GET OUT OF JAIL CARD

The following email has been approved for all ages by the Motion Picture Association of America. 

Friends,

The goal of agreed orders for release is two-fold.  First, to get inmates out quickly who both sides agree should be released.  Second, to avoid bogging down the duty judge and Corrections with matters that are unopposed.  The downside of using agreed orders is that Corrections is not in the room with us, with the inmate’s jail card, to correct and fill in missing information.  This makes it imperative that when you submit orders to me the information be complete and completely accurate.  This is a situation where you want to “measure twice and cut once.”  Corrections is very backed up.  When there is missing or incorrect information, Corrections will not advise me for a day or two.  I then have to reach out to you, get the correct information, re-submit the Order, and the inmate goes to the back of the queue.  This means it will actually take longer than if the matter had been set before the duty judge in 1-5.  Please get this message across to your lawyers.  The most common errors we are getting:

• Missing jail numbers and/or date of birth
• Transposed numbers
• Missing case numbers (e.g., defendant is being released on F20-0000, but he’s also in custody on F20-0001, and this second case was not listed on the Order)

Rumpole notes that the obligatory trip to Dr. No on the 6th floor is no longer necessary. Ah what we wouldn't give for the world to be back to normal when all it took was at least eight trips to the 6th floor in which we never once practiced social distancing: 

Trip One
"Here's the order. Notarized" 
"You don't have the jail number on the order."
Trip Two: 
"Here's the order. Notarized with a jail number."
"You don't have the date of birth on the order."
"Can you please tell me what else is missing?"
"Sure, the cell number and the blood type and the SKU code and the solution to the CIA Kryptos puzzle."
Trip Three:
Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution." 
"You only have five certified orders. We need six."
Trip Four:
"Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. And partial solution to the CIQ Kryptos puzzle with six notartized orders." 
"The order is signed in black ink. It needs to be in blue ink."
Trip Five:
"Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution. with six notarized orders signed in blue."
"It's after four pm. I need a new order tomorrow with the new date."
NEXT DAY
Trip Six:
"Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution. with six notarized orders signed in blue. With today's date." 
"The order doesn't say subequent order based on the original order signed yesterday."
Trip Seven:
SIGN ON THE DOOR TO DR NO'S OFFICE:
"OUT. ILL. RETURN TOMORROW"
Trip Eight:
Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution. with six notarized orders signed in blue with today's date and indicating that it is a subsequent order to yesterday's order."
"The Jail is shut down and not releasing anyone. Please come back later."


Ah what we wouldn't give to have our time wasted like the good old days.