Friday, October 19, 2012


The Miami Dade County State Attorneys Office has some rules for E-Service of documents. 

First (really) DO NOT send your documents to the particular assistant state attorney. That would cause confusion. YOU MUST send your documents to the designated address. 

Second: All the addresses end in if you are sending documents during months that end in R. 

Third: The subject line of the email SHOULD NOT read "choke on this and die scum".  The subject line should read: SERVICE OF COURT DOCUMENTS.  For emergency and immediate delivery, the subject line of the email should also include this phrase "You may have already won valuable prizes."

Fourth: Case numbers should not contain dashes and should be written in the scientifically accepted Reverse Polish Notation. 

Fifth: To encourage use, every eleventh email received will be entered into a blind lottery wherein your client will become automatically eligible for PTI. 

Sixth: Attached documents should be in PDF format and where applicable, contain the notation "NSFW".

Subject: Service of court documents. Open immediately. You may already have won valuable prizes.

Dear Prosecutor. 
Attached please find my motion to dismiss in 130001313
also please find pictures of you at happy hour this Friday. NSFW. 

Sally Bigfees, Esq. 

Note. Pursuant to the IRS code, the contents of this email do not contain any tax advice, although the time I spent preparing the email was billed to the client and is taxable unless the client paid in cash.  This email is the property of the above law firm. The contents of this email are private and confidential. In the unlikely event you received this email by mistake, very bad things may happen to you. First: please retain counsel. Second: Please proceed immediately to the nearest federal express location and immediately send me the email and the hard drive from your computer. Third: Kindly act accordingly. I am so important as a lawyer that I have created a small booklet of instructions that are attached to every email. In order to properly read this email, please go to mybigegolawpractice dot com and download the free e book entitled  "So a lawyer has sent you an email, What do You do next?" Remember, everything I write is not tax advice under the IRS code. I don't practice tax law but I saw some cool warnings about tax junk on an email so I decided to include them on mine so my clients and opposing counsel will think I know a lot about tax even though it was the only subject I failed in law school and the tax code has been changed like a hundred times since then. 

Rumpole is offering a hundred bucks to the first lawyer who is accused of not sending an email that was sent and has to hire some nineteen year old internet guru to prove that the email was sent, the SAO received it, and then promptly lost it. A transcript of the proceedings is necessary to redeem your prize. 

See you in court. 

Miami Sao E-service


Anonymous said...

Rump- who's the first idiot who attaches naked pictures of his wife instead of the demand for discovery? That's the real question about e-service.

sexy blonde PD said...

This is why we read the blog.

I luv you Rumpole.

Anonymous said...

I picked up the hottest law student intern at the bench/bar mixer last night. Spending weekend at my Islamorada condo as soon as I clear court. Thanks for the event guys.

CAPTAIN said...



The race for the Presidency continues to tighten. The latest tracking polls still have NOT factored in the debate from Tuesday night, so the numbers could still change. And there is a final debate, on foreign policy, schedule for Monday night in our backyard, in Boca Raton.

The NYTimes 538 shows Obama at his lowest number of EC votes since they began tracking this election. They have the incumbent President with 287 votes and challenger Romney with 251. That provides Obama with a cushion of only 17 EC votes.

NYT looks at nine states as still very close including:

Colorado (9) - Blue
Florida (29) - Red
Iowa (6) - Blue
NC (15) - Red
NH (4) - Blue
Nevada (6) - Blue
Ohio (18) - Blue
Virg (13) - Red
Wisc (10) - Blue

Six of the nine states are being counted in the Obama EC vote. Just take a look at each of those six states and you can see that if Obama won five of them, but lost OHIO, Romney would win. (Actually, in that case each candidate would have 269 EC votes and if you thought the 2000 election was hanging chad crazy, you ain’t seen nothing yet).

Huffington Post has the numbers at 277 for Obama and 206 for Romney, with 55 EC votes still too close to call. Those 55 come from only four states:

Colorado (9)
Florida (29)
NH (4)
Virg (13)

So Huff Post believes that even if Romney carries those four states, Obama still wins by the skin of his teeth. A closer look though at Huff Post numbers show that the States they are counting for Obama include no less than four states where Obama has less than a five point advantage: Iowa (+4), Nevada (+3), Ohio (+2), Wisconsin (+4).

With 18 days to go before election Tuesday, it continues to be an exciting race.

Cap Out .....

Anonymous said...

I am really laughing out loud while reading this. Probably some of the funniest stuff I have read on this blog.

Rumpole said...

On twitter David Ovalle wonders why Judge Firtel wears a blue robe. I gave him a quick education on the satorial choices of one Judge Alfred Nesbitt.

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...
i thought this would good for people like me who have no idea what some of the accronyms on the internet mean. SMH (Shaking my head) BTDT (been there done that). Who knew. Hope its helpful

Anonymous said...

Obama is the Milli Vanilli of politics.

Goin' down bigtime.

"American Minority" said...


That's great, its all about communication, I'm glad to see you catch up to speed on internet acronyms, acronyms and idioms constantly evolve.

"American Minority" said...

5:44 What a nimrod you are, clearly you have a case of "Romnesia."

On a more significant note, I am talking to a friend at a frequent on Las Olas, who is an ASA, and he just shared an interesting point with me "no matter how egregious, a prosecutor's conduct is, chances are judges wont do anything;only under dire circumstances."


Anonymous said...

In that case Romney is the duke of debauchery.

He's going to lose, Mui Grande.

Anonymous said...

Galanter being accused of ineffective assistance of counsel by OJ. OJ may be let out of jail soon. check it out at google.

Anonymous said...

11:32 a.m., don't call Judge Nesbitt, "Alfred". Call him "Fred" onstead.

Anonymous said...

Galanter is a walking rule 3 . Never learned anything about trial practice but mastered the art of bleeding clients and getting rich.

Anonymous said...

LOL AM. I wasn't the one who posted that.