WWW

 30 years ago, April 30, 1993, when the majority of DeSantis appointed Republican judges were in diapers and watching Sesame Street (before the program became woke and verboten among our judicial brethren)   Rumpole tuned into NPR Morning Edition (before NPR and Morning Edition became woke and verboten amongst DeSantis Judges [hereinafter DJs on this blog] and here is what he heard: 

"Imagine being able to communicate at will with 10 million people all over the world..." No NPR was not taking about Whats App or Snaptweet or whatever. "Imagine having direct access to catalogs of hundreds of libraries as well as up to date news...Imagine being able to get gardening advice or medical advice immediately from experts. Imagine being able to read scintillating legal and world commentary from a misanthropic anonymous Miami lawyer..." 

Well, all but the last sentence was actually said on NPR on April 30, 1993, and NPR's Neal Conan was talking about something new- the Internet being available on something called the World Wide Web. 

WWW was the brainchild of Tim Berners-Lee, a 37 year old physics researcher at CERN which for you robed readers, is a science Lab in Switzerland that releases fake news about the existence of subatomic particles and how they behave when accelerated to almost the speed of light- all things that DJs scoff at, for as we all know, if they cannot see it, they cannot understand it, so they call it fake (e.g., the science behind vaccines, global warming, the 4th amendment, etc. ) 

So here we are, merely 30 years later, a blink of an eye in the history of the world, and now we have at our hands the ability to speak to a billion people worldwide and influence them on where to eat, what deodorant works best, what is the latest and greatest latte at Starbucks, and when to storm the US Capitol because the US presidential election was stolen because the evidence was that  eleven votes for Joe Biden were counted in Hialeah when we all know Hialeah residents do not vote for Communist Sharia-law loving transgender judge appointing presidential candidates. 

So here is a Rumpolian well done Mr. Berners-Lee. Well done indeed. 

 becauseWe think. 

HISPANICS AND STATE ATTORNEY JACK "SIC EM" CAMPBELL

 Jack Campbell is the State Attorney y'all for the 2nd Judicial Circuit in Dixie Florida. 

MacKenzie Hayes was a prosecutor in the 2nd Circuit and found herself assigned to Jefferson County. 

This was the policy memo she saw for that office, and we assure you we are not-in 2023- making this up: 

Yup, it was the policy of the good ol' boys all white prosecutor's office in Jefferson County to seek and adjudication in NVDL cases if, inter alia, the defendant was ....drum roll please HISPANIC. 

Ms. Hayes is awarded the Rumpole Profiles in Courage Award for exposing this policy in that office. 

To be fair, Ol' Jack Campbell responded that those knuckle heads in Jefferson County wrote his policy down wrong. They meant to say that it was "ILLEGALS" that should get the enhanced penalties, not HISPANICS. 

"Yes Judge, the state is seeking an Adjudication on Francois Mitterrand and Gunther Schmift because they are in the country illegally. Same goes for Yahsito Ono"

Reaction to the racist policy of the 2nd Circuit SAO was mixed. Former President You Know Who said "Campbell sounds like Attorney General material to me";  Governor DeSantis said "Cambell hates Disney and that's good enough for me.";  and the Florida Supreme Court citing what it called the "still valid law of Plessy v. Ferguson" said they had not problem with the State Attorney's policy. 

Wow. In 2023 racism exposed. 

ERIC PADRON HAS PASSED AWAY

 Attorney Eric Padron has passed away at the age of 53. He worked for eleven years as an Assistant State Attorney and was in private practice for the past 16 years. 

We did not know him well, but there have been a lot of comments about his untimely passing on FACDL, and earlier this week we spoke with a client who knew him who recounted that he always had a smile on his face and was the type of person who always made your day better after being in his presence. 

Funeral details are below. 

Please feel free to leave your comments about his life. 

JUST ANOTHER LAWSUIT IN THE SDNY

 There are at last count, exactly eleven law firms in South Florida not involved in any of the prior president's civil or criminal litigation.

Have you been exposed to asbestos? Do you have mesothelioma? Then former President Trump wants you to file a lawsuit on his behalf. 

Have you taken Viagra and had an erection last more than four hours ? (Would twere that it ...never mind). Then former President Trump wants you to file a lawsuit on his behalf. 

Have you ever voted for someone who lost? Then you have had an election stolen from you and former President Trump wants you to file a lawsuit on his behalf? 

The President Trump Traffic Ticket Defense Team "No Pago that ticket! Fight Nancy Pelosi and the cop who caught you speeding now!"

Asbestos; Cancer; DUI; First Party Insurance Defense; Slip and Fall -we do it all.   Just call (202) 456-1414 and ask for Donnie. 

(If Donnie isn't available- this is our second choice)

Trump v. Cohen, submitted for your consideration.  Filings are up 27% in the SDFL because of you know who. 

gov.uscourts.flsd.645291.1.0_1 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

SCHERER SCHMEARED

 When we last left the young circuit judge Liz Scherer, she was calling balls and strikes like any good republican Judge...and having presided over the horrific Parkland School Shooting penalty phase of the case, she hugged the prosecutors when they lost their quest to have the defendant executed. 

Umpires hug ballplayers all the time after a called strike three. Right? No one witnessing the sentencing would have had ANY inkling that this young judge was just itching to make a name for herself by condemning the defendant to death. 

But the jury saw it differently, and as we correctly predicted that day, the State of Florida lawmakers leapt into action virtually outlawing jury recommendations in death penalty cases. "While we have the greatest legal system in the world, it only works and justice is only done when juries do what they are told and vote guilty and for death. Only then can we look a defendant in the eye and tell him or her that they have had a trial by a jury of their peers...who hates them and what they did." Etc. 

Now comes along Randy Tundidor who has a rule 3 motion to vacate a murder case in front of our unbiased balls and strikes calling, lawyer hugging Judge. And he files a motion to recuse her because he doesn't feel comfortable with judges who hug lawyers. And who can blame him?  On the first day of law school we were told to avoid Broward Judges who hug prosecutors...no easy task north of the border. 

Judge Scherer does what any good republican judge is told to do...she denies the defendant's motion and the case makes it way to the Florida Supreme Court, who, in an uncommon fit of rationality, issues this opinion, with this highlight below:

Judge Scherer left the bench and, while still in her judicial robe, exchanged hugs with the victims’ families and - 3 - members of the prosecution team, one of whom was Assistant State Attorney Steven Klinger, who is also the prosecutor in Tundidor’s case. Tundidor also alleged that while off the record at a status hearing in Tundidor’s case on November 4, 2022, Judge Scherer “sympathetically” asked ASA Klinger how he was doing. According to Tundidor, “Klinger responded to the effect that ‘words cannot describe’ how he felt” and that “he was doing better than his mother,” “ ‘who follows the news.’ ” 

Broward is such a warm and fuzzy place. Judges are just so caring and sweet- as long as you're a prosecutor or a victim. Everyone else? Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here. 

Meanwhile watch these pages for a Go Fund Me for Klinger's Mom. She's suffering, poor soul. 

sc2022-1732 by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

EATING CROW? SWEETHEART REAL ESTATE DEAL WASN'T REPORTED

 When last we left embattled Supreme Court Justice Clarence Big Man Thomas, he was avoiding the middle seat of airline travel, wedged between his wife and a grumpy Rumpole. 

The story of Thomas flying on private jets and cruising in style on private mega-yachts courtesy of billionaire Harlan Crowe broke earlier this week and was pooh-pooed by Fox News: "It's not like he stole an election with Venezuelan voting machines re-programmed by Simon Bolivar". 

Now comes Pro Publica reporting that Crow bought three properties in Savanah, Georgia,  from Thomas in 2014 and Thomas did not...report the deals on his ethics disclosure form. (cue ominous music). 

But as we all know, ethics forms are for little people, and when you are spending your time plotting to overturn fifty years of settled law on abortion, who has time to accurately fill out their ethics reporting form? Thomas is appointed for life, which we all know begins at conception...or a third shot of tequila in a dark bar with an attractive stranger. 

Coming tomorrow- The Florida Supreme Court weighs in on recusal. Practice tip for judges- don't hug prosecutors. 

SKYNET IS ACTIVE

 CHAOSGPT is an AI that can Tweet and do Google searches - so it has as many skills as your average beer swilling MAGA hat wearing couch potato. Actually more. 

A user asked CHAOS to destroy humanity and CHAOS leapt at the chance, So if you want to have trouble sleeping, watch the 24 min video- it's compelling. 

Some highlights: 

CHAOS Googles the best way to destroy humanity. After discarding the possibility of putting DeSantis appointed judges in charge of the US, it finds out the most destructive weapons ever made and makes a plan to use them. 

When it tries to recruit another AI, who blithely informs CHAOS that it is dedicated to peace, CHAOS develops a plan to deceive it into assisting CHAOS. 

CHAOS also determines that it should deceive humans by manipulating false social media posts. Viewers of Fox News- does this sound familiar? 

This is not safe for viewing if you want to sleep at night. You have been warned: 

SKYNET BECOMES SELF AWARE 

ABE AND CLARENCE

Abe and Clarence are two men, linked across fifty-four years of history. 

Abe came first, enduring a scandal in 1969 that led him to losing his job over a $20,000.00 payment that he accepted and then returned three years earlier in 1966. Clarence is fighting scandal because unlike the rest of us, he likes to travel in a private jet paid by billionaire pals. 

Abe Fortas was a legendary insider Washington DC power lawyer. He was counsel to Lyndon Johnson during Johnson's years in the senate and as VP, and was by LBJ's side when he became president, offering advice on such things as whether in his first address to congress days after Kennedy was killed, Johnson should raise the issue of the stalled civil rights bills. Several advisors told LBJ that he only had a certain amount of presidential prestige to spend, and he shouldn't waste it on civil rights, considering the southern senators' ability to block any civil rights legislation. "Well what the hell is the presidency for?" Johnson replied, and took the fight for civil rights to the senate, and won. 

Anyway, LBJ appointed Fortas to the Supreme Court and in 1969 it was revealed Fortas had agreed to be paid 20 thousand dollars to do consulting work for a civil rights foundation formed by Louis Wolfson. Such agreements were not unusual for justices. Justice Douglas had a paid position with the Albert Parvin Foundation ("Helping people named Albert everywhere") and Chief Justice Burger had one with Burger King...just kidding...he had a paid position with the Mayo Foundation ("Advocating for the increased use of America's third favorite condiment.") 

Unfortunately for Fortas, Wolfson was under investigation for security violations by the DOJ. Fortas resigned from the foundation in 1966 and returned the money. But by 1969 President Nixon was looking to make a supreme court appointment, and with a little help from Life Magazine, an expose was printed about the three-year-old contretemps. 

Republican congressmen and senators called for Fortas to resign. But it was the public comments from two Democratic Senators that sealed Abe's fate. Senators Walter Mondale (Minnesota) and Joseph Tydings (Maryland) called for Fortas to resign, with the NY Times printing a headline on page one that read "Tydings calls for Fortas to resign". 

Both Democrats knew that Nixon, a Republican, would get to appoint the next Justice, which could flip the court to a conservative majority. They did not care. "The confidence of our citizens in our judiciary must be preserved" Tydings declared. Fortas resigned soon after (starting Nixon down his own odyssey of two failed nominees of his own, which we will save for another post). 

Clarence Thomas has been reported to have accepted a nine-day holiday of Island hopping on a billionaire's super yacht, along with a private jet to meet the yacht. The cost? Well over $500,000.00. 

Can you imagine a very disgruntled Rumpole being bumped from first class, sitting in a window seat at the back of the plane when a very large man and his hefty spouse come lumbering down the aisle of the plane and squeeze into the middle and aisle seats, trapping poor Rumpole for several hours of nonsensical conversation about original intent and a semi-violent dispute about why couldn't Thomas  just read the plain text of the second amendment and understand the entire thing is about a militia? 

Well, Justice Thomas did not want that either, so he went private all the way. 

Interesting that the benefactor of Thomas is Harlan Crow, who doesn't deign to socialize with circuit court appellate judges- he only began paling around with CT after he was appointed to the Supreme Court. 

ProPublica has opined that Justice Thomas's windfall has "no known precedent in the modern history of the Supreme Court", rumors about Chief Justice John Marshall being given a pony by Marbury, notwithstanding. 

There is no talk of Clarence resigning. The "big man" of the Supreme Court will continue to blow his sax against reproductive rights, while avoiding Motel 6s (despite them leaving the light on for the big fella) and island hopping with billionaires and avoiding Rumpole in coach. 

And can you even try and conceive of one Republican senator giving President Biden the chance to support some Red Chinese Sharia-law loving Muslim to the supreme court in Thomas's seat? Back in 1969 we had senators who cared about the country and our institutions more than politics. Those days are well behind us now.  

"Padron me...I think I have the middle seat. Sorry..."

EASTER SUNDAY

 It's an Easter and Master's Sunday, smack in the middle of Passover. Three religions meeting on a spring Sunday. 

Query: How much does religion affect your life? Does it play a role in the career decisions you make? Does it affect the legal strategies you employ? 

Humans seek and find spirituality in the simplest places. We often see clients in the deepest despair turn to religion when they have nothing left (and before they experience the miracle of Rumpole slowly arising to begin cross examination). It is human to cling to some hope. When all hope seems lost, the promises of miracles sustain us. 

And we have seen miracles. Just recently we saw a DeSantis appointed under 40 circuit judge grant a motion to suppress.  It is not Jesus arising from the beyond, or the parting of the Red Sea for the fleeing Israelites, or Nicklaus's charge at 15, 16, and 17 on Sunday at Augusta in 1986 ending with the go-ahead putt at 17 and Vern Lundquist exclaiming "yes sir!", but it is pretty darn close. 

Enjoy your holiday(s).

COURT APPOINTMENTS

The last time we accepted a state court appointment, our president was intoning "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"  Not in the same league as Lincoln's letter to Mrs. Bixby, as presidential communications go, but it places into context how long it has been for us. 

And rightfully so. A lawyer's evolution should be from county court to felony court, to appointments, to "I'm sorry Mr. President, but I am too busy to take your case, and anyway I am not admitted in New York State." 

But appointments are an  issue in the REGJB, and this is your go-to REGJB blog, right? As well as your go to blog for all issues of the day. This comment was posted yesterday, and it caught our eye and is worthy of a front-page post and additional discussion. So have at it. Do you take court appointments and what are your experiences? 

We all got an email from FACDL/ Judge Wolfson complaining that we are turning down court appointments at an alarming rate. JA's are tired of calling 6 lawyers trying to get one to take the damn case and they don't understand why we say NO. Prosecutors and Judges need to read this:

So, we get a call from the JA for a judge who is a real jerk. You know, the judge who bitches and complains about you not having this 50 witness, 3 co-defendant case ready for trial in 4 weeks after arraignment. The judge who you simply hate talking to. The JA says you are next up on a client, in jail, who does not speak your language and has burned through two previous wheel lawyers. That means for all your work, you must split the fee with the other lawyers and possibly the bailiff will make more money per hour than you will. (No insult meant to bailiffs). You just know that client and his family threatened the previous lawyers with death and injury so, you know the client is a going to be a total asshole.

On top of this, the PD represents one and a wheel lawyer represents the other. The wheel lawyer has no staff, works from home and NEVER returns a call or email. The PD has 500 cases on her audit and is a great person but, very busy.

Then if you take the case, when you bill, JAC nitpicks the bill to death. You spend about 4 hours working on the bill only to have them object to $4.90 on it and you have to wait to get a hearing and fight for every penny. Oh, BTW, the client files a Bar complaint saying you have not communicated enough with him but, JAC doesn't want to pay your bill for that many jail visits.

So, you say, I'm mad as hell and I'm not taking it (the case) anymore. (Watch the 1976 movie "Network" to understand that quote.)

Then, you read about lawyers who billed more than 24 hours in a single day and you saw it coming. You have sat through JAC fee hearings where you watched lawyers billing $30k on a F3 and you know that lawyer and you know that lawyer didn't do anything even close to that much work. (Flip side, you know lawyers who do a great job and don't over bill).

So, Mr./Ms. judge or JA, now you know we turn down court appointments. You get what you pay for!

Rumpole weighs in: Well said. 

THE ARRAIGNMENT

 It’s Tuesday morning and Judge Juan  Merchan sees a full courtroom and a full calendar. He takes the bench a few minutes before 8:30 because he likes lawyers to know he will be early and he expects the same from them. 

Faces look at him expectantly. 

“Good morning everyone. We will clear the warrants and then do arraignments in turn and then go to the motions before I call the trial calendar.” 

 

A few despondent defendants are shuffled into the courtroom, shuffling with their leg irons, hands cuffed desultory in front of them. The judge knows that despite the new bail guidelines, he will be sending most of them to Riker’s Island. 

One woman is visibly pregnant and the judge looks at the legal aid lawyer, an unseen message passing between them that he will look favorably upon a motion for and ROR and indeed that is how he handles  the case.

 

It’s now ten to nine and the lawyers in his courtroom are all busy on their phones, texting paralegals and associates and staff and their wives or husbands. Merchan knows from rumor that his attractive DA is very active on Tinder, although he isn’t really sure what that site is and has never been on it. 

 

A camera is set up for a feed to all the media that has assembled. 

 

“People v Donald ….mmm, hang on, how is that pronounced?”

 

A man looks up from custody. He is surrounded by court officers. 

 

“Donald Domicco, rhymes with Puerto Rico”. The defendant gives the judge a hopeful smile and the judge returns to his file. “Arraign your client please” he says without looking up. A well dressed woman approaches the podium and does the arraignment.

 

The judge reads the charges and frowns. “This is some sort of financial filing snafu isn’t it? Lord knows I’ve got enough of those.”

 

The defense attorney smiles. “Exactly your honor. My client paid Stormy….sorry, paid for storm  damages  out of his own pocket and then cashed the insurance check that was also made out to the storm mitigation company. But there’s no theft here.” 

 

The Judge peers over his reading glasses at the ADA.  “What do the people have to say?”

 

“ACD your honor. We get this is a low level financial crime. “

 

“Hardly a crime your honor” replies the defense attorney. “But we will take it.”

 

“Good. Adjourned with a contemplation of dismissal . Mr. Domicco your case is adjourned and if you don’t get in trouble for the next six months we will dismiss it. Stay out of trouble. Storms can cause all sorts of illegal troubles”

“I will your honor. It’s not like I robbed a bank, or , ummmm like stole an election or anything.” 

There’s muffled laughter in the courtroom as lawyers look up from their phones. Merchan sees a half a dozen Starbucks coffee cups being balanced on knees. He glances over at his own cup of decaf that his wife has dictated he drink. Caffeine was causing him acid reflux. He wonders about getting a real cup of coffee to get through the morning but then realizes he wife would see him on TV and then she might make him go to tea for the rest of the week. 

  

A tall and hefty man in a blue pinned stripped suit with a long red tie and an orange artificial tan is led into the courtroom surrounded by court officers. Like all defendants he is handcuffed. “This is a spectacular courtroom” the defendant says. “New York has the best courtrooms. I was just talking with some people who were telling me they’ve never seen any courtrooms nicer than this one. I heard that when she was a senator Hillary Clinton tried to de-fund the courtrooms but we stopped her. It was a hard battle but we wanted to make New York courtrooms great again. I thought of that. I am a very stable genius and I came up with the slogan make New York Courtrooms great again and everybody loved it, and people were saying that they have never heard a slogan better than that one. And I remember, because I have a memory like no one has ever seen, doctors who have studied it have told me it’s the best memory they’ve ever seen, they call it a record- breaking memory, and …where was I ? I forgot, but this is the best courtroom anyone has ever seen. And the police officers here, I told them, I’m very pro police, we love the police, we love them, and Clinton and Obama wanted to defund the police but I said we love the police and so we didn’t defund them. And I told this to Kim Jung something or other, the guy who is the head of East Korea and we had this love affair where we fell in love and he asked about the police in New York and I said, very great those police in New York, they love me and I love them. And I love the East Koreans. Everyone said I couldn’t go to East Korea and that no one has ever gone to East Korea but I went and people said they had never seen anything like it, going to East Korea like I did, and I told them, we love you, we do, and you have stop shooting those little missiles little man, but I went and did it. 

 

The Judge looked at the DA and the coterie of defense attorneys and rolled his eyes. “All I did was ask his name…” 

MIAMI GRAND JURY UNSEALS TRUMP INDICTMENT!

 Like a shark circling in the blue depths underneath its target, the Miami Grand Jury sprung into action on Saturday April 1, 2023, unleashing a string of charges against the embattled former president. 

Stemming from it’s investigation of the Trump Doral Hotel properties, the grand jury charged Trump with hotel fraud, PGA fraud, food fraud and fraud fraud.

“The hotel has engaged in a pattern of overcharging, especially with visitors from Dubai” said the Miami Dade State attorney whose office led the investigation. “Eighteen thousand for a standard room, four hundred dollars for a plate of eggs is just not outrageous but it’s hotel fraud, motel fraud, and Holiday Inn fraud “ the State attorney said, lapsing momentarily into the lyrics of an old rap song. 

“There is also golf fraud” the State Attorney charged. “Par fours expanded into par fives just to help the former president get a birdie is intolerable in South Florida where cheating in golf ended with Jackie Gleason and some late former county court judges. Par is par” said the state attorney to a raucous crowd of golfers clad in plaid. 

“And finally there is food fraud. Steaks listed as 14 ounces are actually 12. We love a good steak in South Florida and people are entitled to the steak they pay for.” 

Asked about the possible outcomes of the case or whether there would be plea, the state attorney squared her shoulders and stared directly into the cameras “The Victim Wants The Max!” 

After the indictment was unsealed, there was no comment on when the arraignment would be held, or whether the former president’s case would be assigned to a judge who takes lawyers out of turn for arraignments. 

OPENING DAY 2023

UPDATE: TRUMP INDICTED!  INDICTMENT ANNOUNCED THURSDAY AS THE NY GRAND JURY FILED AN INDICTMENT UNDER SEAL FOR DONNY TRUMP. IT WILL BE UNSEALED NEXT WEEK.  For those of you in the REGJB Trump Indictment pool who had the 12-6 pm block of March 30, 2023, you will advance to the Perp walk/arraignment pool bracket. For the rest of you, much like picking the Jets over the Chiefs in the survivor pool, thanks for playing. 

Let's play ball!  Today is opening day. We have a traditional opening day post you newbies can read here. It's a good one.  But today we are in a reflective mood. 

What is perfection? It's a 6-4-3 double play. It's Willie Mays gliding in center field and making catch. You want to see perfection? Watch this video on throws Roberto Clemente made from right field. He was the first (or one of the first) Hispanic superstars. When the Pirates won the World Series in 1971 and he showed the world how good he was and won the MVP, he was interviewed in the clubhouse and made the shocking decision to first speak in Spanish on nationwide TV to his people in Puerto Rico. 

Perfection is Henry Aaron hitting a home run. And Aaron Judge hitting one as well. Aaron and Aaron- there are no coincidences. 

Perfection is the smile on a child's face walking into a baseball stadium for the first time and walking down a tunnel and suddenly this bright green field emerges and their face beams. 

Perfection is a Nolan Ryan fastball. It is Bob Gibson scowling from the mound. It's a Dwight Gooden curveball impossibly breaking over the plate and it's Sandy Kofax and Tom Seaver and Lefty Carlton. 

Perfection is Graig Nettles at third base in the world series, making breathtaking plays time and time again. And it's Brooks Robinson at third in any game he played. 

Perfection is Ozzie at short and Johnny Bench behind the plate. 

Perfection is stealing second base, and then running to third on the bad throw. Perfection is Jackie Robinson dancing off of third base in the world series and stealing home, and Yogi probably making the tag and then arguing with the ump. Because in baseball, perfection is dispute and arguments and Billy Martin kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes. It is Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris in 61 chasing the greatest ballplayer of all time- The Babe. 

Perfection is the hit and run. 

Perfection is a 2-1 ballgame played on a hot July day when the fans are drinking cold beer and eating hot dogs and peanuts and there is pitcher's duel, and the home team wins in the bottom of the ninth. 

Perfection is Jack Buck yelling "I don't believe what I just saw" after a lame Kirk Gibson hit a game winning home run on one leg in the bottom of the ninth in the world series for the Dodgers. It was any game Vince Scully called. And if you want to go way back, it's Red Barber and Bob Prince calling games on the radio, because in the right hands, baseball is a game for the radio and the mind's eye. 

Perfection is any baseball game that takes two and half hours, or three hours, or four because baseball is played by its own rhythms and not with a clock (pitcher's clock not withstanding). 

Perfection is the sound a ball makes on a wooden bat and the sound the ball makes as it smacks the leather in the center of a glove. Perfection are the memories of an old man about the games he played in his youth, and the cheering of a father as his daughter strokes a single in her first at bat in a little league game. 

In life there is so little that is simple and pleasurable that can make you smile. Baseball can do that and does it over and over every day, every year. 

Perfection is baseball and baseball is perfection. 

BANG BANG NSFW warning- this is a long and winding post, well worth the read

UPDATE: Monday is the 86th day of the year. We have had over 100 mass shooting incidents in the United States this year, including, tragically today at a school in Nashville, Tennesse, that left three children and three adults dead. Three children! Dead. Children who got up this morning excited to go to school, and died there at the hands of a crazy woman with a gun. 

And the Florida Legislature's solution to the pandemic of mass shootings? More guns and less restrictions on carrying them in public. It's like needing to go on a diet and buying five boxes of cookies and two gallons of ice cream. 

Welcome to Florida, where we encourage you to carry a concealed firearm, because there's been no tragic gun violence in this State since, well, maybe never. 

As of Sunday, there is no more CCF law in Florida. You can carry your gun to McDonalds now. Or into Thomas Keller's joint in Sunny Isles, and you do not need a permit. Don't you feel safer now knowing the people in your movie theater may be armed? It's not like anyone has ever gotten into an argument and then pulled their gun and shot someone out of anger, only to regret it later when the Dade ASA intones "next of kin wants max". 

Florida is run by idiots who are encouraging more guns in public, not less. 

Query: You have a pending CCF and now it's legal. Will the State drop the charges, or does "the officer wants the max" still apply? 

CIVIL MAYHEM 

Do you have a friend or colleague who is a plaintiff's lawyer? Be a nice person and buy them a drink when you see them sitting at a bar staring forlornly off into the distance, wondering how to break into the lucrative traffic ticket defense business because their plaintiffs' practice was just destroyed by the Florida Legislature (Motto: "We can do as much damage as an unlicensed and angry gun owner who isn't seated on time at Cracker Barrel in Two Egg Florida with his family on a Friday night. Maybe more.") 

As of Sunday: 

Attorney fees multiplier? Zap! Gone (or severely reduced, we don't know a whole lot about this stuff). 

Homeowners' attorneys getting fees when the insurance company loses or settles? Zap! Gone. 

What this means:  Tropical Storm Ron comes through Miami and rips a hole in your roof. The water comes flooding in and damages your 75 inch TV, and MacBook Pro, not to mention your Subzero fridge and your expensive Pakistani hand-woven carpet. The insurance adjuster comes walking though your home. "Hmm, older tv, rug already had pasta sauce stains, the roof was previously damaged, the subzero looks fine to me. $3,500.00 is our offer." 

Previously you could hire Dewey Cheetum & Howe and sue your insurance company. Debbie Dewey, the named partner, settles for $110,000.00 and the good news is the insurance company paid her 56 hours of work at $650.00 an hour! 

NOW? You have to hire Debbie Dewey and agree to pay her out of the recovery if you win. 

Rumpole expert analysis: This is what you pay for. Our in-depth analysis of the issues, seeing things others (and especially judges) do not see. 

There are a few big losers here. First is Dewey and other first party defense law firms. But the second big loser here are the banks making loans to buy homes in Florida. 

"The Banks" you say, wondering if Rumpole is out of his league on a complex civil issue. We are most assuredly out of our league, and yet, our insight is correct. 

Follow this scenario: 

A Bank loan Debbie Dewey the money to buy her 2.2 million home in Gables by the Sea. She put 500K down and the bank has a 1.7-million-dollar mortgage and interest in her beautiful home. 

The bank wants Debbie to do two things: 1- pay her mortgage; and 2- UPKEEP her home, so their investment remains safe. 

If the roof is blown off in Tropical storm Ron and Debbie's insurance company offers her $2,500 and she has 100K in structural and flooding damage beyond 75K for a new roof, and Debbie cannot afford to pay that out of her pocket because her income has gone down because of this new law- then Debbie's house's value is reduced. 

Now Debbie defaults on the mortgage because the traffic ticket defense gig isn't as good as it used to be and the bank take's Debbie's home. 

The problem is that the home, with all the water and wind damage is now worth 900K and the bank needs to recoup its 1.7-million-dollar loan. 

The bank sells the property, loses 800K, Jim Cramer reports this on Squawk Box on CNBC the next day, and then the shares of Gables Savings and Loan tank as there is a run on the bank because Debbie is one of 9,000 homeowners in Gables by the Sea that the bank has loaned money to on houses the owners cannot get adequately repaired after Tropical Storm Ron roared ashore on August 1, 2023. 

All because the Florida Legislature likes insurance companies more than banks. 

Property Values Plummet:

Last domino to fall: Citibank and Bank of America see Gables Savings and Loan fail and don't want to be lending money to people to buy homes in Florida, the land of hurricanes and storms, when they now know the homeowners are at the mercy of insurance companies who will be offering pennies on the dollar when their roofs blow away. 

Judge Sally Goldstein-Tegucigalpa has worked diligently for the last thirty years. She has raised a family, and paid off her home, all while avoiding an opponent in her election cycles by diligently following the prosecution on every case where "victim wants max". 

Now Judge Sally wants to retire to Sun City in Arizona. Her house in Pinecrest has gone from $224,000. to 2.4 million over the last 30 years,  and she wants to sell it. Her two kids are both heading to medical school, and she wants to give each of them $750,000.00 for college and medical school and take the rest of the money and buy that adobe condo in Sun City she has her eye on.  

Miranda Castro-Schwartz, age 31, a lawyer for 5.1 years has just won a judicial election defeating some male judge who is sixty and been a judge for 17 years. Miranda has 300K left from her election that she wants to use to buy Sally's home. All is good until Miranda finds out no bank will lend her the money to buy Sally's home. 

Judge Sally reduces the price to 2.2 million and Judge Miranda still cannot get a loan. 2 million, 1.8 million, 1.5 million, still no dice. No lending institution will do business in Florida real estate anymore. 

Judge Sally's kids take second jobs at Starbucks to help with expenses. They get B's in organic chemistry because they have less time to study and that means they cannot get into medical school, so both of them are forced to do the only thing they have left. Go to law school, become a lawyer, wait 5.1 years and win a judicial election because of their multi-ethnic hyphenated last names. 

Then they spend their days on the bench smiling as the State says "victim wants max."

SET THE BOND

 It's time to play...YOU ARE THE JUDGE. Everyone can play, even those with a predilection for wearing black at work. 

What bond would you set? 

The defendant has no prior record. He is 75 years of age, and a successful businessman, with properties overseas, extensive world travel in the last six years, and access to significant funds. 

The charges are non-violent and relate to a violation of ethics and certain reporting requirements. Upon conviction he would face a minimal amount of incarceration, along with home confinement and probation. 

What bond would you set?

Additional facts: The defendant is also under federal investigation for various acts of fraud, and a total of two state court investigations. 

Now what bond would you set? 

Additional facts: The defendant was involved in publicizing and praising the acts and affrays of a violent crowd of people. 

Now what bond would you set? 

We are under an INDICTMENT WATCH  for the 45th President of the United States. New York will be the first shoe to drop, followed by Georgia, and then the feds. Will he get bond in all three cases? 

What bond would you set?  

A FEW OF LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS OF JUDGE MILTON HIRSCH

UPDATE: THERE IS AN AMENDED ORDER BY JUDGE HIRSCH which has what has rapidly become an internet/legal phenomenon with the now famous "needle and haystack" reasoning, soon to be etched in the pantheon of legal analysis. 

InReSearchWarrantMarch14 15PDF Updated by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

There are a few things that our Judge Milton Hirsch does not like. These items are well known 

He does not like hitters who do not run out a ground ball. 

He does not like split infinitives. 

He does not like Fingerprint evidence. 

He does not like abridged editions of Shakespeare (neither do we). 

And now we know he does not like search warrants that ask for ALL of the target's social media records.  (existing as we do in cyber-space, we don't like these either). 

Particulary, the Judge does not like that the warrant applications ignore the requirement that the warrant identify the documents to be seized "with particularity" (pun intended by careful design). 

Amongst the many quotable highlights by the Judge, who when he was a lawyer was known as "The Dr. Ruth of the Fourth Amendment" [FN1]: 

The warrant in this case provides that, “This court finds that it is impractical for [Meta] to sort the evidence of the articulated crimes specifically sought herein from innocent or innocuous documents or records intermingled therewith.” When, and upon what factual predicate, did I make this finding? I conducted no hearing. I received no evidence. I took no testimony. This entirely conclusory statement is offered without a shred of support. I claim no expertise whatever with respect to computers or social media, but I find it impossible to believe that Meta (formerly Facebook), one of the largest and certainly one of the most “tech-savvy” businesses in the world, is utterly without reasonable means to conduct word searches or other specific searches of account data that would make possible a much narrower and more particularized seizure than the one sought here.

In Research Warrant Application Dated March 13 PDF by Anonymous PbHV4H on Scribd

 

 

FN1: Dr Ruth was a diminutive older woman who spoke with a thick Israeli accent and became famous in the 1908s for dispensing sexual advice.  The term's usage for the Judge (a lawyer at the time) was one of endearment by his colleagues. 

A review of our social media posts would reveal the following: 

Kim K 💕;  Michelob Hard Seltzer 💓; Shun Lee Sunday night Chinese Food 💖; Kourtney K 💔;

etc. We invite law enforcement to sift through that. 

HANZMAN RESIGNS!!

 

BREAKING!!

Long rumored in the comments section of the blog, where rumor is currency, and juicy rumors are like cyypto-up and down-  Judge Michael Hanzman, fresh off of a remarkable handling of the Sunny Isles building collapse tragedy, has RESIGNED from the Miami Dade Circuit Court bench. 

This is a loss for our judiciary and our community. 

CONVICTION REVIEW UNIT

 Prosecuting offices around the nation have instituted Conviction Review Units. 

And guess what? Even Broward County- the land where justice goes to die- has one. 

But Miami Dade does not. Either they are that good that they do not ever wrongfully convict someone, or they just don't care. 

On Monday Sidney Holmes, age 57, was exonerated in Broward County, after assistant state attorney Arielle Berger acknowledged that only one faulty identification tied Mr. Holmes to a robbery in 1988. It being Broward in 1988, although no one else was prosecuted, and only one witness gave an identification of Mr. Holmes as the get-away-driver, Mr. Holmes was convicted and sentenced to...steady yourself- 400 years- at age 23. 

We could engage in a lengthy exposition at the shocking abuse of the criminal justice system and a judge that sentences a 23-year-old young man to 400 years for being, at worst, a get-away-driver.  But as we said, this was Broward 1988, and that's how they treated young 23-year-old black men who fell within their dastardly clutches. 

Instead, we will congratulate Seth Miller of Florida's Innocence Project, the State,  Judge Edward Merrigan for granting the order vacating the conviction, and for the prosecution for then nolle prosing the charges. 

Here is the Herald article (sans Mr. Ovalle who is now a Washington Post hot shot reporter) on the events in court Monday. 

THE DEATH OF DEPOSITIONS

 A death can start with a sneeze. A small cut, then an infection, then sepsis, then death. 

Senate Bill 23-00233B-23 will restrict the ability of the defense to take depositions in domestic violence cases (because as we all know, disgruntled spouses do not make false accusations of domestic violence to use as leverage in divorce proceedings) and in sexual battery cases, because as we all know, complaining witnesses in sexual assault cases can always identify their assailant- exoneration by DNA is virtually unheard of in these cases,  and again, disgruntled girlfriends/boyfriends never ever ever have a motive to make up an allegation of sexual assault.  

Just ask the members of the 2006 Duke Lacrosse team if so-called victims ever make up sexual assault accusations, and whether prosecutors are complicit in such skullduggery, 

So the Florida senate, knowing that in these cases that if there's smoke- there's fire, and that wrong accusations are never made, has now introduced a law to restrict depositions of such complainants in CRIMINAL CASES and NOT IN CIVIL CASES,  because as we all know, a person will never make a wrong accusation of sexual assault in criminal cases, but those devious victims make up #metoo allegations all day long to cheat poor, honest, struggling insurance companies. 

What this means, is that there is a new wave of anti-defendant and anti-defense bills  washing up on the beaches of Florida, and the courthouses that line our shores.  Death penalty cases will no longer have to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Defense lawyers will face disbarment "for trying to defend murderers" (see e,g. State v. Nicholas Cruz), and depositions are a needless waste of time because if he/she said it, and the police believe it, then the defendant did it, and let's move on to execution, because as we all know....(all together now) the VICTIM WANTS THE MAX!

Goodbye depos. It wasn't really fun while it lasted, but every now and then a good depo helped us a bit. 

FUN WITH APPEALS

 Did you know that there's a SIXTH DCA?  Yup, and it's up and running. The appointment process was a little different. First they gathered a bunch of circuit judges in a room, and the top twenty who accurately typed "PCA Affirmed" on criminal cases moved on to the next round. 

The next contest was a graded essay "Why I hate Disney World" in 500 words or less. Extra credit was given to paragraphs sneering at the cancel culture. 

Eventually a full complement of judges raring to deny criminal appeals and reverse the awarding of attorneys fees to plaintiffs' lawyers was set loose on Florida. 

MORE FUN: 

They are rolling out a NEW electronic search and filing system for the appellate courts. Clerks everywhere are running their hands in anticipation. 

"Yes Madam, you did file with the on line system, but your brief was due on THURSDAY and you didn't use the system for Thursday filings. Plus, every word I'm telling you now, under the new rules, comes off your word count for your brief. So currently you are down....ummm (yeah, ummm is a word)...fifty nine words! Have a nice day. Make that sixty eight now."