UPDATE: One pain in the rear in the comments sections is freaking out that if there is a fire in the building, people won't leave because they have read the blog and will say to themselves "Rumpole said a fire is part of code brown and that means shelter in place and even though we are right near an exit and the fire has engulfed the hallway, rather than take the obvious way to safety we will follow some stupid blog that was obviously a parody and stay here and die."
Please do not do that.
Let's be clear- if there is a fire, GET OUT. Don't hide in the jury room, or under the judge's desk, or shelter in a restroom or get in an elevator. Use the stairs. There are fire exits at both ends of the hallway. This includes the scenario of an airplane being flown into the building by terrorists and the building catching fire. Get out. Do not stay in your beloved REGJB. We hope that is clear.
Here's a quick REGJB quiz testing your REGJB knowledge:
A life-threatening emergency in the REGJB is known as
[ ] Code Blue
[ ] Code Brown
[ ] Code Red
[ ] Code Judge Meek Robinette
The answer is Code Brown.
Code Brown includes a fire, an active shooter, or other dire life threatening events.
What codes should be assigned to non-life threatening events?
We have some suggestions:
Code Green: In the unlikely event all escalators and elevators are working at the same time.
Code Orange: Building Inspectors have determined that the REGJB is in imminent danger of collapsing.
Code Purple: A Judge has read a FLW cover to cover.
Code Yellow: A civil lawyer is seen in the building. Rumpole notes that if you a see a civil lawyer, don't panic and feed it or engage it in conversation, especially about any accident. Stand back, stay quiet, the civil lawyer will snoop around with its beady little eyes, and having satisfied itself that there is no potential client, the civil lawyer will move along at its own pace. Remember, the civil lawyer is most likely more afraid of you than you are of them. In an emergency, you can throw a few dollars in the opposite direction you wish to go and then quickly and quietly retreat.
Code Black: The Judge who makes Cafecito in the afternoon is either off, out, or her machine is broken.
Code Pink: A City of Hialeah Police Officer testifies truthfully. It is anticipated this code will never be used.
Code Blue: In the unlikely event a prosecutor does not say "victim wants the max" or in the even more unlikely event that the prosecutor says they are offering a plea the victim does not agree to, a code blue will be announced. The Courtroom will be locked until the media arrives so the proceedings can be recorded for posterity. The last time this occurred, in 1974, there was no way to record the event and the reporting in an article by the Miami News has been lost.