BREAKING JURY TRIALS SUSPENDED
Good morning,I have attached our most recent statistics on positivity rates, emergency room visits and hospitalizations. Due to the recent increase in positivity rate and the upcoming holidays I am suspending all jury trials set from now until February 1. All other court proceedings shall continue as set and any jury trials set after January 31 need not be rescheduled. I will continue to monitor the statistics and keep you posted.Chief Judge Soto
SURVIVOR POOL CHAMP
Our award winning Survivor pool came to an end this weekend. In Third Place was everyone's favourite federal blogger and podcaster (you can download his podcasts here) David Markus. He went out two weeks ago when the Vikes let him down.
This weekend was a matchup between Michael Feiler, who has won this before, and Dustin Tischler. Both long time players and blog irregulars. Tischler was feeling good with the Seahawks over the Giants while Feiler was sweating out the Vikes who were taken to overtime by the upstart Jax Jaguars. It looked like we may have one of those unfortunate situations where both players lose and then we have to a Georgia-Like recount with lawsuits and recriminations when the Giants upset the Seahawks and Tischler was down to rooting for the Jags in OT. But the Vikes survived and your NEW JUSTICE BUILDING BLOG SURVIVOR POOL CHAMPION IS MICHAEL FEILER WHO IS NOW ALSO THE ONLY TWO TIME CHAMP.
There is something vaguely disturbing about a civil lawyer winning our survivor pool twice. Maybe he wasn't paying as much attention as he should have to those motions for summary judgment. See you in post-vaccine August 2021, when we can all attend Fins games again.
Business brought us downtown recently and we found ourselves perambulating in the area near the REGJB. So we took a detour. The word that springs to mind-oft overused these days - is dystopian. The streets are near empty. Parking spots plentiful. A few brave souls scurrying about with masks and fearful looks.
The back of our beloved REGJB was sealed tight. Gone are the days of long lines and disgruntled lawyers who forgot their ID cards looking for a shorter wait by using the back entrance. Nary a hot dog seller in sight.
|Perhaps a sadder sight we may never see on a week day in Miami|
This being County Government, the closure of the REGJB was of course the correct time to add this large warning signing telling non-existent entrants what they cannot bring into the now closed courthouse.
You cannot bring in handcuff keys, but apparently you can bring in handcuffs.
You cannot bring in metal utensils. It's chopsticks at dawn in Au Bon Pain.
You cannot bring in tools. You can however call your opponent in court a tool.
Laser pointers- the tools of the trade for trial lawyers pointing to a flaw in a crime scene photo are now banned. Back to forefingers and long sticks.
Query: Rumpole's most feared tool is his rapier like wit- used to destroy witnesses and prosecutors during trial. Are we prevented from using the smart remarks that have sent generations of prosecutors slinking back to their offices muttering under their breath?
And finally, the list prohibits "oversized belt buckles". Why? And what constitutes "oversized'?
We imagine this scene at security:
"Hey you- stop! Yeah, you with the thermo-nuclear weapon. Come here. We need to check the size of your belt buckle. Hmmmm...14 inches by 16 inches. Hang on....hey Stan! What's the new memo on oversized belt buckles say? Was the cut off 12 or 15 inches? "
More signs that the Apocalypse is upon us.
Fans of the great Walking Dead series know that the zombies are called "Walkers". Thus this sign caused us to stop when we were taking our daily run:
Truth is stranger than fiction.