GAVELS UP

That annual bacchanalia known as "Judge's School" is in session this week somewhere in the weeds of small town Florida. So if you're looking for your favourite new judge, s/he's gone this week:

Instructor: "Gavel in left hand, and....repeat after me "DENIED" and ….no Judge Smith, first say "DENIED" and then bang the gavel because otherwise the noise of the gavel hitting the bench may obscure yall's  ruling. Try again. Raise the gavel just a few inches off the desk, say 'DENIED" in a firm voice- try and convey that y'all know what you're doing-  and then a sharp tap...not too hard, y'all be saying denied a lot and you don't want to snap the head of the gavel too soon."

[a Judge raises his hand]

Instructor: "You...from Mi-am-AH... y'all got a question?"

Judge XYZ: "Well, what if, umm...we grant a motion?"

[Laughter breaks out throughout the class room]

Instructor: "Settle down, settle down y'all. Well sir, that's a mighty good question you be'in from Mi-Am-AH and all...See in this here parts of the country we don't do a whole lot of judgen wheres we grant a motion a whole bunch. Sayin yes to a lawyer is as useful as feathers on a pig in these here parts...but Ah know y'all do it a bit different in Mi-Am-AH, and if y'all gonna grant somethin it's best y'all just say it quickly an then move on to getting back to judgin and denying motions and such."


Now of course Rumpole has no idea what really happens at judges' school. It's sort of like when they pick a pope. It's not open to the public and you don't hear anything about it unless someone gets loaded and is arrested skinny dipping in the hotel pool at 3 am. And when that happens they're usually from Broward so it's no surprise. We're all for education, and the proof of the pudding is in the tasting, so we will just wait and see until the judges  return, still wet behind the ears, and eager to jump into court and change the world. 

Meanwhile in federal court, as the sands of funding quickly runs out, do not expect the toilet paper rolls to be re-filled in the bathroom, or to have paper cups with the water pitcher in the courtroom. And if you see your favourite courtroom deputy at the Starbucks downtown, pick up the tab for the cup-a-joe and help a federal worker through these tough times. The real fact of the matter is a majority of under-paid federal workers live paycheck to paycheck and simple things like keeping the lights on and feeding their kids have become a whole lot harder while that moron in DC blabbers about sticking steel slats into the ground. 

From occupied America, where the cracks are starting to appear, the FBI counterintelligence division is investigating the president and the backbone of the federal work force is suffering, fight the power.