Monday, September 12, 2011
ANOTHER LOOK AT REGIONAL COUNSEL
Deep inside Governor Scott's security bunker at an undisclosed location outside of Tallahassee. The morning "state of the state" briefing is concluding:
Aide#1: "Item 11- the rest of the Republican candidates have all contacted us. They agree with Governor Perry's plan to have you endorse the President in the general election. It will swing the state against him for sure."
Governor Scott: "Any news on my seats at the Convention?"
Aide#2: "Uh, yes sir! Good news on that front. The Hooters they have you at has agreed to reserve two spots at the bar right up close to the television."
Governor Scott: " Ok, lets wrap it up. "
Aide#1: "Last item: We have that problem with the criminal defense guy in Miami."
Governor Scott: "Well if that idiot hadn't decided to sue the state he might have done better with his budget. "
Aide#1: "No sir. Not that idiot. That's the Public Defender you are talking about. We have a problem with that other criminal defense agency. You know, the one that was created to take conflicts from the PD."
Governor Scott: " Didn't the state used to contract with private attorneys before this large agency was created?Can someone tell me what liberal commie pinko big government loving fool created that agency?"
Aide#2: "Ummm....that would be the last two republican Governors and the republican controlled house and senate that created Regional Counsel."
Governor Scott: "And why in the name of Lawton Chiles did they do that? "
Aide#1: "Well apparently the choice was between creating another big government agency or screwing the trial lawyers, and when the choice came down to that, it was pretty clear."
Governor Scott: "Yeah, I can see their point. What is going on in Miami? I need another problem like I need another federal investigation for healthcare fraud."
Aide#2: "The head of the agency has gone a bit nuts and fired almost everyone."
Governor Scott: He has? Fired almost everyone you say? hmmm...I like what I'm hearing. An agency head cutting government employees and downsizing? That man is a genius, he can go far with us."
Aide#1: "But sir, the problem is that he has decimated the agency and it can't do it's job. Criminal defendants aren't getting good representation and......oh wait....I see what you mean."
Governor Scott: "Get me this man immediately! He is being wasted in Miami. Together he and I can do great things, Why, when we're done, we'll be bigger than US Steel."
Aide#2: " Sir, US Steel went bankrupt in 2003."
Governor Scott(rubbing his hands together with glee): "Exactly! Fly him to me today! When I'm done with him they'll be begging me to sit in the convention next summer. And then we'll see who wants my endorsement."
Rumpole: And so on....