Notice how quiet and orderly things have been in the REGJB this week?
Most of our fair robed readers are at a judicial conference on the west coast of Florida.
Right in the path of hurricane/tropical storm Alberto.
For those of you worrying that the weather will effect the important work being done at the judicial conference, fear not. The bar staff has been outfitted with hand held shakers just in case the electricity goes out and the blenders cannot churn out the pina coladas so crucial to the work being done by our judiciary.
However, a possible Nobel Prize winning scientific theory has presented itself. We know this is a legal blog and science is a bit of an anathema to most of our readers, so we will try and explain this in terms even a circuit court judge could understand after a few hours of judicial training(drinking).
Hurricanes are low pressure systems that obtain energy (feed off of) from hot air and warm water.
With us so far?
What group of people collectively produce more hot air per cubic foot of ego?
Hurricanes are drawn to the hot air that feeds them.
Hurricane Alberto is heading directly for the hot air which is a by-product of whenever you get together two lawyers who have donned the black robes and immediately become infallible.
Rumpole’s purely (un)scientific conclusion= HURRICANES ARE DRAWN TOWARDS GROUPS OF JUDGES!!!
NOBEL PRIZE WINNING SOLUTION:
In order to save civilization (we do important work here on this blog) whenever a hurricane threatens the US coastline, we propose that a group of judges from our eleventh judicial circuit be loaded on to a cruise ship and be asked to speak about their legal abilities. The cruise ship will then slowly lure the hurricane, which will be following the tremendous blasts of hot air, up the east coast into the arctic waters, where the frigid temperatures will overcome the hot air, and kill the hurricane.
Brilliant? Wait…there’s more.
While Governor Bush could declare a state of emergency and just load a bushel full of judges on to the cruise ship, the better (more humane) way to go is to just have the cruise ship put up a sign: “Free Food and Drink for Judges.”
Quicker than you can say “Court adjourned” you will have a sea of black robes lined up as far as the eye can see. Then you just give each one a microphone and ask them to give a spontaneous talk on how great they were as trial attorneys….and voila!!! Enough hot air to lure even the largest and cagiest hurricane up the east coast into frigid waters.
Rumpole (never the altruist) offers this idea not in the noble effort to save humanity, but rather because we are too cheap to buy hurricane shutters and a generator.
Plus….as this week has shown, things go a lot more smoothly when our favorite group of people are busy studying and learning how to say (una margarita por favor) “denied”!; “no more continuances”; “the state is correct”; “bond revoked”; “when I was a lawyer….”.
See you in court enjoying a pleasant and quiet week.