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Thursday, March 16, 2017

DIARY OF A MAD PRESIDENT BIG BIRD ALOHA ISSUE

Dear Diary....Hawaii is a State? Who knew? And they have judges? I just figured they have like tribal counsels like on Survivor, which by the way, is an okay reality show but not nearly as good as the Apprentice when I hosted it. Everyone says that. I don't trust any state where you can't get a good bagel or deli. Whoever heard of a pastrami sandwich with pineapples? 

Meanwhile, now I have some wacko  Judge canceling my travel ban. Pretty soon people will be able to travel to and from wherever they want. Whoever heard of that? What a disaster! And only I can save everyone. 

We're canceling PBS. Goodbye Big Bird. Good bye Sesame Street. Goodbye PBS Newshour. Next up, MSNBC. No more funding for them. Get Rachel Medows off the air. That  will show them to publish my taxes. 

Got a new health care bill. Amazing. Fantastic bill. Lowers costs for everyone. Raises fees for doctors. Covers more americans. People can choose their own insurance. It's fantastic. People are saying they have never seen insurance like this. Best part is....get ready...Mexico will pay for it all! Every peso. 

Enemies List: Fraggle Rock. American Experience. That guy who did the Civil War documentary. Those Muppets. Hate em. Messy.  This whole NBAA basketball bracelet thing.  Maybe Obama had time to tell everyone about college basketball, but that's why Obama-care failed and the North Koreans have intercontinental submarines. Avocados. Turns into guacamole from Mexico and Tacos and we ain't paying for that anymore. Girl Scout Cookies (except the Thin Mints. Love the Thin Mints). 

Next week we are going to de-fund kindergarten snack time. Why should some coal miner in Minnesota pay for some fat kid's twinkies? Love twinkies though. Golden. With cream inside. Never goes stale. Amazing snack. Fantastic snack. People have never seen a snack like that. Memo to self- new law- everyone gets one twinkie package a week (except fat kids in diapers). Cut planned parenthood funding to pay for it. Love being President diary. Speak to you soon.  

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are Hilarious. Drumpf is super-callous-fascist-racist-extra braggadocious.
Viva la resistance!

Anonymous said...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz booooooring! These posts suck!

Anonymous said...

Aloha. WhIch president spent over 90 million dollars in US tax dollars on Hawaiian vacations? Hint, he was also known as the worst US president in history?

Anonymous said...

James Buchanan went to Hawaii on vacation?

Anonymous said...

4:11, hmmm... until now, that would be George W. Bush

Rufus T. Firefly said...

4:11 am. Must be George HW Bush