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Friday, February 03, 2017

DIARY OF A MAD PRESIDENT 2-2-17

Dear Diary,
Things are going well. 
Muslims=out. 
Press=on the way out. 
Australia=a joke. 

I'm reducing Mexico to a quivering mass of guacamole. Threaten to send in troops. Tell the world I love Mexicans. Then build a wall. Haven't even mentioned selling express lane tickets. Skip the lines for entry! Disney has it right. And these idiots doubt I will make them pay for the wall. Memo to self: trip to Chipoltes. Eat some Mex. Tell world I love their food. Prime time coverage. It will be fantastic. 

OK. Lots to do. That Canadian punk- Trudeau. Beginning to annoy me by taking in refugees I've banned. Speak to Mad-Dog about mobilizing the 4th Armored Division and some war games on the boarder. F-18s can buzz their capital. Why should people in Montreal sleep securely? 

Iran= toast. Just not sure when or how.
That raid into Yemen sucked. We will always win when I am President.That's what I said. Need to make sure Obama takes the hit on that one. 

I'm not done with the inauguration crowd issue.This is really getting under my skin. Melania told me I had the biggest ever. But she's been saying that since our second date. Sometimes I wonder about her... Vladimir has some satellite photos that prove my point. Just to need to negotiate the price down. 

Senate. Nobody understands the filibuster thing. I don't either but nobody cares. The way it should work is I issue an order, Congress approves. Why is it called The Congress when it's the congress and the senate? Need to change that. 

Spoke to CIA guys about Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Apparently there's some law about assassination but a nice retirement in some apartment in Bulgaria isn't out of the question. She's a feisty one, Could out last me and then I won't get Judge Bork on the court where he should have been years ago. That will make headlines when I announce that. Thinking halftime of next superbowl.

Senators Graham and McCain...they are pebbles in my shoe. Speaking to Rudy and Jared about them. Jared took out fatso Gov of NJ so that should be easy. 

Gotta go-- sending Aircraft carrier Bush to threaten the Canary islands. This is fun. The next carrier built will be named Ivanka...then Barron... 

Pres. DJT.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rumor has it that Trump's selection of Tillerson for secretary of state, resulted from a flip of a coin. That is because his top two finalists for the position were virtually indistinguishable insofar as qualifications, tact, and diplomacy. The second choice, by the way, was none other than our own Dan Lurvey.

Anonymous said...

Very witty, creative, provocative. Great post !

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, Bork! The real stolen seat.

Anonymous said...

brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Inspired by my new president I have decided to go ahead and fortify the fence around my house in order to keep out ants, roaches and lizards. It is expensive but imagine how much I"ll save on exterminators. I considered a moat but then I remembered how poor the Caribbean had performed in keeping out assorted Islanders.