With Festivus approaching, it is necessary for the airing of grievances, Here are a 100 beefs... in all shapes and sizes;
1. The down escalator between the 3rd and 4th floor.
2. Police cars dominating the lawyers'
parking lot.
3. Police officers' shooting the breeze from
their cars as
they block
the parking lot.
4. The minimal menu and lack of inventory at El Gordo Café.
5. Judges that take the bench late.
6. Can't I get into the building at that side entrance
with just a
bar
card (like every other courthouse) , why do I need a special
ID?
7. Judges not being humble about their lack of experience
before
being
elected judge.
8. Judges that won’t take private lawyers out
of turn.
9. People that pay stupid scalper's prices at
concerts.
10. Prosecutors that do not return phone calls.
11. Lawyers that do not return emails.
12. Prosecutors that make hi-ball plea offers
even though
they’re
willing to resolve the case at a much lower level.
13. Michael Bay movies.
14. Millennials that stare at their smart
phone 24/7.
15. The elevators that have had the outside
directional
lights inoperable for years (Is this elevator going up
or down?).
16. Employees at El Gordo that
don’t speak a word of
English.
17. Judges that speak too softly from the
bench.
18. Judges that never bother to read
motions
19. Two-tone men’s Rolex watches.
20. Wrinkly sports jackets.
21. Lawyers that do not understand how
to be civil in an
adversarial context.
22. Bums that beg for money as you’re
entering and
exiting the
courthouse.
23. Creepy religious-freak defendants that need to
know
the spelling
of the prosecutor's and judge's name
concerning their case so they may cast their spells.
24. Those who dump sacrificial chickens
outside the
courthouse.
25. How great lawyers, judges, courtroom
personnel and
other
dedicated people are so easily forgotten once they
retire
or pass away.
26. The lack of preservation of the
history of the Miami
justice
system.
27. Too many tattoos on women (it's like
spray-painting a luxury
car).
28. Cheesy, overproduced, auto-tuned pop music.
29. The now pamphlet-sized Miami Herald and Ft Lauderdale
Sun Sentinel.
30. Attorneys doing unnecessary, over-the top dog & pony shows
during
calendar calls.
31. Judges that panic when they’re in trial.
32. Judges that take 5 days to conduct a 2-day
trial.
33. People on a venire that purposefully try
to get out of
jury duty
and the judges that tolerate that.
34. Potential jurors that complain the system is unfair,
yet
they are too
biased to participate in the very system they are
saying
is unfair.
35. Candidates running for judge that ask for
campaign
contributions,
yet they’ve never asked me “How I’m
doing?” or
“How’s my family?”
36. Kingmakers and wannabe kingmakers.
37. How Miami-Dade County
Correctional facilities
rarely
answer the phones.
38. How Metro West [essentially] incarcerates people by
locking them
in those small interview rooms and then
taking forever
to release them. One day, maybe I’ll just
relieve myself
in there, let them clean it up and perhaps that
may
teach them a lesson.
39. Kiss-ass lawyers that ask judges "if they may be
excused from
court ?".
40. The correctional officer that screws up the jail cards
resulting in ruining my evenings or weekends.
41. How overly politically correct our
country has become.
Yes,
"snowflakes" are real and it's another term for
being a
total wus.
42. Judicial Assistants that do not
answer their phones.
43. Judicial Assistants that make it seem like
their doing
you a
favor by simply calendaring a case.
44. How I have to pay for 3 certified
copies to get
Corrections to do anything.
45. How, at the main jail, visiting a
client has become so
incredibly difficult and time-consuming.
46. The lack of parking at TGK.
47. How they make a "federal case"
out of so much in
Federal court.
48. How the Southern District of Florida seems more
oppressive than other jurisdictions. When I travel to
other
places, everybody seems to be nicer and I get better
results.
49. Judges scared to make a ruling.
50. Judges more interested in playing it safe than doing the
right thing.
51. People that talk during the
performances of a concert.
52. "Classic rock" elitists that think a
70-year-old singing
hard rock
makes any sense at all.
53. Too many sidebars during calendar
calls.
54. Courts that don't provide
pre-printed seating charts for jury
trials.
55. How terrible it is to jack up all
these court costs when it is
usually
poor people that it’s imposed upon.
56. The use of Nebbia conditions
for far too many scenarios.
57. How Clerk Harvey Ruvin seems to make
the criminal
justice
system his lowest priority.
58. The lack of Clerk’s office personnel
and resources
resulting in crazy lines at the 9th floor attorneys’
window.
59. How these animals abuse their children and use vile
profanity in front of their kids, in the hallways of the
courthouse.
60. Defendants that wear apparel that celebrates booze,
drugs or
violence... to court.
61. Lawyers that quote Shakespeare
during trials (you’d be
better
off quoting Kim Kardashian)
62. Lawyers that charge cheap legal fees.
63. The concept that the recreational
use of marijuana
triggers
any form of criminal prosecution.
64. Prosecutors and judges that have an
informal attitude
towards
marijuana outside of court yet take a hard line
inside
of court.
65. The horrible racial disparity that
poisons the criminal
justice
system.
66. Extremism on both sides of American
politics.
67. The pathetic state of music radio in
South Florida.
68. The Hard Rock/Hollywood as a venue
for concerts.
69. Able-bodied people using handicap
parking stickers.
70. The whole circus that embodies the judicial election
process.
71. How the internet has all but eliminated
responsible
journalism.
72. Too many breaks during a jury trial that
interrupt the
flow and
momentum.
73. When I am making an argument, or
cross-examining a
witness, and
the judge is turned away from me and
talking to the
judicial assistant.
74. The lack of resources for dealing with mental illness in
the criminal
justice system.
75. Immigration lawyers that tell their
clients “You need to tell
your criminal defense attorney to simply just "get your case
dismissed so you don’t have immigration problems”.
76. Defendants sentenced to lengthy probation,
judges that
order them to
set up a payment plan at the Clerk’s office
for their
court costs, they have to pay high interest rates
and a set-up
fee for entering into that payment plan when,
since they’re on a lengthy probationary period anyway, they
have ample time to pay. What a money grab!
77. Judges playing obvious games to get
defendants to waive their
speedie trial rights.
78. The asinine 2-year license revocation as a
result of an
adjudication
on a controlled substance case...where it had
nothing to do
with driving!
79. Idiotic reality TV shows and their reality
“stars”.
80. Conniving televangelists.
81. Where’s the calendar for private attorneys
so I know
what page I’m
on?
82. How defense attorneys are now, in many
court rooms,
forbidden from
talking to clients in the jury rooms.
83. The disgusting (and very real) “trial tax”.
84. Chonga hair.
85. Co-defendant defense lawyers that are not
team players
86. How the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office
deals with
cooperation in
drug cases. "Three cases in 90 days" is utter
nonsense!
87. Mass-produced swill beer.
88. The lack of resources to help people get
their driver
licenses
straightened out.
89. How every time I need to use the bathroom
on the first
floor, there’s
a yellow tape preventing me from entering.
90. How Harvey Ruvin did away with the very necessary
information booth on the 9th floor.
91. When you phone into a judge’s chambers
that your
running
late yet the message doesn’t get to the judge
92. Judges that don’t understand the concept
of the Supremacy Clause.
93. Judges that never grant motions.
94. That one ASA in the felony screening unit
(most of the
screeners are
very fair and professional) that rubber-
stamps the
filing of anything and everything.
95. The rising cost of affordable housing in
South Florida.
96. Lawyers too quick to get their client to
rat out co-
defendants.
97. Unsophisticated and pathetic defendants
caught up in
ridiculous
drug trafficking sting operations (“Wanna
buy 20
kilos for a $1000 ?” ) and the difficulty in getting the
minimum
mandatory penalties waived.
98. How the criminal justice system can be insensitive to
victim’s
rights even though there is a statute that is
there to
preclude that from happening.
99. How too many un-provable or nominal domestic
violence cases
take a life of their own.
100. Judgmental lawyers thinking their poop doesn’t stink and
making lists like this (Detractors, I took
the wind out of your
sails)
21 comments:
Michael Bay??
The Rock is a classic and has one of connery's greatest lines ever
"do your best? losers always whine about doing their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen"
I have no problem with judges who take the bench late. Thank you for that, Mr. or Ms. Late Judge. Just because YOU'RE a morning person DOES NOT mean that I am.
Completely agree with being annoyed at immigration lawyers who tell our mutual clients that essentially, "you have to win your case."
I would like to add: people who talk to me in the morning while sipping coffee. Your coffee breath sucks!
Define "Chonga Hair"
Great list. Except for 27. Asinine (women are like cars?).
As to 78, its no longer a 2 year rev. The legislature reduced it to 1 year. But still BS if it has nothing to do with a car
Bring back Judge Harvey Baxter as CHIEF JUDGE.
He will clear out 47 of your complaints in just 3 days.
I tell you what's worse then Judges who take five days to try a two day trial- Judges who take two days to try a five day trial and don't give lawyers time to work because the judge is dominated by their calendar and desire to clear cases, justice be damned.
Also, while judges who speak softly are an issue, the greatest low-talker of them all was Gerry Klein, and he was the best, rest in peace.
Sorry Rump but the greatest low talker of them all was Leslie (Wendel Meldrum), who was the low talker, in the infamous Seinfeld Episode #66 (Season 5, Episode 2) entitled "The Puffy Shirt".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFRoXoh6aks
Cap Out .......
@10:25, the outrage machine turned up to 11, as usual. You can't say that women's bodies are beautiful without being accused of being a misogynist (seems contradictory on its face, but oh well).
How about, fewer tattoos in general, on everyone. Tattoos are like spray painting a luxury car. Better?
#23 happens about ten times a year. Ridiculous.
Of course the completely humble, kind and thinks his poop doesn't stink Scott Saul posted this, lol.
Fake Elian Gonzalez says:
Send Judge Spencer Eig packing.
Tatoos on a naturally beautiful woman make no sense.you win the genetic lottery at birth and you throw a goddamn serpent on your back? wtf?
number 34 spot on
always rich entitled people who are first to whine about how the system is unfair and jurors are stupid
My complaint. Judges who yell at us too much. Please, Judge Richard Hersch, stop screaming at us!
@ 4:04 -- yes, better. Your reaction seemed to be turned up to an 11. Can't opine on whether that's "as usual," without speculating though.
The Bill Cosby case needed a special appearance by Judge Lenny Glick for sentencing. The 3 years Cosby got was B.S. for that case.
#27. Too many tats on a woman is like spraying painting a luxury car? You're assuming most women are like luxury cars. Most women I've seen, it's like spray painting scrap metal.
Cosby gets three and Kavanaugh gets a lifetime half a million seat. I wonder what the difference is?
Usually dark hair pulled back into a bun or pony tail very very tight with a hard side part. Hair maintains this style all day thanks to a liberal application of a glue stick. (Tried to post an exemplar but they won’t let me). I think said style is awesome-sauce!
Re 90: On Tuesday, I noticed that the information both in the 9th floor was open, lit up and with its long-time clerk working inside.
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