the FG and a bg-ol defensive lineman picks up the ball and rumbles like 80 yards for a TD and we are back in this! So we tune into the Jets game and Tampa is up by six with two minutes left, but no worries, they are on the 20, it is 4th down and they are lining up for a FG to go up by 9 and our parlay will hit. And the JETS BLOCK THE FG and pick up the ball and run it in for a TD. Although Tampa comes back to win the game, with the Jets up by one and us giving 6.5 in the parlay, we cannot cover and win. 

The gambling gods giveth, and the gambling gods taketh away.  But no worries. Our biggest bet of the day is Seattle -7 and things so far are looking good.  We have never been involved in two bets in which a FG was blocked for a TD and altered the outcome of the game. 

Good Sunday to you! As Miami recovers from the partying that went on late into the night celebrating the Canes (the only Miami football team with a winning record this year, and you know how Miami's frontrunning fans love a winner)  win over the Gators (nicely increasing our shrinking bankroll, although at the last moment we unnecessarily teased the 7.5 line down to 6, sacrificing some odds to do so), we have our thoughts on an intriguing week three in the NFL.

Our Upset Special: The Sunday Night game has the NY Giants at home vs the struggling KC Chiefs. The Gints are getting six and that maybe enough to keep it close. 

Beware Cincinnati in September we keep saying. And yet something about a battle of backup QBs in the Bengals vs Vikings game is whispering to us to take the Bengals and +3 and the over 41.  Jake Browning at QB for the Bengals vs Carson Wentz for the Vikings. 

We will take the +2 Arizona is getting in San Fran (keeping with our thesis that the Cardinals will be the surprise team of the first half of the season), and also the 1 the Bears are getting at home vs the up and down Cowboys. 

Best game of the week is the Monday Nighter as Detroit goes to Baltimore. We like to take good teams feeling the heat of not playing great and in this matchup that is the Lions +4.5. The Ravens always seem to mess up against good teams allowing the game to remain close. 

The Eagles keep winning at home vs. the Rams this week, and the over 45 looks as juicy as a Philly Cheesesteak.  If you are a foodie on IG like we are, then you know there are dozens of competitors in Philly to Pats or Genos, but none of them may be as good as the Bradley Cooper/ Danny Giampietro (he of Angelo's Pizzeria of Philly) collab Danny & Coops. Want to meet Rumpole? You can often find him on East Tenth street and Avenue A in the East Village grabbing a sandwich there.   

Ready to hop on the J...E...T.....S bandwagon? Maybe not yet as they are on the road in Tampa and Baker "The Touchdown Maker" Mayfield is playing like an MVP.  But we can be lured into teasing that +6.5 line up to 7.5 and might take a flyer for a couple of sawbucks. The Jets are better than their record and at some point they are going to go on a 4-0 or 5-0 run. 

Before we post the survivor pool, we have an off-topic question. Any interest in our retrospective of United Press/CBS News Reporter Richard C Hottelet? One of Murrow's Boys, he reported on WWII from England, flew on a bomber in the opening minutes of D Day, and spent 4 months in a Gestapo Prison in 1941 on the charge of espionage. 

The Survivor Pool.  The Seahawks (over the Saints) and the Bucs (over the Jets) seem like the popular picks. Everyone has made a pick except Weisman. If you know him, text him or he's out.  Update: Looks like everyone survived. 

week 3 by Anonymous PbHV4H

MIAMI IS HOPPING

 The Magic City is alive. You can feel the energy in the air from Ocean Drive to dive bars in Wynwood to the stuffy eateries of the Gables and Pinecrest. 

And what is fueling this energy? 

Canes v Gators. 

Families take sides. Law firms are fractured. The judges have been furiously texting each other. 

The town is hopping. 

Predictions? 

THURSDAY NIGHT DOLPHINS AT BILLS

 Well, that's enough civil law for the blog for 2025. We have more important issues to resolve, namely what to do about the Dolphins getting 12 points in Buffalo tonight? 

Something tells us to take the points. There is much turmoil in Dolphin land. Whispers that the coach has lost the locker room. And then there's the star wide receiver's continued involvement with the law. 

But a team on the edge of losing a season in September and going 0-3 with no hope in sight  is a dangerous team, especially when the team has some talent. Achane can run the rock. Tua can throw it, and Hill can catch it, and they have a D. So maybe a team that is feeling the heat plays with reckless abandon and keeps it close. 

We also like Achane over 54 yards rushing. Even in a shootout he breaks runs. That's our best bet of the night actually. 

So while our bankroll is awfully thin these days, Fins +12 and over 50 sounds like something that will keep us interested through the pizza and hard seltzers we have lined up for the evening. 

THE GOSNEY COMPLAINT

 Someone said we should post the Gosney complaint. And then they did the leg work and sent it to us. So we figured why not? A little civil law never hurt anyone. 

Actually that's not true, but read it if you want, or have trouble sleeping, or in conjunction with your GLP1 diet (isn't like half the REGJB on some form of GLP1 these days?) as an appetite suppressant.  Or just because you're a law nerd. 

Complaint 1 by Anonymous PbHV4H