MULDOWNEY GOBBLEY GOOK

It has been reported to us that Elder Statesman Richard Hersch was in court the other day dealing with recalcitrant Judges on the Muldowney issue.

To recap: Muldowney was arrested for DUI and passed some flatulence at the exact same moment he blew into the Intoxilyzer 5000 machine. Muldowney challenged the admissibility of his breath test citing the well known “eructation doctrine”.

However, an astute Judge, realizing that the State of Florida just entered into a 4 billion dollar contract to replace the 10 Intoxilyzer 5000 machines with the more advanced Intoxilyzer 8000 machines (it comes bundled with an IPOD and an XBOX) declined to enforce the doctrine and instead ordered the State to “open the machine and prove it is not powered by a Gerbil on a wheel.” The State objected as is their wont when they smell a rat (or Gerbil) and a super powered team of DUI hotshots took up the case in Miami.

Sitting en banc (latin for bored but trying to look interested) a panel of hot shot DUI judges headed by Ed Newman took testimony from witnesses who ranged from a disgruntled nuclear engineer who was fired from Turkey Point for drinking on the job, to Ms. Cleo of 1-900 fame.

Lacking the famed Miami comradery for which the Miami Judiciary is well known (*cough cough*) the Judges decided to each issue an individual opinion. To make matters fun, the judges agreed that each opinion would be sufficiently different from every other opinion so that consistency (which Ralph Waldo Emerson called the hobgoblin of little minds) would be non-existent.
[ Rumpole’s note- this remark is intended to be read purely in the context of this post. Any resemblance to a hobgoblin of little minds and the Miami Judiciary is purely coincidental)

As to Mr. Elder-statesman Hersch: in response to the Judges' questions on Muldowney, certificates of appealability, and such, he was reported to have averred this in a clear and concise manner:

有一天我们将失去了我们的真实身份的线索成为这些报价. 你们这种智能断和浆糊到谷歌翻译工具是可喜可贺. 但是,今天的日子不Clue.sorry.

So, having done our part to clear up the Muldowney confusion, we can now return to the work of the day.

One Of the Honeymooners wrote in with some positive smack:


Ed Norton said...
Good things you want? How about Judge Blake & F.A.C.D.L.-Miami working to make the REG a free wireless hotspot so you can use your laptops in the building?How about F.A.C.D.L.-Miami working with Judge Gill Freeman to move law books into the attorney's lounge to help with last minute research? How about F.A.C.D.L.'s work to ensure payment of court-appointed attorney's fees?And how about the work of Hersch, Catalano & Arias on the Muldowny issue? Even though some judges did not see the (infrared) light, they worked their butts off!It sounds like some people are doing good things in the building!


Rumpole replies that this is a good post about good things people are doing in our little corner of the legal world. However in regard to Judge Freeman's work, while well intentioned, providing law books to criminal attorneys is akin to providing a thought provoking book to President Bush-both will go un-opened. If she wants to provide something that will be well used, Judge Freeman should work on free internet access so that the criminal defense attorneys can visit their gambling or porn sites.

See You In Court with our Chinese-English dictionary.