Wednesday, December 30, 2009
US EMBASSY, Lagos Nigeria.
Embassy Officer: How can I help you?
Applicant: I wish to apply to travel to US.
CIA Officer: For what reason?
Applicant: I wish to see NY Knicks in Superbowl.
EO: The Knicks made it?
CIA Off: I'll have research check it out. I think the Expos made it too. Why are you flying to Minnesota, is that where the Super Bowl is this year?
EO: I thought it was in Buffalo.
Applicant: Frequent Flier miles.
EO: Sounds good. Enjoy the game. You're approved.
Secretary: There's a man on the phone saying his son is trying to get to the US to do a terrorist attack.
CIA Off: Another one? Jeeze, don't these people stop with the Nigerian bank scams and terrorists attacks. Put it in the file and I'll look at it in a few months.
Airport Security :
Security Officer: I see you have your approval from the US Embassy in Lagos.
What is the purpose of your trip to the US?
Traveler: To watch Mets in Super Bowl, allah be praised.
SO: The Mets have no chance buddy. Favre is way too old. Ok...name?
Traveler: Abdullah Yoseff Mohammed Khomeni-Bin Laden.
SO: Wait a sec- your passport doesn't have the last part- Khomeni-Bin Laden on it.
AYMKBL: Yes. I added that after I became a muslim to show my support for the Iranian people and Osamma Bin Laden.
SO: Really. Hey Ralph- we got some guy here with a last name of Bin-Laden, how funny is that?
Sorry sir...OK. You're approved. Please proceed to the security check point Mr. Bin Laden.
Airport Screening Area:
Screening Officer: Sir. Please wait a minute. YOU- Lady with the baby. Just where do you think you're going with that kid and the bottle? And what's this - Diaper cream? Oh no no no. Not on this plane you don't. That could be an explosive. What's your name? Ms. Smith? Sure, we're gonna check that out "Ms. Smith." You're being sent to the enhanced security area, now please step aside.
Your name sir?
ADYMKBL: Abdullah Yoseff Mohammed Khomeni-Bin Laden.
SO: Oh yeah. They said a Bin-Laden was heading down. Kind of ironic isn't it?
Right this way through the machine.
OK. You're good to go. Enjoy your flight. .....Hey, what's this powder? Buddy. Hold up. You! Bin-Laden, back here. What is this powder leaking down from your leg? You got a secret compartment in there or what? Look at this. I scratch it and sparks fly. Jeeze pal, this could start a fire. What a mess. Do me a favor? Help me clean this up before my supervisor sees this. He'll go nuts. And do me a favor? This stuff is dangerous. Get it all out before you board the plane, ok? Could start a fire Mr. Bin-Laden, and we can't have that.
Ok. Have a great day.
YOU- Ms. Smith. With the baby. Over here. Just who told you that you could bring a bottle of formula on to a plane? Aren't you aware of the terrorist warnings? We may have to delay you lady while we check out your identity......
Item: President Obama criticizes breaches in US Security. WSJ here.