PACER SURRENDERS FOR NOW

 Confusion has reigned for weeks as PACER - the federal on line filing and docket system - implemented multi factor authentication which required the use of an authenticator app to log on and file your objections to the PSR which recommended a two-level increase in the guidelines for sophisticated because your client used a motor vehicle during the course of the conspiracy.   Here’s their memo. 

Of course all of this stems from the panic over the hack of the federal court system by the Russians who apparently got access to judge’s private chats where they are discussing innovative ways to deny motions in as few words as possible.  “I can deny that rule 29 motion to dismiss in 32 words.” And of course the Supreme Court’s ruling on their shadow docket: “I can grant the Trump administration’s canceling research into childhood cancer in twenty- five words.”

The PACER Service Center (PSC) is currently experiencing long call wait times due to the enforcement of several security features that will enhance the security of PACER accounts, including updated password standards and multifactor authentication (MFA).

To help mitigate the wait times, enforcement of the updated password standards has been temporarily delayed. In addition, only users who receive a prompt to enroll in MFA when they log in should do so. If you do not receive an MFA enrollment prompt, no action is necessary. Please do not contact the PSC with questions about MFA until you are required to enroll. This ensures support is available for those who need it. 

NFL WEEK TWO 2025

 Once more dear friends unto the breach and our vain attempt to restore our bankroll and make you some money on the NFL. Unless of course you have been betting against the hapless Mets for the past month, (who lost their 8th straight last night 😱 and no longer have a playoff spot) which means you're probably driving a Bugatti by now.  Thanks to the Florida Gators for keeping it close with LSU. It allowed us to cover with ease our expen$$ive night out at Sunny's last night. The meals are great. The bill is hefty. 😨

Survivor wise, the picks this week appear easy; The Ravens at home over the hapless Browns, or the Bengals at home over the Jaguars. But beware the ides of March and Cincinnati's football team in early September, which barely escaped with a win over the Browns, and often starts the season 0-2. There's also the Giants, who are going nowhere fast with an aging QB against a Cowboys team that looked pretty darn good opening the season in Philly. If you like a well-rested team looking for a win, the Cowboys are your pick. 

So we will start with Dallas at home, -5 over the NY football Giants.  Couple of numbers for you. Gints are 3-16 in last sixteen games against the Cowpokes and are riding an 0-13 streak. The Giants drafted a promising rookie running back and ...Rusell Wilson was NY's leading rusher last week. Those are stats that get a head coach fired. Next up for the Giants? KC. It doesn't get any easier. 

We also like Arizona at home over the Panthers -6.5. 

We kinda like the over 40 in the Steeler - Seahawks game. Last week was no fluke, the old guy Aaron Rodgers still has some juice in that arm and can throw up some points, while the over-paid Steeler D continues to under-impress and has two starting members of the secondary out with injuries. 

And then there's the "who's worse?" game, with the Cheaters coming to town playing the Fins who could not have looked any worse against Indy. If you believe, as we do, in the regression to the mean betting philosophy, then the Dolphins were better than they played last week and should bounce back and win by a field goal at home, under the warm hot September sun against New England.  The line is Miami -2 and if you must because you're going to the game and need a distraction, lay the points and take the cannoli.

J E TS Jets! Jets! Jets!  The new look New York Jets are for real! But here's the problem. If they could not beat the Steelers, a solid second tier team at best, how are they going to beat arguably the best team in the AFC? Not bloody likely as they say in London's east side.  Gang Green is getting 5.5 at home, which is not enough unless there's a backdoor cover late in the 4th quarter. We are ready to jump on the Jets bandwagon, just not this week. 

Survivor pool to be posted soon. We are going to take either the Ravens or Cowboys. Not sure yet.  Waiting for some stragglers to make their picks.  POSTED BELOW Cowboys and Ravens are top picks. De La Over playing some 3d chess by picking the Lions!!? against divisional rival Bears (whose new head coach is the former D coordinator for Detroit, so maybe he has some insight on how to stop that potent offense)  who we think will play them tough. 

The Long Walk

Long time and careful readers of the blog know that one of our favourite short stories/novellas is Stephen King's The Long Walk, written in the tradition or homage to Shirley Jackson and her short story The Lottery. 

The movie came out this weekend, and it was something we have been looking forward to.  We will not reveal anything other than to say we are conflicted about the ending. The long walkers have been reduced from 100 to 50 to start, probably for movie purposes. And there are no crowds allowed during the walk except at the end, which we did not like. All your favourite characters are in the movie including Barkovich (the villain) Hank Olson (who is Asian), Stebbins whose story line is combined with another character from the book which we won't reveal, and  Peter McVries who is black and forms a close bond with hero Ray Go Go Garrity (Maine's Own!). 

King was the exec producer, so he had a say in the changes, which we respect. We are just not sure yet if we like the ending, which included an expanded story line for the major which we did like. 

If you see it, and you should definitely read the book over a long weekend, or while on holiday, (or maybe during a boring Heat game), let us know your thoughts.

week 2 by Anonymous PbHV4H

THE WEEK IN REVIEW

 It was quite a week for the United States of America. We paused on September 11 to remember the attack on our country twenty-four years ago, and then there was the murder of Charlie Kirk, ostensibly for political reasons. 

We have a few thoughts. 

9/11 might well be the last time the country was united without thought to politics. The nation rallied around President Bush, and mourned the brave fire fighters of the New York Fire Department ("New York's Bravest") and other first responders who ran towards the danger, not away from it.  

There was no thought that if President Bush succeeded in the days after 9/11, then his political enemies would fail. Politics had nothing to do with the initial response to the attack, something that we sadly think would not have been the case if President Obama had been the president at the time. The strategy of Obama's political enemies was to thwart his successes, and work for his failure, even if the country suffered. 

As to the murder of Mr. Kirk, someone we had never heard of, it was immediately blamed on "leftists" and "liberals" before anyone was in custody. The nearly immediate narrative reminded us of what occurred when someone broke into Speaker Pelosi's home and attacked her husband while looking for her. Desperate to change the narrative after the assailant was caught, dark theories emerged suggesting that it was someone from the left who attacked him, when clearly it was the opposite. 

So we began to think about other high-profile assassinations and assassination attempts, and the narratives that emerged after them. 

When President Reagan was shot, it was not by a Democrat or a liberal,  but by a troubled young man trying to impress an actress he was imagining a relationship with. There was no political motivation,  and when the Gipper walked into the State of Union address a few months later, the sustained standing ovation from both sides of the aisle was heartfelt. 

What were the political beliefs of the man who assassinated President Kennedy? He had been a Marine, gone to live in the Soviet Union, and handed our "fair play for Cuba" pamphlets. No mutterings from the Democrats that the Republicans and Nixon were behind the assassination. 

Very few people reading this blog will even know that President Teddy Roosevelt assumed the presidency when President.....(can you guess without Chat GBT? Nah, didn't think so) McKinley was shot by....(if you didn't know McKinley was assassinated, you won't know this)   Leon Czolgosz, who was an anarchist who had lost his job during the panic of 1893. McKinley liked meeting the public and shunned the protections of his office. His secretary William Cortelyou was so worried about the trip to the Temple Of Music in Buffalo that he took it off the schedule twice, only to have McKinley restore it twice. 

Before McKinley, President James Garfield was assassinated, and there is a great book on that if you want to read about it. Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine and the Murder of a President  by Candice Millard. 

And before Garfield it was Lincoln, whose assassin shouted sic semper tyrannis after firing the fatal shot and jumping on to the stage at Ford's theater.  And no, sic semper tyrannis does not mean "take the Dolphins and the points on Sunday", but thus always to tyrants. 

 Our point is that most assassins are deeply troubled people, with an inflated sense of importance, who act for their own reasons, and are not part of a larger political movement like the Democratic or Republican party. 

And yet sadly, it appears the MAGA crowd, upon learning of the shooting of Mr. Kirk, immediately attempted to politicize the murder.  

And that is an arrant display of disrespect to Mr. Kirk who leaves behind a wife and two young children. Even if his killer had political ideals, he does not represent the mainstream thought of either party, just like Oswald or Czolgosz or Booth did not represent any major political movement. 

Moments of tragedy have no place in politics. There was no politics when the NYFD ran into the World Trade Center to rescue people. And there should be no attempt for political gain in the tragic murder of a young man who leaves behind a family to go on without him. 

Many people in the comments and in private emails asked our thoughts on these events. Well, here they are. 

YOUR NEXT THREE MIAMI-DADE COUNTY JUDGES .....

THE CAPTAIN REPORTS:

SO, YOU WANT TO BE A JUDGE .......

The JNC for the 11th Judicial Circuit recently interviewed a number of candidates for one new Circuit Court seat and two new County Court seats created by the enactment of SB 2508 during the 2025 legislative session.

The JNC has nominated the following individuals for appointment to the Circuit Court seat. The Governor has 60 days to name our next Circuit Court Judge: (all six are current County Court Judges, meaning the Governor will get a two-fer).

Alicia Garcia Priovolos

Cristina Rivera Correa

Elisabeth Espinosa

Jorge Perez Santiago

Rita Gonzalez Cuervo

Stephanie Silver

The following individuals have been nominated for the two County Court seats. The Governor will name two of the 12 as our next County Court Judges:

Alexander Shear (APD)

Jose Rohaidy (ASA)

Andrew McGinley (Fla. Dept of Children & Families)

Kimberly C. Hillery (Dept. of Homeland Security)

Christian Dunham (Federal APD)

Michelle Roth (pvt. practice, former ASA)

Gabrielle Raemy Charest-Turken (AUSA)

Patricia Salman (CABA Staff Attorney)

Jeffrey Pierce (ICE - Dept. of Homeland Security)

Yaneth Baez (ASA)

Jennifer Trautman Levin (pvt. practice)

Zahara Markoe (pvt. practice, former ADA) 

TAKING BETS ON THE THREE WINNERS (name your three in the Comments) .....

IN KEEPING WITH TRADITION .....

Governor DeSantis has been in office for slightly more than 6.5 years. In that time, he has made

326 judicial appointments.

Today alone, he named one new Circuit Court Judge in the 7th Judicial Circuit and two new County Court Judges in St. Johns and Monroe County. Two of the three new judges come directly from the State Attorney’s Office, while the third is a former ASA.

Of the 326 judges he has appointed to date, 208 had ASA/AUSA/AAG on their resume (64%), and 103 of those 208 were current prosecutors at the time of their appointment (32%).  Contrast that with the fact that only three of the 326 were APDs (two state and one federal) at the time of their appointment (1%), and only 16 of the 326 had APD on their resume (5%). 

Yes, elections do have consequences. (Good luck with your interviews in Tallahassee, Alexander Shear and Christian Dunham, - you have about a 5% chance of getting the call).

CAPTAIN OUT .......
Captain4Justice@gmail.com

MONDAY MYSTERY

 We are in that in-between time for Judges when their summer vacation has ended and the holiday slow down has not yet begun. So the only thing left to do is try some cases and listen to the prosecution eloquently say “victim wants max.” 

Broweird 

Anybody see the story of the Broward judge who went to first appearance for a friend, identified himself as a Judge to the ASA and asked for a lower bond and then appeared on the record as counsel for the defendant? It didn’t make a bigger  splash because this being Broward, dog bites man just isn’t news. The only redeeming part of the story is he didn’t wear his robe whilst making the appearance. 

Clerk’s Office Mystery  

Everyone knows we love a good clerk’s office mystery. There have been so many good ones over the years. 

Does anybody know what this means? 

So is this window just for the Herald ? Does the Herald even have a dedicated courts reporter these days for state court ? Or is it for social media where IG influencers can drop by, shoot a video and post it? 

“Hey I’m here at the Miami criminal court house and I just had some yummy Cuban toast and a cafe con leche and now I’m at the Clerks office on 9 and it’s so cool you all should come by and check it out.” 

So what’s going on because we don’t get it. 

NFL WEEK ONE 2025

Update: Survivor pool posted. 

Good Sunday morning. Have you been waiting for the first NFL football Sunday the way a judge waits for a free buffet dinner?  Isn't this the best time of year? Football all day, plus a GREAT US Open final @ 2pm, and the baseball playoff races are heating up. #LGM (Let's Go Mets!). 

We are going to do something a little different because we started the season on a bit of a losing streak, dodging some serious losses, but nonetheless down in pro football picks (The Canes and Texas saved our bankroll Saturday. No way Miami covers 55.5.). 

Here's what we do not like about the NFL. 

1. The National Anthem. Despite you MAGA mouth-breathers who think the right to watch football is in the Constitution and the bible, it is not- as the NFL makes clear by spreading the games over a dozen apps. The worst move ever was putting the games on You Tube. Only snapchat has a worse app. 

Where does it say that you have to be jingoistic patriot to enjoy football? A transgender immigrant communist vegan has as much right to enjoy football as anyone. So spare us the national anthem before every game followed by some military jet flyovers. It is meaningless. We are not honoring anyone with this facade. You want to honor Veterans?  Pay them more and fix the VA and provide more mental health counseling instead of spending money on jet flyovers. Play the national anthem at the start of the season and at the super bowl. Enough is enough. It's a waste of time. And that applies to all sports. 

2. Spare us the television introductions of players and where they went to college. Who cares if the Titans starting left guard went to the University of Wisconsin? Who came up with this lame idea and who is in charge of continuing this nonsense? It's a complete waste of time. How about two less commercials and skip the intros? Everyone has the internet. If you cannot watch Vegas /Patriots without knowing where the slot receiver went to college then freaking google it (or chat gbt it) and let the rest of us watch the game in peace. 

3. On the radio broadcasts of the games, we are DONE with mid law firms sponsoring plays. "Jim that third down conversion was brought to you by the injury lawyers. If you are facing third and long in your injury case, just dial 1-800-ambulance chaser and get in the game."  Are teams that desperate for money? Really? Come-on man. You can do better. 

Okay, here's a few thoughts for the games until we get back on track. The Bengals -5 over the hapless Browns seems a safe bet. Denver over Titans along with the Bengals seems like the safe survivor picks. Denver -8 seems like a lot. Maybe we tease it down to 6.  Lots of touts picking Vegas over Cheaters in NE. We'd like to see it happen, but we are not confident. Maybe tease Vegas +2.5 to +3.5. Arizona -6 at New Orleans seems like a good pick. 

And our best bet of the day is the Sunday night game. The Buffalo Bills at home +1 over the Ravens. Give us a home-dog revenge game bet any day of the week. 

Quick tip- new weather report shows rain throughout the Seahawks-Patriots game in NE. Grab the under 48 like we just did. Money never sleeps, nor do the betting lines, but sometimes they are slow to adjust. 

SURVIVOR 

Jason Ireland, Lucy Lew and Fantasy Football Champ De La Over all nailed the 44 total for the Eagles win Thursday night and won a covered second pass for the season. Picks will be up around 1pm. 

Survivor Week 1 by Anonymous PbHV4H

NFL 2025 KICKOFF

FRIDAY UPDATE: We are going to take some credit for warning you away from the Eagles line and over. If you took the fav or went over, you lost. Our take is the D in CeeDee. Lamb is for "drop" because he dropped two balls at the end of the game, one eminently catchable that would have given Dallas the game. Dallas played a good game. They may well be more competitive than we originally thought. Our disdain for Philly WRs for Fantasy Football was confirmed. If you had them  on your team, they greatly underperformed. 

And if we have not done so, PROPS to last year's FF Champion Judge De La O. He will have a hard time defending his win with selections like Vikings WR (vastly overrated) bust Justin Jefferson. But we shall see. Rumpole plays the champ in week one. 

The spitting incident Thursday night before the game is inexcusable. Commissioner Rumpole imposes a 50K fine and two game suspension. We might mitigate that to one game, but it would take a lot. 

KC- LA Chargers. Friday night.  We have trouble picking a line when teams fly 6,000 miles for a game. We have a parlay Mahomes over 246 yards and 1.5 TDs for +160.  If you want to bet the line, the Chargers are getting 3 and we suggest giving it. KC has a surprisingly good Defense which also has us leaning to the under 47.5, which the more we think about it, is the best bet for this game. 

And speaking of best bets for the weekend, borrow if you have to, and put all your money on the Bills at home +1 for the Sunday night game. We have that and a parlay Bills +1 and under 50.5 for +230. This bet will allows us to expand our Opus One collection this year. 

******

 The NFL season starts Thursday night. Are you ready? 

We had our fantasy football draft Wednesday night, and after some last-minute drama where your blogger, the commissioner, was locked out of the league minutes before the draft, all ended up well as we finally got in, and with the fifth pick in the first round we eschewed the Justin Jefferson WR scam (as we did two years ago when we won the league; we leave the Jefferson pick to judges who have short last names) and reached down for rookie RB Austin Jeanty. If things turnout the way we suspect, we will once again be a powerhouse team to be feared. 

Eagles v. Cowboys. The line dropped from 8.5 to 8. Still too much. Eagles -8 leaves you vulnerable to a backdoor cover (for example, the Eagles are up 14 with two minutes left and the Cowboys score a meaningless TD, and now your Eagles bet is a loser). 

Here is our sleeper pick- Cowboys WR George Pickens to score a TD. You can get some good odds (we got +200) on this one, and start the season off in the black.  A Hurts over 200 yds passing parlay with Barkley rushing over 100 yards also seems nice. 

We will save our picks for Sunday but will provide a bit of a season preview. 

No, you will not get pedestrian pablum like "The Broncos will surprise a lot of people", or "The Commanders will make a deep run again" (they won't). If you want that stuff, go to ESPN or some half-baked podcast. We give you some real information that you can use, like....

Your Arizona Cardinals may have the best record in the NFL at the halfway point before fading. 

The Atlanta Falcons will surprise some people; the Saints will not- they are in the lead for the first round pick of the 2026 draft along with perennial loser Cleveland Browns.  

Your Miami Dolphins are heading for (best case scenario) a one-and-done-playoff appearance. Sorry, but this is not a team with legitimate super bowl aspirations. 

So who will be standing at the end of January? 

In the AFC it will come down to the Bills and Ravens, and as sure as Miami Dolphin fans will abandon the Fins after a few losses, you can count on Ravens QB Lamar Jackson to throw an INT late in the 4th quarter of a close game, or lose the ball in a strip-sack. The Bills make the super bowl, and yes, Denver will make a run. 

In the NFC the Eagles will be the team to beat. But don't discount the San Fran 49ers. What about the LA Rams you say? An old, injured QB is not the way to pave the road to the super bowl, we reply. 

And what about the Packers? Over hyped. Micha Parsons was not the missing piece. But they will be tough. And the Lions? Yup- they will be there at the end, along with Philly. And the surprise team will be the Falcons, and/or maybe the Tampa Bay Bucs. 

It's going to be a great football season. Enjoy. And if you bet, remember, bet it all, you can always make more money! 

FANTASY FOOTBALL

 Join up, Log In, Play against your favourites. 

Draft Wednesday Evening. 

Click here 

or here 

  https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/460591/invitation?key=6cb4ae5ff6685f06&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=1a085c02d38e366e

Rumpole tip- Denver and Atlanta QBs are real good late round value picks. Avoid Kyler Murray. 

GREG GONZALEZ

UDPATE: Sad news as we end the summer and Labor Day weekend- Greg Gomzalez has passed away. Thank you to everyone who contributed to his go fund me campaign and wrote wonderful things about Greg, which thankfully he was able to read. He knew how important he was to our small community. 

UPDATE:  They are at $30,000.00 in just over two days of opening the go fund me account and us posting it on this blog. It is an absolutely wonderful response and speaks so well about the hearts of the people in our REGJB community. BUT, we are going to ask you to consider digging a little deeper. We can get this to $50,000.00. If you have friends who are civil lawyers (and yeah, it's hard to be friends with those people, we get it) tell them what is going on and ask them to donate. If you sent $100, then skip Starbucks this week and send another $25. We are asking a lot, and we have no business doing so, other than we have a friend who we know would have been the first to contribute if this had been anyone else. If you know Greg, then you know he would have dug deep and spread the word. Let's do the same for him. Thank you. We never ask. We are asking now. 

HR

We have rarely done this.

  
Many of you know that Greg Gonzalez has battled a deadly brain tumor for the past several years. We have now sadly learned that he has entered hospice care and a go fund me account has been set up for him to receive palliative care at home.  We urge you to donate. 

 https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-gregs-palliative-care-journey?modal=share&source=fundraiser+sticky+footer

Greg was a fixture at the REGJB for decades. He truly was a person who always had a smile on his face. He was the first person to volunteer to help someone - a lawyer or a client.  He was instrumental in supporting the creation of the Veterans Court because Greg served our country as Airborne.  Like his military service, he was often first in on a difficult case or when a lawyer asked for help. 

We cannot think of a better person who deserves an outpouring of love and respect for the life he has lived. If you can, please send something. Let him know that we all support him, as he has supported us with his military service and friendship.  
Thank you. 

UPDATE the list of names of people who have generously donated is so heartwarming.  Judges. Former judges. REGJB support staff. Prosecutors. Pds. Regional Counsel. Defense attorneys. It’s amazing. Sometimes we can all come together and help a friend in need. From the bottom of my heart I thank you one and all for stepping up and showing that in many ways our courthouse is special and we are a family of brothers and sisters that help each other.  

IT IS TIME FOR FOOTBALL

 We are back, rested and refreshed and ready to announce that the most beloved part of this blog-the award winning, record breaking, Viagra-taking, world famous BLOG Football Survivor Pool is ready to start a new year. 

(Make sure you read until the end. There is MAJOR blog news below. Something many who wear black robes to court have been dreaming about for years and years). 

Y'all  know the rules by now ("one bite, everyone knows the rules"). 
Send an email to FBPOOL12@GMAIL.COM. This is the only email we accept submissions for the Survivor game and get ready to match football savvy against the great and near greats like everyone's favorite Fake Alex Michaels, DOM, Judge De La Over, and a host of others. 

Just send an email that you are playing and we will admit you. Get ready for week one, which starts Next Thursday. You can make your pick with the first email if you wish, AND our first competition for an extra pass (everyone gets to pass one week, if you win the Thursday competition you can get a second) by picking the winner of the Cowboys -Eagles season opener on Thursday September 4. Also pick the point total (like if you think it will be Dallas 20- Philly 14 then the total is 34) and if you can pick the exact score, you will win a coveted second life.  

By picking the winner we will award a second pass to whomever gets the point total correct or is closest to the total. 

Fantasy Football. Maybe. We are working with the commish to see if we can fit it in. 

No time like now to make a major blog announcement. 

We are planning to end our direct participation with this blog on June 30, 2026. Yes, you read that right. Rumpole has other things to do.  We would like to turn the day-to-day functions over to at least two people, one of whom was/is a PD and one of whom was/is a prosecutor. We will still contribute from time to time and will run next years Survivor Pool.

 If you are really interested in a once in a lifetime opportunity, send an email to Howardroark21@Gmail.com and be prepared for a vigorous interview process. 

There are judges all over South Florida smiling at this news. 

WOOPS

 Our Judge of the day is Judge Hank Newkirk of Georgia and you can see what he did to merit blog mention.

Let's be honest. How many of you robed readers have ever wanted to do this? 

DAVID WEED HAS PASSED AWAY

 David Weed, a fixture in the Miami-Dade Public Defender's Office for decades, and who trained generations of attorneys in Miami, has passed away. 

You couldn't work in the REGJB in the 1980s, 90s, or the early 2000's without coming across David in some manner, either in the PDs office, or the in Courthouse, where being a supervisor and second in command to Bennett Brummer did not stop him from going to court most days- a trait we rarely see in supervisors these days, who rarely deign to get their hands dirty. 

David devoted his career to the Miami PDs office, providing representation to the indigent, and providing the first guiding hand to legions of young attorneys. He has been missed since he retired, and we are sad to report that he has passed away. There will be no funeral service, but for those that knew him and his family, his wife and children will be holding a celebration of his life. 

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

It's time for everyone's favourite game, FUN WITH THE DADE COUNTY JAIL! 

From time to time, the genius- jokers at the jail like to have a little fun while they do their job. This email was forwarded to us by several alert readers: 

Good afternoon,

Was wondering what everyone’s experience recently has been trying to get into the jail to meet with a prospective client prior to being retained?

I’ve been at Pretrial getting the runaround because I’m not attorney of record. They claim that I need to file an NOA prior to even having a retainer signed. They also say that I would file the NOA, have the client taken to court and asked by the judge if he wants me as his lawyer.

This is the most bizarre explanation I’ve ever gotten for something like this.

So now the good people at the Jail are happily providing us criminal defense attorneys some valuable practice tips. Get a call to see a potential client at the jail? It's so easy. 1- file an NOA without being retained or even having met the client; 2- Ask corrections to bring the client to court. 3-11- return to court until corrections actually brings the client. 12- Have the potential client tell the judge that yes, they would be interested in speaking with you, 13- if you're not hired, file a motion to withdraw. 

A big thank you to the people at the jail for making our working lives so very easy.

TROPICAL STORM ERIN

TS Erin is churning through the Atlantic with a path that looks to bring it right into Miami somewhere between 3rd and 14th streets in South Beach. But not to worry! After Doge budget cuts, the National Weather Service has been reduced to two guys named Sal and Ralph working out of a room in an illegal efficiency in Hialeah. But fear not, Ralph, in his own words "watched a s%itload of TV weather reports over the last few years while driving for Uber", and Sal got "solid B's in science while getting an associates degree at MDCC last year." So we are in good hands, and both Ralph and Sal think that Erin is going to "sorta like, umm, you know, turn away..." from Florida and South Beach before making landfall. Whew. Close call. 

FEDS MAKE ARREST OF VIOLENT CRIME IN DC 

As you know, the military is thankfully patrolling the streets of our violent capitol trying to keep innocent citizens safe. But as we all know being a police officer is a dangerous job, and danger reared it's ugly head yesterday when a federal agent, according to the NY Times, was "assaulted with a sandwich." 

Sometimes we have to report the cold hard facts of crime on this blog. This is no laughing matter. The sandwich was a foot-long  sub, which as we all know qualifies for a two point enhancement under the federal guidelines, because as the guidelines continually state, "size matters."  The sandwich had hot sauce and pickles (2d1.4 Condiment Enhancement),  had been toasted and had melted cheese (2d1.5 Hot Sandwich enhancement), and was hurled at the officer before it had been paid for, (2D1.6 Theft Of Food Enhancement).

    The Officer was treated at the scene and released, whereupon he ordered a six inch Italian special (with chips, soda and a cookie for $11.99) and enjoyed a quite dinner while the suspect was processed and transported.  

Enough is enough we say. First it is sandwiches being thrown at federal agents, then Big Macs, and now we are marching down the road to wilding youths grabbing pizza slices and tossing them at innocent people. And if the slice has been rated an 8.0 or higher by Dave Portnoy ("One bite, everyone knows the rules"), then we are right on the edge of anchovy anarchy. 

YOLKI-PALKI

 "Yolki-Palki" a common Russian phrase that loosely translates into holy-moly! 

Last week or so we tangled with some of the egg-heads who participate in Mr. Markus's federal blog ("nerding out on the minutiae of federal law since the early 2000's")  on the effects of Pacer being hacked. "Oh my, oh my goodness, the sky is falling" were the basic comments of Mr. Markus's readers, who take attorney/client privilege and security very seriously. 

"Relax Francis" was our street-wise retort, telling the worrywarts that the sky wasn't falling and it was no big deal if the hackers got ahold of Mr.  Markus's Gen Z pleadings where he eschews the opening "Comes Now" introduction that we refuse to let fade into history.

Well now comes news that Russia hacked Pacer, and things are much clearer. 

This is how we imagine it went down circa 2022. 

Putin: Comrade, what do ve make of these charges against Comrade Trump? Is he in trouble or can he retake the presidency as I very much want to winter in Crimea next year. 

FSB Agent Ivanovich: It seems Comrade president for life that much of Trump's fate is tied up with this judge Cannon of Florida. 

Putin: Vhat do ve know about her?

FSB: Not much Comrade leader for enternity, however we are putting into place Operation Ivanka and are going to hack the American's court system. 

Putin: How long vill dat take? 

FSB: Not very long Comrade enlightened leader of all including the Ukraine. The Americans foolishly are using, you are not going to believe this, but a Russian company's security system for their court files. 

Putin: As Comrade Vladimir Illych Ulyanov Lenin famously said, the capitalists vill sell the rope used to hang them. 

FSB: That is right Comrade friend of the people, so we will hack the Americans and find out all we can about this Judge called Cannon and then we will update you on Comrade Trump. 

Putin: Very good Comrade, and while you're at it, find out why this American Lawyer Markus flouts all conventions in his pleadings. He is a dangerous one this Markus. 

....

And so there you have it. The Russians have access to our legal documents. And just what are they going to do with them? It's not like they are undermining the independence of the Federal Reserve, reversing decades long of medical advances on vaccines, and making our Bureau of Labor statistics publicize false data on the economy. 

So not to worry. 

Yolki-Palki

Do Svidaniya Comrade Lawyers. 

(As near as we can tell there is no truth federal courts will be closed November 7 to mark the successful October Revolution of 1927.)

 

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

 JUDGES, OPINIONS, AND WHY THE ROBE ISN’T A MUZZLE

Let’s get something clear right off the bat: judges are not robots. They don’t just press F1 on the keyboard and out comes a court order (although Chat GBT is changing this). They read (supposedly). They reflect and genuflect. They wrestle with consequences. And they are, whether they admit it or not, influenced by their lived experiences, their judicial philosophies, and—dare we say it—their personal sense of justice.

So why do so many judicial orders read like they were ghostwritten by HAL 9000?

Here’s the thing: judges are not legislators. Legislators make law. Judges apply it. But in applying it, they are interpreting it. And interpretation is inherently personal. The law isn’t math; it’s a messy, evolving ecosystem of words, history, precedent, and policy. When judges pretend that their rulings are devoid of personal perspective, they’re either lying to us—or to themselves.

Which brings us to the point: judges need to include their personal views of the law in their orders. Not because we need to know what they had for breakfast or how they vote. But because transparency is the bedrock of trust. When a judge decides a close case—when they weigh constitutional principles, public safety, rehabilitation, or freedom—they owe it to the litigants, the lawyers, and the public to explain why they ruled the way they did.

Not just “because the law says so.” But because they, the person we entrusted with the robe and the power of the state, believe that this is the right application of justice.

Hiding behind phrases like “the plain meaning of the statute” or “binding precedent compels” does nothing to further justice when the case is a toss-up and precedent cuts both ways. Give us the reasoning. Give us the context. Give us the thought process. That’s what being a judge means.

Judges are paid to be thoughtful. To be courageous. To stand apart from political tides and call balls and strikes when the crowd is screaming for a walk-off homer. If we wanted algorithmic neutrality, we’d let ChatGPT decide suppression motions (though, honestly, some of us would take that trade).

So next time you issue an order, Judge, don’t just tell us what you ruled—tell us why. Show us the struggle. Show us your voice. That’s not activism. That’s authenticity. And in this business, it’s all we’ve got.

DOVER BEACH

 Some poetry to grace your muggy summer weekend. If you have a poem for us to post on a weekend, please email us. 

We often whisper the words of the last stanza as we rise to face a jury for closing argument. 

Dover Beach, by Matthew Arnold. 

The sea is calm tonight.

The tide is full, the moon lies fair

Upon the straits; on the French coast the light

Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,

Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.

Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!

Only, from the long line of spray

Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,

Listen! you hear the grating roar

Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,

At their return, up the high strand,

Begin, and cease, and then again begin,

With tremulous cadence slow, and bring

The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago

Heard it on the Ægean, and it brought

Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow

Of human misery; we

Find also in the sound a thought,

Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith

Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore

Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.

But now I only hear

Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,

Retreating, to the breath

Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear

And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.