"Delays forecast for those entering the courthouse Monday and all this week:"
For those of you entering our beloved REGJB Monday morning or any subsequent morning this week, please be advised that we have learned that security procedures will be tightened up.
For starters the sensitivity of the metal detectors have been adjusted to be more sensitive. Furthermore all individuals entering the building with semi-automatic weapons will have to prove that the weapon and ammunition are compatible with the Brady Bill. Additionally, the size of nail clippers and nail files subject to automatic confiscation has been lowered from 1 3/4 inches to 1 1/4 inches. Finally, all flash grenades must have the pin securely in place before being allowed in the building.
The security company has emphasized that these changes are for our well being and they have asked us for patience as the screening process may take longer than the current average 11 minutes per person. Furthermore, the security screeners will still average 5 breaks an hour between the hours of 9-11 am.
BTW: you say you are interested in a new and exciting career as a security screener? Well, at great personal expense, we have secured a few of the questions on the entrance exam. Go ahead and take the test and see if you have what it takes to join this elite squad of security screeners.
An elderly woman experiences medical distress as she approaches your station. You should do the following (check all that apply)
a) Call Fire Rescue;
b) Gently assist the patron to a seat and make sure she is breathing;
c) Push her aside, speak to her in a foreign language and immediately go on break.
A patron approaches with a semi automatic weapon and explains that a casing appears to be stuck in the ejector clip. You should:
a) confiscate the weapon and call the police;
b) confiscate the weapon and securely store it until the patron returns;
c) confiscate the weapon, go on break and take the weapon with you.
d) detain the patron's companion.
1) The correct answer is C. Offering assistance immediately makes the company liable for the old bag's medical condition. The company can no longer afford liability insurance. Speaking in a foreign language also interjects a language barrier between the old biddy and the company so that the company may completely deny knowledge of her serious medical condition.
2) C & D are the correct answers. C is the company policy when retaining any personal property of a patron. When the patron returns the new screener can deny knowledge of the incident and engage in a fruitless search of the impound box. Plausible deniability is the name of our game.
D is the trickier answer. Studies show that patrons will waive seemingly dangerous weapons in an attempt to distract the screener from confiscating those nail clippers. The smart screener recognizes this as the classic clipper diversion scam and responds accordingly.
Well there you have it. Security procedures tightened up at the REGJB. Have fun and we"ll see you in court.