WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL RICHARD E GERSTEIN JUSTICE BUILDING BLOG. THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO JUSTICE BUILDING RUMOR, HUMOR, AND A DISCUSSION ABOUT AND BETWEEN THE JUDGES, LAWYERS AND THE DEDICATED SUPPORT STAFF, CLERKS, COURT REPORTERS, AND CORRECTIONAL OFFICERS WHO LABOR IN THE WORLD OF MIAMI'S CRIMINAL JUSTICE. THIS BLOG HAS BEEN CALLED "THE DEFINITIVE BLOG ON MIAMI CRIMINAL LAW" BY THE NY TIMES, THE WASHINGTON POST, THE POPE, AND DONALD TRUMP WHO ALSO ONCE SAID IT WAS "REALLY GREAT". POST YOUR COMMENTS, OR SEND RUMPOLE A PRIVATE EMAIL AT HOWARDROARK21@GMAIL.COM

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

JUSTICE BUILDING WI FI TO BE IMPROVED !!!

The Good News: The REGJB wi-fi system, which currently relies on the use of carrier pigeons, is about to be updated and improved.

The Bad News: This will occur right after the opening of the El Chapo Cafe, ( (c) Rumpole, 2016, all rights reserved.) currently scheduled for the day after Donald Trump's second inaugural. (For those of you counting on your fingers or wearing black robes, that's January, 2021). 

Here's the email, with our snarky comments inserted for your enjoyment: 

Hello All,

I wanted to give everybody an update on the status of the public WiFi in the Justice Building.

I just got off the phone with Mr. Carm Miranda in the IT department of AOC (please tell us this is a fake name) , who informed me that they are in fact almost done with an upgrade to the entire network in the building.(Translation: there are new carrier pigeon cages being built on the roof) They're currently working on the first floor but have already completed work on the other floors—minus an access point they are going to be replacing on the 5th floor. (How about just turning the 5th floor into a gym? It would be more useful.) 

As it was explained to me, there are three issues that affected/affect the quality of service on the WiFi network:

1) Signal Strength: (Currently there is no signal strength. So something is better than nothing.) They have addressed this by replacing the old access points with new ones that have a more powerful signal. ("Access point" is a technical term commonly understood to mean 'that point, usually in the corner of the building where David Ovalle huddles and can be seen raising his arms and legs in unusual formations to attempt to capture a signal. This is the usage accepted in Silicon valley. ) Additionally, they are doing a walkthrough to try to address coverage dead spots and to determine if more access points need to be added.; ("Walkthrough" means a bunch of people in coats and ties with official looking clipboards and cell phones making videos of Ovalle as he tries to get a signal and laughing at his futile attempts.) 

2) Data Plan / Account with Comcast: Mr. Miranda explained to me that they have increased their bandwidth in the past, and will continue to do so, however, the jury pool as well as all the other people in the building can sometimes overwhelm capacity; ("Bandwidth" means, in the context of the REGJB, the size of band members charged with disorderly conduct when viewed from the side. And therein lies the problem.) 
3) Disclaimer Page: Mr. Miranda also explained to me that they have recently replaced the server which hosts the disclaimer page that you have to interact with before being granted access to the network. He said that the new server can handle more users at the same time than the previous server could. The old server would encumber access because it would be overwhelmed with requests and could only handle a limited quantity of user requests at a time.
(Okay, here's where it gets tricky. We all know that only our intrepid Herald reporter David Ovalle was tenacious enough to continue to try and use the wi-fi in the last two years. So since he was the only one using it, the issue of the server being overwhelmed with requests seems a bit suspicious. BUT THEN, having viewed the overworked hamsters on the wheel which was used to power the server, the problem becomes readily understood. The solution is two wheels, and eight hamsters with better vet care and food and hay.)

Hopefully, you've already noticed an improvement in the Wi-Fi service in the building. (Nobody uses it, so no. )  I welcome any feedback you might have (read this post) , and would be happy to liaison with Mr. MIranda on behalf of the membership regarding any issues you encounter. (If somebody is really named "Carm Miranda" then a liaison isn't enough. We need to see them in person.  And bring them a big straw hat filled with fruit. ) 

Best,

David

NEW DISCLAIMER: 
Welcome to the REGJB wi-fi service. If you are using this service to commit a ponzi scheme check this box [  ]. Please be advised we cannot be responsible for financial transactions diverted to your overseas account. 
If you are using this service to access your account on Ashley Madison please check here. [   ]. Please be advised we are not responsible for liabilities in your divorce case for messages diverted to your spouse by mistake. 
If you are using this service to perform actual work related to your profession as a lawyer, please be advised we do not allow the service to be used for theft or fraud. Your connection has been terminated. If you are a member of the judiciary accessing a legal research service, please take your phone to the nearest window and snap a picture of the blue moon.  

Coming next: The REGJB is rapidly becoming "beeper friendly." A new bank of payphones will soon be installed and operational. Also, the chief judge advises that in certain circumstances, the flagpole in front of the building can be used for semaphore. 

9 comments:

Seth Sklarey said...

It's time to replace the justice building the court house the hail and the State Attorney and Public Defender office buildings with modern 21st century buildings that actuallt work, are state of the art and do not reflect the Medieval Injustice system which is currently in place.
Compare the Palm Beach County Courthouse with ours and cry.

Not JAFI much longer said...

Wait, there is Wi-Fi in the REG?

Rumpole said...

Technically there is a 286 modem that you can plug your computer into if you ask for Heitor at the clerk's office and slip him five bucks. Otherwise, no there isn't.

Anonymous said...

I don't know "Carm Miranda" but, I don't think it is right to make fun of someone's name. That may be a nice person.

Who the hell needs WIFI anymore? We all use our cell phones as hot spots when needed.

Anonymous said...

I think wifi is free - whereas you use data on a hotspot. I'm technically challenged so correct me if I'm wrong. Plus it's hard to get coverage via cellular data in the REG

Anonymous said...

Seth, where the F*&# are we going to get the money? Our defendants are poor and BROKE AF not like the white collar criminals/sociopaths in Palm Beach brunching at The Circle.

Anonymous said...

wi-fi@regb.sux

Anonymous said...

Carm Miranda is real. He works for AOC.

Anonymous said...

Where is the circle and how can I brunch there