It's been a good week. An amazing week. No one has ever seen a week like this in the presidency. BUT...there are some nagging little things I need to take care of next week.
First, fire this National Security Advisor guy. He got good press. Smart. Capable. It's rubbing me the wrong way. Where was he when I banned muslims from entering the country? Not here. Where was he when I signed the order deporting Arizona? Not here. Those are the real accomplishments of this presidency and what the fake press should be writing. He's gone. Ralph, the head doorman at Trump Tower handled the security for my lobby for ten years. No crazies ever got in. National security. Lobby security. What's the diff? Ralph is my new guy. He knows not to talk to the press and he's already got the uniform with the big hat. It will add some class to this place.
Second, I have a Jewish problem. I'm not the first world leader to have one. But I've got one...and I need a solution.
What is it with these people? Every Sunday night Jared has tons of Chinese Food being delivered to the white house. Chinese food? That has to stop. China is manipulating it's currency. Doesn't look American if I'm seen eating sushi and chopped suey.
It's always the food with these people. And when they're not eating, they're complaining. The service is slow. The bill is too high. The room is too hot..then the room is too cold. Bomb threats at their schools. Some reporter asked me about what I was going to do about this. Don't they know I got the most electoral votes ever? More than Ben Franklin even. Jews must have been some of those electoral votes. I mean don't tell me New York City doesn't have electoral votes. The place is crawling with Chinese restaurants and you can't get near one on Sunday night and that means...well you get the picture.
Good news Diary. I've fixed the Ivanka problem with Nordstroms. We've opened a beautiful store in the east wing. 3800 square feet of all of her merchandise Nordstroms canned. We had to clear out the situation room for this. But who needs that? There are no situations. Only solutions. John Lennon. Beatles. Real American. Anyway, the tourists will be routed from the Oval Office into Ivanka's store- like when the kids get off the rides at Disney and are dumped into a merchandise store.
Ivanka's East Wing. It's a beautiful store. An amazing store. No one has ever seen anything like it in the white house before. Best store ever. Best Presidency ever.
Enemies list. Real quick. Not much time. Tee time today at 11.
First Amendment. Girl Scouts- those cookies are made in china. Congress. Wo-Hops in Manhattan. Got a delivery bill for 800 bucks. Some nerve. The Vatican. Japan. AP. UPI. Polls.
That's it for now.
Oh.. one more thing. Love those girls who took out the North Korean guy at the airport by spraying nerve gas in his face. Brillant. Winners. We need those gals. We don't win anymore like they do. That's going to change.
I love being President.
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