DIARIES OF A MAD PRESIDENT'S AIDES

Steve Bannon

Dear Diary...
Being President  a presidential aide is awesome.
Dinner last night with Sergey Kislyak Russian Ambassador. All is going according to plan. The leaks are working.  Sessions will be gone by March. So will Spicer and Kushner. Then it will be just me and Don...like it should be and like I always wanted. We can run this thing together. I write- he speaks-Fox reports- we rule.

Quick meeting with legal counsel. Lincoln suspended right of habeas corpus and first amendment- no reason we can't suspend elections in 2020. Just for ten years or so. Then all my plans will be in cement.

Stephen  Miller

Dear Diary...

The White House and DC have kept me pretty busy, but I did finish Heinrich Himmler's auto-biography. People keep giving it to me, saying the book reminded them of me. Puzzling. But anyway, I've gotten fantastic reviews from the boss about my statements about presidential power. The power of the president is supreme and will not be questioned! It's my screen saver and every morning when I bring coffee to POTUS in the oval, I say that and he gives me a biiig smile.  Then I shine his shoes, and then I go to my work station where I email and tweet and snap-chat "the power of the president is supreme and will not be questioned!" It's a living.

Jared Kushner

Dear Diary...

Oy.  Oy. What have I done? What have I done?
Nobody thought....I mean...nobody ever really believed that he could...and then...but now....Oy.
I gotta get Ivanka and the kids and get the hell out of here.

Other than Bannon, I've got things under control. Sort of. Bannon is an issue. And Miller reminds me of Himmler. I can see him rounding people up for camps...that whole "The power of the president is supreme and will not be questioned" freaked me out. But Miller can be controlled..POTUS can't. I keep giving him his phone and getting him riled up by turning on Morning Joe  and then he tweets but then Miller and Bannon come running in and grab his phone. Tweeting is the sure way to get this mad-man impeached. All he really wants is to sit in his tower in NYC and get on cable news. He hates DC. I can save the world and get him back home if I can just get Bannon and Miller away from Potus for a week. That's why this trip to Russia is just the thing. Pence, Bannon and Miller go, and POTUS and I stay in the WH. One week...that's all I need.