YOU SHALL AFFLICT YOURSELF

 

• "And it shall be a statute to you forever, that in the seventh month, on the tenth   day of the month, you shall afflict yourselves and shall do no work... For on this day shall atonement be made for you to cleanse you.   You shall be clean before the Lord from all your sins."
• Leviticus 16:29-31

And it shall be to you that on the first day of October, all government work shall cease and you shall afflict yourself and not pay government workers nor shall the government be funded for on this day it shall be made for the dear leader to end all government  services and you shall be in the wealthiest country in the world with no longer the capacity to make vaccines, pay social security, employ scientists, or clean up polluted areas. But upon Portland shall you make war. 

SHUTDOWN

 The government is shutdown. What does that mean? Glad you asked. 

Q: Will the judges still come to court and work? 

A: Unfortunately, yes. 

Q: What about jury trials? 

A: You should try and win them. 

Q: What about the IRS? 

A: They have funding for a week, after that - f -em. 

Q: How long will this last? 
A: Rumpole says the two sides will not come to a resolution until at least the third week of October. 

Q: What about the stock market?
A: Generally, the market shrugs off Gov shutdowns. We are watching some stocks that we like that have government contracts like Palantir. If they fall, we are a buyer. 

Q: Will this affect the football season? 

A: Are you crazy? The politicians will let social security payments stop and the FDA stop issuing warnings about health issues, but on important matters like the Cleveland Browns switching QBs this weekend, nothing will get in the way of that. It's in the bible and Constitution you know. 

Some Government shutdown headlines. 

The Dear Leader is taking advantage of the shutdown to clean up some messy matters.     For example, he fired Vermont: "Everyone says to get rid of Vermont. What do they do? We don't need maple syrup, and they have communist senators, so I have fired the state. Canada can have Vermont if they are stupid enough to take it."

The Dear Leader also announced the invasion of Portland. "October first will be remembered must like June 6, where brave soldiers invaded a dangerous territory to fight for freedom. No longer will the thugs of Portland be able to roam the streets cursing the President."

And finally, the Dear Leader cut off all federal funds for New York. "They want to elect a commie? Watch what I do. Plus, the government is shut down, so there is no money. Invite me to the UN and stop escalator will you? Try getting around when there is no money for the subway or buses. But we are going to keep open those .99 cent pizza places open. Everyone says it's great pizza, and also Papaya Dog. Nothing better than a papaya juice and hot dog, even in a city run by commies." 

BLOG SHUTDOWN?

 As we are not (surprisingly) an essential element of the government, we may get shut down if the government gets shut down. And let's face it- who wants to work if the EPA isn't working?

In other news, the director of the FBI fired all the remaining agents who haven't previously been fired. "I told you I was going to shake this place up, and I have" crowed Patel. The FBI will currently employ a woman named Mavel who will handle fraud complaints for all states west of the Mississippi, and two guys named Dareen and Ngyuen for everything else. "That should about cover it" said Patel. "And if needed, Mavel can help the FDA in disapproving new drug applications. She got a B in her high school health science course and RFK Jr is very impressed." 

The Dolphins won MNF, we won our healthy bet, and we are heading into days of reflection and contrition. 

For those of you not working starting sundown Wednesday, you're in good company- most of the federal government will be joining you. Of course some people will be fasting because they aren't getting paychecks or money from government programs that are shuttered, but a fast is a fast, right? 

DOLPHINS MNF EDITION

 We know we promised an expose of the Comey indictment, but life (work) intruded. Now we might not get to it until Friday. 

But that doesn't mean we are not going to ride our suddenly hot hand and not pick the MNF game, especially when it is here in Miami. 

Yesterday we hit big on KC over Ravens, Cheaters over Panthers, Eagles over Tampa Bay, and Cowboys at home getting 6.5. With our bankroll way over the Mendoza line, and no more opportunities to lose money on the Mets until 2026, we are suddenly flush with cash, and we are putting chunk of it on your Miami Dolphins at home -2.5 over the J E T S Jets Jets Jets!

Back off the Bengals over Denver. We like them, but just a little. 

Both games are over 44.5 and we like a little parlay fun after a hard Monday slugging it our with judges who give us sickeningly sweet smiles while mentally composing their orders denying our motions.  

NFL WEEK 4 2025

 Good Sunday morning. Our bankroll, like the bears of Katmai is getting fatter, thanks to a late back-door cover of a parlay of over 52 and Oregon over Penn State on Saturday. 

The week starts with a 930 am kickoff in Ireland with the Vikings playing the Steelers.  We aren't fans of these European games, and we tend to stay away from them, as travel and time zone issues play a part that we have a hard time calculating. Erin go blitz. We love Dublin and have downed many a pint of Guiness while swapping stories with new mates in a pub, but we see no need for Football in Ireland. 

We are all in on our Fins getting a home win Monday night against the J..E...T...S, mostly because we think Miami has the better QB even with Justin Fields returning. Miami -2.5 Monday. 

Detroit is the popular pick in the Survivor pools. But those Browns have been pesky (beating Green Bay last week) and the 15 seems to many points to lay. 

You know who our guy is? Daniel Jones! Cast out of NYC and  from the Giants, the QB   has found new life in Indy. Can the rollicking Colts win getting 3 in LA against the Rams? Maybe. But we are going with the over 50. 

Two great games today. Eagles at Tampa Bay and Ravens at KC, closely followed by Green Bay at Dallas. 

KC is getting 2.5 at home over the Ravens, who always find a way to lose against tough opponents, and you know we LOVE home dogs, so that is one of our picks. Eagles haven't lost since it seems like GHWB was President. Tampa is another home dog getting 3.5. The Bucs have won every game they have played this year with a late comeback with a few minutes left. That magic just cannot continue and it stops today against the most complete team in the NFL- Philly -3.5.

Dallas is a home dog +6.5. They are up and down this year, and today they are our best bet over the Packers who lost to Cleveland last week. Take those Cowboys. 

And only if you're very bored and must. Cheaters at home over the Panthers -6.5 and Bengals +7.5 over Denver. 

THE SURVIVOR POOL

The Lions are the top pick in the Survivor pool, but one contestant with the shortest last name appears to be playing 3D chess whilst the rest of us are playing checkers. Will his strategy work? 

week 4 by Anonymous PbHV4H

GAME 162 ⚾

And because we love baseball...the NY Mets play their last game of the season here in Miami. The Mets, arguably one of the most talented teams in baseball, were running away with the division and then, in mid-June something happened. One of their pitchers went down, the rest of their pitching disappeared, and now, in game 162 they need to win and they need the Cincinnati Reds to lose to just make the playoffs.  The Mets have two 30-30 players- 30 home runs and 30 stolen bases- Lindor and Soto. Soto is a 40-40 player this year. But the maxim in baseball is that pitching is everything, and the Mets had none to speak of in half of June and all of July and August. Three rookies brought up from AAA have steadied the boat and made fans hopeful for next year, but after the Amazin run the Mets had last year in the playoffs, this year their fans expected a World Series in Queens. Alas, that will not happen. This year. 

THEY'RE BACK AND FATTER THAN EVER

 Good Saturday morning. We eschew posting our thoughts on the Coney indictment (thin) and will post about it Monday, as well as a can't fail motion to dismiss. Saturdays should be about fun, unless you're a federal blogger who works on top of a garage and is currently immersed in the intricacies of the rules of civil (yuck) procedure. 

SERGIOS TURNS 50

Before we get to the plump ursines, we note that El Herald is reporting the 50th Anniversary of a favourite Rumpole hangout: Sergios! You can often find us deep in a breakfast serving of mezclado and a colada many days of the week. And nothing beats a late-night steak sandwich or Cuban sandwich (or both!) after imbibing some of our favourite adult beverages. 

FAT BEAR WEEK!!! VOTE HERE 

Yes it's one of our favourtie times of the year when we get to vote for our favourite chunky denizen of the Katmai National Park. This is the cam that allows you to watch these chubsters chunk up for the winter on salmon. 

Our guy is Chunk (naturally). He is an eating machine...and it shows. Unlike 88% of the REGJB, no mounjaro for him. If he was in Miami, he definitely would be rampaging through Sergios with us.  While his main source of calories is wild salmon, he never met a carb he didn't like.  While Ben may have quit Jerrys (or was it the other way around?) he can go through a case of Jerry Garcia and then finish it off with gallons of Chunky Monkey. He votes 9.9 for every pizza Dave Portnoy reviews. And no "one bite" for him, unless its half a pie going down in one mouthful. 

So Vote Chunk. Because big is beautiful. 

CHUNK IS THE HEFTY FELLA ON THE RIGHT

Sunday we set about rebuilding our bankroll with some can't miss bets, and Monday we tell you all that is wrong with the Comey indictment. Hint: Everything. 

SPEECH, CIVIL LAW ,THE INDEPENDANCE OF THE DOJ AND THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE

                                            THE DEAR LEADERS 
                                

SECOND UPDATE: JAMES CONEY INDICTED! One US Attorney, with many years of experience, refused to seek the indictment of former FBI Director James Coney, so the Dear Leader fired him, brought in a civil lawyer with ZERO experience in criminal law, and lo and behold James Coney was indicted Thursday evening. 

Let September 25, 2025 be remembered as the day the Age of Totalitarianism arrived in the United States. 

And while we are at it- how about re-examining the grand jury system, because if some know-nothing civil shrill can get an indictment of James Coney, the grand jury system is broken. Just let the Dear Leader decide who should be charged. He knows so much about everything else and is, as he has said, a "very stable genius." 

Coming soon: The indictments of Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Jimmy Kimmel, George Clooney, Kamala Harris, Chris Christie, Lettia James, King Charles, Mitch McConnell, Pope Bennedict, Alex Baldwin, Bruce Springsteen, Paul Skenes (for throwing a sinker/splitter that is unhittable and should be illegal) and Russell Wilson (because his QB play - especially throwing the ball away on 4th down was downright criminal.) 

Aren't you just bursting with pride over our Best In The World- criminal justice system tonight?  Think about it- where else in the world can a leader orchestrate the arrest of his political opponents? Bolivia? Venezuela? North Korea? Iran? Cuba?  Russia (no- they just assassinate Putin's opponents and dispatch with the show trials we have here). All the great countries we should be emulating and with the help of our Dear Leader are. 

TNF Update before we begin. We like the over 43.5. The Cardinals are home dogs getting 1.5 against the surging Seahawks. If you have to, Seattle reverts to the mean and comes down to earth. Arizona +1.5. But if you want to go that route, eschew the points and take Arizona +110.  

We want to say goodbye to a few things. 

1) Freedom of speech. Check out Mr. Markus's blog. A very respected AUSA was FIRED because in 2017, before he was working for the government, he made some posts critical of the Dear Leader in DC. Exposed (and who exposed him has been the subject of intense chatter in the federal courthouse), he was FIRED because criticism of the Dear Leader will NOT be allowed. 

2) A moment of silence if you will. Mr. Markus has confessed on his blog he is, it really pains us to write this, engaged in a three-month CIVIL TRIAL. Ewww Gross. 

Another one bites the dust. 

3) The failing NY Times today reported here  that the DOJ instructed multiple jurisdictions to open investigations into George Soros for his criticism of the Dear Leader. The DOJ was told to do this by the Dear Leader himself.  So goodbye to the independence of the DOJ. If you recall, last week the Dear Leader ordered HIS Attorney General to immediately indict  NY AG Letitia James  and former FBI Director James Comey. If you recall, James obtained a civil judgment against the Dear Leader's businesses in NYC and that, of course, is a crime. The crimes of Comey against the Dear Leader are well known and need not be repeated here. 

A word about civil law. 😢

Ah the siren song and allure of the civil world, much like the allure of the dark side of the force, is strong. It is beguiling and ensnares even better men (and women) than us- as Mr. Markus surely is.   

Careful readers will remember that our namesake, in the episode entitled Rumpole and The Bubble Reputation sees our grizzled veteran of the Old Bailey's criminal cases eagerly jump into the civil defense of a newspaper charged with libel in which there is both a large retainer and, as Rumpole salivates over-  £500/day refreshers. 

Alas we have lost another to the power of the Dark Side.