COURTHOUSE COMPLAINT DESK

With Festivus approaching, it is necessary for the airing of grievances, Here are a 100 beefs... in all shapes and sizes;

1.      The down escalator between the 3^rd and 4^th floor. 

2.     Police cars dominating the lawyers' parking lot.

3.     Police officers' shooting the breeze from their cars as   

     they block the parking lot.

4.    The minimal menu and lack of inventory at El Gordo Café.

5.     Judges that take the bench late.

6.    Can't I get into the building at that side entrance with just   a  

      bar card (like every other courthouse) , why do I need a  special

      ID? 

7.      Judges not being humble about their lack of experience before   

      being elected judge.

8.      Judges that won’t take private lawyers out of turn.

9.      People that pay stupid scalper's prices at concerts.

10.     Prosecutors that do not return phone calls.

11.         Lawyers that do not return emails.

12.       Prosecutors that make hi-ball plea offers even though  

        they’re willing to resolve the case at a much lower level.

13.       Michael Bay movies.

14.       Millennials that stare at their smart phone 24/7.

15.        The elevators that have had the outside directional 

        lights inoperable for years (Is this elevator going up  

        or down?).

16.       Employees at El Gordo that don’t speak a word of 

        English.

17.       Judges that speak too softly from the bench.

18.       Judges that never bother to read motions 

19.        Two-tone men’s Rolex watches.

20.      Wrinkly sports jackets.

21.        Lawyers that do not understand how to be civil in an    

         adversarial context.

22.       Bums that beg for money as you’re entering and      

         exiting the courthouse.

23.       Creepy religious-freak defendants that need to know  

         the spelling of the prosecutor's and judge's name     

         concerning their case so they may cast their spells.

24.       Those who dump sacrificial chickens outside the  

         courthouse.

25.       How great lawyers, judges, courtroom personnel and  

         other dedicated people are so easily forgotten once they 

         retire or pass away.

26.       The lack of preservation of the history of the Miami   

          justice system.

27.       Too many tattoos on women (it's like spray-painting a luxury

         car).

28.        Cheesy, overproduced, auto-tuned pop music.

29.       The now pamphlet-sized Miami Herald and Ft Lauderdale

        Sun Sentinel.

30.      Attorneys doing unnecessary, over-the top dog & pony shows 

        during calendar calls.

31.        Judges that panic when they’re in trial.

32.       Judges that take 5 days to conduct a 2-day trial.

33.       People on a venire that purposefully try to get out of     

        jury duty and the judges that tolerate that. 

34.      Potential jurors that complain the system is unfair, yet  

        they are too biased to participate in the very system they are

        saying is unfair.

35.      Candidates running for judge that ask for campaign  

        contributions, yet they’ve never asked me “How I’m  

        doing?” or “How’s my family?”

36.       Kingmakers and wannabe kingmakers.

37.        How Miami-Dade County Correctional facilities   

         rarely answer the phones.

38.      How Metro West [essentially] incarcerates people by    

        locking them in those small interview rooms and then  

        taking forever to release them. One day, maybe I’ll just 

        relieve myself in there, let them clean it up and perhaps that

         may teach them a lesson.

39.       Kiss-ass lawyers that ask judges "if they may be

         excused from court ?".

40.      The correctional officer that screws up the jail cards     

         resulting in ruining my evenings or weekends.

41.        How overly politically correct our country has become.  

         Yes, "snowflakes" are real and it's another term for       

         being a total wus. 

42.       Judicial Assistants that do not answer their phones.

43.        Judicial Assistants that make it seem like their doing  

         you a favor by simply calendaring a case.

44.       How I have to pay for 3 certified copies to get  

         Corrections to do anything.

45.       How, at the main jail, visiting a client has become so       

         incredibly difficult and time-consuming.

46.      The lack of parking at TGK.

47.        How they make a "federal case" out of so much in 

         Federal court.

48.      How the Southern District of Florida seems more 

         oppressive than other jurisdictions. When I travel to 

         other places, everybody seems to be nicer and I get better   

         results.  

49.      Judges scared to make a ruling.

50.      Judges more interested in playing it safe than doing the 

        right thing.

51.         People that talk during the performances of a concert.

52.      "Classic rock" elitists that think a 70-year-old singing 

        hard rock makes any sense at all.

53.       Too many sidebars during calendar calls.

54.       Courts that don't provide pre-printed seating charts for jury 

         trials. 

55.       How terrible it is to jack up all these court costs when it is 

         usually poor people that it’s imposed upon.

56.       The use of Nebbia conditions for far too many scenarios.

57.        How Clerk Harvey Ruvin seems to make the criminal 

          justice system his lowest priority.

58.       The lack of Clerk’s office personnel and resources 

         resulting in crazy lines at the 9th floor attorneys’  

         window.   

59.       How these animals abuse their children and use vile 

         profanity in front of their kids, in the hallways of the 

         courthouse.

60.       Defendants that wear apparel that celebrates booze, 

        drugs or violence... to court.  

61.        Lawyers that quote Shakespeare during trials (you’d be 

         better off quoting Kim Kardashian)  

62.       Lawyers that charge cheap legal fees.

63.       The concept that the recreational use of marijuana  

         triggers any form of criminal prosecution.

64.      Prosecutors and judges that have an informal attitude 

         towards marijuana outside of court yet take a hard line 

         inside of court.

65.       The horrible racial disparity that poisons the criminal 

          justice system.

66.       Extremism on both sides of American politics.

67.       The pathetic state of music radio in South Florida.

68.      The Hard Rock/Hollywood as a venue for concerts.

69.      Able-bodied people using handicap parking stickers.

70.      The whole circus that embodies the judicial election     

        process.

71.        How the internet has all but eliminated responsible    

        journalism.

72.      Too many breaks during a jury trial that interrupt the 

        flow and momentum.

73.      When I am making an argument, or cross-examining a 

        witness, and the judge is turned away from me and 

        talking to the judicial assistant.

74.      The lack of resources for dealing with mental illness in 

        the criminal justice system.

75.       Immigration lawyers that tell their clients “You need to tell

        your criminal defense attorney to simply just "get your case  

        dismissed so you don’t have immigration problems”.

76.      Defendants sentenced to lengthy probation, judges that 

        order them to set up a payment plan at the Clerk’s office 

        for their court costs, they have to pay high interest rates 

        and a set-up fee for entering into that payment plan when,

        since they’re on a lengthy probationary period anyway, they

        have ample time to pay. What a money grab!

77.       Judges playing obvious games to get defendants to waive their

        speedie trial rights.

78.      The asinine 2-year license revocation as a result of an 

        adjudication on a controlled substance case...where it had 

        nothing to do with driving!

79.      Idiotic reality TV shows and their reality “stars”.

80.    Conniving televangelists.

81.       Where’s the calendar for private attorneys so I know 

        what page I’m on?   

82.     How defense attorneys are now, in many court rooms, 

        forbidden from talking to clients in the jury rooms.

83.     The disgusting (and very real) “trial tax”.

84.     Chonga hair.

85.      Co-defendant defense lawyers that are not team players

86.     How the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office deals with 

        cooperation in drug cases. "Three cases in 90 days" is utter

        nonsense!

87.      Mass-produced swill beer.

88.     The lack of resources to help people get their driver

        licenses straightened out.

89.     How every time I need to use the bathroom on the first  

        floor, there’s a yellow tape preventing me from entering.

90.     How Harvey Ruvin did away with the very necessary        

         information booth on the 9^th floor. 

91.       When you phone into a judge’s chambers that your 

         running late yet the message doesn’t get to the judge

92.      Judges that don’t understand the concept

        of  the Supremacy Clause.

93.      Judges that never grant motions.

94.     That one ASA in the felony screening unit (most of the  

        screeners are very fair and professional) that rubber-

       stamps the filing of anything and everything.

95.      The rising cost of affordable housing in South Florida.

96.      Lawyers too quick to get their client to rat out co-   

        defendants.

97.      Unsophisticated and pathetic defendants caught up in 

        ridiculous drug trafficking sting operations (“Wanna 

        buy 20 kilos for a $1000 ?” ) and the difficulty in getting the  

        minimum mandatory penalties waived.

98.      How the criminal justice system can be insensitive to     

        victim’s rights even though there is a statute that is     

        there to preclude that from happening.

99.     How too many un-provable or nominal domestic 

        violence cases take a life of their own. 

100.       Judgmental lawyers thinking their poop doesn’t stink and

          making lists like this (Detractors, I took the wind out of your

          sails)

NFL WEEK THREE 2018

BREAKING...With the Bills shocking the Vikes at home and tossing a shut-out to boot, we are on pace to our shortest survivor season ever. Four remaining players have the chiefs, one has the Fins, and one the Ravens. We could be down to between 4 and 6 players at the end of week three!!!
We are already 4-0 on our picks this week. But that's average for us.

More losses in the survivor pool, but Rumpole survives. This week the Vikes, playing the hapless Bills, looks to be the top pick, followed by the red-hot Chiefs who are 2-0 on the road, and return to KC for their home opener against a disappointing  49'ers team. 

Speaking of our Survivor game, play  our SCOTUS nominee survivor game. Look to your right ---------->  Vote.  

Survivor 2018 WEEK 3 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

And speaking of Rumpole, don't look now but we're beginning to DOMINATE our FF league and it's all because we 1) passed on A Brown (disgruntled WR Steelers) at the number 4 pick and grabbed Shaqon Barkley who is averaging a very respectable 25pts/game, and grabbed QB phenom Patrick Mahomes from the Chiefs, who is tearing up the league, and teamed him up with two Chief WRs. We're a FF point-machine to the point where our kicker went don't at the start of the game last week, and we didn't need him at all. 

Mr. Hornstein has proposed a trade to us:

RUMP would trade Saquon Barkley, NYG RB	TH would trade Jordan Howard, Chi RB Le'Veon Bell*, Pit RB

Rumpole responds: No Brooklyn Bridge? 

Picks: 
We already picked the Brownies for their first win on Thursday night, so we enter Sunday 1-0. 
Dolphins, at home, -6 over the Raiders. Count us as hopping on our home-tram bandwagon. A top rated D will stop the Raiders on their second road trip in two week. The train is off the rails for Chucky's boys and it doesn't look promising for the rest of the year. WIN

Chiefs -6.5 at home over 49'ers.  Once again KC doesn't let it be close, and it's fun to root for the team with your FF players.  WIN

Cheaters -6.5 bouncing back against the Lions. Brady's angry. And he has a new weapon in Josh Gordon. Watch out. 

Denver at Baltimore, under 44.5. Not a lot of O in either team. WIN

Stay away from the Skins, Saints, a Steeler team in such disarray it makes the White House look orderly, and the Falcons. 


Apropos of nothing pigskin related, we found (and find) ourselves this whole week in the Eastern District of New York (more on this adventure into a foreign jurisdiction in a latter post) and were lucky enough to slip into Lila last night, the impossible to get-into heaven of pasta housed in an old Brooklyn garage (where else would you expect to find heaven?). 
Lets start with the appetizers, especially the crostinis. There is chicken-liver crostini, which s drizzled with an aged and sweet balsamic. As Red Barber would say:" Oh doctor!". But even more delicious is the cured sardines on grilled crostini. Sardiney...crunchy..muy delicosos.  

 Then there is the agnolotti, a heavenly mix of sheep-milk ricotta and feta cheese wrapped in a pasta bathing in butter, saffron, and a honey-tomato sauce that is just... Indescribable. 
Black bass, which is a locally caught fish, is similarly indescribable. It's grilled with salsa verde. A flaky white fish with some heat. And with the pasta, that's what you call heaven. 
There's a very reasonable wine list, but we went high-end, with a 2015 Emdio Pepe Pecorino for three bills. It's an Italian dry white, with a sort of mineral taste, a delightful floral bouquet, and a finish of licorice. 
Sometimes when travel has got you down, you just need to treat yourself with a high end meal. And when you can slip into a restaurant that routinely turns away A-listers, it's a double treat.

DEF NOT GUILTY, LAWYER GOES TO JAIL

No, this is not a story about REGJB legend Alex Michaels, although the same thing did happen to him on a murder case many years ago. 

This is the story of an Attorney in Georgia who obtained a Not Guilty for his client on a murder case. However, while the jury was out, the lawyer went to the bank and got "stuck in traffic" which delayed the reading of the verdict for an hour. The Judge held the lawyer in contempt and gave him the option of a thousand dollar fine or forty-eight hours in jail. The lawyer chose the pokey. Well done we say! Call the Judge on his threat. Become a martyr. Sit in a southern jail and write letters about freedom and civil disobedience like MLK. 

We note that when the judge told the officers to take the lawyer into custody he emphasized the word "EASY". Why? Don't court officers treat all inmates with respect and care? 
It's not like in the song "That's the Night that the Lights Went Out In Georgia", after the guilty verdict the Judge slapped the sheriff on the back and said "supper's on the table at home and I gotta get to it" but it was disturbing none the less.

N.B. Maybe a lawyer's day in Georgia is worth five hundred bucks. But in Miami, we're losing money at $500 a day. 

And this: does that defense attorney look way too young to you? And does his argument at sentencing seem a bit...well, weak or even bad?  His defense of himself was even worse. But give the young man credit- a not guilty in a murder case is a hard thing to achieve. Yes his client was found guilty of drug charges, but jurors are notorious compromisers and it's no surprise they wanted a conviction on something after walking him on murder. 

Here's the video. Sorry for the commercials up front, but if you need a pickup truck in Georgia, and who doesn't, there are plenty of sales going on right now. 




And finally this- isn't the song "That's the Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia" one of the best songs from the 1970's?
Take a listen, and like our brother attorney in Georgia, fight the power! 

"Well don't trust your soul to no back-woods southern lawyer..." classic line. 






H/T To Attorney Mark Eiglarsh who posted this on the FACDL Listserv (Motto"clogging up your email inboxes with self-congratulatory missives since before 2000") yesterday. 

NOT TO BE MISANTHROPIC BUT....

Before we forget, we love tonight's game. Jets. Brownies.  Our two fav teams in 2018 battling it out in Cleveland. And although we love the Jets, we think the Browns have a great D-their cornerbacks shut down the Saints and Steeler Wrs-  and they finally get that W. Take the boys who play at the mistake by the lake -3, and the under 41. 

Here is what bothers us: 

1) When a phone accidentally rings in court and the judge or a lawyer is talking,  the bailiff will always shout out "please turn off all cell phones" as if anyone thought that they could talk on their phone. It's not as if, after the phone accidentally rings and the bailiff shouts, the person goes "WOW! I didn't know you couldn't have your phone ring in court. Thanks for straightening  that out for me."
No. It's a mistake. Give the person a moment to quiet their device before shouting and interrupting the proceedings even more. 

2) We don't like the fact that in every airport you now have to take a train to the plane. (check out the old commercial at the end of the post).  Props to those airports that have the screening after you get off the train rather than in the lobby where the crowds are enormous. And BTW, if you don't have TSA pre-check, you don't know what you're missing. It's like flying first class through security. 

3) One of Rumpole's rules for life is Never ever ever buy the extended warranty. Maybe, just maybe for a car. But that's it! The money you save will more than pay for the item you replace. This doesn't apply to Apple Car and broken iPhone screens. Buy all the insurance you can for that. They know us by name at the Apple Store considering how many screens we've gotten replaced. 
The following is an actual (sort of) chat for service: (we don't like talking to people so we use the chat function)

Rumpole: Our Dell Computer we bought six months ago isn't charging.
Dell: We're very sorry for that. We will work to fix that for you today. What is your thirty-seven digit IPID number on the back of your computer?
R: The one written in 007 type micro-printing?
D: Yes. 
R: I need to go find someone under the age of 20 to read it. Hang on. (provides number that receptionist-after using a magnifying glass-provides)
D: Where did you buy this computer?
R: Our IT specialist ordered it from Dell. He actually gave it to us in a parking lot at night and we handed him cash, but it's not as nefarious as it sounds.
D: And when did he buy it? 
R: (after calling IT person) November 28, 2017.
D: And what credit card did he use
R: (after calling IT person, provides cc number)
D: Does he have the product specialist warranty order number? Please note, this is not a number contained on the warranty, sales receipt, or any documentation. It would be something told to him verbally. We cannot process the warranty request without it.
R: All I know is when I bought it he said it came with free on site repair for two years.
D: Yes, that's technically true, if your site is in the sub-Saharan continent or in New Delhi, and if you have your warranty specialist number. Otherwise you can mail us the computer and within four quick months we will repair it and send it back. 
R: But this is my only work computer. And I blog on it. 
D: Are you by chance going to visit New Delhi shortly?
R: That silence you are about to hear is me hanging up on you. 

Speaking of bailiffs, we received this email last week about a bailiff. 

"Rumople, I was in the hallway and watched as XXX, Judge YYYYY's bailiff was dealing with a juror who wanted out of a case. The woman approached him and I happened to be standing by waiting for an elevator. The first thing that occurred was that she pumped him for information about the case. He was extremely professional in his answer, replying several times he could not give her any information. She then started talking about all the reasons why she would not be a good juror and could he let her leave? He continually and politely and professionally deferred to the Judge and kept telling her to just answer all the questions honestly and at the end to make sure she tells the judge and the lawyers how she feels. He was a real pro and it was gratifying to see him not allow a juror to drag him into a case and to just continually tell her to make sure she asked all the questions she had in court and to tell the Judge and lawyers about her feelings."

We'd like to give the bailiff public thanks, but then we got to wondering how the case ended, and if the juror disclosed in court what she was saying to the bailiff and if not, whether the bailiff said anything to the judge? And we decided not to risk a very experienced and highly regarded bailiff getting into trouble, so we edited out his name and the Judge's name. 

In no particular order we also don't like diet soda, Mitch McConnell, Mike Pence, Justin Bieber, hotel coffee that isn't Starbucks, Uber drivers who talk too much, or not at all. There's a sweet spot for Uber Driver/passenger chat and most don't hit it. 
Dell Computers, see above. Dell service techs. Id. Free Airport Wifi, the non-existent REGJB wifi, celery in egg salad, people who take selfies and block the sidewalk, Instagram( we don't understand it- can't you post pictures on Facebook? What's the diff?). 
And non-fat yogurt with artificial sweeteners. Give us the real deal, with some healthy fats and real sugar. 
That's it for now.

DE LA OVERTURNED!

Breaking: Broward veteran ASA Stacy Honowitz has been arrested for shoplifting forty-two dollars and change in beauty supplies. Channel 10 has the story on the web  here. She has been suspended. As the case below shows, she is absolutely presumed innocent. We have seen more than one professional caught in a shoplifting snafu that wasn't what it first appeared. And the late-great Richard Sharpstein once defended a newly married man who was arrested for shoplifting when he attempted to return some wedding gifts to a bridal registry. Richard-being his brilliant self- had this spectacular line in closing argument on a case he won: "He was a stranger in a strange land." 

We're not sure how a person who was identified by an eyewitness who was "60%" certain, loses a trial and an appeal, but that's what happened to Tony Brown. 

Enter enterprising journalism students, and lawyers from the under-appreciated Regional Counsel's office. Add one great judge who is not afraid to do the right thing, and what you have is the below order. 
Congrats to Regional Counsel Lawyers Philip Reizenstein and Kristen Kawass who get the win. 

Order Granting Motion to Vacate Judgment and Sentence - Tony Brown (3) by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

NFL WEEK TWO

SURVIVOR POOL
Last week was the equivalent of Hurricane Florence. as the Saints went down to the Bucs, giving a week one loss to Blog stalwarts De la Fins, DOM, Fake Freddy Moldovan, Cary Clennon, Nichols Basco, Peter Sauter, VP Pence, and Alan Kaiser, to name a few. Survivor stalwart Kenneth Weisman, missing his pal Colby, had a scare, but hung on as the Packers and Aaron Rodgers staged a second half comeback against Da Bears. However late comer "Fake Jay White picking for Colby" (yes that's the full name of the team) kept the flag flying with a pick of the Pack. 


Ifitikhar Memon tied, picking the Steelers, who kissed their sister against the Browns. After some research in the matter, we believe a tie is not a loss, and Memon, survives another week.
See, Bushel’s Case (1670) 124 E.R.1006; Bushel's case;  and 
Entick v Carrington [1765] 19 Howell's State Trials 1030. 
Entick_v_Carrington.

We're traveling for a case today, so we won't get the actual picks up until our NetJets land after 4pm.  (landed a bit early)
UPDATE: Real fake former judge, Lurvey, and Lucy Lew all go down in week two of the Survivor Pool.

Survivor 2018 WEEK 2 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

PICKS
Count us as officially on the J...E...T...S  Jets Jets Jets super-bowl bandwagon. We're takin gang-green minus two and a half, at home, against our Fins, who do not have us convinced they're any good. The Fins are on a 0-5 streak on the road from last year.  😠

We also like Da Bears, at home, minus 3.5 against the Seahawks on the road for the second week. 

We're also hopping on the Browns bandwagon. They have a real, solid D. They DB's shut down the vaunted Steeler passing game. Take the Brownies +9.5 against the A'ints. (WIN 😇 )

Mantra for 2018. Repeat after us: "Always bet against the Cowboys. Always."  To use technical terms: They stink. They're no good. They cannot compete. The Giants aren't much better, but we'll take the Boys from the Big Apple who always play the cowpokes tough. We're betting against the Cowboys until they show us otherwise. Also take the game under 43.5

The Raiders also stink. Take the Broncos at home -6.5 against the future denizens of Sin City. 

(BTW- take Muller -4 over Trump. Guaranteed.) 

FANTASY FOOTBALL
Your humble blogger was vindicated by his week one win- where incidentally we had the highest score in the league. We passed on Steeler FF sensation A Brown at the number four pick and grabbed Giants rookie RB Saquon Barkley, and we were proven right as we beat Mr. Blecher, who picked Brown next at five. Barkley outscored Brown, as we did Blecher.  

Which brings us to Rumpole's rule of FF: when choosing between players of equal talent, always chose the younger player. NOTE: This rule does not apply to your choice of criminal legal counsel. Indeed it is exactly the opposite. 

Other winners last week were Judge De La Fins, Mr. Grieco and his aptly named "Comeback" team, because America loves second chances, Millennial Me, our first #metoo female contestant, and Court Keeley.  

YOU CAN'T WIN A PLEA

David O Markus, everyone's favourite federal blogger speaks Friday at lunchtime at the PDS office on the secret sauce he employs in trials that results in Not Guilty verdicts.  
You should attend. 
DOM is like that old E.F Hutton commercial: "When E.F Hutton talks, people listen." 







BUT YOU CAN BE NICE
Here's the consent agreement for former Broward Judge John Contini to be disbarred for five years. What is notable about the agreement is that one of the reasons why Contini was disbarred is because during his three years as a circuit court judge, he admits that he "could have been more sympathetic toward some litigants, lawyers, and court personnel." 

WELL...if that's the standard in Broweird, how does any judge there keep their robes? 

2018-1493 Petition 70752 Petition2dconditional20guilty20plea by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

COURTHOUSE CODE BROWN NOW!

BREAKING….
Code Brown at REGJB...Thursday morning. Armed officers with assault rifles sealing off courthouse. 

This is a breaking story. 

DODGING A BULLET

It is hard to feel thankful that we are not getting gob-smacked by a major hurricane. Our good fortune is our neighboring state's misfortune. 

In the spirit of prior hurricanes, misses and hits, we revise our much desired Rumpole's Hurricane list and Q & A. 

Q: What do the categories mean?
A: The category numbers refer to the "Saffir-Simpson Scale" (literally "the Saffir- Simpson Scale"). The scale relates the square of the amount of liquor in metric ounces needed to forget the impending disaster.  Since there is an exponential difference between the damage a cat2 and cat3 storm causes, you need four metric ounces of liquor to forget the impending damage of a cat2 storm, but nine ounces to forget a cat3 storm. 

SURVIVAL LIST
* denotes a new addition to the list. 
Four Bottles Tito Vodka.
*Four jars olives.
Three Apples. 
Two Oranges.
Bunch of Bananas. 
*Four Bottles Hayden-Basil Bourbon.
Two Bottles Bullet Bourbon.
One case Coca-Cola.
One box power bars.
Two flashlights.
One Radio.
One case C batteries.
One case water, 16Oz bottles. One case per person per two days of anticipated delay before rescue. If you listen to the local channel 7 type TV station, then add 30 cases water per person per day. 
*One Book: Crime and Punishment.
*One bottle sleeping pills, or one book "The collected humorous speeches of William Howard Taft." 

Q: Should I use a generator?
A: Only run the generator during the storm. After the storm, surreptitiously run a power cord from your neighbor's generator. 

Q: How dangerous is a hurricane?
A: According to most meteorologists who work for Channel 7 or who have worked for the station  over the past decade in Miami, most hurricanes threaten 90-95% of all life within a five hundred mile radius of a storm. Your chances of surviving a storm rise -according to Channel 7- in direct proportion to the amount of plywood you buy from Home Depot multiplied by the number of hours you wait in line. So for example if you buy ten sheets of plywood after waiting two hours, your chances of survival rise twenty percent. 

Q: Will courts be closed? 
A: In Miami and the rest of Florida -yes. In Broward County-NO. And in the words of one prior chief judge "warrants for missing court during hurricanes will be the priority in being enforced once the storm passes."

So there you have it. Everything you always wanted to know about a hurricane. 

9/11

Today we remember those who lost their lives in an unprovoked and cowardly attack. We remember the innocent people who went to work, and we remember the brave firefighters and police officers who started a long walk up  the tower to put out a fire and rescue people and paid with their life when the tower fell, 

Today we remember. 

But, as Americans, we are also mindful of this:
"People who trade their freedom for security deserve neither."
Benjamin Franklin. 

If there is a uniqueness to being American it is this: that we treasure freedom and liberty above all else. That when we invade a continent, as we have done twice in the last century (Europe) we do so only to defeat tyranny, and once done, we leave, asking only to retain those small pieces of ground that are the final resting place for our hallowed fallen. 

We do not seek vengeance. For we are mindful that vengeance is reserved for the almighty. We seek justice. We seek peace. We seek only to see individuals allowed to live their lives in freedom from evil. We treasure the right to pursue happiness. We fight for the right to worship, or not to worship. We choose our leaders by popular vote. We cherish a free and open press and the marketplace where we are free to exchange ideas. 

This is what being American is all about. This is why our NYC firefighters ran into a burning building when everyone else was running out. Those men are what being an American is all about. 

Peace. 

COURTS CLOSED MONDAY

Courts are closed Monday for observance of our Jewish colleagues holiday Rosh Hashana.
Ten days of introspection will end next Wednesday at sun-down. 

Speaking of repentance, about half of the REGJB survivor pool washed out in week one as the Tampa Bay Bucs blasted the Saints on the road in New Orleans. The Saints were the number one pick in our pool and a canvass of survivor pools showed that between 35 and 40 % of all picks in week one were the Saints.  Harvard QB/journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick had a career day with over 400 yards passing and four TDs.  

We will post final survivor pool results shortly. 

From Occupied America, where the NFL has provided a welcome respite from the unending bad news from Washington, DC, and in the spirit of the new year- Fight The Power with Ryan Fitzpatrick slinging the rock. 

NFL 2018 WEEK ONE

Incredibly, we lost our entire post, so we have to do it again. 

First, as we watch the start of the NFL season and the Fins, we cannot help but think of our friend George Cholakis. George was a great prosecutor, and then became a well-respected criminal defense attorney. He was active in his church, and a friend to many. And if you knew George, you knew that he lived for the NFL season and Dolphin home games. George died as he lived: at a Dolphins home game last year doing what he loved most. We don't remember the outcome, but the day was a big loss. So here's to you George. We are sure your tailgating pals have lifted a few to your memory today, as we have. 

SURVIVOR POOL 
Here are the picks. Blog fav and retired Judge Jon Colby is out this year on Injured Reserve. We wish him well and look forward to his return next year. 

Survivor 2018 WEEK 1 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

PICKS

Ravens -7 at home over the Bills (WIN)
Titans -1 on the road over the Fins. (LOSS)
Packers -7 over da Bears (LOSS) 
Cardinals -2 at home over the Skins (LOSS)
Jags on the road over the Gints. Not this week Saquon, not this week against this D. (WIN)
Broncos at home -3 over Seahawks (PUSH)

OVER/UNDER
Long time and careful blog readers know that in the early weeks the defense dominates. 
Steelers/Browns under 41(LOSS BY 1)
Rams at Raiders under 49. 
Chiefs at Chargers under 49 (LOSS)


FANTASY FOOTBALL
Follow our league live here. See how your favourite judges match up against defense attorneys. Can our first female player -our own Millennial Me make a dent? 

Rump starts the season against veteran FF manager Jon Blecher. Will Rumpole's startling move passing up Steeler WR Antonio Brown and drafting rookie RB phenom Saquon Barkley pay off? Blecher snapped up Brown with the next pick. Today will not be Rumpole's day as Barkley' s first game is against a tough Jags D. 

De La Fins v. Team Horenstein. 
We like hizzoner's team. QB Brees ain't bad, and two good quality RBs in Melvin Gordon and Leonard Fournette, although late breaking news is that Fournette is down with an injury during today's game. Horenstein's QB is Luck. Our own Luck at the 3rd DCA had a better year last year than the injured Indy QB. His RBs are Fin re-tread Lamar Miller, and Bears RB Jordan Howard, along with Drs. Fine and Howard with the Stooges. 

Two REGJB big hitters take the field against each other today as Dan Lurvey and Court Keeley match up. Advantage Lurvey in this one as his QB Big Ben, star WR Julio Jones and RBs Lynch and former Fin Jay Ajai compare favorably to Keeley's Qb Newton, and Rbs Gurley and Devonta Freeman. 

Millennial Me starts the season off against Multack and Me's QB TE combo (Brady-Gronk) has already paid off with a TD and double points. ME's RB Alex Karma from the Saints compares favorably to Multack's Zeek Elliott. This is a bad year for the Cowpokes, and we look for Elliott's production to taper off. 

LODESTAR

UPDATE: SURVIVOR POOL EARLY PICKS 
IF YOU DON'T SEE YOUR NAME ON THE LIST YOU ARE NOT REGISTERED. SEND AN EMAIL TO FBPOOL12@GMAIL.COM AND MAKE A PICK 

Survivor 2018 WEEK 1 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

Welcome to Fall, 2018. The summer has ended. Football season has begun. And "Lodestar" has entered the American lexicon where it will take its place next to "deepthroat" as a recognized code-word for secret efforts to thwart a corrupt presidency. 
Referring to the late Senator John McCain, the anonymous writer of the NY Times Op Ed piece this week wrote "But we will always have his example — a lodestar for restoring honor to public life and our national dialogue."

Lodestar's significance and understanding will soon supplant  Deepthroat because the source for the Washington Post reporters -decades later revealed to be FBI Associate Director Mark Felt- was only talking about the corruption of money and the presidency. Serious issues to be sure. 

Lodestar however speaks to presidential incompetency. A president who rumbles throughout the day, shouting at staff members, issuing orders willy-nilly to deny aid to countries who are our allies, and impose tariffs on trading partners for slights-real and imagined. At any moment it appears that the President will ruminate about withdrawing all troops from Korea, issue an order to assassinate President Assad of Syria, invade Venezuela, and demand the justice department indict his political rivals. 

Lodestar has sought to assure the American people that "there are adults in the room" who are protecting the Country and the Constitution. Deepthroat's information about the illegal movement of a few million dollars -even 1970 dollars- pales in comparison. 

Lodestar is not the new Deepthroat. There is no comparison to this remarkable letter to the American People about the complete incompetence of the President of the United States.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?
It's on. 
The world famous, entertaining, Miami-Shaking, Viagra-taking, Justice Building Survivor League has begun. But it's not too late to join. Send an email to Fbpool12@gmail.com and you are in. Then, every-week, pick one winner, no point spread needed, and if your team wins, you survive. The only rule is once you pick the Eagles over the Jets, you cannot pick the Eagles again. Sounds simple. But it's not. For those of you newly hired by the SAO or the PD, ignore your supervisor's threats. You cannot be fired for reading the blog, as both the SA and the PD read our missives daily. You can participate in our survivor pool. Legions of new hires have previously done so, and we have successfully fought subpoenas forcing us to reveal the identity of our participants. Go to Google- open a new email account- say "newbie@gmail.com" and shoot us an email with your first pick and you are IN. 

The Justice Building Fantasy Football league also had its draft this week. Why did a respected lawyer and a respected Judge BOTH pass on drafting Steeler RB Leveon Bell, the leading FF player for the last two years,  in the first round? 
Why did Rumpole pass on WR Antonio Brown to select rookie running back Saquon Barkley in the first round, only to pass on Falcons RB Devonta  Freeman and draft Denver rookie running back Royce Freeman in the second round?

It's fall. There's football. The weather will get (a bit) crisper. The sky is a beautiful azure blue. A few months of hard work, and then we enter the Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Years- holiday cycle and then we do it all over again. 

And we have Lodestar, who apparently is a careful reader of this blog, because s/he has indeed taken our daily admonition to heart and, from occupied DC, is fighting the power. 
Well done Lodestar. Well done indeed. 

JUDGE HERBERT KLEIN HAS PASSED AWAY

Sad news reached us that Judge Herbert Klein has passed away. 
Judge Klein was a fixture in the REGJB from 1975 when he was appointed by Governor Askew through the end of the  1980's and was well known and liked, and indeed beloved for his sense of humor and wit, kindness and grace. Judge Klein was surely not the type of judge, so in vogue today, who "just called balls and strikes." No. Judge Klein was a judge who cared. He was a Judge who was interested in the lives of the people who appeared before him. As a lawyer, you always knew that your client was going to get a very fair shake when his or her case was before Judge Klein and you also knew that you'd probably leave his court with a smile. 

There were several "Judge Kleins" in the 1980's and there was a picture of all them, and Judge Herb Klein stood out for his beaming smile. 

We have one memory of Judge Klein that always stayed with us. 
When State Attorney Janet Reno was re-elected, she asked Judge Klein to introduce her at the swearing in ceremony. We don't remember the words of his speech, but we remember how he ended it: with a simple declaration: "I LIKE YOU JANET". 

For some reason that always resonated with us. Janet Reno of course went on to become a great Attorney General. But she was not always spoken of well in Miami during her tenure. Indeed, she was a bit of lightening rod for criticism. It was popular for Judges, often from the bench, to berate the State Attorneys Office, and Janet Reno.  So it was a nice thing to listen to a Judge speak well of Ms. Reno and then end with a simple and heartfelt declaration that he liked her. And Janet Reno beamed when Judge Klein ended his speech and introduced her. It is a small moment in the life and career of a man who through his life's work made Miami a much better place to live.  He has been missed since he retired, and men like him- Judges who possess experience and kindness and humor and common sense -can never be replaced.  In his death we are reminded of a life well lived and a life to be celebrated. 

His on line obituary is here. 
His on line obituary is here

MY GASTRONOMICAL JOURNEY IN AND AROUND THE COURT HOUSE

THANK YOU MR. SAUL FOR THE POST. WE INTRUDE UPON IT ONLY TO ADVERTISE OUR JUSTICE BUILDING FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE. 

YOU NEED TO SIGN UP TODAY (SUNDAY) MONDAY THE LATEST. DRAFT MONDAY AT 7 PM. 
Send an email to FBpool12@gmail.com and we will invite you. 

Test your skills against Judges, prosecutors, and defense attorneys. Civil lawyers grudgingly admitted, although they tend to challenge everything and argue and are usually too litigious for a fun league. 

  

Food and criminal law, grub n' Gerstein, eats and the criminal justice system…the collision course between being stuck in the building and needing to eat is inevitable.  Sure, today the neighborhood has been significantly built up with that nearby hipster Health Center offering an array of fine dining. However, in the past, there were significant limitations on what you could put in your mouth. I offer you a brief (and probably inaccurate) history of food in and around your beloved criminal justice building.

My introduction to the esteemed court house was way back in 1983, where, as a part of my University of Miami curriculum, I had an internship with the Pre-Trial Services program. That necessitated being inside of the Pre-Trial Detention center (back then it was just called “The Dade County Jail”).  On the first floor (I don’t think it still exists),   there was this little grill where you could get a burger, fries and soda for a mere dollar!  Back then I thought I was getting a lot of bang for my buck yet today, I’m not so sure.  Grade Z beef cooked by a jail trustee may have a negligible value  

During the 1980’s, candy was offered in a little stand that greeted people entering towards the rear of the building. You could load up on chiclets, tic tacs, lifesavers and the late Judge Calvin Mapp’s spiral-ring treatise on county court law.

When I started as an ASA in 1987, there was a first floor eatery called “Casolas” (I think) . This was like an Italian-themed cafe with pizza, casserole-looking things and other items served with a ladle or spatula. It was like a cross between a high school cafeteria and the schlock joints dishing it out at the Florida turnpike service plazas.   It never seemed like business was booming there. As the 80’s was coming to an end, so did "Casolas".

In approximately 1988. “The Pickle Barrel” took over the downstairs space. This seemed like a pretty big deal since not only did they have a nice menu, but the food was actually pretty good (their grilled chicken sandwich and crinkly-cut french fries were definitely decent).  As a prosecutor that usually had empty pockets, having a finski to purchase a meal was more of a luxury and hardly a daily occurrence. It was more like, “Hey, I just attained a favorable verdict, let’s celebrate with a sandwich/fries combo” at the Pickle Barrel.” I guess doing business with the county is not easy for one day the Pickle Barrel just inexplicably shut down.

That made way for the late 90’s debut of the national chain, Au Bon Pain.  Saint maquereau! (that’s Google's French translation for “Holy mackerel!”) this place was pretty fancy shmancy. Besides the sexy French name, they had gourmet sandwiches, an open-to-the-public soda dispenser (where you can get unlimited beverages), their soups were quite tasty and, because it was a bakery chain, their baked goods were on par with anybody.  Like every other restaurant on the first floor, that business also came to a grinding screech. I guess they had a pretty good run since it seemed like they were there for well over ten years.

The windows were covered, and so construction began for the current “El Gordo”.  It took so long and progress was kept pretty secretive so, I thought they were building something special, perhaps a serious dining establishment. Yet, when it opened, the décor turned out to be quite bare…not to mention the very limited menu. I’m not a big fan of “El Gordo”.

Over the years, dining has not just been limited to the first floor since that seventh-floor, jury nosh-pit has always had something going on. From the blind guy at the cash register that somehow knew how to provide the correct change to the spicy (and potentially work interrupting) Jamaican patties to whatever is going on there today, the seventh floor has always had their niche.    

Besides what was served inside the building, there were some things available immediately outside the court house. In the 1980’s and early 1990’s, the hot dog pushcart business was so competitive that these vendors were actually getting into fistfights over the positioning of their carts (the closer to the building the better).  Catty corner to the building was “Eat and Run Submarine Sandwich Shop” where a tasty honey- mustard, grilled chicken sub sandwich would place you into a deep food coma.  You could go to the old Holiday Inn (by the  the drawbridge)  where, upon the purchase of one cheap bottle of Bud, you’d have access to unlimited chips and salsa and mini egg rolls.  Today, when that smoker/grill master guy comes and sets up shop on the side of the building, that smoked meat aroma is pretty darn enticing. 

Can you get a relaxing alcoholic drink in the building?  Why venture to nearby craft beer mecca "Kush" (North Miami Ave & 20th Street) when history tells us that in the past, a few of the judges’ chambers were pretty well stocked?