AFORMS

Several alert readers forwarded us this missive on a local email listserv we are enjoined from mentioning by name:

 After a brief, shining moment when a-forms were readily available, the Clerk’s Office has gone dark.  It’s close to impossible to get an arrest affidavit in a timely manner.  Does anyone know what’s going on?

The biggest problem for this lawyer was not coming to us first. We have all the answers. 

Call the clerk's office. Duh. Here's what you will experience. 

"Welcome to the Dade County Clerk's office. Please listen carefully as the options have changed. For location press 1. For Court calendars press 2. To obtain arrest reports or documents from files press 3...

3... Welcome to the Dade County Clerk's office. Please listen carefully as ....3  Welcome to the Dade County...3# .... You have pressed 3. To quickly obtain copies (laughter in background) hey stop it I'm making a recording. To quickly obtain copies of an arrest report please press 9 (loud laughter in the background "hey nine ends the call idiot..." ) 9# You have selected 9 if you are done please hang up. To return to the prior selection please press 2222. 2222# To quickly obtain copies of an arrest report please press 9 (loud laughter in the background "hey nine ends the call idiot...") no, wait, press 7, sorry about that. 7# 

You have pressed 7 and want to obtain an arrest report. To verify your selection please press 12. #12.  You have pressed 12, verifying your selection of 7, requesting an arrest report. Please be advised that arrest reports are public records. To verify your identity, please enter or say you date of birth, using the European System. For example if you were born on July 1, 1980, please say one, July, 1980, or using your phone keypad enter 01, 07, 1980. Once having entered your date of birth, please enter your blood type. Using the keypad you may enter zero for O, and then 1 for O-positive or 2 for O negative, 4 for A, then 1 for A positive or 2 for A negative. If your blood type is AB please enter 9 and end the call.  After entering your blood type, using your touchtone keypad, please enter the case number of the arrest report you want, adding the sum of the last two digits for the year and multiplying by 2. For example, if you wanted a case from 2025, 2 plus 5 equals seven. Seven multiplied by two is fourteen, so you would enter a 1 and then 4. Please then say or enter the remaining numbers in the case number backwards. So if the case number was 24356 you would say 65342. Once you have entered all the information, you may obtain an emailed copy of the arrest report by calling this number, entering 666 followed by the pound sign, and then using your keypad, enter your email address where  A,B,V is 1, C,D,W is 2, E,F,X is 3, G,H,Y is 4, I,J,Y is 5, K,L,Z is 6, M,N,P is 7, O,Q,S is 7, R,T is 8, and U is 9. 

Please note the clerk's office cannot send emails to Gmail, AOL, or servers using Outlook. 

Thank you for calling the Dade County Clerk's Office. Please stay on the line for a short 35 minute customer service satisfaction survey. " 

So getting an A Form from the clerk's office has NEVER been easier. Next time you have an issue, please reach out to the blog first.