This is a primer on how to vote in Florida.
First. You must pass the Voter History Test. Q: Who were the runner ups in the 1956 Republican Presidential Primary and Democratic Vice Presidential Primary? *
Second. Having passed the test (piece of cake) you then show up at your Voting Site and register so you can be assigned your Voter Assistant (VA). Expert Tip: Ask to have a VA who has similar views as yours assigned to you.
Third. By law ballots must be assigned randomly. There is a large tumbler that slowly and continually stirs up the ballots. Reach in and grab your ballot. Under (semi) rare circumstances, your ballot may include a Jacksonville Congressional Race. Just wing it.
Fourth. You may vote by check mark, by circling your favourite candidate on the ballot, or by using an orange high-lighter. Any writing instrument OTHER than a Russian manufactured #2 pencil is acceptable.
Fifth. If your ballot has Al Gore and George Bush on it, you may exchange it at any local 7-11 for a full-size Slurpee of your choice
Sixth. If you vote on SW 8th Street, your presidential choices will be Donald J. Trump, Paul Harvey (good day!), Barry Goldwater, or John Birch.
Seventh. Mark your ballot (see #4) and submit it to the Dade County Canvassing Board for approval. To do this, you will take your ballot in a semi-sealed green envelope, leave your polling spot, drive downtown to the Miami Dade Government Building, and take the elevator to the Clerk's Office. When the Board approves your ballot, go back to your polling place.
Eighth. Your ballot will be electronically scanned using Tik Tok on your phone. Open the App, scan the ballot into a video and then email the video to VoteFl@Miami [your precinct number here].vote.
Ninth. Get your "I Voted!" sticker and leave and congratulations on your jury service.
* Robert Taft and John F Kennedy.