Monday, May 21, 2007


The Blog proudly presents the first adventure of JQC Rock, Judicial Investigator (JI).


[JQC Rock takes up the case of Third DCA Nominee Michael Hanzman and the article published by the Herald on Sunday which "revealed" that Hanzman used to belong to a private golf club that didn't have any women as members. ]

My name is Joe Quinton Carlton, but my friends call me Rock. That’s right, my initials are JQC. And I work for the city investigating Judges and prosecutors. My town is Miami, and I rarely have a free moment. My jurisdiction covers Judges and wannabes.

It was Sunday morning and my phone rang. My pillow still smelled of whisky. So did I.

It was a broad on the phone. You know, long legs, pouty lips, never quiet when you want them to be.
And she was my boss.

“Rock. You read the Herald yet?”
“No. But tell me anyway.”
“We got another body. Get over here right away.”

I showered and threw some day old coffee in the microwave.
My Old Chevy Impala coughed to life, and a few minutes later I was downtown.

There was a group standing around the paper. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Whatta we got?”
The kid next to me was new. Eager to make his bones on the squad, so he piped up: “Male. White. Well fed. Member of a private club. Was on the short list to serve on the Third DCA. But not anymore.”

I glanced over and read Fleishman’s article. I winced. It wasn’t pretty.
I walked away and wiped the sweat from my forehead

The Kid walked over to me: “You OK Rock?”
“Yeah, I seen this a hundred times. But you never get used to it. He had everything to live for. Successful lawyer. 8 Handicap golfer. Member of a swanky private club. Judicial nominee.”


"And then someone put a knife in his back. And bam! Just like that it’s over."
“Just like that. You got any ideas?”

I looked at the rookie and laughed. “Yeah kid. I got a few.”

“Like there are five other lawyers who benefited from this. And one of them handed Fleishman the story and knife. And he never saw it coming.”
The kid nodded “Never saw it coming.”

I put my hands on my hips. The Kid did the same. He coughed….”Say Rock, could I work this one with you?”

“You got the stomach for it kid? This is politics. This is murder. This is the 3rd DCA. It won’t be pretty. You think you can handle it?”

“I can’t get the picture of Hanzman with that knife sticking out of his back, out of my mind. Maybe if we catch the perp the image will go away.”
“You got a lot to learn to kid. The image never goes away. But…yeah. You can work this one with me.”

“What do we do first?”
“Like said, there’s five other lawyers on that list who benefited from that knife in Hanzman’s back. Lets start with the first one on the list….”
The kid pulled out a notepad and licked his pencil. ..

This is what I do. When lawyers or Judges go down, the City pays me to find the killer. That’s me: Joe Quinton Carlton. JQC,JI. But call me “Rock” .

Keep your eyes open for the further adventures of JQC Rock JI- Judicial Investigator.


Jay Fisher said...

Yeah. So?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Cute post - but way to long to make the point - someone, in the camp of another candidate, gave this information to Joanie. Who was it? Who knows....

Anonymous said...

When is this Blog going to focus on the need for Chief Judge Joe Farina to be removed, KFR to be arrested and BHB to just sleep eternally or something. Hello! The system is horrible with this individuals running it.

Anonymous said...

were there any women who "wanted to be a member "??? jeesh much ado about nothing,but hey thats what the masses like,right ???

Rat's Ass said...

jennifer bailey was mentioned too...for belonging to one of the last bastions of whitedom, the "Junior League".

didnt the 3DCA applicants disclose their memberships in discriminatory clubs themselves in their applications. they "outed" themselves for cripes sake. who gives a rats ass that joanne fleischmann wrote it up in section A.

the only thing is...they never thought the disclosures would see the light of day past the JNC meetings and backroom vetting.

Rump, put your skilled pen to writing about the hypocracy of 3DCA candidates belonging to discriminatory organizations and clubs.

or do you have a dog in this fight, Rump?

RMN said...

Hey your Rumpness, great attempt at trying to divert the attention from the real story to who let the cat out of the bag. Either it's an important fact that a cannidate for the 3rd belongs to an exclusionary club based on gender or it's not. If it is, and I think that it is, then who brought this salient fact to the light of day should be commended. If it's not why care. Did Mr. Hanzman resign from this club when he found out about it's practices? No! It was only when he decided to cash in the " I gave alot of $ to the Republican party" chip and try to become an appellate Judge that he renounced his affiliation. It's not like he was a club member in the past and learned of it's discriminatory practices and left. No Mr. Hanzman quit only after realizing it would be a political hot potato and would harm his chances of being selected by the Governor. If it is wrong now it's always been wrong. I wonder why you of all people the self proclaimed defender of the down trodden would seek to help the oppressor. Can you really believe that this is just a tempest in a teapot? Sorry for the cliche. These are the precise things that people are judged by. Their convictions, behavior, and morals. Two out of three aint good enough. Keep the spotlight on the shadows, dont let those in power get away with the improper exercise of that power. Question authority, admit nothing, deny everything.

Calvin Borel said...

Rumor has it on the down low that the real beneficiary of all this Hanzman nonsense is one Eduardo Sanchez. Look for him, like Street Sense, to make a move from the back of the pack and end up winning the "run for the roses".

Hyman Roth said...

There was this kid I grew up with - he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me - you know. We did our first work together - worked our way out of the street and into court. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition - we ran molasses into Canada - made a fortune - you father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him - and trusted him. Later on he had an idea - to become a prosecutor in a hot southern city- a stop-over for Cubans on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Jay Novick - and the city he invented was Miami. This was a great man - a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque - or a signpost - or a statue of him in that town! Someone ran him out of the Stte Attorneys Office!!!!!

No one knows who gave the order - when I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Jay - I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up missing - I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen - I didn't ask who gave the order - because it had nothing to do with business!

Jay Novick Corleone said...

"it was you Kathy....You broke my heart...you broke my heart!!!!"

(kisses Kathy on the lips and pushes her head away)

Anonymous said...

Michael Corleone: I saw a strange thing today. Some rebels were being arrested. One of them was a prosecutor. He pulled the pin on a grenade. He took himself and the captain of the command with him. Now, soldiers are paid to fight; the rebels aren't.

Hyman Roth: What does that tell you?

Michael Corleone: It means those prosecutors are a comitted bunch a loons.

Anonymous said...

I just vant to be left alone.

fake former judge jon colby said...

If I could only live to see it, to be there with you. What I wouldn't give for you to have twenty years on the 3rd DCA!

Here we are, protected, free to make our profits and donate money to the right party. without, the goddamn Miami Herald and Joan Fleischman. ninety miles away, in partnership with a friendly golf club. Ninety miles! It's nothing!
Just one small step, looking for a man who wants to be an appeals court judge, and having the cash to make it possible.

Michael, we're bigger than U.S. Steel.

fake ted mastos said...

(chomp) (chomp) (smack) smack) now just wait a minute here...all this goomba stuff is outta line. (chomp chomp...smack smack).

Luca Brasi said...

Luca Brasi: Don Hanzman, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your investiture ... on the date of your investiture. And I hope your first clerk be a masculine clerk. I pledge my ever-ending loyalty

Jack Woltz said...

Jack Woltz:

Michael Hanzman never gets that seat. That seat is perfect for him, it'll make him a big star, and I'm gonna run him out of the business - and let me tell you why: Hanzman ruined one of Woltz International's most valuable legal interns. For five years we had her under training - voire dire lessons, opening lessons, closing lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on her, I was gonna make her a big litigator.

And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, and that it's not all dollars and cents: She was beautiful; she was young; she was innocent. She was the greatest litigator I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world. And then Michael Hanzman comes along with his gifilta fish voice and class action cases charm, and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous!

And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!

Mario Puzo said...

Woltz "Why didn't you say you worked for Colby, Tom? I thought you were just some cheap, two-bit hustler Hanzman was running in trying to bluff me?"

Tom Hagen: "I don't like to use his name unless it's really necessary."

"Mr. Colby is Hanzman's rabbi. To the Jewish an people, that's a very religious, sacred, close relationship."

Woltz: ...just tell him he should ask me anything else. But this is one favor I can't give him.

Hagen: Colby never asks a second favor when he's been refused the first, understood?

Woltz: You don't understand. Michael Hanzman never gets that seat on the third DCA. It is perfect for him. It'll make him a big star. And I'm gonna run him out of the business, and let me tell you why...

Anonymous said...

i just did extensive research and judge Rosa Rodriguez too is not in compliance and should not be practicing our "noble" science. I will report on others soon. My name is Paul Revere

Anonymous said...

Regarding this 3DCA appointment or lack thereof. Same thing happened to a southern district federal judge who tried for the 11th circuit. can you name him RUMPOLE the know it all?

Anonymous said...

It seems another of KFR's attorneys may be headed to da pokey. Since da pokey have mostly black and hispanic clientele I thought I might offer some help to the future incarcerees to make the transition. Here are some YOUR MAMA jokes to ingratiate yourselves to your new future friends and perhaps avoid becoming someone's bitch. 1. Your mama is so fat: she jumped in the air and got stuck, 2.she went to a restaurant and asked the waiter for an estimate, 3. nobody laughed when she fell off the roof but the ground cracked up, 4.Your mama is so stupid she bought a glass door with a peephole in it.5. she is so greasy she uses bacon as a bandaid. she is so hairy she has dreadlocks on her back.she is so skinny she has to wear skis in the shower so she does not wash down the drain.

Anonymous said...

as the groucho once said: I don't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member- or something like that.What I would like to know is that when dozens of qualified lawyers apply for a judicial vacancy does the person who gets appointed a. give the best head b. have the most money c.have naked pictures of people on the committee with farm animals d.went to an ivy league school or knows someone in the administration e.has a hot wife who gives good head.I have an enquiring mind and I would like to know.

THE GODFATHER of the JQC said...

Mike Hanzman for 3rd DCA? He deserves it. His best friend and consigliere Judge Jonathan Colby (who was selected by the 3rd DCA JNC last time around) make too much money as star lawyers and there is too much jealousy among all of you hacks out there. Hanzman and Colby literally have each made about $100 million in the last 5 years between the Cuba verdicts and all of the class action cases that they tried together. They are too good to serve as judges, but they still want to give back. that is admirable. The Governor should jump to appoint these "good fellas." With the hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have contributed to the republican party, they could get appointed as ambassadors and not be bothered by JEALOUS JOAN FLEISCHMAN. Gov. Crist, Rumpole and Judge Shuminer -
I implore you as a friend - let's get JUDGE HANZMAN appointed already and stop this nonsense. aren't we tired of all of these "mommy judges" who leave to go pick up their kids at 1pm, Judges who are mean and have no patience and worse yet, the judge who at maximum has 5% of Michael Hanzman's intellect?

Tessio said...

Rump - can you verify whether Hanzman and Joan are meeting at Jack Dempsey's Restaurant tonight? - tell him to try the veal, I hear it's the best in the city.

Rumpole said...

The Federal Judge who was nominated by who's name was not sent for confirmation after GHWBush was beaten by Clinton was none other than now Chief Judge Federico Moreno.

Also another federal Judge's nomination to the 11th circuit was tubed because of membership in a private club. His name was ............?

I did not post the article about a lawyer fighting with Janet Reno because it made a sexual orientation slur against another lawyer than has nothing to do with this and is minding his own business. Try again.

Sonny Corleone said...

I want someone very very good putting that gun in the bathroom. If my brother Jon Colby goes into that bathroom, I don't want him coming out just with his di*k in his hands. You got that?

Now, Colby look at me. One shot to the head. Each of them. Ba da bing! Then drop the gun, and walk outside the restaurant. We'll be out there in the car.

fake tom risivy said...

The blog is funnier than its been in weeks!!! Love the Godfather stuff. And love Rump's new detective JQC Rock. Very funny.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of double standards where can I. a man, join Jenniffer Bailey's Junior Leaugue?

Anonymous said...

Rumpole, the answer to your question is Ryskamp in West Palm Beach. He belonged to a country club that barred blacks and hispanics. And I think he refused to revoke his membership??

Anonymous said...

The Judge: Kenneth Ryskamp
The Club: Riviera Country Club

Batman said...

Oh Rumpole, you date us all. The federal judge whose nomination to the U.S. 11th Circuit Court of Appeals was KENNETH RYSKAMP.

Anonymous said...

Rumpole you ,sir are a bottom feeding maggot!

Anonymous said...

He was Kenneth Ryskamp, who was torched from the Eleventh because he was a member of then-exclusionary Riviera.

Subsequently, in a payback, Gables lawyer Charles "Bud" Stack, a Clinton bigwig, was nominated to the Eleventh and also got torched, also partly because of Riviera membership.

fake clemenza said...

Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.

Anonymous said...

godfather of the jqc wrote @ 1:59
"Gov. Crist, Rumpole and Judge Shuminer -
I implore you as a friend - let's get JUDGE HANZMAN appointed already and stop this nonsense."

i had no idea that rumpole or judge shuminer appointed the 3DCA judges. is this true?

Anonymous said...

Sung to the tune of "I shot the Sheriff" - Chris and the Lombanas sing a latinized version of "I Shot the Hanzman", Next line: "but I swear in it was in my interest"

Anonymous said...

Hector (the Godfather of CABA) calls his favorite politician Paul Huck, Jr. (the consigliere of the Governor of Florida):

Lombana: Hey remember that favor you asked of me last year? You know that one where I got your wife what she wanted, even though she did not earn it and I had no respect for her. I had to use a lot of muscle and took a real hit in the papers. Well now it is time for you to repay your debt for my service to you.

Huck, Jr.: I don't know what you are talking about. I really resent you Cubanos calling up to Tallahassee telling me how to run my business.

Lombana: Hey you, nobody talks to me like that. I am making you an offer you cannot refuse. Chris Schuminer gets this seat at the 3rd DCA or bad things are going to happen.

Huck, Jr.: Just remember July is coming and my boss who is the boss of bosses in this state can fire your ass and take you right off that JNC , so don't try to intimidate me. What are ya gonna do? We don't owe you oyes nothin'.

Lombana: Yeah, we'll just see about that. You just do as I ask or it will be a real war. I don't want to know nothin' about this Hanzman guy. I got the goods on him. I'll take of that problem. Just repay the debt you owe. Then yuz can do whatever you want.

Huck, Jr.: I'll talk to the boss, but I can't promise nuttin.

Lombana: Don't disappoint me.

Kwai Chang Caine said...

Me thinks you are all looking under the wrong rock. The party to whom all of this will innure is not a sittting Judge but rather the next person in line to get the seat. who wields the power, not locally, in Tallahassee? Who can sway our Governor? Some local hack or some one higher up in the food chain? Getting out of the JNC is one thing, having the juice to close the deal is another. Emas and Shuminer don't have the clout. Now Hanzman has an anchor. Who's left standing? Bailey, Salter, and Sanchez. It is among these three that you will find your answer grasshopper.

Thge Buggles said...

It's video killed the radio star you neanderthal.

Anonymous said...

Whats all the hoopla about Judge Rothenberg publically says she hates gays but gets the 3DCA slot.

If she can advance anyone can. Although with JBush gone maybe just maybe the selection might get just a tad bit better. NOT!

Anonymous said...

To 11:32p.m: Judge Rosa Rodriguez is a member in good standing of the Florida Bar. As a CIRCUIT JUDGE she is CLER EXEMPT and is not eligible to practice law. The last time I saw her she was on the bench carrying out her duties as a circuit judge. She does not practice law, Genius.

Anonymous said...

Is it true that KFR is running for governor? Since she has such good control of the SAO, I think she is perfect to control our borders and our orange groves.

Anonymous said...

Is Spicoli on vacation?

Justin Wilson said...

David Duke for the 3rd DCA. I Garontee!!

Mr. Rogers said...

Where o where has Mike Hanzmzn gone o where o where can he be?

with his aspirations cut short and his troble so long

O where O where can he be?

Anonymous said...

what will bruce fleisher do for income now that the wheel has been smashed? maybe the abed one will hire him for something.......

Anonymous said...

jack(ass) thompson has a bar complaint matter. judge tunis is presiding over the matter. she is doing her usual fine job of staying calm even when he acts up. i hope she slams him if the evidence is there.

Anonymous said...

You all like to rant and rave on KFR. I happen to think is one of the greatest assets Miami has to offer. The Voters agreed with me since 1990 that she is great!

Pick on someone else you losers!

Rumpole said...


Dirk Diggler said...


Anonymous said...

Hector (the Godfather) receives a visit from Christina (Little Chris) Schuminer:

Godfather Hector: Hey Little Chris, como estas?

Little Chris: I'm fine Godfather. Could you put that Big Mac down for a minute. I'm worried.

Godfather Hector: What's wrong mi nina linda. Come to Daddy and tell him what is wrong?

Little Chris: It is this 3rd DCA thing. It is a great job and I want it so bad, but the guy making the decisions in Tallahassee wants to give the job to someone else. (Chris begins to cry.)

Godfather Hector: Stop that for God's sake. You are a judge. Act like one. Act like you are powerful. Don't you worry about this guy in Tallhassee. We did him a favor last year. He owes us. I have already made him an offer he can't refuse and I have taken care of the Hanzman guy that you are so worried about.

Little Chris: Oh Godfather, thank you. You are the best.

Godfather Hector: Haven't I always taken care of you? And that is despite the fact that you are married to that schmuck Shumie.

Little Chris: Oh I feel so much better now. I think I'll go shopping.

Godfather Hector: Have fun. Go spend all of the schmucks money. Now let me get back to my Big Mac.

Anonymous said...

Common practice for the political flaks to hire "investigators" to dig the dirt on opponnets and potential opponents. This practice has spread to appointed judicial posts on all levels. However, I do believe that the question is simply asked on the application and that Hanzman answered. The important thing here is that the appointment process is just about as sickening as the elective process. Della