THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

It's time for everyone's favourite game, FUN WITH THE DADE COUNTY JAIL! 

From time to time, the genius- jokers at the jail like to have a little fun while they do their job. This email was forwarded to us by several alert readers: 

Good afternoon,

Was wondering what everyone’s experience recently has been trying to get into the jail to meet with a prospective client prior to being retained?

I’ve been at Pretrial getting the runaround because I’m not attorney of record. They claim that I need to file an NOA prior to even having a retainer signed. They also say that I would file the NOA, have the client taken to court and asked by the judge if he wants me as his lawyer.

This is the most bizarre explanation I’ve ever gotten for something like this.

So now the good people at the Jail are happily providing us criminal defense attorneys some valuable practice tips. Get a call to see a potential client at the jail? It's so easy. 1- file an NOA without being retained or even having met the client; 2- Ask corrections to bring the client to court. 3-11- return to court until corrections actually brings the client. 12- Have the potential client tell the judge that yes, they would be interested in speaking with you, 13- if you're not hired, file a motion to withdraw. 

A big thank you to the people at the jail for making our working lives so very easy.

TROPICAL STORM ERIN

TS Erin is churning through the Atlantic with a path that looks to bring it right into Miami somewhere between 3rd and 14th streets in South Beach. But not to worry! After Doge budget cuts, the National Weather Service has been reduced to two guys named Sal and Ralph working out of a room in an illegal efficiency in Hialeah. But fear not, Ralph, in his own words "watched a s%itload of TV weather reports over the last few years while driving for Uber", and Sal got "solid B's in science while getting an associates degree at MDCC last year." So we are in good hands, and both Ralph and Sal think that Erin is going to "sorta like, umm, you know, turn away..." from Florida and South Beach before making landfall. Whew. Close call. 

FEDS MAKE ARREST OF VIOLENT CRIME IN DC 

As you know, the military is thankfully patrolling the streets of our violent capitol trying to keep innocent citizens safe. But as we all know being a police officer is a dangerous job, and danger reared it's ugly head yesterday when a federal agent, according to the NY Times, was "assaulted with a sandwich." 

Sometimes we have to report the cold hard facts of crime on this blog. This is no laughing matter. The sandwich was a foot-long  sub, which as we all know qualifies for a two point enhancement under the federal guidelines, because as the guidelines continually state, "size matters."  The sandwich had hot sauce and pickles (2d1.4 Condiment Enhancement),  had been toasted and had melted cheese (2d1.5 Hot Sandwich enhancement), and was hurled at the officer before it had been paid for, (2D1.6 Theft Of Food Enhancement).

    The Officer was treated at the scene and released, whereupon he ordered a six inch Italian special (with chips, soda and a cookie for $11.99) and enjoyed a quite dinner while the suspect was processed and transported.  

Enough is enough we say. First it is sandwiches being thrown at federal agents, then Big Macs, and now we are marching down the road to wilding youths grabbing pizza slices and tossing them at innocent people. And if the slice has been rated an 8.0 or higher by Dave Portnoy ("One bite, everyone knows the rules"), then we are right on the edge of anchovy anarchy. 

JAIL VISITS SUSPENDED FOR VERMIN

Update on Jury Selection: 

When we wrote the original post, we had a particular REGJB judge in mind (not the judge we were trying the case in front of. Indeed our trial was not in Florida).  So sort of like casting bait upon the waters, we got a bite and Judge De La O weighed in. Here is his comment, and this is what we are going to do. 1) Post his comment. 2) Accept his invitation and write a new post inveighing against this system of jury selection, and giving him unfettered and unedited space for rebuttal (unlike some of his colleagues who say things like "you have two minutes counsel for rebuttal", but we digress). But for now, he gets the last word on this post. 

Miguel M. de la O commented on "HOLIDAY SEASON TRIALS AND VOIR DIRE"

7 hours ago

Credit where credit is due, I got the idea from Judge Firtel who used it occasionally. I liked it, researched it, and concluded that if I was going to use it in any trial, I should use it in all trials. The other commentators here have done an excellent job of explaining its advantages. I have written two orders explaining and defending random jury selection. I'm happy to share them with anyone who emails me. Also happy to debate it with anyone. It is neither illegal, unfair, or fattening. But if you convince me otherwise, I will stop using it.

 No jail visits as there is an outbreak of Lice ...yuck. 

No truth to the rumor that some robed readers toured the jail earlier this week. 

And a nice JOA count 1 and NG counts 2-3.  Yet another Christmas miracle. 

Ho Ho Ho. 

RUMPLE UNDERCOVER

Taking on the familiar role of agent provocateur and reading about our colleagues' troubles at seeing clients in jail, we took matters into our own hands last week. 

The story you are about to read is true. No names have been mentioned to protect the author. 

We have met in the past with the family of a person in DCJ being represented by the PDs. The PDs are doing their normal good job. No need for Rumpole to get involved. But we decided to see if we could see the client, so we went to the jail and filled out one of those pink slips. 

And then we waited. And waited. And waited. And then.....we were summoned to the front. 

Corrections Officer: Are you XYZ's lawyer?

R: No ma'am we most certainly are not. 

CO: Why do you want to see them?

R: That's a privileged matter but suffice to say the client wishes to consult new counsel. Here is an email from a family member asking me to see this individual.

CO: Okay, hang on. 

And we wait and we wait and we wait.  And then...

CO: You cannot be admitted if you are not the lawyer. 

R: Have you ever heard of someone changing lawyers?

CO: Yes, if they want to change lawyers to you you have to put in a notice of appearance. 

R: Well, I am sure you mean file a notice of appearance, but how can they change lawyers without meeting me first?

CO: My supervisor said you have to put in a notice of appearance. 

R: This is the first I am aware of corrections dictating legal filings, but be that as it may, can I speak with your supervisor? 

CO: Okay, hang on. 

And we wait and we wait and we wait and we wait.  And then...

CO: My supervisor said the rules are you have to put in a notice to see a client. 

R: You already told me that. I now wish to speak with your supervisor. 

CO: She said no. 

R: May I have your supervisor's name?

CO: She ain't goin to tell you that. 

R: Do you realize the impossibility of a person in jail changing a lawyer without first, say, interviewing four or five lawyers first? 

CO: (Getting annoyed) She said you have to put in...

R: I know I know... I have to file a Notice of appearance. Is that a rule that cannot be bended in any way? 

CO: No. 

R: Let's say chief judge Sayfie was here with me, and she told corrections I can see the client without putting in a notice.  What do you think about that? Would I be allowed to see the client then? 

CO: Huh?  Who? 

R: Never mind. Have you ever read the sixth amendment? 

CO: Look, these are the rules okay and I cannot break them. You cannot come in without a notice of appearance. 

R: One last thought. Sometimes people in jail are witnesses. Are prosecutors admitted to the jail to see someone? A prosecutor cannot by virtue of their position file a notice of appearance to see someone. How about that? 

CO: Huh? 

R: Pretend a person in jail is a victim of being beaten senseless by a ruthless gang of corrections officers and a prosecutor wants to interview that person for the purposes of prosecuting those corrections officers for aggravated battery. Would the prosecutor be refused admittance- knowing of course that the corrections officers' defense would be the person repeatedly threw themselves into a wall while the officers begged them to stop? 

CO: What you saying? 

R: (Sighs). Never mind. Let it be said, on this day and time, the Dade County Department of Corrections has decided that people in their jails cannot interview lawyers to see if they want to change counsel. Good day to you madam. 

And with that, an almost three-hour excursion into Miami's version of Dante's Inferno: "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here Without a Notice of Appearance" ended in failure. 

What say you Chief Judge Sayfie? What say you FACDL? 

A PROBLEM WITH PAPER

 Before we begin out paper parable, a suggestion not to miss David Ovalle's Herald obit on Louie Casuso. It was superbly written and captures the many sides of a unique Miami lawyer, character, and good and decent man. There's a pay wall, so either buy it or Google the names and you'll get to it. 

A PROBLEM WITH PAPER 

If you're like Rumpole, business is bouncing back and you may find yourself at DCJ or Metro West or TGK needing to see a client who needs you. 

You already know that the list of things you cannot bring into the jail is longer than the judicial line at the open bar at an FACDL event. iPads, computers, books of any sort, keys, church keys, beepers, thermonuclear weapons, etc. 

Add paper to the list. 

Yes, in 2022 the Miami Jail system has BANNED PAPER.

Why? 

Well, it seems some enterprising inmates and families and friends of inmates are treating paper products with clear liquid chemicals. THC, cocaine, meth, caffeine, you name it. That innocent looking blank sheet of paper, upon which we have written some of the world's greatest cross examination and closing argument notes in the history of western legal culture, can now be smoked or ingested, providing the consumer a high. 

Imagine the scene: a traffic stop in Miami. The officer walks to the car and asks for the DL and insurance and registration. As he returns he espies something:

Officer: What is that on the floor sir?

Future client: Oh, nothing. Just a legal pad. 

Officer (hand on firearm): I'll need you to get out of the car right now sir, and keep your hands where I can see them. 

On St. Patrick's day, the bars are full. That makes sense. 

And now we know why the stationary stores are crowded as well. 

RUMPOLE'S JAIL VISIT ADVENTURE

 We often hear incarcerated  clients complain to judges that their lawyers never see them. We often see Judges tell lawyers to go see their clients in jail, like it's a visit to McDonalds. It is not. 

And so it came to pass that even Rumpole was unable (for the moment) to secure bond for a client and was forced to do something that we have not done in well over two years- trudge to the Dade County Jail. which BTW is known at PTD or the Pre Trial Detention Center- and go visit a client. 

A staff member called the jail. Unlike 11 Madison Park in Manhattan, or Nobu, no reservations needed. Just come on in. So we went, and thus  entered the black hole of time trying to see a client in jail. 

We waited in line outside while various food vendors and corrections officers carrying sacks full of fast food lined up to be screened. Important tip- don't go to the jail over lunch hour when trillions of calories are trucked in. 

We were screened and then had to surrender our DL because we did not have a quarter for the locker. We traded out DL for a locker key.  Then the officer asked if we were seeing the person on video- because if we were we needed to go around the corner. "No video for us" we said through our N95 mask. She just chuckled. We- who take such pride in reading the slightest twitch of a witness on the stand- ignored the signs. We know better. 

We went to the front desk and secured the comforting sight of a pink slip. Wrote in the jail number and location slipped our bar card and ID to the woman. "You want to see him on video right?"

"No thank you. In person please."

Well that caused a serious problem. A lot of huddling, pointing at us, more huddling, someone coming to the window to speak with us, and then taking a ten minute phone call while we stood there, and more huddling and then a sergeant: "You want to see him on video, right?"

"No sir. In person please."

"Hmmm....wait here." More calls. More huddling. Another supervisor. "I am advising you that the best thing to do is to see your client on video. If you just walk around the corner there is a video set up and I'll have him brought to the video room." 

We surrendered. It had been an hour. We had things to do. 

We walked around the corner to behind the PDs office and went to a window. We peered inside. It was an enormous dark room. About thirty feet away sat two corrections officers with their backs to us, facing an array of video machines. It was like the set up the NSA and Bill Gates have to track people who have been vaccinated for Covid. High tech. Well high tech except that with the three feet of bullet proof glass, and no one sitting at the window, and the two officers with their backs to us, we had no way of getting their attention. 

Twenty minutes later back to PTD. Back to the screening. Back to surrendering our ID because we still didn't have a quarter. Back to the window, where we told the woman our problem with the video. "Oh, no problem, Go back. I'll call them. Back to the locker. Back to getting our ID. Back out the door, Back down the street. Back to the window. Now there was only one officer, and she was facing the screens. It was not our day. Twenty minutes later an officer came into the Miami branch of the Gates/NSA/Covid tracking center and saw us. We handed them the slip. 

"Do you have an account?"

"Ummm....I do not think so."

Off she went to a computer to confer with Bill Gates. Back she came fifteen minutes later. "You do have an account, but this inmate is not on your list."

"Well, that makes sense. He was just arrested."

"No problem. I'll just add him."

She went to the computers. A supervisor came over. They huddled and pointed at me a few times. More conferring. More entering of Data. Perhaps they were concerned about when we were recently in NYC and ate Dim Sum in Chinatown according to their vaccine tracking data. 

They came back to us. "The computer will not let us add him to your account. Go back to the jail."

Back down the street. Back to the jail. Back to the line. Back to being screened. Back to giving them our DL because we didn't have a quarter. Back to the window with the now wrinkled pink slip. 

Corrections Officer: "We are going to bring him down so you can see him."

Rumpole: "Great."

Corrections Officer: "Umm can you come back in 90 minutes? We have shift change now."

Back to our car. Did you know there is no Starbucks nearby the REGJB? We drove to Biscayne Boulevard and secured some coffee. Time elapsed so far: three hours, twenty minutes. Back to the courthouse. Park. Back to the jail. Back to the line. Back to being screened. Still no quarter (we love the Starbucks app and have over a hundred stars). Back to the locker. Back to the front window. A new officer is there. We hand her the slip: "Ummm.... you want to see him on video right?"

Post Script. The story you have read is 100% true. It took us over five hours to see our client in the Dade  County Jail. Almost every officer we dealt with was polite and helpful. There is just a bureaucracy and significant hurdles in seeing a client in jail. Imagine if we had a two week trial to prepare for and had to do this every day for trial prep. 

So we say to our robed readers, especially the ones fond of pontificating how when they were in private practice they saw every client in jail every day and tried every case at the first trial setting- that the next time you wonder why the lawyer in front of you is being too lazy to spend a half hour with her client in jail, it is because at this point in time it is probably easier to be a Chinese spy trying to get into Mar A Lago, then it is to get into a jail and see a client. 

A RUMPOLE RIDDLE

A RUMPLE RIDDLE ANSWERED 

 What is 

Hard to get into for some people (lawyers)

Easy to get into for other people (defendants)

For the people that it is easy to get into

It is hard to get out of (defendants)

For the people that it is hard to get into

It is easy to get out of (lawyers)

And is 61 years old....????

THE DADE COUNTY JAIL 

IT IS TIME TO REPLACE THE DADE COUNTY JAIL WHICH OPENED IN 1960 

OH JOY

 The news we have all be waiting for arrived. Ask any attorney about the hardships of Covid and they might tell you they miss trying cases; they miss going to court; they miss going to the office. But while those answers may vary, the one hardship we have all endured during Covid, speaking for the defense bar one and all- is the inability to go to the jail and see a client. It's what we live for, The joy of a morning spent at the Dade County Jail or TGK, seeing our favourite corrections officers, breezing in and out of the spacious and well appointed facilities, this has been the hardship we have all endured. Who amongst us doesn't want to spend 3 or 4 hours sitting on those lovely plastic chairs in the TGK lobby, waiting to be called? Who hasn't reveled in the joy of sitting in an interview room at TGK and pressing the button to end the interview eleven-teen-hundred times only to be ignored by a corrections officer eating their afternoon repast? And what better way to spend a comfy South Florida afternoon in the warm and lovely confines of the DCJ? 

And now we have the news you have all been waiting for....(drum roll please) THE JAILS ARE OPEN FOR IN PERSON VISITS! 

Come one, come all, spend a glorious afternoon (and evening) waiting to see your client and then waiting to get out. We told you if you just hung on long enough that the deprivations of Covid would fade and we would return to our normal lives. And we were right. 

The Jails are open! WooHoo!! ODE TO JOY 

MIAMI JAILS IN CRISIS

Judge Kathleen Williams entered a TRO requiring Miami Pre-trial jails to provide basic cleaning services like access to soap and hot water and social distancing. The jails responded, according to one source, by interpreting the order to allow inmates to play basketball. See the email we received: 

I have a client at Metro West with a compromised immune system. I have been following the Judge Williams litigation. As you know she entered a TRO. My client called and said that they must have interpreted the order to mean allow the inmates to play basketball together. I want to get my guy out but he is a sentenced inmate. Could you post something so that we can gather further anecdotal evidence of what is going on there? Thanks

Thanks for your service and stay safe

If you have information that, as shocking as this may seem, the jails are slow to respond to the TRO and are not caring for clients who are incarcerated, post it in the comments section or email it to us and we will forward it. 

Ovalle covered the hearing and TRO  in the Herald here and DOM, meddling more and more in State court stuff, did a blog post here. 

POST BOND? DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH

The problems with the Dade County Jail and Corrections continue: Like the Roach Motel, you can check in but you cannot check out:

Dear Colleagues,

Please see the below information regarding acute delays in the releasing of defendants from MDCR custody.  It appears that Miami Dade is experiencing a lack of connectivity with the national AFIS system which is used to confirm the identities of detainees.

I have been in touch with MDCR's legal advisor and she is unsure as to whether this a nationwide or local problem, but has been told by Miami Dade representatives that AFIS should be up and accessible again by 9:00 pm.  Having checked in with Ken Hassett in Broward and based on the lack of complaints there, it appears to be a local problem for us. 

We will continue to monitor the problem and prepare to take all necessary options that are available to us.  If any of you have experienced delays today, please contact me to discuss details.

Best,

Eddie Pereira

President FACDL-Miami

JUDGES BLOOM AND GAYLES NOMINATED:

Dade Circuit Judges Darrin Gayles and Beth Bloom were nominated by the White House today to the  United States District Court for the Southern District Of Florida. As we have seen, a nomination is barely worth the paper it is written on. Does the White House have the clout to move these nominations out of the Senate Judiciary Committee and to a full vote? 

The citizens of South Florida could not be better served than by having these two outstanding judges confirmed. 

See You In Court. 

PS. No truth to the rumor a certain local Miami Beach politician sent out requests to the media to be interviewed on this story. 

ANOTHER INMATE DIES AT DCJ

David Ovalle at the Miami Herald has all the details in the story here. 

Go in for DWLS, get taken out in a body bag. Not a pretty picture. 

Joseph Wilner died on the notorious 9th floor of the jail, where they "house" inmates with psychiatric problems. House is really not a proper term. Lets just describe exactly what they do: 
they strip the inmates naked and put them in a wire cage or a plastic bubble. 

The rats have better beds at the DCJ than inmates on the 9th floor. 

So here is the question: who's going to get arrested  for manslaughter for the negligence involved in this man's death? 

And where is our esteemed state attorney and the grand jury investigation for a jail, which like the roach motel, has a motto that "you check in, but don't check out?" 

How many more people are the Dade County Department of Corrections going to kill this year?  Three people have died on the ninth floor this year. DWLS is a damned misdemeanor! We are killing our citizens for driving with a suspended license. This is outrageous. 

And it's more than that: it's a crime. 

"You can judge a society by how it treats its prisoners."
Fyodor  Dostoevesky. 

Miami gets an "F".

See you in court, keeping clients out of that death trap. 

JAIL VISIT GUIDELINES UPDATED

OK, we're back. Sort of. Not really into it, but we'll try.

From Rick Freedman comes this jail visit update:

The new policy, outlined below, which goes into effect December 15, 2010, is listed here on Correction's website (they also have great deals on amazon dot com electronics)

In June of this year I began meeting with the Miami-Dade Department of Corrections & Rehabilitation. I met several times with Director Tim Ryan as well as his legal staff. I presented them with our concerns. We wanted all attorneys that were licensed members of The Florida Bar to have unbridled access to inmates at all MDCR facilities. We objected to the policy that only permitted attorneys of record to have face to face visits with inmates, while all other attorneys were forced to have a barrier visit (under glass) with the inmate.

MDCR explained to me on several occasions that their primary goal was always "safety and security". They were also concerned about several instances where attorneys were not following the MDCR rules and where some attorneys had allegedly violated the law. They did agree that it was unreasonable for each facility to have different rules depending on the day of the week, time of day and whom the shift commander may have been on any given day. While it took some time, they finally understood that they were making it very difficult for private counsel to interview potential new clients at the jail with a glass barrier separating the attorney from the client. I explained to them that going over A forms, OIR's, exhibit lists, depositions, diagrams, etc. required interaction that could not be effectively accomplished with a barrier. I also explained that there were several instances where an associate of a law firm could not even see the firm's client face to face if the partner of the firm was the attorney of record and the associate was there to see the client.

After several months of negotiations, MDCR did finally agree to relax the barrier rule. All licensed attorneys will now be permitted to see inmates at all facilities within MDCR without having to do so under glass. The new rule states that "an inmate shall only be allowed a one hour attorney visit, twice per day, by an attorney, not listed as the attorney of record by the Clerk of Courts." After two attorney visits, all other wishing to see that same inmate on that same day, will have to do so under glass. (If you are an associate from a firm that represents the inmate, you should bring with you a document from the firm on letterhead that explains your relationship to the client). Also, make sure that your letterhead address matches your Florida Bar address listed on the Bar's web site.

Please be aware of the recommended visitations times. Also, on a separate note, if any of our members have not already registered their law office number with MDCR "Do Not Record List" they may want to take this opportunity to follow the rules attached and do so now.

MDCR will be implementing these new policies effective December 15, 2010. They understand that there will be instances where a MDCR employee may not understand the rules the way you understand them. Please make every attempt to discuss the issue with the Shift Commander if at all possible. MDCR is doing their best to make sure that all employees of their department are aware of these new policies.

If any of our members have any questions or comments, please feel free to have them email me and I will attempt to answer the question myself or direct them to the person at MDCR who can answer their question.

I hope these new policies and procedures help make our members' lives a bit easier when visiting an inmate in Miami-Dade County.

Rick Freedman

Thank you Rick. Great job.

**ALERT** IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE SO ALREADY, GO TO THE WEBSITE LISTED ABOVE AND REGISTER YOUR OFFICE PHONE NUMBER ON THE "DO NOT RECORD LIST"

DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Thought of the day:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

INVICTUS,

-William Ernest Henley-

CORRECTIONS KERFUFFLE

No post in recent memory engendered the high level of discussion than our post last weekend detailing the experience of our hapless private attorney friend who needed five full days and five putative attempts before he was allowed to see his client at the Dade County Jail.

(<---------check out the new poll)

In response to some high level inquires, the attorney in question has emailed me that he was never offered the option of seeing his client through glass in a booth. That appears to be the new policy of the Dade County Jail (Motto: "proudly keeping attorneys from their clients since well before you were born.")

In all seriousness, there is another side to this issue that needs to be examined: the new policy at the DCJ was created in response to the absolutely intolerable circumstances of attorneys visiting clients without being asked to in an attempt to "steal" clients away from legitimate attorneys of record.

While we applaud the concern, there are serious shortcomings with the new policy. The most glaring problem is that clients often legitimately wish to change attorneys or seek a second opinion and are unable to do so under the new policy.

Perhaps a better solution is for the jail to keep a record of which attorneys visit clients. This record can be made available to the attorneys of record, who can then report attorneys who solicit clients or who otherwise see clients without being requested to do so.

However, if the jail and the court system wants to turn their attention to these types of problems then perhaps the SAO can once and for all GET OFF THEIR BUTTS AND INVESTIGATE BONDSMEN WHO REFER CASES TO ATTORNEYS. This is not that hard to do. We have made several complaints over the years. Bondsmen were literally kidnapping clients by bonding them out, taking them to their office, having them call their families for money for the bond, and then forcing them to hire particular attorneys under the threat of surrendering them back to jail if they didn't. A start would be to look at several attorneys who we all know and despise. We are 100% certain that any decent detective would see that certain attorneys in particular have 95% of their clients who were bonded out by a particular bonding agency. It then would be a quick step to interview some former clients who would all tell the same remarkable story that their bondsman threatened to surrender them back to the jail if they didn't hire one particular attorney.

Anyway, Attorney Rick Freedman is on some FACDL committee that deals with the jail. They do two things at the FACDL exceedingly well: They form committees and they hound you for dues.

Rick wants everyone to let him know what they think the policy at the DCJ should be:

(choose 1, 2, or 3, then when you see Rick in the building just shout a number at him. Alternatively you can call Rick at home and just shout a number at him when he answers; then hang up. Or you can officially vote in our poll at the side of the blog post. Your choice. But sometimes shouting can be fun. )

1. Only the attorney of record can see the inmate face to face; (all others would be "under glass'').

2. If the inmate is represented by the PD, any attorney with a bar card can see the inmate face to face.

3. Anyone with a bar card can see the inmate; Miami Dade DOC should not have any rules restricting access.

Rumpole says: The DCJ has been a cesspool of corruption for decades now vis a vis the referring of clients and the stealing of clients. How many of you have been told that a corrections officer subtly slipped your client the card of an attorney he should hire? It is our great suspicion that the officers who refer inmates to attorneys are doing so for motive$ other than altrui$m.

FUN AT DCJ

We received this email, which bears repeating in its entirety:

"Rumpole- perhaps your readers would enjoy my experience at the Dade County Jail this week.

I took over a felony case from another lawyer and attempted to see my client at the Dade County Jail. Here is my story.

DAY ONE: MONDAY: I go to the jail and am cheerfully admitted through the legendary front gate. I fill out the paperwork, clear the screener (which is a new addition- for years no one bothered to check why the security machine was beeping. Just don't bring a cell phone or a lighter into the jail. Small arms and ammo were apparently completely acceptable.)

They take my paperwork and go to the computer and return and tell me I can't see my client because I am not the attorney of record. I inform them that the client just hired me. "No way Jose." If the computer doesn't say I'm his lawyer, I can't get in. Now it occurs to me at this point that in this case the client's family hired me. But what if they wanted me to see their son before hiring me? How would the jail handle that? Anyway, I am told to return with my notice of appearance.

DAY TWO: TUESDAY: I return with my notice of appearance. I enter the front gate, hand them my paper work and am promptly told that I cannot see my client. The computer does not have me listed as my client's attorney. "But I have my NOA" I say. "They told me they needed that."

Nope. If the computer doesn't have me listed as the attorney, I cannot get in.

A word about this computer. When they went to check the computer, the corrections officer could not get the mouse to work. She kept swiping it but the cursor on the screen didn't move. She then looked behind the screen to check the wire. I tried to lean down and talk through that little 16 inch opening in the security glass and tell her that the mouse was wired into the computer but not the screen. She ignored me. Then she started yelling to her compatriot that she couldn't check the computer because the mouse wasn't hooked up to the screen. "The computer, the computer !" I tried to yell. "Check the mouse wires to the computer." Another corrections officer arrived. Then another. They picked up the screen. They looked behind it. All the time tugging on the wire to the mouse that led down through a hole in the table and to the computer. Finally, and this is true- they put the screen down- one corrections officer held it- and another smacked it with a radio. Lo and behold! The mouse started working. The computer was checked and it dutifully spit out "NO" in my request to see my client.

DAY THREE :WEDNESDAY: Now things are going to get fun. I return with a copy of a certified copy of my motion for substitution of counsel. I fill out my paperwork. I present it to the corrections officer. "What's this?" "It's an order that says I am the new lawyer on the case. I bring it with me on the extraordinarily slim possibility your computer does not say that I am the lawyer on the case. " "Hold on." I wait several minutes. "You can't come in." "Why?" "The computer says you're not the lawyer on the case." "Aha. That's why I brought you an order. See, it's stamped just about ten days ago, saying the client switched lawyers. " "Hold on." I wait several more minutes. "You can't come in. " "Why." "My supervisor says this doesn't have red ink on it. It's not an official copy." They had me there. I made the fatal mistake of copying my certified copy, and not bringing the original one. I was beaten yet again. I left.

DAY FOUR: THURSDAY. If I was the subject of a reality TV show and had a TV crew following me, I would have the material for a top rated show. Today's attempt to see my client was truly frightening. I arrived at the legendary front gate fully armed for battle. I walk in. I clear the screener. I have my original certified copy of the motion for substitution of counsel. I cannot lose. I fill out my paper work, I smugly slide my original certified copy through the 16 inch slot, and while I was not looking Rod Serling was off to the side slyly informing his viewers to behold the over worked criminal defense attorney vainly trying for four days to see his client. Only today, unbeknownst to him, he was about to enter the twilight zone.

"You can't see the defendant." "Why not?" "The computer says you're not his lawyer." "Aha. But I have an order saying I am the new lawyer. And it has the red ink stamp on it as well."

"Huh?" "The order. You have it in your hand. It says I am the new lawyer." The corrections officer spends several minutes reading it. I am now quoting exactly the conversation that ensued, as I began to take notes. My recitation will also closely approximate the phonetic sounds of the words I heard:

"It don't say dat." "Yes it does." "Where?" "Can I see it for a moment." "No. hang on." I wait as a second corrections officer arrives. 2nd Officer: "What jew want?" Me: "Huh?" 2nd Corrections Officer: "You ain't seeing no one who you no be the lawyer for." Me: "Hang on a sec- that's a lot of negatives. I need to get this down." I take a deep breath. "Officers. I have an order saying that I am the new lawyer on this case. I know the computer doesn't think I am the new lawyer, but I assure you I am." First Corrections Officer: "Where it say dat on dis?" Me: "Right there. XXX shall be substituted as the attorney for YYY." First Corrections Office to Second: "See. He say dis say he da new lawyer. But this don't no say dat. Dis say substitute. Nothing about being a new lawyer." " Second Corrections Officer: "So he like working with the first one right?"

Me: "I'm right here. I can answer that question." First Corrections Officer: "Hold on."

Both corrections Officers disappear and after ten minutes or so, a third one arrives.

She authoritatively holds up the Order: "If you be working with some lawyer we need a letter from that lawyer saying you can see the client."

Me. "But I'm not working with the lawyer. I'm the new lawyer. I don't think any of you understand what "substitutes" means.

First Corrections Officer to Second and Third: "There he go again thinking he smarter than us cause he a lawyer."

Me: Bending down to talk through the 16 inch slot. "I never said that! All I'm saying is that if you don't understand the order, try reading the next line where it says that lawyer YYY shall be relieved from any further obligations in the case. "

Second Corrections Officer: "Why don't you try getting an order that say you da new lawyer. It ain't that hard."

Me. "I'm beginning to see your point. Can I speak with the shift commander? "

First Corrections Officer to second and third under her breath "I knew that was coming." Then to me: "He on break. You need to come back."

Post script :I went back on Thursday afternoon, spoke to the shift commander, was granted access to the jail, only to be told the floor was on lock down.

On Friday afternoon I went back to the jail and was promptly admitted and saw my client. I am by nature curious, so I asked the woman at the front desk why she didn't check the computer to see if I was the lawyer. "Too much trouble" she said. "The mouse never works and the information is always out of date."

Please Rumpole- please print this so the next time some sneering and condescending Judge who has never been in private practice wants to know why we didn't promptly see our client in jail, they will have some understanding of the troubles we go though. It's not just like we walk in, are given a cup of coffee and seated in a comfortable chair whilst out client is brought to us.

Thanks.

Rumpole says: Wow!