REQUIEM FOR A FEDERAL JUDGE

 Judge Altman went to Colombia and Yale. (So did Rumpole. We visited, didn't get in, and left). He had a cup of coffee as an AUSA, did a stint in private practice- realized no real person could bill 2200 hours a year, and was appointed by you know who to the Federal Bench.  Once on the bench he has received very good reviews as an intelligent and thoughtful jurist. He threw himself into his job, mastered the learning curve quickly, and basically has done everything right. 

Then Hamas attacked Israel, a Yale law professor tweeted on X "Settlers are not civilians. This is not hard" (@zareenagerwal) and also posted a video of the attack and X'd (tweeted?) "It's been an extraordinary day". 

 Judge Altman, a Yalie, found himself writing a thoughtful response as to why under international law the people butchered and murdered were not settlers, why Hamas's bloody attack had no basis in law (or humanity for that matter),  and then he pondered pressing the send button. 

To send or not to send, that is the question. Whether tis noblier in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of a dopey Yale law professor/apologist for brutal Hamas murderers, or to take arms against idiocy and wade into the singular most contentious issue of the day.

 Careers larger than Judge Altman's have cratered upon the rocky shoals of the Symplegades Clashing Rocks of the Israeli/ Hamas conflict (including Rumpole's blog, where we dared to speak up for the innocent Palestinians being bombed before Obama weighed in and agreed with us). 

Eventually Judge Altman decided, like Theodore Roosevelt that he did not belong with "those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat",  and he spoke his piece and sent in his article. The backlash was swift, expected, and vitriolic. 

Critics (see the Roosevelt quote above from "The Man in the Arena") weighed in that a federal judge has no right to criticize a Yale Professor and seemingly take Israel's side in the conflict. Judge Raag Singhal SDFL (and another you know who appointee) weighed in in defense of his friend and colleague, and (and you knew this was coming) so did Judge Milt Hirsch. 

Judge Altman's response was not political, but legal. The Yale professor was wrong on the law- no surprise to Rumpole who chews up and spits out Yalie lawyers as a hobby ("Not accept me in your law school? Well I'll show you..."). 

Here is Judge Altman's article in the National Review with the title The Israeli's Slaughtered By Hamas Were Not Settlers. 

DOM covers is all on his blog, including the national newsletter naming Judge Altman "federal judge of the week" (who even knew there was such a thing? We should have thought of that) and Judge Singhal's defense of his friend and colleague. 

All in all just another week in South Florida. The only thing more controversial Judge Altman could have done was defend embattled Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh. But he wisely left that contretemps alone. 

THE ROYAL WE COMES TO SDFL

 Since the inception of this humble, yet widely read blog, we have entered the lexicon of South Florida Legal chat. "North of the Border" for example, is a phrase we invented and popularized; just last week on a zoom hearing a lawyer logged in from outside the Broweird courthouse and the judge said "oh I see you're north of the border...". While we did not invent Broweird, we expanded its use. "Robed Readers" is another phrase we brought into existence. And even our very existence has become a ubiquitous phrase, as in " you read the blog today?"  "The Blog" means this blog in South Florida legal-speak, something we are rightfully proud of. 

But nothing stands out as much as our use of the "royal we" in how we write. See our very first post here in which we discuss our use of the "royal we".  It is unique in blogging. One might say it is a singular identifying characteristic that, in other unpleasant circumstances would allow the use of our writing style to be admitted at trial as 404(b) evidence, commonly known in Florida as "Williams Rule" evidence, against us. 

It thus surprised us to read this wonderful order by US District Judge Roy Altman, blistering the government for, and there is no other conclusion after reading the order, of conspiring with federal agents to manufacture reports to save the case from being dismissed. Kudos to Judge Altman for calling out the evil empire for getting their fingers caught in the Maritime Enforcement Cookie Jar (another unique feature of this award-winning blog is that no one mixes metaphors as adroitly as we do). 

Read On Macbeth, and let us know about what you think of the strange phraseology of the good Judge's order. Has he been....dare we say...."blog influenced?"

Order USA v. Asprilla, Et. Al. by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN

Howdy pardner. There's a new sheriff in town and his name is Judge Roy Altman, and he sits in the SDFLA in Ft. Lauderdale which, if you didn't know, is an old native American word loosely meaning "Land of spring break". 

Word spread rapidly Friday by telex, fax, and a flurry of texts and emails in which Assistant Federal Public Defenders breathlessly informed defense attorneys that Judge Altman, in a Kennedy-esque manner, stated "let the word go forth, at this time and place, to friend and foe alike,  that the torch has been passed to a new generation of judges, appointed in this century, tempered by trials, disciplined by a hard and bitter appointment process, and unwilling to witness or permit defendants to self-surrender." 

Yes dear reader and peruser of fine legal blogs, you read that right. Judge Altman will be requiring defendants to surrender at sentencing, except in "exceptional circumstances" (or if it's Rumpole for the defense, because we know no surrender). 

Is Rumpole outraged? Are you expecting a Rumpolian screed on the unfairness of it all? Sorry to disappoint mon-ami. Not hoy. 
(Hai, that's a little French followed by a little Spanish). (Hai is Japanese for yes). 

It's always been a dichotomy that for all it's perceived unfairness, defendants in federal court usually have been allowed to self surrender while such an event was a rarity in State Court. Lets be honest- a defendant who scores a level 12 or above on the federal sentencing guidelines (motto: "maybe they apply and m..a..y..b..e they don't"  can expect a prison sentence. So the argument that defendants need time to prepare for prison is really a nullity. They knew going in to sentencing that they were going to prison, so why didn't they prepare?

Of course, a sentencing is a difficult enough procedure (so we hear). It's fraught with emotions and pathos and it represents one of the worst days in the life of your client. A few weeks to gather themselves before being swallowed into the belly of the beast is a decent and reasonable thing to allow to occur and we applaud those members of the Federal Judiciary who allow it. 

But we cannot fault Judge Altman for forewarning the defense bar of his intentions. We hope he keeps an open mind and makes the decision on a case by case and defendant by defendant basis. Judge's who have a "policy" are not judges at all. They are single minded bureaucrats who have abandoned the practice of Judging. Like cattle in line for slaughter,  there is no variation from the all-mighty "policy.  Such are the practices that make bad judges. 

It's been said that it's a right of passage for a Judge in South Florida to fall upon the laser-like inspection and wit of this humble blog. We  wish Judge Altman well. 

As self-appointed keeper of the legal and judicial history of Miami, we believe Judge Altman has become the second judge in recent memory with the forename of "Roy". The first Roy's  foray into the judiciary didn't end too well. 
We think  and hope Judge Altman will do much better.