Tuesday, June 20, 2006


[this scene covers the attempt of the Godfather to get Jeffrey Swartz an appointment as a Judge.]


Tom Hagen-Gonzalez (personal attorney for the Godfather of Miami)

Jeff Swartz ( Latin name: “judicious desperatious”)

DON CORLEONE-MIAMI (the legal godfather of Miami).

CUT TO: The Don's office

SWARTZ: (as Tom Hagen-Gonzalez quietly enters the Don's office)
“A month ago he added Izzy Reyes’ name to the list of candidates for the Third DCA. If Izzy is appointed his circuit slot would be open for the next six years. It's perfect for a guy just like me. I uh -- I wouldn't even have to act -- just be myself. Oh, Godfather, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

“You can act like a man! “
(then, after slapping Swartz in the face)
“What's the matter with you? Is this how you turned out? A Miami Beach
finocchio that ah cries like a woman? “

[ a county court judge enters the room]
DON CORLEONE-MIAMI (to Swartz, after glancing to see the judge enter)
“You spend time in court hearing cases?”

SWARTZ: “Sure I do.”
“Good, cause’ a judge who doesn’t spend time in court can never be a real judge.”
(then, gets up and goes to Swartz)
“Come'ere. “ (holds open arms)

“You look terrible. I want you to eat. I want you to rest a while. And in a month from now, this – Tallahassee bigshot's gonna give you what you want. “

“It's too late, the nomination is in two weeks “

“I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.”
“Now you just go outside and enjoy yourself, and ah, forget about all this nonsense. I want you to leave it all to me. “

VITO CORLEONE-MIAMI: (to Tom Hagen-Gonzalez) “If there’s nothing else, I’d like to go and enjoy my daughter’s wedding. We can discuss the rest when you get back from Tallahassee.

TOM (laughing)
"When am I going to Tallahassee? "

“I want you to go tonight; I want you to talk to this – governor bigshot, and settle this business .”



Tom Hagen-Gonzalez (personal attorney for the Godfather of Miami)

Governor Jeb “holly go lightly” Bush”

BUSH: “I’m sorry Tom, why didn’t you say you represent Don Corleone-Miami?

HAGEN-GONZALEZ: “I try not to use his name if possible.”

BUSH: let me show you around the governor’s mansion.

[The two men walk the stately grounds and then adjourn to a meal in the dining room.]

HAGEN-GONZALEZ: "Mr. Corleone-Miami is Swartz’s Godfather. To the Italian-Cuban people, that's a very religious, sacred, close relationship. "

BUSH:" I respect that; just tell him he should ask me anything else. But this is one favor I can't give him. "

HAGEN-GONZALEZ:" The Don doesn’t ask for a second favor once’s he’s been refused the first. "

[Gaffe: Waiter fills Hagen-Gonzalez’s wine glass twice, shown in two camera angles]

BUSH: “But this one I cannot do.”


BUSH: “No doubt that Izzy Reyes would be great on the Third DCA, but that Swartz guy does not get the circuit slot. That seat is perfect for him; it'll make him a big star. And I'm gonna run him out of the business, and let me tell you why.


BUSH: “Jeffrey Swartz ruined one of Florida’s most valuable branch courts.
For five years we had her under construction.
Painting, sculpting, carpeting, paneling, I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on that Miami Beach Branch Court.
I was gonna make that court a big star!
And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, and it's not all dollars and cents.

That court was beautiful;
that court was new;
that branch court was the greatest little branch court I ever built,
and I built em all over Florida.
And then Jeffrey Swartz comes along with his lox and bagels, and Opera.
And Swartz goes on NPR and tells the world that Judges in Miami sentence defendants to listen to opera just to make me look ridiculous.

[Bush standing up and shouting] And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!
Now you get the hell outta here! And if that gumbah tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader! Yeah, I heard that story....

HAGEN-GONZALEZ: " Thank you for a wonderful evening. If your driver could take me to the airport, Don Corleone-Miami is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately."

[Hagen-Gonzalez nods, stands up, finishes wine in glass, places napkin on the table, and exits stage right. Scene fades out.]


Anonymous said...

A scene so real, it is as if I were in the room when it happened.

Anonymous said...

True rumpole gold.

Anonymous said...

I hope Rumpole is a better Lawyer than he is a writer. Does he try cases or just plead them?

Does anybody know if Swartz has withdrawn from Izzy's race?

Woltz said...

Will Swartz wake up tomorrow with a horses head in his bed and scream?

Anonymous said...

Is Hagen-Gonzalez Jebbie's Kraut-____ friend?

Anonymous said...

I am sorry I cannot seem to fill in the blank.What goes there?

Vito said...


north of the border update said...

Woman draws 10-year term for using stolen cards

A 20-year-old woman collapsed to the courtroom floor this afternoon and wailed as a judge sentenced her to 10 years in prison for shopping with credit cards prosecutors say her boyfriend stole after murdering two men.

Natasha Edwards pleaded no contest to two counts of grand theft felonies. Broward Circuit Judge Andrew Siegel gave Edwards the maximum sentence although she had no prior record.

''Oh my God! '' she repeatedly cried. ``This is so unfair. I didn't do nothing. It's my first time doing anything in my life.''

Anonymous said...

This Siegel guy sounds like a draconian prick...Stealing 10 years from a girl's life for something so petty. i could puke.

Ari Mendelson said...

I would like to wish the people I have met and worked with at the REGJB a fond farewell.

As many of you know, I am moving to Little Neck, New York tomorrow morning, and will be practicing law up there.

I am moving because my wife got a job as a medical resident at Long Island Jewish.

I have very much enjoyed practicing law with all of you, including my fellow defense attorneys, ASAs and judges. I wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

Is Ari Mendelson the young guy with 5 o clock shadow and a yarmulke?

Ari mendelson said...

Yep. That's me. Yarmulke and beard. 5 o'clock shaddow?

Anonymous said...

Sorry. Shadow...

Anonymous said...

Oh. You are nice. I will miss seeing you. Mazel tov to your wife.

Anonymous said...

Rumpole, can you do one with Farina? He is of Italian Heritage you know. Make it fun and make it hype!

Anonymous said...

Sorry 2 cap, but 2nite will be the nite 4 me to open up that bottle the wife says "It's for a special occasion, honey."


Rebecca W said...

You are very funny, in a way.

Anonymous said...

karma works in great ways. hopefully the asshole judge in broward will get his, and soon.

Anonymous said...

MEMO: MENSA of MIAMI Group will be meeting to discuss admission requirements on Wednesday in 4-1. See you all there....

CAPTAIN said...


I am happy to report that Judge Israel Reyes has been officially relected to the position of Circuit Court Judge. With the withdrawal of candidate Jeffrey Swartz today, Judge Reyes is unopposed. Yeres' term will run from January 2007 for six years.

As for the three new Circuit Court races, things are status quo, with two uncontested elections and one seat drawing four candidates. They are as follows:


Valerie Manno, 13 years, lost in 2004 to Judy Rubenstein for County Court Judge.


Antonio Marin, 21 years, his treasurer is Hector Lombana


Rima Bardawil, 8 years; yes 8 years.

Abigail Cynamon, 16 years, president-elect of FAWL and yes she does work for the Eleventh Circuit Court as an attorney.

Catherine Parks, 22 years, ran unsuccessfully for Judge in 2004, losing in a runoff to Judge William Thomas. In her former career she was a registered nurse.

Marisa Tinkler Mendez, 20 years.

CAPTAIN said...


Gov. Jeb awaits 12 names from the JNC. Tonight, the JNC completes their interviews of 17 candidates for two open County Court seats. Those 17, along with 10 more candidates who are also being considered, make up the field of 27 that will be narrowed to 12. Gov. Bush will name two new County Court Judges from that final list.

The three appointments that were pending before the Gov. have all been named. As most of you know, the 3rd DCA seat of Judge Levy went to Barbara Lagoa. The Leyte-Vidal seat went to Reemberto Diaz and the Fredricka Smith seat went to Douglas Chumbley. Looks like Flora Seff will have to wait another day for her turn to don the black robes.

CAPTAIN OUT ...............

Anonymous said...

Oh, so sorry Flora, you'll have to keep coming to social events and trying to act like a nice person

Anonymous said...

Marisa Tinkler Mendez is a super nice person and great lawyer. She did appeals for Roy Black years ago.

Flora's husband and son are convicts

Anonymous said...

convicted of what? feel free to tell the entire story of her family (which probably has no bearing on her judicial abilities).

i was convicted 9 years ago of speeding in a manatee zone. should i be outed of society for life?

Doctor Adam Bricker said...

Speaking of being outed....No one ever responded to the assertion that Jeffrey "I am now officially the most reviled person in Miami-Dade County" Swartz blew a murder case on speeds when he was an ASA. Don't tell me no one remebers this. Someone out there knows the particilars. Fess up. Let the truth out it will set him free. Free to move to another state, free to bury his head in shame, and free for all of us who remember his bombastic pomposity to ridicule him. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

The Gramarian said...

That would be remember and particulars.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to the Miami Heat. The NBA Champions of the world.

(I wonder which candidate will use the Miami Heat's color scheam on the campaign trail?)


Anonymous said...


D.Wade is such a class act and with Udonis Haslem playing such a key defensive role in this series, and the rest of the role players doing what they needed to do, we can now call ourselves Champions of the NBA.

Sweetttttttttttttt taste of Victory - see you at the parade.

Anonymous said...

Dear Judge Reyes,

In my opinion, you are one of the most respected Judges in the REG. Virtually every attorney I know has nothing but good things to say about you. I recently tried a case in your courtroom and thought you made consistent, legal rulings (even if they didnt all go my way). However, your bailiff, by acting as your agent, is threatening to tarnish your reputation.

Bailiff in Reyes' Court needs to be reminded that a court room is a public place wherein the public is invited, and has the right to be present. Prior to court, your bailiff, in his infinite knowledge, proudly announces, "If you dont have a subpoena in your hands, you MUST leave this court room now"

"But my baby has a case in here."

"If you dont have a subpoena in your hand, you must must walk out that door"

Judge Reyes, I dont need to tell you that what your bailiff is doing is wrong, and probably illegal. Quite frankly, I am fed up that citizens are being denied the right to be in public places. I hope you will do something to rectify this situation.

As a courtesy, I want to let you know that I am preparing a formal complaint to Judge Farina, wherein I am citing examples of this bailiff denying access to the Courts.

Bailiff's generally do not have law degrees, and I do not expect them to know the law. But I do expect a Circuit Court Judge to impart the knowledge to his charges that a court room is a public place, and no provision in the Florida Constitution provides that one needs a ticket, er subpoena, to enter a Court room.

Judge Reyes, this bailiff is making you look bad. Please advise him to act like a representative of the man he works for, and to try and use some common sense and manners (not to mention follow the law).

Have a great day all......

Anonymous said...

I read about this situation with reyes' baliff months ago - glad to see someone is doing something about it FINALLY

Anonymous said...

I also saw the situation months ago. I you have any specifics, please post them here, or email them to rump. I will shortly contact rump to compile a list of complaints and do what I can to help uphold the florida constitution and access to courts.

Anonymous said...

Those court rooms get so crowded in the mornings and on sounding days that if you don't limit attendence to those with cases, there is no room for anybody. There are situations where the public's right to attend is outweighed by the need of the court to be able to conduct business. Morning calendar on busy days is one of them.

Anonymous said...

(Former Judge) Swartz should run against that Manno person. No way is she going to get that seat unopposed. Especially since she sued one of her own political consultants in the last election, who happened to be black.

Anonymous said...

Mendez has gotten divorced twice in the poast 5 years. What's with that?

I beat the Captain said...

The 11th Circuit JNC met yesterday evening and voted to nominate the following candidates to Governor Bush for his consideration and appointment to the County Court in the 11th Judicial Circuit:

1. Peter Abraham

2. Victoria Brennan

3. Yvonne Colodny

4. Abigail Cynamon

5. Jose Fernandez

6. Tamara Gray

7. Linda Lopez

8. Cristina Miranda

9. Rima Mullins

10. Kathleen Phang

11. Thomas Rebull

12. Marie Toussaint

Anonymous said...

Dear Wednesday, June 21, 2006 7:50:07 AM:

The Courtrooms are small and at times we need to empty the extra people to allow for the parties to be there and not miss their case. As well, sometimes we act under the directive of our bosses and seems like the bad guys, but in reality we just follow orders. Thins out bosses do not want to say to you, but must be said nonetheless. It is the Good Cop Bad Cop rotine. To be honest, most attorneys are quite abusive and most of your staffers are quite lost. Seems that you think we are there to babysit your poorly paid staff and many of you have less than adequate legal knowledge unfortunately. If you want better, you can try starting at your own office. Reyes' staff is good and I bet much better than yours.

Anonymous said...

I heard David Stern will be leading the parade route down BIscyane.

Anonymous said...

To 7:50:07 am.....the difference is that a bailiff is part of the public sector, an employee of someone who is elected by and beholden to the public. If you don't want to take that responsibility to hold yourself to a higher standard then go to work in the private sector where the attorneys are abusive and their staff quite lost, to coin your phrase. Judges and their employees who disrespect the public don't deserve their position. Hernandez and D'Arce prove that point and they will suffer the consequences because of it.

Anonymous said...

I dont think so. Faber has zero chance. Anyone with even a bit of political sense understands that. And Leifman is in real trouble!!-

Anonymous said...

Jeff Swartz was a really rotten prosecutor. Yes, he allowed a murder one to go out on speedy trial. Many remember it. Reno was furious. He left after that.

After that, he became one of our worst county court judges ever.

Hey, he married Judge Bach. She is great. She divorced him.

Yes, he really is a jerk.

You watch... he will find some way to weasel into a judgeship over many dead bodies.

Rumpole said...

To the reader who does not like our writing: stop reading. To the readers who post with crude curse words, I decided today, just for the hell of it, to remove them, because it offends me. Don't like it? Stop reading the blog.

To the reader who complained about Judge Reyes's bailiff: see our post from May of this year below: If Reyes doesn't do something, we may have to take it up a notch:


Please inform your bailiff 1) This is the United States of America and courtrooms are open to the public 2) If a person is summoned to court they will not have a subpoena, but a “notice of court appearance."

What happens in Judge Reyes' courtroom is that right before calendar, his eager beaver bailiff comes charging in and starts asking everyone to produce their “subpoena for court.” Well, unless they’re a witness, they won’t have a subpoena. But why get technical with a legal genius like the bailiff?

Memo to the bailiff: We know you have a tough job. We know its kinda fun to order people around. But your courtroom is really our courtroom. “Our” being the citizens of Dade County and the United States of America. Yes, those same defendants and their families that you like to order around and toss out own that courtroom and have every right to be in that courtroom despite your best efforts to make them feel they are doing something wrong and need your permission to breathe in that courtroom.

Listen Mr. Bailiff, most people in court are scared to death. Not that they should be scared of your Judge, as he is one of the best and fairest around. But the nature of the business is that people are scared. And if they bring their wife, mother, friend for support, it really does not speak well of you or your Judge to throw them out. Plus, we are not quite certain it is legal.

Just a word to the wise. But then, who are we to tell you what to do?

Anonymous said...

No we wont't stop reading, we will remind you that you are a shitty writer when you try to display purported writing ability which you obviously do not possess. Suck it up big boy (if you are a boy)and stop whining!

Anonymous said...

listen, i posted the thing about reyes bailiff. but after reading that morning calendars are busy, i see the light. lets just simply change the constitution to allow for access to courts only when they are NOT busy. that way only part of the time you need a ticket to see the court room, and when nothing is going on, allow the public to come in.

Rumpole said...

Mom, how many times have we asked you to not read the blog and post? Please just stop and let us play.

Anonymous said...

Rumpole are you a momma's boy?(or girl?)

Anonymous said...

You are picking on him because he is Haitian and loves Jesus. Yeah, his Daily Bread Book and the Bible are on his desk and I am sure you have seen them. Maybe he should be like most attorneys who never answer the phone, do not return phone calls, and string out a case because they have not been paid. Have you ever heard of something called "The Florida Bar?" Maybe he should let people in to the Courtroom and over burden the maximum number of people that can be in there and when people get really upset because their lawyer is being a prick, hand them the number to The Florida Bar so you can see it from his pint of view. Lucky for you he is a God loving man and most likely will not do this.

Next thing you will try to do is pick on Reyes’ awesome JA Danian. Whatever crappy lawyer. This is why Bailiffs need to form a Union!

Eugene V. Debs said...

workers of the world unite!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

is that david stern the nba commssioner or david stern the former asa?

Anonymous said...

no, i wont pick on his JA b/c she is a nice person who does not flagrantly violate the constitution by expelling persons from courtrooms. how do you make the leep from a complaint about a bailiff to you thinking i will complain about Reyes' JA? i need to learn that logic.

/s/ crappy lawyer

(how do you know how crappy i am since i did not provide my name? jumping to conclusions again?)

Anonymous said...

(yes, i no i misspeleed leeeep)

Anonymous said...

Mendez has NOT been divorced twice in the past five years.

Anonymous said...

Who remembers former ASA David the pot smoker Stern?

Anonymous said...

David "Joe Camel" Stern is now smoking weed in the Broward County Attorney's office.

Anonymous said...

Mendez has been divorced twice. look it up.

Anonymous said...

Parks will beat her any day, as she is very pilitcally savvy. Plus, the Herald loves the fact that she's a nurse-attorney and will instill some humanity and compassion in the courtroom. At least that 's what they wrote about her a couple yrs ago. She's also written tons of articles. Her son is at Yale.

Anonymous said...

oops bad typing

Anonymous said...

not twice in the last 5 years is what i said

Anonymous said...

Catalano sucks. He is an overrated attorney, and an underrated asshole.

Anonymous said...

what does someone's marriage record have to do with their judicial qualifications? stick to commentary on the miami heat, rather than someone's divorces.

Anonymous said...

Good, consistent family values are a very important judicial qualification. Would you know if Rima Bardawil, Abigail Cynamon, Valerie Manno and/or Antonio Marin are married/divorced?

Anonymous said...

Tony Marin has been married forever to a very nice lasy they have a couple of daughters and are grandparents. They are a very close family and good, good people

Anonymous said...

should have been nice lady

Anonymous said...

trust me, some of the judges you constantly slam as being the dumbest or laziest on the bench are the best fathers and most devoted husbands (definately a correlation there that merits further examination). Conversely, some of our best and brightest judges have been less successful in their personal lives than they have been in their career. And that shouldn't matter. What matters is impartiality, brains, and a good understanding of the law. Judges elected for their family values rather than their understanding and respect for the law are the same ones who curtail recognized freedoms "in the interest of God & Republican party politics".

Anonymous said...

true story

Anonymous said...

I've never written on the blog before and I find it very interesting. I just found out about it. So far, I like what I hear about Cathy Parks. She seems to be a nice and kind person who would make a good judge. Also, I did check out the Florida Division of Elections' website and found that she's the only candidate who has submitted a picture and a biography. If, for whatever reason, the other candidates can't be bothered to do this, I'll vote for Cathy Parks in a heartbeat!

Anonymous said...

12:14, thank you Cathy Parks, we'll be in touch.

Anonymous said...

It is crazy to run in an open seat. Why run against 3, 4 or more people who you do not even know when you can run against an incumbent who you have enough information about and know who does not like him/her. I will tell you why, because the Judges use the bench to exert pressure to opponents which is plainly and clearly illegal. Why face a second round when you can beat someone on a primary election? Makes no sense and of course, I do not expect the Miami Herald or the DBR to write anything on this phenomenon as it is not news worthy.

Family Values said...

Is Rima Bardawil or Abby Cynamon married/divorced?

Anonymous said...

Marisa Mendez married twice/divorced twice. Catherine Parks married once/divorced once. What about Rima Bardawil and Abby Cynamon?

About 10 years ago, suit was filed against the Court System because men could not get a fair trial in Family Court. The system of blind assignment of judges in Family Court was flawed. All of the Family Court judges were prejudiced against men.