(the following is based on national-fake news sources. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.)
The last days of Rex Tillerson....
Thursday March 8, 2018.
Rex Tillerson arrives in Ethiopia. He is surprised to learn that his boss has agreed to meet to North Korean dictator and killer of American tourists and students Kim JongUn.
Tillerson responds by stating that "We're a long way from negotiations."
This announcement surprises and angers the President who at that precise moment is negotiating for the delivery of McDonald Hamburgers and Kentucky Fried Chicken to North Korea for the meeting.
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders calls the food "freedom meals."
Friday March 9, 2018.
The next day Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is awoken from sleep around 2:30 AM by Chief of Staff John Kelly who tells Tillerson to expect a "tweet" after the weekend. Trump is in his PJ's watching the Best of Dean Martin Roasts on cable TV.
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders announces that the White House has bought more space on iCloud to list the latest resignations from the White House.
Friday March 10, 2018.
The President is scheduled to receive his daily briefing at 11:00 a.m, but instead plays Tiger Woods Golf on Xbox. The President then tweets that "Tiger got a bum deal. The women lied. Fakes news!"
The Secretary of State asks for a briefing on the economic situation in Africa but is told that Jared Kushner has revoked his security clearance. Instead, he is given an iPad and googles "Africa" and "problems?"
Saturday March 11, 2018.
Secretary Of State Tillerson clears his schedule. He isn't feeling well.
Trump goes to Pittsburgh where he campaigns for a Republican for Congress. He calls the White House switchboard looking for his wife, but all the switchboard operators have resigned, and is forced to leave a voicemail after listening to this message: "You've reached the best white house switchboard. A switchboard that no one has ever seen one as good. If you are a cabinet member seeking to resign press one; if you represent a porn star and want to have your client give an interview, press two; if you are the attorney general of the United States, you suck and your time is coming pal."
Sunday March 12, 2018.
CIA Director Mike Pompeo goes on Meet the Press and is asked by Chuck Todd about Tillerson's involvement in the upcoming Korean negotiations. Pompeo suppresses a giggle and responds "Who?" before saying, "Oh, yeah, well, we will see about that."
Tillerson receives a secure message from Ivanka Trump asking for four bottles of Kahlua.
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders calls the news that a new counter in Times Square - similar to the deficit counter-that will count the total of White House resignations- "fake counter news".
Monday March 13, 2018.
Rex Tillerson decides to return to the United States early to "prepare for the North Korean negotiations." His trip is delayed when during a lay-over in London, he is bumped to stand-by on an American Airlines flight.
Prime Minister Theresa May announces that Russia is behind the poisoning of a former Russian spy and his daughter who are both living in London. Tillerson immediately issues a statement supporting the English Prime Minister and denouncing Russia. Trump Tweets calling May "Fake News" and "An Obama Plant" and has his phone ripped from his grip by Chief Of Staff Kelly before he can tweet anything else.
The Secret Service forcibly ejects Trump aide and Body-Man Randy "Macho Man" Savage from the White House for unspecified "Crimes Against Humanity" and finds the book "The Ten Best Speeches of Vladimir Putin" in his office along with a taped language course in Russian and a bottle of Vodka.
Presidential Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee "Stormy"-Sanders tells the press that the removal had been "planned for months." She then hands out the daily list of White House resignations.
Tuesday March 14, 2018.
Tillerson gets a seat on a Virgin Atlantic flight to Dulles.
Trump, in the Oval Office, points out the window and yells "Look, it's Obama!' and then grabs his phone from Kelly and runs into the bathroom and locks the door and Tweets "Rex You're Fired!'.
Tillerson lands at Dulles.
The White House issues a statement that Tillerson was fired in November, but "we kinda forgot about ol'Rex."
Tillerson's State Department spokesman Steve Goldstein gives a press conference in which he states that Tillerson was fired by tweet when he landed at Dulles.
The White House immediately fires Goldstein.
Trump Tweets that "Prime Minister May has lost her mind- she's no Margaret Thatcher."; Trump appoints a Boise, Idaho City Councilman Herb Meyers as Assistant Attorney General for Fake News and orders him to fire Special Counsel Robert Muller. Herb resigns, stating that "I've been honored to serve the president and the people of this country for the last forty-two minutes. I just wish I could have seen the White House before I quit."
Sarah-Huckabee Sanders denies all events of the week, stating "fake news fake news fake news" before announcing "the planned departure of the White House grounds crew, the White House kitchen staff, the White House valets, the White House barber, and the White House gardening crew." After the press briefing she is asked to leave the press room by John Kelly who has revoked her security clearance.
The President ends the day watching Sean Hannity, who calls Rex Tillerson a "Hillary Clinton lovin fool" and eating four portions of dippin dots for dessert.
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