THREAT LEVELS

England has raised its security level to “critical”. That is the highest level, and in the wake of three attempted terrorist attacks, it makes sense.

The US will raising its security level to “Chartreuse” from “Mauve.”
Our colour coded system is designed to make things easier than the English, whose levels are a confusing set of words like “safe”; ‘elevated”: “high” and “critical”.
Who can understand that?

Our much easier system is based on slight deviations from the colours of the rainbow. Thus one merely needs to take the derivative of the colour from the basic colours of the rainbow, convert that colour to a simple number which can be obtained by taking the day of the week, and the prime number associated with that day. Then, simply multiply the first number by the second and you have a number that lets you know just how safe you really are.


Also, airport security measures will be increased.
Pursuant to FAA regulations when the security level is raised to “Mauve” (a derivative of blue- which is the fifth colour of the rainbow on a Saturday ( the 6th day of the week; the 6th prime number is 11) thus our security level has been raised to a 55 (5 x 11. see how easy that was?) “and the security level exceeds 50, any ‘non-Starbucks’ liquid shall not be allowed in the airport terminal.”

Only Café-Lattes and such until the threat eases off.


In other news, the Pope is reaching out to the Chinese.
Earlier this month, the Vatican released the ten commandments of driving, so that drivers would be more courteous and safe. See what’s going on here? There is clearly a problem with the Chinese food delivery service the Pope is experiencing and he wants changes (and a decent egg roll delivered quick, hot and fresh) now.


Despite the overwhelming rain storms, the Herald has teamed up with Channel 7 and Home Depot to warn that “despite the current excessive rain falls, only a series of category Five hurricanes which will devastate Miami, can save South Florida from the drought.”

Judge Seidlin’s problems
in Broward continue. The losing party in the Anna Nicole Smith case has declared that Seidlin “demanded an Apple I-Phone for each member of his family and said we had no chance unless he got the phones, fully loaded with songs, prior to the end of the case.”
Seidlin, who busy reviewing the 12 million dollar private island in the Caribbean that he claimed a group of lawyers “thoughtfully purchased for me and my family as a good-bye present” was unavailable for further comment.

(After reading the link to the Sun Sentinel story above, can anybody seriously explain to us why it took a letter from a Miami lawyer to get the Broward State attorney’s office to investigate? Don’t they read the newspaper?
“Mr. Satz, the Sun Sentinel is reporting the names of another 20 judges who have taken bribes.”
“Have we gotten any complaints yet?”
“No sir”
“Then what are you bothering me for?”)

Anyway, that’s the news as we see it on a wet and rainy Saturday. Opps, Homeland security just changed the threat level from Mauve to Indigo. Lets see….6 times 11….

See you in court Monday.