WOOPS

 Our Judge of the day is Judge Hank Newkirk of Georgia and you can see what he did to merit blog mention.

Let's be honest. How many of you robed readers have ever wanted to do this? 

DAVID WEED HAS PASSED AWAY

 David Weed, a fixture in the Miami-Dade Public Defender's Office for decades, and who trained generations of attorneys in Miami, has passed away. 

You couldn't work in the REGJB in the 1980s, 90s, or the early 2000's without coming across David in some manner, either in the PDs office, or the in Courthouse, where being a supervisor and second in command to Bennett Brummer did not stop him from going to court most days- a trait we rarely see in supervisors these days, who rarely deign to get their hands dirty. 

David devoted his career to the Miami PDs office, providing representation to the indigent, and providing the first guiding hand to legions of young attorneys. He has been missed since he retired, and we are sad to report that he has passed away. There will be no funeral service, but for those that knew him and his family, his wife and children will be holding a celebration of his life. 

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

It's time for everyone's favourite game, FUN WITH THE DADE COUNTY JAIL! 

From time to time, the genius- jokers at the jail like to have a little fun while they do their job. This email was forwarded to us by several alert readers: 

Good afternoon,

Was wondering what everyone’s experience recently has been trying to get into the jail to meet with a prospective client prior to being retained?

I’ve been at Pretrial getting the runaround because I’m not attorney of record. They claim that I need to file an NOA prior to even having a retainer signed. They also say that I would file the NOA, have the client taken to court and asked by the judge if he wants me as his lawyer.

This is the most bizarre explanation I’ve ever gotten for something like this.

So now the good people at the Jail are happily providing us criminal defense attorneys some valuable practice tips. Get a call to see a potential client at the jail? It's so easy. 1- file an NOA without being retained or even having met the client; 2- Ask corrections to bring the client to court. 3-11- return to court until corrections actually brings the client. 12- Have the potential client tell the judge that yes, they would be interested in speaking with you, 13- if you're not hired, file a motion to withdraw. 

A big thank you to the people at the jail for making our working lives so very easy.

TROPICAL STORM ERIN

TS Erin is churning through the Atlantic with a path that looks to bring it right into Miami somewhere between 3rd and 14th streets in South Beach. But not to worry! After Doge budget cuts, the National Weather Service has been reduced to two guys named Sal and Ralph working out of a room in an illegal efficiency in Hialeah. But fear not, Ralph, in his own words "watched a s%itload of TV weather reports over the last few years while driving for Uber", and Sal got "solid B's in science while getting an associates degree at MDCC last year." So we are in good hands, and both Ralph and Sal think that Erin is going to "sorta like, umm, you know, turn away..." from Florida and South Beach before making landfall. Whew. Close call. 

FEDS MAKE ARREST OF VIOLENT CRIME IN DC 

As you know, the military is thankfully patrolling the streets of our violent capitol trying to keep innocent citizens safe. But as we all know being a police officer is a dangerous job, and danger reared it's ugly head yesterday when a federal agent, according to the NY Times, was "assaulted with a sandwich." 

Sometimes we have to report the cold hard facts of crime on this blog. This is no laughing matter. The sandwich was a foot-long  sub, which as we all know qualifies for a two point enhancement under the federal guidelines, because as the guidelines continually state, "size matters."  The sandwich had hot sauce and pickles (2d1.4 Condiment Enhancement),  had been toasted and had melted cheese (2d1.5 Hot Sandwich enhancement), and was hurled at the officer before it had been paid for, (2D1.6 Theft Of Food Enhancement).

    The Officer was treated at the scene and released, whereupon he ordered a six inch Italian special (with chips, soda and a cookie for $11.99) and enjoyed a quite dinner while the suspect was processed and transported.  

Enough is enough we say. First it is sandwiches being thrown at federal agents, then Big Macs, and now we are marching down the road to wilding youths grabbing pizza slices and tossing them at innocent people. And if the slice has been rated an 8.0 or higher by Dave Portnoy ("One bite, everyone knows the rules"), then we are right on the edge of anchovy anarchy. 

YOLKI-PALKI

 "Yolki-Palki" a common Russian phrase that loosely translates into holy-moly! 

Last week or so we tangled with some of the egg-heads who participate in Mr. Markus's federal blog ("nerding out on the minutiae of federal law since the early 2000's")  on the effects of Pacer being hacked. "Oh my, oh my goodness, the sky is falling" were the basic comments of Mr. Markus's readers, who take attorney/client privilege and security very seriously. 

"Relax Francis" was our street-wise retort, telling the worrywarts that the sky wasn't falling and it was no big deal if the hackers got ahold of Mr.  Markus's Gen Z pleadings where he eschews the opening "Comes Now" introduction that we refuse to let fade into history.

Well now comes news that Russia hacked Pacer, and things are much clearer. 

This is how we imagine it went down circa 2022. 

Putin: Comrade, what do ve make of these charges against Comrade Trump? Is he in trouble or can he retake the presidency as I very much want to winter in Crimea next year. 

FSB Agent Ivanovich: It seems Comrade president for life that much of Trump's fate is tied up with this judge Cannon of Florida. 

Putin: Vhat do ve know about her?

FSB: Not much Comrade leader for enternity, however we are putting into place Operation Ivanka and are going to hack the American's court system. 

Putin: How long vill dat take? 

FSB: Not very long Comrade enlightened leader of all including the Ukraine. The Americans foolishly are using, you are not going to believe this, but a Russian company's security system for their court files. 

Putin: As Comrade Vladimir Illych Ulyanov Lenin famously said, the capitalists vill sell the rope used to hang them. 

FSB: That is right Comrade friend of the people, so we will hack the Americans and find out all we can about this Judge called Cannon and then we will update you on Comrade Trump. 

Putin: Very good Comrade, and while you're at it, find out why this American Lawyer Markus flouts all conventions in his pleadings. He is a dangerous one this Markus. 

....

And so there you have it. The Russians have access to our legal documents. And just what are they going to do with them? It's not like they are undermining the independence of the Federal Reserve, reversing decades long of medical advances on vaccines, and making our Bureau of Labor statistics publicize false data on the economy. 

So not to worry. 

Yolki-Palki

Do Svidaniya Comrade Lawyers. 

(As near as we can tell there is no truth federal courts will be closed November 7 to mark the successful October Revolution of 1927.)

 

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

 JUDGES, OPINIONS, AND WHY THE ROBE ISN’T A MUZZLE

Let’s get something clear right off the bat: judges are not robots. They don’t just press F1 on the keyboard and out comes a court order (although Chat GBT is changing this). They read (supposedly). They reflect and genuflect. They wrestle with consequences. And they are, whether they admit it or not, influenced by their lived experiences, their judicial philosophies, and—dare we say it—their personal sense of justice.

So why do so many judicial orders read like they were ghostwritten by HAL 9000?

Here’s the thing: judges are not legislators. Legislators make law. Judges apply it. But in applying it, they are interpreting it. And interpretation is inherently personal. The law isn’t math; it’s a messy, evolving ecosystem of words, history, precedent, and policy. When judges pretend that their rulings are devoid of personal perspective, they’re either lying to us—or to themselves.

Which brings us to the point: judges need to include their personal views of the law in their orders. Not because we need to know what they had for breakfast or how they vote. But because transparency is the bedrock of trust. When a judge decides a close case—when they weigh constitutional principles, public safety, rehabilitation, or freedom—they owe it to the litigants, the lawyers, and the public to explain why they ruled the way they did.

Not just “because the law says so.” But because they, the person we entrusted with the robe and the power of the state, believe that this is the right application of justice.

Hiding behind phrases like “the plain meaning of the statute” or “binding precedent compels” does nothing to further justice when the case is a toss-up and precedent cuts both ways. Give us the reasoning. Give us the context. Give us the thought process. That’s what being a judge means.

Judges are paid to be thoughtful. To be courageous. To stand apart from political tides and call balls and strikes when the crowd is screaming for a walk-off homer. If we wanted algorithmic neutrality, we’d let ChatGPT decide suppression motions (though, honestly, some of us would take that trade).

So next time you issue an order, Judge, don’t just tell us what you ruled—tell us why. Show us the struggle. Show us your voice. That’s not activism. That’s authenticity. And in this business, it’s all we’ve got.

DOVER BEACH

 Some poetry to grace your muggy summer weekend. If you have a poem for us to post on a weekend, please email us. 

We often whisper the words of the last stanza as we rise to face a jury for closing argument. 

Dover Beach, by Matthew Arnold. 

The sea is calm tonight.

The tide is full, the moon lies fair

Upon the straits; on the French coast the light

Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,

Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.

Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!

Only, from the long line of spray

Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,

Listen! you hear the grating roar

Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,

At their return, up the high strand,

Begin, and cease, and then again begin,

With tremulous cadence slow, and bring

The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago

Heard it on the Ægean, and it brought

Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow

Of human misery; we

Find also in the sound a thought,

Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith

Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore

Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.

But now I only hear

Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,

Retreating, to the breath

Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear

And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.

REMEMBERING SY GAER

The only thing missing is his little black book. 

 Sy Gaer, a legendary REGJB lawyer, perhaps THE legendary REGJB lawyer, passed away today in 2007.  It’s good that we remember him. As Roy Black, no stranger to legendary status himself told the Wall Street Journal (yeah they reported Sy’s passing!) Sy was a dinosaur from a time when lawyers didn’t run to the prosecutors office to beg for a plea. “He wasn’t afraid to try a case” said Roy, opining that was the greatest compliment you could bestow on a criminal defense attorney.  

For those of you Gen Zers, here is a brief glimpse into Sy’s shtick. 

ASA: We are moving to revoke the defendant’s bond. Since his first case, he’s been arrested and bonded out two more times in the last two weeks. 

Sy: If that isn’t the clearest evidence of police harassment I don’t know what is. 

——-

Sy: I’m here today in court to prevent a tragedy occurring for this poor child. 

Judge : How old is your client ?

Sy: 23 

Judge: Your client is no child. 

Sy: I have suits older than her 

……

We could go on and on. But Sy was no buffoon as generations of young prosecutors found out again and again.  He was sharp in trial and he connected with jurors. He knew the law, believe it or not. True he didn’t take depositions. But he read the FLW every week, although he would never admit it. 

One longtime REGJB lawyer tells the story of when he was an ASA, Sy showing up for a drug trafficking case, “borrowing” a legal pad and proceeding to kick his butt in trial. 

Sy was more than a lawyer or as some would say a caricature of a lawyer.  He was Marine who was in the legendary Korean War battle at the Chosin Reservior.  Like many war veterans, it was not something he ever spoke about.  He also was a published author. He wrote pulp fiction novels in the 1970s. If anyone has one, please please contact us  

Sy had a good heart. He would talk to anyone, give advice when asked, buy  a poor ASA or PD a drink or dinner at the Alibi lounge after work, and throw a struggling defense attorney a case when they needed help. He was a legend in our building and remains in our heart. He was a good man and we miss him most every day we walk into the courthouse. 

Here is the article Susannah Nesmith wrote about Sy when she was a crusading journalist for the Herald. 

SUMMER DOLDRUMS

 It is August and things have slowed to crawl. Perhaps you have not been able to get away. Lack of planning. Agreeing in February to set that murder case for August? Whatever the reason you, unlike us, are stuck in Miami. Maybe this will help. 

Summer Reading: 

1) The Admirals, by Walter Borneman. There were four admirals awarded an unprecedented fifth star during WWII. Who were they?  The sad part of this is that even we gave your run-of-the-mill DeSantis drone robe wearer, a few clues, we doubt 98% of them could identify the men and their roles. For the record, the admirals receiving a fifth star Admiral of the Fleet, were Nimitz. Halsey, King, and Leahy. Name the one that commanded a battle group in WWII. "Umm...this is not what I thought this would be, I thought we would talking about original intent of the framers."  

You're right, it was a trick question. While Halsey was most known for holding the line in 1941 when all that stood between Japan and California was the Enterprise, Lexington, and Saratoga, who were all at sea during the attack, and later commanding the fleet at the controversial Battle of Leyte Gulf, Nimitz had a sea command in the North Atlantic before the Pearl Harbor attack required Roosevelt to replace Admiral....? Anyon? Bueller? Anyone? Admiral Husband Kimmel who was in charge when Pearl was attacked. 

The least well known, and most influential of the group was William Leahy, who had recently retired before the war started. Roosevelt recalled him to active duty and put Leahy in charge of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Leahy became a close confident of FDR and was rarely not at his side during all of WWII. He wielded tremendous influence over the conduct of the war. 

2) The Black Swan Mystery, by Tetsuya Ayukawa. Written and published in Japan in 1960, this is a post-war "film-noir" type of simple yet expertly written murder mystery that satisfies on a beach day. It's been re-released and available on Amazon. 

So what else is going on? 

There's some controversy over Sydney Sweeney and also the firing of the head of the Bureau of Labor statistics after she posted revised employment numbers last week showing the economy had actually lost nearly 260,000 jobs in May and June. We are not sure if the two controversies are related. What exactly is Ms. Sweeney doing wrong? (And for that matter, who is she?) Of more note is the remarkable move of firing an expert for reporting the truth. 

"Mr. President, a category five hurricane is bearing down on Florida and we expect catastrophic damage." 

"Who said that?" 

"Well, uhh, the chief meteorologist of the National Weather Service." 

"They're fired. That's Biden-Obama propaganda."  

There are all sorts of applications for the novel idea of ignoring reality.

"Hey honey how was your checkup?"

"Bad. The doctor said I gained twenty pounds and needed to start on mounjaro." 

"Oh, well, you have looked a little heavy. And you haven't been working out as much."

"Nah. I'm just going to switch doctors. It is so much easier. Want Five-Guys for dinner?"

And on and on it could go, until the economy collapses, the environment collapses, the guy eating another burger and fries collapses while walking up a broken escalator at the REGJB. 

Enjoy Your Summer. 

AFORMS

Several alert readers forwarded us this missive on a local email listserv we are enjoined from mentioning by name:

 After a brief, shining moment when a-forms were readily available, the Clerk’s Office has gone dark.  It’s close to impossible to get an arrest affidavit in a timely manner.  Does anyone know what’s going on?

The biggest problem for this lawyer was not coming to us first. We have all the answers. 

Call the clerk's office. Duh. Here's what you will experience. 

"Welcome to the Dade County Clerk's office. Please listen carefully as the options have changed. For location press 1. For Court calendars press 2. To obtain arrest reports or documents from files press 3...

3... Welcome to the Dade County Clerk's office. Please listen carefully as ....3  Welcome to the Dade County...3# .... You have pressed 3. To quickly obtain copies (laughter in background) hey stop it I'm making a recording. To quickly obtain copies of an arrest report please press 9 (loud laughter in the background "hey nine ends the call idiot..." ) 9# You have selected 9 if you are done please hang up. To return to the prior selection please press 2222. 2222# To quickly obtain copies of an arrest report please press 9 (loud laughter in the background "hey nine ends the call idiot...") no, wait, press 7, sorry about that. 7# 

You have pressed 7 and want to obtain an arrest report. To verify your selection please press 12. #12.  You have pressed 12, verifying your selection of 7, requesting an arrest report. Please be advised that arrest reports are public records. To verify your identity, please enter or say you date of birth, using the European System. For example if you were born on July 1, 1980, please say one, July, 1980, or using your phone keypad enter 01, 07, 1980. Once having entered your date of birth, please enter your blood type. Using the keypad you may enter zero for O, and then 1 for O-positive or 2 for O negative, 4 for A, then 1 for A positive or 2 for A negative. If your blood type is AB please enter 9 and end the call.  After entering your blood type, using your touchtone keypad, please enter the case number of the arrest report you want, adding the sum of the last two digits for the year and multiplying by 2. For example, if you wanted a case from 2025, 2 plus 5 equals seven. Seven multiplied by two is fourteen, so you would enter a 1 and then 4. Please then say or enter the remaining numbers in the case number backwards. So if the case number was 24356 you would say 65342. Once you have entered all the information, you may obtain an emailed copy of the arrest report by calling this number, entering 666 followed by the pound sign, and then using your keypad, enter your email address where  A,B,V is 1, C,D,W is 2, E,F,X is 3, G,H,Y is 4, I,J,Y is 5, K,L,Z is 6, M,N,P is 7, O,Q,S is 7, R,T is 8, and U is 9. 

Please note the clerk's office cannot send emails to Gmail, AOL, or servers using Outlook. 

Thank you for calling the Dade County Clerk's Office. Please stay on the line for a short 35 minute customer service satisfaction survey. " 

So getting an A Form from the clerk's office has NEVER been easier. Next time you have an issue, please reach out to the blog first. 

WE'RE NUMBER ONE ..... & MATTHEWMAN IS CHIEF .....

THE CAPTAIN REPORTS:

DEATH IS DIFFERENT .......

On Thursday, Florida executed Edward Zakrkewski, age 60, for killing his wife and his two children. He was the ninth person put to death in Florida this year, breaking the record for the most executions in our state in one year since the U.S. Supreme Court restored the death penalty in 1976.  The good news (for those of you who are proponents of the death penalty) is that Governor DeSantis still has five months left in 2025 to extend his record.

In fact, DeathSantis has already signed two more Death Warrants for August. Florida has scheduled the execution of Kayle Bates on August 19 and of Curtis Windom on August 28. Florida executed two men in July, including Zakrkewski.  If he keeps up this pace of two executions per month, Florida will have executed 19 inmates by the end of the year, 11 more than any other year.  Texas and South Carolina are a distant second - they have each executed four this year.

Florida uses a three-drug cocktail to carry out the death sentence: a sedative, a paralytic, and a drug that stops the heart.

Attorneys for Zakrkewski filed numerous appeals in an attempt to stay the execution. They cited Zakrkewski’s military service in the Air Force as well as the fact that the jury voted 7-5 for death. Under current state law, he would not have received the death penalty.

If you are a criminal defense attorney and have an interest in handling Death Penalty cases, you will need to take a death penalty seminar. The two most popular seminars in Florida include:

1. Death is Different. Sponsored by FACDL, the statewide organization hosts this seminar over two days every March.

2. Life Over Death. Sponsored by the Florida Public Defender’s Association, the seminar will be held on September 4 - 5, 2025, in Charlotte Harbor, Florida. You can register for the seminar by going here:  

MATTHEWMAN IS CHIEF .....

Let’s end the week on a more positive note.  Longtime readers know that attorney Bill Matthewman was one of us for a long time. He began his career as a police officer. He eventually went to law school at the University of Florida, graduating in 1983. If recollection serves me correctly, Judges Scott Bernstein and Jonathan Colby were both in Matthewman’s graduating law school class. 

For 29 years, Matthewman was a lawyer, one of the best in South Florida, spending much of his time as a criminal defense attorney. One of his most famous cases was the last case he tried to a jury, here at the GJB, in 2012. In that case, his client was Adam Kaufman, a real estate developer from Aventura who was accused of murdering his wife. The case received heavy media coverage, and Court TV covered the case, gavel to gavel. The case was dubbed “the spray tan murder case” because Matthewman’s initial defense was that Kaufman’s wife may have died from an allergic reaction to a full-body spray tan.  Matthewman dug further and discovered that Lina Kaufman had actually died as a result of an undiagnosed heart condition, myocarditis.  The jury found Kaufman not guilty. Six weeks after the trial, Matthewman accepted an appointment as a United States Magistrate Judge in the Southern District of Florida.

On Friday, July 25, Matthewman rose to Chief Magistrate Judge, taking over for retiring Judge Jonathan Goodman. Best of luck, Judge Matthewman, although we know you won’t need it.

CAPTAIN OUT .......
Captain4Justice@gmail.com

SO, YOU WANT TO BE A JUDGE .....

THE CAPTAIN REPORTS:

SO, YOU WANT TO BE A CIRCUIT OR COUNTY COURT JUDGE?

Governor DeSantis signed SB 2508 into law, effective July 1, 2025. It creates several new seats on the Circuit Court and County Court benches in the 11th Judicial Circuit.

The 11th JNC is now requesting applicants to fill one Circuit Court seat and two County Court seats.

Applications must be received by 5:00 pm on Friday, August 22, 2025, as follows:

The “Judicial Appointment Application 2025” may be downloaded in pdf and word format at:

https://www.flgov.com/eog/info/judicial/applications

A redacted pdf of the application must be mailed to each member of the JNC at:

•     jsuarez@continentalpllc.com

•     jrichardson@hsmpa.com

•     jnc@pedroallende.com

•     sdimond@dkrpa.com

•     rfernandez@rhflawfirm.com

•     gmiguel@miamidade.gov

•     walter.harvey@dadeschools.net

•     haydenjnc@gmail.com

•     epedrosa@jonesday.com

If you are chosen for an in-person interview, they are tentatively scheduled to take place on September 9. The JNC could send as many as 18 separate names to the Governor for his consideration for the three new seats.

Good luck.

CAPTAIN OUT .......
Captain4Justice@gmail.com

TIME TO GO AWAY

 IT’S TOO DAMN HOT

There comes a time in every Miami lawyer’s summer when the seersucker suit starts to suffocate, the courthouse AC wheezes in protest, and the iced cafecito sweats faster than your last cross-exam under Judge Thomas's stare. That time, dear readers, is now.

It is too damn hot.

Like “sixth circle of Hialeah hell” hot.

 Like “I just saw a bailiff fry an egg on the sidewalk of the REGJB” hot. 

The kind of heat that makes the parking lot at 1351 look like the surface of Mercury and has the usual suspects at the PD’s office fantasizing about taking depositions in Reykjavik.

A few seasoned attorneys have the right idea: briefcases packed, auto-replies set, and they’re already in the mountains of North Carolina or sipping something chilled in the south of France (because appellate extensions taste better with Bordeaux). The rest of you? You trudge from courtroom to courtroom, dodging puddles of sweat and pretending that polyester is “lightweight.”

And yet—despite the melting faces and scorched tempers—justice, like that one AC on the seventh floor grinds on. Judges still bang gavels, ASA’s still offer pleas no one wants except victims, and some poor civil lawyer without a vacay airbnb on the Cape is still trying to schedule a depo in August.

So here’s your legal tip of the week: File that continuance. Reset that depo. Put the jacket in storage. And if your case isn’t first up on the calendar, maybe—just maybe—get out of Dodge. Let the courthouse bake. It’ll still be here in September.

Yours in sunscreen and sanity,

Rumpole

P.S. If anyone sees Judge De La O who is everywhere, covering everyone (but no longer an admin Judge) in robes and flip-flops again, please send photos. The people demand transparency. 

BIG BITES

Topic: Being a summer intern at big law bites.  

No, this is not the expected expose on summer legal internships: "Hey, get me an iced, cafe latte with organic coconut milk and Indonesian beans in a non-plastic cup and re-scan the Penske file..."

When dog bites man....yawn. When summer intern bites lawyers...legal blogs spring into action!

A summer intern from Big Law Sidley Austin has been let go for repeatedly biting lawyers in the firm this summer.

Yeah, that's not a sentence we ever thought we'd be writing (like "And then the judge said, 'dinner is on me' and grabbed the check.") 

Side note: How do the lawyers say their firm name with a straight-face? The firm's name sounds like a pre-school on the Upper East Side: "Sidley Austin, where Manhattan toddlers go for UES enrichment and fun since 1992."

Pedestrianly named "The Big Law Biter" (Yawn) by the usual collection of legal blogs who have no imagination, this is how it's being reported at Above The Law: (motto: "Not the Justice Building Blog, but we try")

According to insiders at the firm, pretty much from the start of the summer, the Biglaw Biter started chomping away at other employees at Sidley Gnaw-stin — not in an aggressive, “we’re beefing” way, but more of a faux-quirky manic pixie dream girl crossed with the Donner party vibe. But like, you’re in NYC for the summer — if you want to get your kicks by biting people, there are more consensual ways to do it.

The final chomp-count is thought to be in the double digits — which is an awfully long time for the nibbling to continue. 

There's more to the story. The intern is reported to have committed a faux pas by ordering a $2,000 bottle of wine at a partner's dinner. But the report does not say whether the indiscretion was ordering a wine too expensive or too cheap. "She ordered the 2018, like duh, the 2015 is so much more complex..."  This is what we imagine they talk about around the water coolers at SA (or in their Whats -App chat, which has replaced water cooler chatter because no one meets in person any more except for Tinder hookups and even then...). 

Memo to Carlos Martinez: WE NEED THIS GIRL!!!

Talk about someone who will fit right in at the REGJB. 

Lawyer 1: "Hey that's the girl who bit all those big law lawyers during a summer internship."

Lawyer 2: "So? My B is all over X as a fin-dom walking some guy on a leash down Ocean Drive last night."

Big Law Biter: "An HR rep tried to get my social security number. I poured lemon-salt all over her arm and bit her and then sipped a chilled chianti..."

Os Mordere