BIG BITES

Topic: Being a summer intern at big law bites.  

No, this is not the expected expose on summer legal internships: "Hey, get me an iced, cafe latte with organic coconut milk and Indonesian beans in a non-plastic cup and re-scan the Penske file..."

When dog bites man....yawn. When summer intern bites lawyers...legal blogs spring into action!

A summer intern from Big Law Sidley Austin has been let go for repeatedly biting lawyers in the firm this summer.

Yeah, that's not a sentence we ever thought we'd be writing (like "And then the judge said, 'dinner is on me' and grabbed the check.") 

Side note: How do the lawyers say their firm name with a straight-face? The firm's name sounds like a pre-school on the Upper East Side: "Sidley Austin, where Manhattan toddlers go for UES enrichment and fun since 1992."

Pedestrianly named "The Big Law Biter" (Yawn) by the usual collection of legal blogs who have no imagination, this is how it's being reported at Above The Law: (motto: "Not the Justice Building Blog, but we try")

According to insiders at the firm, pretty much from the start of the summer, the Biglaw Biter started chomping away at other employees at Sidley Gnaw-stin — not in an aggressive, “we’re beefing” way, but more of a faux-quirky manic pixie dream girl crossed with the Donner party vibe. But like, you’re in NYC for the summer — if you want to get your kicks by biting people, there are more consensual ways to do it.

The final chomp-count is thought to be in the double digits — which is an awfully long time for the nibbling to continue. 

There's more to the story. The intern is reported to have committed a faux pas by ordering a $2,000 bottle of wine at a partner's dinner. But the report does not say whether the indiscretion was ordering a wine too expensive or too cheap. "She ordered the 2018, like duh, the 2015 is so much more complex..."  This is what we imagine they talk about around the water coolers at SA (or in their Whats -App chat, which has replaced water cooler chatter because no one meets in person any more except for Tinder hookups and even then...). 

Memo to Carlos Martinez: WE NEED THIS GIRL!!!

Talk about someone who will fit right in at the REGJB. 

Lawyer 1: "Hey that's the girl who bit all those big law lawyers during a summer internship."

Lawyer 2: "So? My B is all over X as a fin-dom walking some guy on a leash down Ocean Drive last night."

Big Law Biter: "An HR rep tried to get my social security number. I poured lemon-salt all over her arm and bit her and then sipped a chilled chianti..."

Os Mordere