It's time for everyone's favourite game, FUN WITH THE DADE COUNTY JAIL!
From time to time, the genius- jokers at the jail like to have a little fun while they do their job. This email was forwarded to us by several alert readers:
Good afternoon,
Was wondering what everyone’s experience recently has been trying to get into
the jail to meet with a prospective client prior to being retained?
I’ve been at Pretrial getting the runaround because I’m not attorney of record.
They claim that I need to file an NOA prior to even having a retainer signed.
They also say that I would file the NOA, have the client taken to court and
asked by the judge if he wants me as his lawyer.
This is the most bizarre explanation I’ve ever gotten for something like this.
So now the good people at the Jail are happily providing us criminal defense attorneys some valuable practice tips. Get a call to see a potential client at the jail? It's so easy. 1- file an NOA without being retained or even having met the client; 2- Ask corrections to bring the client to court. 3-11- return to court until corrections actually brings the client. 12- Have the potential client tell the judge that yes, they would be interested in speaking with you, 13- if you're not hired, file a motion to withdraw.
A big thank you to the people at the jail for making our working lives so very easy.
TROPICAL STORM ERIN
TS Erin is churning through the Atlantic with a path that looks to bring it right into Miami somewhere between 3rd and 14th streets in South Beach. But not to worry! After Doge budget cuts, the National Weather Service has been reduced to two guys named Sal and Ralph working out of a room in an illegal efficiency in Hialeah. But fear not, Ralph, in his own words "watched a s%itload of TV weather reports over the last few years while driving for Uber", and Sal got "solid B's in science while getting an associates degree at MDCC last year." So we are in good hands, and both Ralph and Sal think that Erin is going to "sorta like, umm, you know, turn away..." from Florida and South Beach before making landfall. Whew. Close call.
FEDS MAKE ARREST OF VIOLENT CRIME IN DC
As you know, the military is thankfully patrolling the streets of our violent capitol trying to keep innocent citizens safe. But as we all know being a police officer is a dangerous job, and danger reared it's ugly head yesterday when a federal agent, according to the NY Times, was "assaulted with a sandwich."
Sometimes we have to report the cold hard facts of crime on this blog. This is no laughing matter. The sandwich was a foot-long sub, which as we all know qualifies for a two point enhancement under the federal guidelines, because as the guidelines continually state, "size matters." The sandwich had hot sauce and pickles (2d1.4 Condiment Enhancement), had been toasted and had melted cheese (2d1.5 Hot Sandwich enhancement), and was hurled at the officer before it had been paid for, (2D1.6 Theft Of Food Enhancement).
The Officer was treated at the scene and released, whereupon he ordered a six inch Italian special (with chips, soda and a cookie for $11.99) and enjoyed a quite dinner while the suspect was processed and transported.
Enough is enough we say. First it is sandwiches being thrown at federal agents, then Big Macs, and now we are marching down the road to wilding youths grabbing pizza slices and tossing them at innocent people. And if the slice has been rated an 8.0 or higher by Dave Portnoy ("One bite, everyone knows the rules"), then we are right on the edge of anchovy anarchy.
43 comments:
I loathe Miami Dade corrections Everywhere else is better and more professional They are horrible about everything For starters, try answering the phone, have workable elevators and understanding that their very existence is to assist in the facilitation of the criminal justice system ( you know…like allowing lawyers access to clients) It is the worst, rudest, most arrogant correctional system I have ever encountered
I love Dave Portnoy and the pizza ratings. But I fear the day he rates Casolas a long time Miami institution. “Lots of flop, soft undercarriage. Ok tastes good, nice sauce and good cheese and it’s hot so they make it work but this is not the kind of slice I like. Ummm. 7.1 Too much flop and no crisp.”
SAO is just as bad.
Typical ICE Agent in DC--Very tight uniform with lots of pockets and scary looking weapons, jackboots, and a codpiece, baseball hat on backwards, huge, colorful arm tattoos, and thinks DJT is the greatest. These guys are the rejects from Hialeah, Opa-locka, & Homestead Police Departments
Steve’s pizza north miami. 8.7. Very good monster score - sweet sauce , nice undercarriage , little flop
Steve’s Pizza near Quayside (best place to live for swinging single lawyers) has the best Chicken Parm.
impeach and remove pat jones cummings from corrections and things will improve overnight.
The need to be atty of record is one of their perversions that have been around for a while. The need to go to court to establish the right to see the the prospective client is new and apparently in line with he Corrections desire to be as unhelpful as possible. Has anyone spoken to he Sheriff about this?
Although there are some bad apples, I don't think MDCR is that bad. I'd sure rather deal with them than the average staff at any PD. The physical jail of Pretrial Detention Center, however, should be a museum of how we used to treat human beings rather than a living example of how we still do in 2025.
MDCR are a bunch of clowns. General counsel is bitter and horrible. The way they house (or don’t house) juvenile females charged as adults is criminal.
5.5
6.7
Marks , Lucali , miami slice , 11th street , pizza01, famous Joes , am I leaving any out?
Why can’t the SAO just function smoothly??????????
This is ridiculous. Has no one gone to MAMAS2 in the Village for the Sicilian slice?? WTF
What no one likes Cuban pizza
@ 6:51 pm
Because the patients are running the asylum. I don't even know who works there these days in the management team. They've given incompetent and crooked people too much power, and they are running that office to the ground. I hope KFR recognizes that she has ruined her legacy by surrounding herself with twisted individuals, who only care about newspaper headlines instead of real justice.
"I humbly seek the office of Circuit Court Judge in Miami-Dade County. I will deposit the $200-some thousand dollars paid to me from your taxes every year. And while the taxpayers also pay the salary of three ASAs, two APDS, a clerk of court, a calendar clerk, a court reporter, a bailiff and three corrections officers, I will arrive fashionably late to work, such that all of the above salaries - including mine - are paid for nothing from 9AM until after 10AM. After all, what value is paying the salaries of 13 people, all waiting for me to start work at the scheduled time, against my desire to flop about my house in Pinecrest another hour? Not to mention the untold value of everyday citizens who take off work to show up to court at the time we order them to be there? Haha, let everyone wait. After all, in the real world of private industry, people can show up to work an hour late whenever they want, right? Anyway, thanks for your votes, suckers."
Violent leftists are such punks they resort to throwing a sandwich at someone and then run away like the cowards they are.
The sandwich was a serious assault. 12 inches of mayo coated mayhem. Can you imagine the damage of a pickle in the eye ? This needs to be taken seriously.
I'd love to be able to cross-examine the big, tough, muscled, tattoed ICE "Agent" who felt credibly threatened by a Subway sandwich. This case is going nowhere, especially with a DC Jury.
Original poster here, I agree it's not a huge crime but what should happen is the cop should've whooped him right there, but then you would be crying police brutality. Why does the left think we have to tolerate their violence without consequence?
Watch the video, guy was throwing a hissy fit, another feminine liberal man. I get you think disrespecting people is ok as long as they are politically aligned to the left but that time is gone.
World Peace will arrive once AI replaces all the lawyers and judges, where society will live peacefully under the rule of law, not the vagary of judges, where sandwiches once again will be consumed and enjoyed for their intended purpose. Then the lawyers and judges may turn their attention and labor to beating swords into plowshares.
In the late 16th century, Dick the Butcher in Act IV, Scene II of William Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part II, uttered, "The first thing we do is, let’s kill all the lawyers."
No Dick. World Peace will arrive once AI replaces all the lawyers and judges.
I have it on good authority the offender is an HO (Ham Offender), VCC (Veggie on Ciabatta Conneisseur), and PRR (Publix Roastbeef Reingestor). And this victim definitely wants the max.
That "violent leftist" worked for DOJ as an international affairs specialist, one whose city had just been illegally occupied by armed federal agents. So illegal that the government has already begun its retreat, after a bruising day in court. Or are you one of those geniuses who believe that DOJ has been seeded by Obama and Biden with antifa plants secretly working to turn the country into a marxist dystopia? I imagine you've crossed paths with these DOJ violent leftists who prosecute your clients. How much ink have you spilled in this space decrying the violent right-wing attack on the capitol, which resulted in multiple police deaths?
I personally love judges who start after 10am. To you, the complainer, good for YOU that YOURE a morning person. We are not. I despise mornings and morning traffic.
Trump > Bush 1 and 2
Trump > Clinton
Trump > Obama
Trump > Biden
Make love not war
These commenters are wild. Are the responses fictitious? Throwing a sandwich is not acceptable behavior, but he also didn't "assert his first amendment rights" on January 6th...You do you though, I am sure your career will be very successful.
Changes are needed at the SAO! Incompetent management!
Rump, When are you going todo a story about all the shit happening in SAO Kounty Kourt? Former ASA's are spilling the beans.
Sad day for the criminal defense bar.
C. David Weed passed away this morning. Anyone who worked for Bennett Brummer knows that name. David was Bennett’s number two for so long and he offered me and so many other veterans of the PDs office their first job. I never knew what the C stood for. I always thought when someone said “see David Weed” you were being called to his office for something.*
He roamed the halls of the Justice Building daily dropping into courtrooms checking in on all the young APDs.
He was always available to discuss any issues you were dealing with and always ready to help.
David was a member of the Bar for 54 years.
I understand that there will not be a funeral. Deborah and his boys are planning a Celebration of Life.
May his memory forever be a blessing.
Rick Freedman
(*The C stands for Carl).
More supervisors than employees. Employees working three positions. It’s criminal what they are doing. Not to mention the hostile working environment.
As Judge Moreno used to say - too many chiefs not enough Indians. Of course now he would have to say native Americans. But you get the point.
Hi diddly ho lawyerinos. I advise all you county court ASA’s to stay away from this blog.
What the fuck is “Smart Justice” ??? Sounds like a load of hypocrisy to me.
Leonard Thompson is the problem. No one likes him, not even his own ACs from what I heard…. Current ASA in county here
SAO is a toxic environment. Time for an overhaul in administration
It’s Talpins code for “win at all cost”
SAO is a disgrace
Hi diddly ho lawerinos, If you are caught reading or posting on here you will be dealt with accordingly. Remember win at all cost!
That’s true
Honestly, the SAO is one of the most toxic environments I’ve ever seen in passing. Young attorneys get called out in meetings for losing trials, gossip runs rampant, and it’s not uncommon for supervisors to complain about their own people to private attorneys or even public defenders. What’s worse is that the office actually seems to endorse Leonard Thompson’s approach. I’ve heard some truly unbelievable stories coming out of there… everything from ASAs being vindictive toward former colleagues to rewarding prosecutors based on who can rack up the most jail time. Not to mention ASAs laughing at someone being sentenced. It’s sad, but that’s the culture they’ve chosen to embrace.
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