WOOPS I & II & III

WOOPS I 

 Distracted driving or distracted enforcement? 

Cop stops woman for distracted driving, seeing her with a phone in her right hand. Uno momento por favor! Woman does not  have a right hand. 

Now what? 

She got a ticket. After careful reflection they moved to dismiss it.  This video is all over social media (so we are informed).

WOOPS II 

WARNING NSFW APPELLATE DISSENT 

The dissent from Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Lawrence Van Dyke starts like this (no foolin):

"This is a case about swinging dicks..."   And the judge is not referring to police officers on tires hanging from ropes.  The "dick dissent"  (as it will surely now be known forever more) starts on page 56 (no puns on if it's a big dissent or not, although it is often said size matters and beauty is in the eye of the  be-holder)  if you want to scroll down. The entire opinion and other dissents criticizing Judge Van Dick's Dyke's language is also worth a read (as Mr. Markus and his firm are surely doing). 

Ninth Circuit 23-4031 by Anonymous PbHV4H

WOOPS III 

Our own (and Blog Fav)  SDFL Judge Kathleen Williams just said "not so fast cowboy" and granted an order from thirty-five former federal judges to re-open the IRS/Trump lawsuit based on some obscure federal court civil rule ( FYI- all federal civil rules are obscure to us) allowing the court to investigate frauds on the court. The failing NY Times leads the reporting here. 

Have your own woops to report? Just email Woopsrumpole@gmail.com (not really - just use our regular email address whilst it is still active for 31 more days)  

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

 AI, like the rebels on Yalon 4 and Atollon, is wreaking havoc on the empire and the legal practice in general, and the judiciary in particular. There have been several instances of judges actually reading the pleadings we file, and in a few of those, uncareful practitioners have submitted motions that have made-up case law. 

Here's a Rumpole practice tip: if you ask Claude to draft a motion to suppress a search and the motion contains a cite to a case holding  something like "The Fourth Amendment prohibits this type of unrestrained actions by law enforcement...:" you should be on alert that your AI is making things up. No judge or judicial panel would write such a thing in the age of DeSantis and/or the current Supreme Court. 

So the Florida Supreme Court has struck back. Your pleadings will soon be required to have this certification:  “the legal authorities identified exist and are accurately cited."

The court did this on its own- called sua sponte- or literally "after drinking a shot of caefcito and having a burst of energy"

The opinion is attached as part of our public service requirements. 

You will note the absence of a two-way street here. Judges need not certify their orders. Wonder why. 

Opinion_SC2026-0673 by Anonymous PbHV4H

** An earlier post was entitled Revenge of the Jedi, but it did not convey the gist of the post that the Florida Supreme Court is the empire and not the rebels. 

HANKY PANKY

 Warning: NSFJC (not safe for judicial chambers- it may give some ideas...) 

In an investigation sure to make a Broward Judge blush (and probably a little bit envious) an unnamed federal judge (apparently NOT in the SDFL so don't get crazy here) engaged in some extra-judicial activities in chambers.   Think Jersey Shore meets US District Court with a little Friend House thrown in.  Actually, think whatever you want. It just restores our faith that as we wind down the blog, and as Broward Judges got their act together, there still are enough other judges committing hanky panky to make sure that old bloggers never die, they just fade away laughing at those who wear black to work and sit above others. 

Here is the 11th Circuit (Motto "Affirmed if you're a defendant appellant") finding of fact. NO truth to the rumor the finding has been optioned to Netflix with Sydney Sweeney signed to co-star. 

11-25-90212 Judicial Council Order_0 by Anonymous PbHV4H

Anyone else thinking "Get a room, willya?"

SIXTY SIX YEARS APART

 These two pictures, of classic American achievement were taken sixty-six years apart. 

There is nothing we cannot accomplish as a nation united. 

Happy Memorial Day. 

SO, YOU WANT TO BE A JUDGE IN MIAMI-DADE COUNTY .......

THE CAPTAIN REPORTS:

UPDATE (NO UPDATE): 

Updating our readers on the open seat on the 3rd DCA (read below). The Governor was constitutionally required to fill that open seat by May 16 (60 days after receiving a certified list of nominees). Today is Day 66, and still no replacement. This despite emails being sent to General Counsel Axelman, AGC Gustafson (in charge of judicial appointments), and multiple phone calls and messages left for each.

FOUR NEW JUDGES (& MAYBE A FIFTH) COMING TO A COURTROOM NEAR YOU .....

We previously reported to you that there were five open seats to be filled on the bench in Miami-Dade County, including two on the Circuit Court, two on the County Court, and one on the Third District Court of Appeal.

Today, the 11th Circuit Judicial Nominating Commission (JNC) certified its list of nominees to Governor DeSantis for four of those vacancies.

The nominees to replace retiring Circuit Court Judges Jose Rodriguez and Marcia Caballero include ten sitting County Court judges and two private attorneys:

Natalie Costea
Hon. Rita Cuervo
Hon. Miesha Darrough
Christian Dunham
Hon. Alicia Garcia Priovolos
Hon. Christopher Green
Hon. Chiaka Ihekwaba
Hon. Jennifer Tautman Levin
Hon. Natalie Moore
Hon. Stephanie Silver
Hon. Eleane Sosa-Bruzon
Hon. Michelle Urbistondo

As for the two County Court vacancies, I fully expect handwritten thank-you notes from all twelve nominees, thanking Captain Justice for creating these openings in the first place. 

My loyal readers will recall that Governor DeSantis and his General Counsel’s Office somehow managed to “overlook” these vacancies for more than seven months after Judges Yara Klukas and Jason Reding Quinones submitted their resignations. Apparently, nobody in Tallahassee remembered that the Florida Constitution actually requires the appointment process to begin promptly after a judicial resignation.

Only after Captain Justice emailed General Counsel David Axelman and pointed out the obvious constitutional problem did the Governor — on the very same day as my email — finally initiate the process to replace both judges.

Amazing how that works.

The nominees for the County Court vacancies include: 

Shawn Abuhoff
Johanna Benedi
Natalie Costea
Christian Dunham
Aaron Feuer
Kimberly Hillery
Scott Janowitz
Yvette Lavelle
Gustavo Losa
Jeffrey Pierce
Patricia Salman
Alexander Shear

Governor DeSantis now has 60 days to make four judicial appointments.

THIRD DCA

Meanwhile, over at the Third District Court of Appeal, the Governor’s Office continues its troubling pattern of treating constitutional deadlines as if they were merely “suggestions.”

The Third DCA JNC certified six nominees to Governor DeSantis on March 17 to replace Judge Kevin Emas. Article V, Section 11(c) of the Florida Constitution could not be more clear:

“The governor shall make the appointment within sixty days after the nominations have been certified to the governor.”

The 60-day deadline expired on May 16. Since that fell on a Saturday, the appointment should have been announced no later than Monday, May 18.

Today is Day 64.

Still no appointment.

Captain Justice sent yet another email today to General Counsel David Axelman asking why the Governor’s Office continues to ignore the constitutional deadline.

If Mr. Axelman actually responds this time — which would itself qualify as breaking news — I will certainly update our readers.

For the record, I never received so much as a courtesy response to my prior emails or telephone calls to his office.

CAPTAIN OUT .......
Captain4Justice@gmail.com

MOGGED ???

 There's a lot going on here, and admittedly we are straying from our milieu and are not quite fully knowledgeable about the players and the vernacular. 

Here's what we have been able to discern. 

There's some guy who is IG famous who goes by the name Clavicular.   As near as we can tell, he kisses girls in clubs and posts videos on social media. A good job if you can get it. 

One day he shot at some alligators. And then, unlike Jed Clampet, who also fired his weapon improvidently- but with much better results, Clavicular got arrested. Typical Miami story: Boy kisses girl in club; boy posts video; boy goes to Everglades the next day and shoots at Gators; Boy gets arrested. 

But then there was, much like in Justice Cardozo's famous decision in Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad (currently the LIRR is on strike, but we are not posting about it...just sayin...), an unforeseen and intervening factor that set the internet and social media ablaze... 

Namely, Judge Bach-Armas, who has been accused by those in the know on social media of Mogging Clavicular.  Say it ain't so, Joe. 

Now we know much. We can take an IG social media star, and link him and alligators with a Cardozo decision and the Beverly Hillbillies. We can quote Spinoza endlessly. But we do not know everything. And therefore, what we cannot tell you is if Judge Bach-Armas Mogged Clavicular. 

Maybe you can assist us? 

Accused of Mogging 

Mogged? 

If you just run a search asking if Clavicular got Mogged, you'll get hundreds of hits. 

Here is Channel 6  reporting on our REGJB judge. 

DARKNESS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN

Cuba has no oil. Cuba has no source for energy. Cuba is unable to produce electricity. 

Cuba is dark. 

Thursday CIA chief John Ratcliffe flew to Cuba and met with officials, but not the leader. 

Is this the start of the change we have been waiting for? 

Well, everybody's got a secret, Sonny
Something that they just can't face
Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it
They carry it with them every step that they take

'Til someday they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag 'em down
Where no one asks any questions
Or looks too long in your face
In the darkness on the edge of town
In the darkness on the edge of town

Darkness on the Edge of Town, Bruce Springsteen.