Monday, March 22, 2010


SILENT CHARLIE SPEAKS! (below) But first...
The Colonel of County Court has filed this report:

At ease.
Rumpole, having been the bearer of bad news for so long, I am happy to report that the action at the front has slowly shifted and we now appear to be winning. As Winston Chruchill once said: "It's not the end. It's not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning."

What I am referring to is the horrendous over-crowding conditions that have been occurring county court for the last month or so.

Today Judge Seff's courtroom in 4-10 was so empty she appeared lonely. Previously, the courtroom was so jammed that the line extended down the hallway. Same for Joe Fernandez in 2-11. Judge Ortiz in 5-2 was her normal unflappable self with a moderate amount of clients in her courtroom.

What we are seeing are the long awaited effects of the new scheduling system which removed non-DUIs from the sounding calendar and placed the responsibility for scheduling non-DUI traffic offenses in the hands of the Judges. The Judges seemed to have finally gotten the hang of it and the calendars appear to be much more manageable.

Dismissed. And remember, there's gold in dem dere misdemeanors.

Rumpole says: Our dear Robed Readers. What can you say about them except that even a broken clock is right twice a day? We are gratified to hear they have worked their scheduling problems out in county court.

However, we must admit that Kounty Kort remains a mysterious and baffling place that we still perambulate by while casting a weary and wary eye at the disgruntled masses huddling in the hallways while those nameless and faceless traffic lawyers scurry to and fro making incomprehensible motions while shouting out traffic statutes that all begin with a 3.

UPDATE: SILENT CHARLIE SPEAKS!!! (he says- and we quote-: "woops")
Yesterday we reported that a new PD rule/policy that had gone into effect was having a deleterious effect on PD morale, which was low to begin with. The new policy that was handed down by the Silent Oz Behind The Curtain (SOBTC) was that henceforth all attorneys would answer their own phone calls.

We now receive word that the Great and Silent Oz has changed his mind!

After unilaterally implementing the "answer your own phone" policy without consulting the attorneys who work there, and after the aforementioned uproar (fanned, we hope, by this humble blog) spread like wildfire ( or like an insulting email between county and circuit judges), we now are informed by reliable sources that The Great and Silent Oz has said "woops" and halted the new policy. Peace of sorts has now returned to the Office of the PD, and once again the poor, the weak, and the gullible, who call the Public Defender as the last bastion of defense for the defenseless, are again greeted with

"Law Offices of the Great and Silent OZ...how may we help you?"


Fake Blecher said...

Rumpole-you can mess with Silent Charlie all you want. But you don't fool me. I know you're after bigger fish. Now, my sources tell me that you plan to make a move against the Tropicalla. They tell me within a week you're gonna move Klingman out. That's quite an expansion. However it will leave with one little technical problem. The license will still be in Klingman's name. And that's where I come in Rumpole old boy.

Rumpole said...

Turnbull is a good man.

Anonymous said...

JUDGE FLORA SEFF for Miami-Dade County Court

Please come support Judge Flora Seff for Miami-Dade County Court. Judge Seff has gained opposition in her goal of retaining her seat on the Miami-Dade County Court bench.

On Wednesday March 24, 2010 from 6:00 to 8:00PM, I will be hosting a cocktail reception at the Peter Lik Gallery at 701 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach Florida to raise money and awareness for Judge Seff's campaign.

I hope you can make it. Please RSVP via Facebook or to Jodie Breece at cjb@breecelaw.com.

fake Blecher said...

Yeah, well let's cut out the bullshit. I don't want to spend any more time here than I have to. You can have the license, the price is 250,000 dollars. Plus a monthly payment of 5% of the gross -- of all four hotels. Mister....Rumpole.

Anonymous said...

Say what you want but, Bloom's court was a mob scene and I got away with Murder because the prosecutor was so overburdened and could only handle 3/4 of what was thrown at him.

We get what we pay for.

I wonder when the police chiefs are going to figure out that Sam Slom and the Clerk saved the court about $100,000.00 and cost the police about $2,000.000 in overtime.

Anonymous said...

so this Kernel of Kounty Kourt has been proved to be like so many other hand-wringing yentas/chicken littles---an unreliable, histrionic cry -baby who reacts like a screech owl at the slightest little change imposed on his (or her) comfy little existence and condemned the new system changes to hell and must now eat crow--- how typical--- sounds like you annointed a real dud Rump, you should lose that Kernel, signed, ASA

Fake Catalano said...

Traffic Lawyers < DUI Lawyers.

Don't mix them up.

DUI lawyers shout out Rules of Criminal Procedure that also start with the number 3.

Hmmm, now who can I piss off today?

Fucktard of the Day Guy said...

We actually have TWO Fucktards of the Day:

1. FLORIDA ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL McCOLLUM--Ignoring the budgetary constraints that pervade the State, Mr. McCollum decides to join other Republican AGs in threatening to sue to block the recent healthcare bill. Nice job pandering to your neo-Nazi base, jackass.

2. BROWARD BAR ASSOCIATION CARLOS LLORENTE--for actually writing that one should never oppose a "qualified sitting judge" (amongst other things). I guess you've chosen to ignore all the shenanigans in the Broward County Courthouse recently. Oh wait, you're an IN-HOUSE insurance defense attorney who sees the inside of a courthouse, let alone a courtroom, about as often as a third-string NFL QB makes it into a game. I just have to wonder how far your nose has been up Dale Ross' and Victor Tobin's asses.

Hidnert to Maultasch said...

Vedmed and Moldovan came to my home and they asked my permission to get rid of the Ticket Clinic Brothers.

When I refused, they tried to have me killed. they were stupid, I was lucky; I'll visit them soon. The important thing is that nothing interferes with our plans for the future. Yours and mine.

First thing we do is jam their cel phones.

Fake Blecher said...

I also want the right to represent every DUI defendant arrested after drinking in the Tropicalla or 25% of the fee paid to another attorney if the defendant is unable to pay my fee.

Anonymous said...

flora seff is miserable. every lawyer i meet says the same thing. the funny thing is this is an election year. you would think she would have enough smarts to keep it cool till she is re-elected. naaah. miserable and nasty. so, my goal is to raise money and help anyone who runs against her. i dont think we need another mcwhoter. tyrant. ego-maniac with an inferiority complex.

Anonymous said...

my favorite is when people say "she has no experience" or "how dare someone run against this person." you know what, stop crying. just because flora seff is old and has been a nobody lawyer for 30 years amounting to a ticket judge in no where land doesnt mean squat. we all know shit judges that have a bunch of experience. experience in treating our clients and us lawyers like dirt. give them a fight! make them work for their seats. and if not, dont bitch and cry when they treat you like garbage.

Andy Bahama said...

"Andrew Hague updated his profile Mar 28, 2009

Born in Boston but spent all summer, winter and spring vacation in Little Exuma in the Bahamas where I own property. I am a Permanent resident of the Bahamas."

Can he be a County Judge in Miami, Fl, apply for a Circuit Judge appointment and be a Permanent Resident of another country?

Just askin'.

A Ticket For Rush said...

Recently, a number of interesting things happened. First, Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show that if the Healthcare Reform Bill passed, he would go to Costa Rica. Second, the Healthcare Reform Bill passed. As you can imagine, this has made a number of people very excited. We are among that number. We want to make sure that Rush is able to make good on his promise, and so we've made this website.

Here's how this is going to work:

1. We're accepting 1 dollar PayPal donations to buy Rush a one-way ticket to Costa Rica. We are currently accepting donations.

2. At the end of the donation period*, we will attempt to personally contact Rush, and offer to buy him a first-class plane ticket from Palm Beach International Airport to San Jose International Airport, Costa Rica.

3. If Rush does get cold feet**, and refuses to move to Costa Rica, we will instead donate all of the money to the Planned Parenthood Action Center.

4. Additionally, if we make more money than the cost of a ticket, or if we don't make enough money for a ticket, everything will still go to Planned Parenthood.

*Donation period will run until April 30th, 2010. That's like, more than 4 weeks notice for the guy.

**Rush has publicized that he never said he would move to Costa Rica. However, we still think it's a good idea.

CAPTAIN said...

to 9:36 pm


Rush owns a G550. He doesn't need your ticket. His private plane cost him $45m and he is much more comfortable flying in his jet - than flying commercial.

I suggest you send the ticket to Glenn Beck. Now there's someone who needs to be moving far, far away.

Cap Out .....

Anonymous said...

9:17...........obviously you know nothing about Flora, who was a top trial lawyer with the SAO.

Funny thing........I though judges were supposed to handle cases, not kiss your sorry ass.

If you prepare properly and do you job, Flora will treat you just fine. If you ever make it out of County Court, maybe you'll understand.


Anonymous said...

who is gonna run against Johnson in juvy????????

Fake Vegas Vic said...

Odds for who will run against Johnson:

1:1 Jeffrey Swartz
5:3 Robert Kuntz
5:3 Patricia Kopco
2:1 Monica Gordo
3:1 Peter Adrien
4:1 Usual suspects (Velis/Mendez/Millan,etc.)
10:1 Mike Catalano
1000:1 Samantha Ruiz Cohen
1000:1 Miguel De la O
billion:1 Milton Hirsch