COWABUNGA!

 The hallways of the REGJB are alive with chatter, most centering on the antics of a certain circuit judge, in her first term. 

The rumors have reached us all the way here, in the semi-frozen north, as we await a verdict. 

Our thoughts on the Judge who recently threatened to hold a lawyer in contempt who wanted to leave around 5pm to pick up their children? 

COWABUNGA! 

(H/T to our Justice Building Irregulars who flooded our email with reports of this outrage).

You would think our judge would know better after the contretemps a few years ago of the county court judge harassing a female lawyer who needed a break to pump milk for her child. 

Let's try to imagine the reasoning that went into the threat. 

I'm a circuit judge, which means I am smarter than you and more important than you. 

What you want to do upsets my plans. So you cannot do it, even though it involves your child.

Perhaps our Judge wants the lawyer to write a letter of apology? 

Dear Judge, 

Sorry I am a parent with a young child that is in childcare when I work. I will try and avoid the mistake in the future. Please do not hold me in contempt. 

Yeah, this one is a real winner. 

And people wonder why we try cases in other states. 

OR ELSE

 Appellate Judges live and work in a rarified air. They are ensconced in their chambers reading records on appeal (and if you believe that we have a bridge for you to buy), dazzling their clerks with their brilliant legal insights, insightful writing and legal analysis. Appellate judges are the only people (other than the governor's legal staff) that trial judges cozy up to, other than judicial fundraisers. 

They have the power to set aside a verdict, release a prisoner (in theory at least), strike down a law, and order government officials around the way a trial court judge treats waiters at Sexy Fish. 

So this is what puzzles us, why are they constantly issuing orders threatening lawyers? 

"This appeal will be dismissed unless the appellant 1) pays the filing fee by tomorrow; 2) files their brief by next week; 3) files the directions to the clerk by 3pm today..." and on and on it goes, the lists of things that apparently turns them red in the face. 

True power means you don't have to threaten people to get them to do something. 

Federal judges issue orders- trial is set for....the status conference is set for....etc., and they don't threaten sanctions and disaster. Judges expect attorneys to follow orders...well, attorneys who don't work for former presidents. 

Memo to the Appellate Courts and their clerks- try a little kindness. Karma Kramer.  Be nice. Pay it forward. 

Try this on for size: "Counsel for the appellant is kindly requested to pay the filing fee by tomorrow, it probably slipped your mind..." or "We know you're busy. We are all busy. It would impress the panel if the brief is filed by February 14, after which counsel and their significant other can celebrate with a nice Valentine's 💖 dinner." 

The Florida Supreme Court talks so much about bringing back respect and professionalism into the law. How about a little professional courtesy and kindness? 

Stop threatening us. It just makes a bad day worse. Nobody likes a bully. 

ZOOM 2024

     Courtesy of the FACDL, here's an updated Zoom list. 

Zoom away.  There's a lot more to this post. Even a challenge from the Swifties #Swifties. Make sure to scroll to the end. 

ZOOM Virtual Courtroom Directory 2024 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

 

 Courtesy of The Florida Bulldog blog, the Florida Bar, which never passes up a chance to investigate a criminal defense lawyer ("We have received a complaint that you wore a blue tie with a yellow shirt and black suit. Please respond within twenty days...")  the Bar has passed up the invitation from Judge Middlebrooks to sanction the Trump lawyers in one of the 1000 or so frivolous lawsuits brought and dismissed. 

We reported on the Middlebrooks order here  and the Bulldog barks here. 

Initial super bowl thoughts.

Coins and dice bounce funny in Vegas. The coin toss has us worried. 

We tangled with the Swifties the other day and they immediately made their position known in the comments. We ain't ascared. We fight the US government every day. A bunch of teenage girls doesn't scare us...Much....well....maybe a little.  

85-1 are the odds that Travis Kelce proposes on national TV to you know who, (Rhymes with Drift) after being named MVP of the Super Bowl. Make the bet. 

CHAMPIONSHIP SUNDAY 2024

 Here we are, down to three football games for 2024. Two will be played on Championship Sunday and the rule for the day is to keep emotion out of your selections. 

KC at Baltimore. We have a visceral dislike of both teams. We are tired of seeing Mahomes in the Super Bowl, and tired of seeing his TE's girlfriend jumping around in luxury boxes. We can quote from Blackstone, but we cannot tell you one song Ms. Swift has sung. Nor do we ever care to know. We have other issues with the Ravens which go back a long time. Suffice to say we cannot bring ourselves to root for either team. 

But here is our advice. The smart money- the professional money- the unemotional money- went on the Ravens as soon as the line was posted as Ravens -3. It was bet up to 4, at which point the chatter was how can you not take KC and Mahomes in an AFC Championship game and 4 points?  And the answer is that he doesn't win all his big games. Ask Tampa Bay and Brady. The Raven played the 49ers a few weeks ago when San Fran was being called the best team in the NFL and the Ravens beat them like E. Jean Carrol suing Trump.  It was a total rout. 

The weather will be bad, so the under 44.5 is enticing as well as the under 214.5 passing yards for Jackson. The Ravens have a better defense and a better run game, so if they get a lead, they will run and Jackson's passing yards will be held down.  Fun game for sure, we just cannot root for either team. But the pick is Ravens -4 hosting their first ever AFC championship game.  

Lions at 49ers.  This is an easier game to pick. All good things must come to an end, and that includes the Lions magical run. San Fran is the better team, and they are especially better outside. The numbers for Goff, the Lions QB playing outside are dismal this year. 

Jared Goff in a dome: 104.0 rating, 69% completions, 7.9 yds per pass, 23 TD-8 INT; Jared Goff outdoors: 87.9 rating, 64.5%, 7.0 yds per pass, 7 TD, 4 INT Jared Goff on grass: 82.0 rating, 63.6% completion, 6.5 yds per pass, 5 TD, 4 INT

The Lions are a team with a future, but the 49ers are a team for today. The are back in the NFC championship for the second year in a row, this time with their QB. They have the best runner in football with McCafferty, and they are playing at home. San Fran -7 and over 52 and take the over passing yards for both QBs- 256 for Goff and 276.5 for Purdy. 

We would like to see the Lions win; we just do not think they will. 

Have fun and bet it all...you can always make more money. 

WHATS'S THE DOUGHBOY AFRAID OF?

 Before we begin, the State of Alabama ( Motto: "Trump Y'all!") gassed one of its citizens yesterday. Anybody care?

When we were in Boston, well before Mr. Markus was roaming the halls of Hahvahrd Lawh School becoming radicalized, there was a small ice cream company in Vermont called Ben and Jerrys that was trying to break into the Boston market. Pillsbury, which owned Haagen Dazs told stores if they sold Ben and Jerrys they would pull Haagen Dazs from their shelves. Ben and Jerry's responded with billboard ads and bumper stickers in Boston with the slogan   "What's the Doughboy Afraid Of?"  At a time when most people in the 1970s didn't use Instagram, the campaign worked, and eventually everyone could eat Chunky Monkey after dinner. 

A Bumper Sticker- sort of like Instagram without the internet

Which brings us to Federal Court and phones. "What's the Doughboy afraid of? When Rocky beats Clubber Lang in the rematch in Rocky III after losing the title to him, he lets Lang repeatedly hit him and responds "you ain't so bad". He was opening up to his fear, experiencing the worst and moving through it.   

So what's the worst that could happen in Federal Court?  A person surreptitiously records a judge sentencing a defendant above the guidelines for going to trial and losing?  "Mr. Jones knew the risks when he went to trial. When you exercise your sixth amendment rights and lose, you pay the price." 

We survived Covid;  the federal judiciary appears strong enough to survive an iPhone.  This is one of those rare occasions when State courts have successfully navigated an issue the feds seem incapable of resolving. It is not like Snaptok is full of videos of judges denying motions to suppress. They just call their balls and strikes, enforce abortion restrictions, stomp on the tattered remains of the Fourth Amendment without social media exposure and move on.  

And all of this is a prelude to a couple of federal trials with a former president that are looming. Any chance the judges buy new robes and let a camera in to broadcast the proceedings? 

 "What's the Doughboy Afraid Of?" 

JUST WONDERING

 Before we get to what is on our mind, let us say a fond farewell to Sports Illustrated. 

SI was a magazine that covered sports. For you lawyers under 30 or DeSantis Judges, a magazine was a collection of articles and pictures, in actual physical form that, if you subscribed, was delivered in the mail. The mail was physical documents like magazines, letters, and bills that had your home or office address and was brought to you by a US government employee. The cost of the service was paid via a stamp that was purchased from a post office. 

SI had a great collection of writers like Frank DeFord, Rick Riley, Dan Jenkins, Jim Murray (from LA), Peter Gammons on baseball, Leigh Montville- a curmudgeon from Boston, George Plimpton, and others. It was superb journalism and sports writing and this week SI fired everyone. Maybe AI will write SI, but we won't read it. RIP SI. 

JUST WONDERING. 

Unlike appellate courts, we like hypotheticals. So indulge us. 

Let's say the Republican candidate for president is convicted of criminal charges in the State of New York. And then he is convicted of federal charges in District Court in Washington DC over the summer/fall. And then he wins the presidential election. And then he is sentenced to 60 months in prison. 

Does the BOP have the facilities for a State dinner? 

In the event of a nuclear attack, will someone have to file an emergency petition for release so POTUS can be taken on Air Force One to a secure facility? We note that in the event of a submarine launched ballistic missile attack the president has about 7 minutes to get out of dodge. We can't get the BOP to do anything in less than 70 minutes much less 7. 

Will the cabinet have to go to Coleman? And will anybody be allowed to being in cell phones or will POTUS have to stand in line like everyone else to use the phone? 

Given his penchant for firing lawyers, do you think for some commissary and a payment to a relative on the outside that he hires a jailhouse lawyer to do his appeal? Given his penchant for firing Secretaries of Defense, and Attorney Generals, do you think he appoints a cellmate as an interim cabinet member not needing senate approval?

Does the probation officer who does the PSR have to get security clearance? 

The questions just go on and on. What we know for sure is that while the framers approved of flogging (which isn't a half bad idea....nah skip it) and the entire judiciary of the United States appointed after 2000 firmly believes that whatever was good enough for the framers is good enough now, the Constitution does not disqualify felons, rapists, or liars from holding office as President. Better we have an American convicted of some 90 felonies, than some guy born in, let's say for argument's sake, Africa. 

And make no mistake about this. More than 40% of the voters in this upcoming election firmly believe 1) global warming is fake news; 2) the 2020 presidential election was stolen through a conspiracy involving a dead Venezuelan dictator, and in a remarkable sting of bad luck, every single judge assigned to the former president's cases is bad, biased, and out to get him- much like all of his former secretaries of defense. 

In other words, this guy has worse luck than the Buffalo Bills, and that is saying a lot! 

Anyway, this is a whole lot to think about, and time is running out to make some decisions. 

PLAYOFF SUNDAY 2024

 We went 2-0 on our picks yesterday.  Naturally. 

The Texans kept it close for the first half, but then the Ravens pulled away, while the Packers lead late in the fourth quarter before the 49'ers took the lead. Green Bay had a chance to win it, but Love threw a late INT and the game was over. 

We see the two playoff games today in a similar way. 

Tampa, like Houston, has had a great and improbable run. It ends today in Detroit. Take the Lions at home -6.  It may be close for a while, but Baker Mayfield is not beating Detroit in Detroit. Period. 

Meanwhile the game of the weekend is the last game Sunday. The Chiefs, on the road in the playoffs for the first time in the Patrick Mahomes era goes to sunny and tropical Buffalo (not- this weekend the Bills out word for the community to show up and shovel snow at the Stadium for $20/an hour- or about what court appointments pay, adjusting for inflation. And there's more satisfaction in shoveling a pile of snow then wading through a pile of discovery.)

Game Day in Buffalo

KC's ride ends today. Buffalo is at home. They have the better QB at the moment. A better running game, and much better wide receivers. The only thing holding this line down is the injuries- Buffalo has a snow mound of em, But we are going with the better team overall here. Props to the KC defense, and Mahomes is always dangerous. But we think the Bills move on to play Baltimore next week. 

When the Bills came to Miami for MNF we had Stephon Diggs at +62 receiving yards. He did that in the first half. We are taking him again on a prop with the same number. 

We also like him over 5.5 receptions and RB James Cook over 2.5 receptions. 

In the Lions game, take a flyer on Mayfield over 260 yards and Geoff under 280 yards on the theory that the Lions will be up and running the ball and the Bucs will be chucking it to catchup. Maybe a nifty parlay on those two will pay for our next bottle of Opus One. 

Enjoy the Games. There are five games left in the NFL season before today. Three after. 😱 It's been a fun year. 

SATURDAY'S RUMINATIONS

 We have a secret REGJB guilty pleasure. Keep reading and we will reveal it, along with our NFL playoff picks for Saturday. 

But first, what kind of spoiled, entitled person takes up two spots in the REGIB parking lot? It's not like those who wear black robes at work are using the parking lot. Or are they?  (H/T an alert reader). 

Speaking of entitled, one judge threw a complete fit when being shown his/her chambers on the third floor. "Not on your life" they sniffed (or words to that effect) and stormed away. New accommodations were located. 

True or False? An ASA in the 1980s hired an interior decorator for her office on 6 in the REGJB.  Scroll down for the answer. 

Yes you DeSantis judges read that right. The SAO used to have offices on 6. The PDs were on 8 and the building ran just fine without your presence calling balls and strikes. 

Our Guilty pleasure. 

7th Floor Snack Bar 

Earlier this week, after a case, we snuck up to 7 where we had a cup of coffee and the grits and corned beef hash. It's our favourite breakfast at the REGJB.  It's not the egg sandwich with the duck sausage at the NOMAD in NYC, but for Miami it is not bad at all. 

TRUE: The late, great Carol Ann Guralnick had a decorator do her office. She also parked her Porsche in front of the building every day and just paid the ticket. These days she would be called into HR and chewed out. Of course back then the SAO did not have HR. They just had a guy who Janet told to straighten you out. 

Lady Law- that was her license plate and the name of her radio show. 

NFL Playoff picks for Saturday: 

These are two tough games. But here goes. 

Houston's fairy tale playoff ride and season ends today on the cold field in Baltimore. The Ravens are too good. Ravens -9.5, 

Green Bay on the other hand is peaking right at the same time.  Their QB Jordan Love is showing why the Packer's picked him in the first round, which pissed off Aaron Rodgers, who left for NY a few years later and tore his Achilles heel. 

Brock Purdy on the other hand...well, we just don't buy into the hype. From a technical standpoint, the 49ers run a pretty standard defense. Nothing exotic. They run it well, but there is nothing tricky to it. Which means the Packers and Love will be prepared and they will at least keep it close. Green Bay +9.5.

Here are a few  player props we like. Nothing complicated here.

Lamar Jackson over 226.5 passing yards. Jordan Love over 250 passing yards. 

If you want to have some real fun, put ten bucks on the following flyers:

Jordan Love scores first TD- +5000;  Christian McCaffrey scores first TD +300.  

SOMETHING IS FISHY

 The entire regulatory process of the United States government is about to get upended. Pay close attention and try and follow the bouncing ball and in the process watch conservatives turn on a dime as their ox is gored. 

It all starts with Reagan and Gorsuch and Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Chevron, and it ends, ingloriously, with the small and inelegant herring. Try and keep up, 

When Ronald Wilson Reagan won the presidency, conservatives viewed the federal bench as the enemy. Twenty years before, federal judges like Frank Minis Johnson from Alabama desegrated the South. Federal judges took over school districts and various municipalities to enforce the law.  The federal bench was manned (they were mostly men, except, amongst a few others like Judge Sarah T. Hughes from Texas, which any DeSantis judge under 40 can tell you administered the oath of office to LBJ on Airforce One hours after JFK was killed by LHO) by do good liberals. 

Reagan appointed Anne Gorsuch Buford to run the EPA. She had a son named Neil. Maybe you've heard of him. Anyway, the EPA appealed the decision of some liberal do-gooder on the DC bench named Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Maybe you've heard of her) who stopped Gorsuch and Reagan's EPA from relaxing Jimmy Carter era restrictions on power plant emissions.  The case was decided 6-0 by the US Supreme Court with Justice John Paul Stevens writing for the majority. By this time the case was called Chevron v. Natural Resources Defense Council. Conservatives wanted agencies and not federal judges to set regulations to enforce federal laws. In this case the EPA was being run by a conservative, so conservatives were pro-agency and anti-judge. Conservatives did not want do-gooders like the notorious RBG overruling agency decisions. 

Stephens wrote that the Clean Air Act was ambiguous, and agencies were best equipped, with experts in the field, to enforce ambiguous federal laws.  Federal Judges should stay out of agency decisions unless they were "not reasonable". While a victory for Reagan era conservatives, democratic presidents like Clinton and Obama used the decision to empower agencies to further their liberal agendas in enforcing laws that were ambiguous enough to allow the liberal heads of agencies to advance the liberal agenda of the president. It was a nifty piece of legal judo- liberals took a loss and turned it into a win. 

Fast forward several decades and now the federal bench is populated by conservative men and women who, the conservatives now say, are much better equipped with their two or three law clerks, to enforce the laws of Congress. Conservative judges, the argument goes, have more expertise and ability to enforce EPA, or mining regulations, or FAA rules, than the agencies staffed by hundreds of experts. 

In other words, the worm has turned. Bad (judges running things) is now good, and good (agencies with experts) are now bad. 

And in a twist of fate, you know who led the charge at oral arguments this week to overturn Chevron? None other than Reagan EPA administrator's little boy Neil, all grown up and a Supreme Court Justice. 

About to take down the federal government 

And what about the Herring you sharp eyed DeSantis judges are saying out loud? One of the two cases challenging Chevron is a family of herring fisherpeople who objected to an agency rule requiring them to have agency experts on their fishing boats to make sure the boats are following agency regulations to protect the north Atlantic herring stocks. 

"By letting agencies construe laws when Congress did not think about the problem, means the government always wins" opined Justice Gorsuch during oral argument. 

Things look good for the herring fleet, bad for the herring, and bad for the way government has been run for the last 60 plus years. Your local federal judge is going to be telling the FAA how to staff air controller towers, coal mines on mine safety, and nuclear reactors on how to stop meltdowns. Because they have so much more expertise than the agencies designed to enforce federal law. 

Yeah, right. 

Whose ox was gorsuched?  Neil's ox. 

GET ME JOHN RITENOUR

 It took a while, but we finally found a defense attorney who will warm the hearts of DeSantis state judges and Trump federal judges. 

Meet John Ritenour Jr, defense attorney from Texas y'all!! How bout dem Cowboys!

Mr. Ritenour was appointed to represent on a federal collateral appeal from a death sentence Joseph Gamboa.  In 2007 Gamboa was convicted and sentenced to death for two murders and a robbery at a bar in San Antonio (pronounced San Antone for those of you not from Texas). 

Our hero

Ritenour visited his client once before filing the habeas. OK- some lawyers are efficient. But here's where things go off the rails a might bit. At that meeting Gamboa gave his lawyer documents that showed the prosecution withheld Brady material (Fifth Circuit Motto: "We gonna fix that damn pesky Brady case") showing another man had committed the murders. The client had evidence he was innocent. Not the sort of thing that Trump/DeSantis/Texas judges want to hear. That kind of claim is about as welcome as a bobcat in the henhouse as they say in Texas, or the Green Bay Packers. 

Ritenour didn't take the documents. But  when litigation over his ineptitude reached court, he did say he read the court file. Good for him! We can envision him on the back porch in a rocking chair, a few cold Pabst Blue Ribbons on ice, thumbing through the file. Life is good for court appointed death penalty lawyers in Texas. 

Then Ritenour got to work. He filed his habeas petition. Like all of us, a few typos slipped through. The first was including the name of another client he filed a habeas for - Obie Weathers. The second was raising the same claims, with remarkably the same typos that were filed in ol' Obie's case. The third was he didn't have Gamboa sign the petition. 

Now the Texas AGs went to work. Ritenour is a good old boy they like on the other side of the case. As they used to say in the segregated South,  "he don't cause no trouble."   We don't have the response, but we can guess it at least had a paragraph stating that the same petition (pretty much word for word) was denied for ol Obie, so it is sort of a res judicata incompetentia  kind of thing. 

But wait! There's more. Ritenour is a scribe. He likes to write. And in a response certain to warm the hearts of prosecutors and judges everywhere , he wrote (we are not making this up) "After considerable review and reflection, petitioner concedes that his argument for each of his claims has been foreclosed under existing, adversely decided precedent." 

Get me Edward Bennett Williams...get me Al Krieger....get me Roy Black...and now Get me John Ritenour! 

New lawyers took over Gamboa's case. Thankfully. The matter is now before the Supreme Court after the Fifth District denied the appeal of ineffective assistance of counsel with the oft repeated phrase "When the Brisket is burned, you're left with the corn and potatoes..." Or, that Mr. Gamboa had one chance on a habeas and his lawyer lost and that's what y'all get in Texas. Duh. 

Here's what Ritenour did not do. Hire an investigator; Research his client's claims of inncoence and Brady violations;  Consult with lawyers to act as expert witnesses. Ritenour is a busy man.  He did have a ten-minute call with Gamboa's trial counsel. "Hey Jeb, John here. I got that Gamboa fella. He looks guilty to me. You try that new BBQ place down on Fulton? They have some pretty girls serving cold beer...anyway, I'm gonna file ol' Obie's habeas and lets see what happens. Good speaking with ya." 

Gamboa's new lawyers obtained a written statement from Ritenour in which they asked him to admit his deficient performance. Here is what he wrote- we swear this is true:  

"Upon reflection, I concluded that I could not in good conscious do that."

As a blogger, our conscience prevents us from saying more. 

Check out Gamboa v. Lumpkin, 

The Supreme Court is considering this week whether to accept cert. We hope their conscience will be their guide. But don't hold your breath. 

SUNDAY THOUGHTS

 We went 2-1 in our Wild Card Saturday picks. We did not abandon our Fins but they abandoned us in a shockingly poor performance in KC, but as we have been saying all year, the Under came in, as did our pick of the Texans over the Browns. 

Non-Football Stuff. 

Who else wants to form a class action lawsuit against the 1-800-kars-4-kids commercial and that insidious song that bangs around in your head for hours after being subject to that nauseating jingle? 

It is not so much as people like Trump, it is that 35-40% of the population that is under-educated and disenfranchised doesn't like everything else, and Trump is about wrecking everything. 

Global warming and rising seas are a hoax. What is real is that part of the west side walk way, bike path, running path of NYC, especially in lower Manhattan is currently under water. Historic beach front fishing shacks that have stood in Maine since the 1830's were just washed away in the current storm with unprecedented high seas. But there is no such thing as rising seas due to glaciers melting.  The people who think like this are the same ones who won't get a vaccine because they have not studied what is in it. Like those people have done detailed spectrographic analysis of Tylenol, or anti-biotics. Whatever. 

West Side Highway this weekend 

Can you think of a Judge who would stretch the bounds of rules of procedure to right a wrong and free an innocent person? In the 1970's 80's and 90's we could think of dozens. Now that list is down to 3 or 4, including federal judges. Sad. 

You can bet online now with the Hardrock app in Florida. The deal that the Tribe cut with DeSantis is that in exchange for the exclusive rights to on line sports betting in Florida, Hardrock would not oppose a casino outside of a 15-mile radius of their casinos in Broward. When you draw that radius circle, you know what is 17 miles away? The Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami Beach. Just sayin...

Do you really think about Martin King on his federal holiday? We don't. We don't think of Washington or Lincoln on Presidents Day either. We think of King when we see the horrible state of criminal defense throughout the country. When we see poor people being crushed by a system administered by judges raised in the just "call balls and strikes" era of judging (unless the topic is abortion or politics).  But maybe tomorrow is a good day to take some time off and read Letter From Birmingham Jail. 

Do you use AI in your practice?  You will. Trust us. It is inevitable. We had AI just write a memo on the legal issues in a database of transcripts for an appeal. And the product was not bad. A solid B. It missed some points, but caught the big ones. We did this after we wrote the brief to see how could our AI service is. And of course what Judge is going to say "no" to the pitch of doing less work and reading less motions so they have more time for important stuff like ....fill in the blank. 

Football: 

Here are some props we like for Sunday. 

Cowboys WR Lamb over 98 receiving yards. 

Cowboys -2.5 first quarter. 

Rams rookie sensation WR Puka Nacua over 79 receiving yards. 

Lions WR Amon-Ra St. Brown over 90 receiving yards. 

Lions RB Gibbs over 21.5 receiving yards. 

Remember our motto: Bet what you can afford...and then a whole lot more. You can always make more money. 

WILD CARD WEEKEND 2024

 Lots of wild things going on for wild card weekend. Take for example the Steelers at the Bills. We jumped on the under 42 when the line opened and followed it down at under 40 and then under 38 as the weather in Buffalo got worse. With two feet of snow expected for tomorrow during game time, we would have taken under 15 but then the NFL up and today moved the game to Monday at 4:15 pm. We are monitoring the weather for Monday, but riddle us this- how was Buffalo going to cover -10 with the under at 36 (before the game was moved) in a snow storm? We had visions of a private jet to London this summer before the NFL ruined our plans. The number is now up to 40. We still like under which has been the play all year in the NFL and historically hits at a 57% rate during the playoffs when teams tighten up. 

Cleveland at Houston. We will take the Texans as home dogs +3. The Joe Flacco train stops today. Update: Hope you followed our advice as two back to back Flaco pick 6's shows that he is done, the Flacco train is off the rails and our pick has paid off nicely. 

Miami at  Antartica KC.  It is going to be something crazy like -10 at kickoff on Saturday night. The game BTW is on NBC Peacock. Welcome to 2024. It won't be the legendary Ice Bowl, which as any 30 something county court judge can tell you was played on December 31, 1967 in Green Bay at -13 where the Packers beat the Cowboys 21-17 for the NFC Championship, but it is going to be damn cold. The Fins have disappointed us greatly. They should be division champions. They should have beat the Bills last week and their season has been marked by highs and "should have" lows. Well, we made a lot of money on Miami this year and we are gonna dance with the one that brung us- Miami -5 and under 44.

Green Bay at Dallas.  This is not a gimme. And we have been outspoken in our view that Dallas chokes in the post season. And whilst they did that last year, they won their first game on wildcard weekend. And we think they come strong out of the box at home, so our play is the Cowboys  -2.5 for the first quarter. Exotic, but profitable. 

Rams at Lions. This is our toughest play of the weekend. Either team can go on a run and end up in Las Vegas.  So lets just bite the bullet and take the Lions + 3 as home dogs and maybe a ten dollar parlay that the over 52 will playoff on this one inside a dome with two good QBs. 

Eagles at Tampa Bay on Monday night, now one of two games for Monday. The Bucs are +2.5 at home, but really you're going to put your hard earned money on Baker Mayfield. Really? We aren't. Philly rights the ship for at least this week. 

SENTENCING STRATEGIES

Caught cheating and now fired.

UPDATE: Exclusive. The Evil Genius, coach of the NE Cheaters, who cheated their way to several super bowl wins and losses (hahahaha) will be fired today. They will call it a mutual parting of the ways. But what we know is that once the Evil Genius could not cheat, and  once his bougie QB left the team, the screen was pulled back on the Great Oz and it was revealed that he was not much at all. A pedestrian loser whose team wins four games a year. Most retirements merit a Rumpolian "Well done. Well done indeed."  Although we appreciate , nay admire, his misanthropic press conferences. his firing generates a simple "Goodbye and good riddance." 

Prediction- Like Vince Lombardi after leaving the Packers, he will be hired by the Washington Commies. Things didn't work out well for Mr. Lombardi when he went to DC. (He died shortly thereafter of colon cancer, rejecting a colonoscopy with a curt "I'm not going to let them shove anything up my a$$..." Of course we do not wish ill health on the evil genius. Just more losing.) 

SETENCING STRATEGIES 

We are not very familiar with sentencing.  It is an area of the law we have been able to avoid needing to study. 

But our knowledge extends to the understanding that there are various sentencing strategies.  

There is the compassion strategy- rent a family, haul a few kids to court, get a bad medical diagnosis and beg for mercy. 

There is the Churchill strategy: "In victory magnanimity; in defeat defiance." 

And there is the ol' remain silent and hope you come back on appeal. 

But in the annals of criminal defense, we are pretty sure that the strategy of the below defendant, in a court in Las Vegas recently, has ever worked. 

BONDS BACKFIRE

 This is what happens when government bureaucrats want to help and tinker with things because they want to make their jobs relevant. 

Case in point the implementation of the new bond system. 

A new bond system! Whoppee!! All sorts of good things are going to happen with a new bond system including removing the unfair economic advantage successful people have over non-economically successful people in posting bonds. Now everyone needs to wait their turn and the system is more fair. 

It was almost like once finished with making bonds fair, our government would turn to things like dining out and designer goods, removing the ability of people who can afford to eat at Deliliah in Miami Beach (don't bother- overrated and under produces ) or buy Channel wallets - and making sure everyone has equal access to all the finer things in life. "Fron each according to their abilities..."  is making a comback, starting with bonds. 

Well, the best laid plans of mice and (we cannot finish the phrase whilst still being gender sensitive)  have come home to roost. 

Starting January 1 our new bond schedule resulted in this- NO ONE - NO ......ONE has been allowed to bond out in Miami without first attending a first appearance.  And when Miami Dade corrections was queried about this, they gave this legal and adult- reasoned response:  "Judge Sayfie made us do it!"

This is not criticism of our chief judge. We are fairly certain she did not tell corrections this, and that - shockingly- someone from the jail misread her order and instructions (like when they decided that only Carlos Martinez and Gene Zenobi could see PD and Regional clients because their names were on the notice of appearances- and just to hammer home the point, they still contend that if the law firm of Black and White file a notice of appearance, and lawyer Green is listed as an associate, lawyer Green cannot see the client ). 

So here we sit with yet another example of "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."  Your friendly neighborhood bondsperson (<---- note- gender neutral!) has all the details.  And this being Miami-Dade corrections, after several dozen meetings and memos you can expect that some time around June 2024 this will be resolved by them deciding no one should be released on bond at all. 

What a great way (at least for the blog) to start off 2024! 

NO HAPPY NEW YEARS PLEASE

 We will write a thorough New Year's post, including our toppling of the REGJB Fantasy Football's goliath #1 seed from our #4 seed spot last week in the semi-finals, only to lose in the finals to someone with the name of Johnny's Sac.  A very unsatisfying second place. 

For now, as we struggle to meet an appellate deadline, we make this simple plea: STOP sending "Happy New Year" texts. We don't need it. No one does. It is annoying spam. If you have a personal New Year's message or wish for us, convey it. But if you're sitting around with nothing to do on a Monday and cannot think of anything else but to go to your phone's contacts and spam everyone with a HNY text with those insipid exploding fireworks, then we have 14,500 words that urgently need to be edited down to 13,000 by the end of today. 

And a word about appellate court deadlines. Just stop with the orders gratuitously stating that "workload is not a reason for an extension." What other reason do we need an extension for other than judges have lined us up for four trials back to back to back to back since early September. What do you want us to say? "We could not meet the deadline because umm... we spent a whole lot of time creating span text lists on our phone so we could be the first to spam all of our contacts Happy Halloween and Happy Thanksgiving...?" 

We need more time because we are working our ass off and if that's a problem then so be it. Instead of threatening over worked lawyers, how about re-examining the unpreserved error rule that results in thousands of defendants serving prison sentences when their trial had inadmissible evidence but their trial lawyer was too dense to object. 

And by the way, if you are one of those ignoramus trial lawyers who do not object "because I don't want to draw attention to it" try reading some of the hundreds of appellate opinions where the conviction was affirmed despite loads of prejudicial and inadmissible evidence was used because the attorney did not object.  The evidence is in. The prosecution is going to use it. DO YOUR FREAKING JOB AND OBJECT!

It's the first day of the new year and we are already in a sour mood.