For those new DeSantis County Court judges, whose vocabulary is mostly limited to repeating over and over that they won't legislate from the bench and will follow the law (and won't say Gay), don't get too excited by the title of the post. No- it is not some new paraphernalia crime with a minimum mandatory allowing you to show Governor D how tough you are as you throw people in jail. It's merely a description of the contents of the post. But don't worry, we are sure you'll get some possession of marijuana crimes or maybe even possession of Disney paraphernalia cases ( F.S. 666.066(z)(1-4) et.al., ) that will give you the opportunity to sentence someone to 364 and get you on the way to the 3rd DCA.
First up, sent to us by an alert reader, our reaction is that it reminds us of the "no children" signs that used to hang on the doors of courtrooms in the REGJB until we got on our soapbox about that. The signs are so 2021.
Second, on our perambulations* around Miami, we came across two putative courthouses: one new, one old. First up, the oldie.
If you say C. Clyde Atkins to a 30 something circuit or county DeSantis judge, you'll probably be met with a blank stare, or a riposte that they didn't show up for calendar so a warrant for their arrest was issued, which pretty much sums up (some) of the problems with the judiciary these days. But old-time federal practitioners will look at the federal courthouse and remember when it was brand new. Here is the facelift, including the new glass foyer. We are tracking down the rumors of a Starbucks, Jamba Juice and Chipotle outlets in the new old lady. We can report on the instillation of charging stations for those lawyers and jurors who scoot to court on scooters. So cool (would twixt that it was really true).
And finally, you didn't think the powers that be would let a courthouse fall on several hundred civil lawyers and judges did you (yes, most of you are thinking of the old joke- what do you call a boat with a thousand lawyers that is sinking? A good start!)?
So from the ashes of asbestos and beams in the middle of courtrooms, rises a majestic new arena designed to allow litigants to adjudicate the PIP and first party insurance clams cases. Oh wait, the legislature did away with attorneys' fees on those cases. Well, maybe somewhere someone will file a lawsuit over a contract. In any event we have a new civil courthouse coming y'all. Woo hoo! Motions for sanctions on interrogatories anyone?
Extra blog bonus points if you can identity the author of this poem:
777 they will call you.
Towards heaven heaven heaven you will soar.
Only god can make a tree I grant you;
But only man can make a 40th floor!
* It is just a fancy way of saying walking. To perambulate is to walk. Thus, the infamous cross by Rumpole, circa 1980 where he thundered in some DUI trial, "you observed my client perambulate, did you not? To which the befuddled officer replied, "Absolutely not, I let him use the bathroom by himself."
True story.