Is a waiter to take my order without becoming my new best friend.
Address me as Mr…..(almost blew it there) Rumpole. And I will reciprocate by using their last name .
I don’t care to know the brand of organic fertilizer used to grow the potatoes. Starbucks is now telling me on what day they roasted the coffee. Just pour the damn cup and leave some room for sugar and let me get on with my life.
I don’t need to know the temperament of the chef, and I don’t care how long the tuna is fire-roasted for. Just cook it and put it on the plate. I don’t discuss the intricacies of cross examination or how I prepare an opening with my clients (“This opening was first used by the Gustav defense in 1967 and it has changed slightly over the years based on the changes in the self defense laws…”) and I really don’t care how much butter is in the roux.
I don’t care what the waiter’s favourite dish is. I am assuming if it is on the menu, it is because they think it is good. And most importantly, there is a special place in hell, with no tips, reserved for waiters who linger and wait until you take a bite of food before rushing over to engage you in conversation about the meal. I don’t wish to share my dinning experience with the wait staff. I really don’t wish to speak with them at all beyond the order. And while we’re talking about the staff, I really don’t care for their snide looks when I turn down a $30.00 bottle of water. I know the water scam and I’m not about to fall for it. I don’t mind paying a small fortune for a lobster, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend a hundred bucks on something that runs from the taps for free.
If I don’t eat all the food it’s not because I didn’t like it, but because they have served a side of beef big enough to feed a town in Somalia. I can’t stand it when I’ve eaten a reasonable amount from my plate and the entire contingent of waiters rushes over as if I’m choking and need the Heimlich. Trust me, if I don’t like something, I’ll let them know about it.
Just take my order and leave me the hell alone.