Saturday, July 03, 2010


The Bluffs at Martha's Vineyard.

FROM THE WINDSWEPT BEACHES OF THE NORTH: THIS IS YOUR OFFICAL JULY 4TH UPDATE from the only legal blogster working through the holiday driven only by the altruistic desire to serve humanity.

1) A tropical storm is brewing south of Cuba, and no it's name is not Castro. 20% chance it forms into a hurricane. That noise you hear is the people at WSVN Channel 7 praying.

2) Don't be fooled. The World Cup is not what it seem, especially in Bogota.

WORLD CUP UPDATE: From a nice pub here at MV it is apparent that the Huns can't be stopped. Germany 4- Argentina 4-nil.

EVERGLADES UPDATE: Speaking of rivalries, our BBC reports that a 6 foot alligator and a 13 foot burmese python battled to a deadly draw in the Everglades. The story is here.

Here is the news you need as a responsible blog reading lawyer, heading into the Fourth of July Weekend. Check back often, as it raises the stats on our hit counter, and we will update the blog as events warrant.

Item one: February 1865 was the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Item two: A pop quiz: name the only Supreme Court Justice to have his face on US Currency. And no it's not David's BFF Nino Scalia on the three dollar bill. Hint- he was a CJ to boot. Sounds a bit fishy, huh?

Item Three: The boys at the JAA Broward blog are at war with their chief Judge Tricky Vic Tobin. Here's a little post where they chase Tobin to the point where he requests a Deputy Sheriff to protect him.
Why does that never happen in Dade? Either: 1) We love What Can Brown Do for You Joel Brown, OR 2) He never shows up at the REGJB because they don't have a parking spot for him in the garage. You decide.

Item Four: Between the time we wrote our earlier post and the time you read this one, at least another 16 children have been killed by firearms.

Item Heat: It doesn't look good for our home town heaters to re-sign all world point Guard Dwayne Wade. ESPN is indicating that the Chi-town Bulls look to be in the lead in the Wade sweepstakes.

BUT.... Mr. Wade might want to think twice about relocating to a State that is broke. Yup, they got no flow in Illinois, and they ain't paying their bills right now as the NY Times reports here.

ITEM: Jefferson: Having written the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson sat motionless during those final hours on July 3rd and 4th, as his colleagues set to editing his masterpiece. According to author David McCollough, more than 80 changes were made to Jefferson's original draft. And according to Peggy Noonan, who was at one time Ronald Reagan's speech writer, nothing hurt Jefferson more than his paean to the English and American peoples: "We might have been a free and great people together."

The words are poignant, and they resonate across the generations, written by a man who 50 years after 1776 requested that on his tombstone, after his name, the word "Author" be inscribed. *

That's it for now.....except this 4th of July question that is really bugging us:
why do they sell hot dogs in packs of six, and hot dog buns in packs of eight? Someone really has a scam going.

* These are Peggy Noonan's ideas, contained in her remarkable 4th of July article, published here in the WSJ.


real fake confused said...

FIRST!!!!SHUMIE RULES...the Q's a jerk....Fake Blecher is a putz and Fake Alschuler throws boring parties.

Judge Adrien is going to get his butt whopped, and I propose that we all show up in his courtroom the day after the election to let him know we vote.

the trialmaster said...

the trialmaster was in the building this week.whoever is doing the hiring at the SAO is doing a fine job. The trialmaster observed many fine SAO femails who had awesome gems, well defined at the ankles and muscles on the calfs. and some were extremely well tanned and toned. the trialmaster was very impressed with the gams he observed.

Anonymous said...

Sure sounds fishy! CJ Salmon P. Chase whose portrait appears in the $10,000 bill.


Anonymous said...

Is it me or does both Jonathan Bletcher and Thom Cobitz

both in their own way bear a striking resemblance to Sir Toppem Hat from Thomas the Train?

fake talithia leacock. said...

World Cup question for you Rump or a reader or the captain- the other day on a corner kick the player just tapped it in and a bunch of guys ran over and the ball was knocked out of bounds. What's the tactical deal with that? I really want to know.

PS Sergio Ramos from Spain is super hot. Muy calliente!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hot dogs typically come in packs of seven: an even less-sensible idea. So you are feeding four kids: who doesn't get a second hot dog?

Real Fake Talitha Leacock said...

Hey! You are NOT Fake Talitha Leacock. I am the Real Fake Talitha Leacock. You are a Fake Talitha Leacock.

"on all fours and barking like a dog"
Copyright 2010 Officially Retained, LLC

PS Goooooooooooooooal!

Anonymous said...

Rumpole, what are you drinking??? That BBC report is from 2005!

Anonymous said...

Bleacher=sir toppem hat

Fake sen lindsey graham said...

Whose that porsche drivin, vos water drinkin, south beach place for steak eatin lawyer that thinks he's hot damn but ain't worth a dang coonskin cap?

fake talithia leacock. said...

Where's the best place for fireworks tonight? Can you post a goole map with links, and tell me where I can fill my cooler with zero calorie vitamin water? Please respond quickly or I will take to the listserv. Thanks y'all.

Real Fake Talitha Leacock said...

I have just been officially retained on a Roman Candle and M-80 smuggling case.

Can someone please explain to me what those things are because, despite my extensive experience in all criminal matters, I have no clue.

Thank You.

(Real) FTL
" on all fours and barking like a dog"
Copyright 2010 Officially Retained, LLC

Fake talithia leacock. said...

Listen to me you two bit hussy- I was sending out messages on the FACDL listserv while you were sitting at your desk shepardizing cases.

"Real Fake TL'....AS IF!!!!

As soon as someone sends me an invite, I will be at the best South Beach parties tonight, and I am sure someone will have a primo seat for me to watch the fireworks. So take your real fake and stuff it where the FACDL don't shine.

Real Real Fake Talitha Leacock, really said...

It's obvious that you are not the real Fake Talitha Leacock, 2:40 pm.

The real Fake Talitha Leacock is the only one authorized by Jude " the hammer" Facciodomo to post on the listserv. I have it in writing, signed off by Nancy Wear. Also the only one authorized to use the official quote.

So there.

"on all fours and barking like a dog"
Copyright 2010, Officially Retained, LLC

fake talithia leacock. said...

Why you cheap little mouthy hussy. Go back to begging for motions for continuances on your North Broward Branch court ticket cases. I am the one and only Fake TL. I spend my time asking the help to read Vanity Fair and then tell me what the articles are about; I watch the world cup on my big screen tv, and tonight I will partying with the stars in Sobe. All you will be doing is wishing you were me. Go soak your head and if you're real nice I send out an FACDL listserv about it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Fake Sen Graham- his name is Kyle Degarne and he tries more cases in a month than you do in a year. He eats at Prime 112 (not place for steak) and Prime Italian. His current girlfriend is a Penthouse Model; he lives in a top floor at the Continuum and is trading in the Porsche 911 Turbo for a Mosbach. He wears 5000 Italian suits and is the best lawyer in the US under 30. He's a street kid from Altoona, PA who worked his way up through night school and free internships at the PDs office. Now clients are begging to get in the door, his minimum retainer is 100K, and women swoon over him.

How many of you washed up lawyers thought Graham was taking about you?

REal fake blecher said...

I'd like to express my support for Real Fake Talitha Leacock. Lord knows we "real fakes" have to stick together in the face of these pesky fakes. But first, I'd like to say that I really like the word "doppelganger."
I'm not sure how to use it though. I think it has a connection to the codfish industry. Either that or its a character in a Gothic Opera.

Anyway, Real Fake TL is the real deal, and like my pesky fake, Fake TL is an annoying little pest.

Anonymous said...

the beach below the bluffs looks like a beach in mississippi. But worse because of the freezing cold black water.

fake blecher said...

You are calling me out? You- who has been thrown off most of the blogs of Florida and Connecticut for being a phony, cut and paste blogging fake piece of codfish? Why I oughta come to the fake datran center and pound your fake mushy puss into the ground. I know more about being a fake and walking the walk and talking the talk then you ever will. I've written fake dui stop motions, have you? I've been to the fake dl bureau, have you? Go buy a dictionary you piece of real fake putz.

Rumpole said...

I'll take 68 degree water with a cool breeze over 92 degrees, 99% humidity, and an ocean that feels like bath water. A swim is bracing, after which a nice shot of bushmills and a clam chowder fill the bill.

My Two Sons said...

Dear 4:29 and Fake Senator Graham.
Lets get the facts straight. Kyle Degarne is indeed an incredible trial attorney. He currently lives in a two story townhouse atop the Continuum (North Tower). He no longer dates the Penthouse Model (Im not at liberty to discuss his current celebrity paramour). The silver Mosbach is in the garage. To top it all he now devotes 50% of his practice to pro bono clients.

Anonymous said...

get real 7:12- putz.

Real fake blecher said...

You disgusting slug. I may have some problems with blogs, but at least I'm not 400 pounds, sitting in my mother's basement eating yo-yos and wasting my life on worthless blogs and trying to unlock levels in video games. At least I have a life.

fake jason grey said...

Are only idiots on the blog this weekend? There's no lawyer in town who grew up in Altoona. I would know.

Anonymous said...

mt 2 sons- everyone knows your Bijan with the last name no one can spell or pronounce and you think you're hot stuff because you get clients from all the clubs. But Kyle is ten times the lawyer you are and 100X less boastful. Go back to lifting weights.

Anonymous said...


It was 65 degrees in the water today; what were you doing, sipping your cocktails from the porch?

Anonymous said...

Bracing? I think you mean freezing to the point where u never enter the water. Nothing like the summer time wind swell in south florida. All I do is work drink and fuck. I have no time for vacation but when I do its out west to ski, nyc or Europe. If I'm going on a beach vacation its gonna be in the exumas where the beached are pink and the water is blue. Your beach looks like BP got to it.

fake warren schwartz said...

With all this craziness on the blog, I'd like to share with you all what I have found to be the secret to success in this business and this life.

It's very simple really.

At night, just before going to sleep, a few prunes or a few stewed prunes with some natural fiber. Come morning, everything is GREAT and you will be in court with a big smile on your face.

Anonymous said...

is degarne the one who was banging the judge when he was a pd intern?

ghost of pablo escobar said...

Who else but the Colombians could come up with an ingenious idea?

Anonymous said...

That's not a beach and that's not a bluff. That's a seawall and a narrow strip of gravel full of seaweed and gunk next to a cold, choppy and murky ocean. Yuk!

Anonymous said...

4:51 doppelgänger is a ghostly double of a living person

Anonymous said...


How many kids died from falling off bikes, skateboards, drowning in the family pool or automobile accidents?

Anonymous said...

According to Rumpole's rationale, let's ban bikes, skateboards, pools, cars, etc. After all, those things kill a lot more kids than guns and they are not protected by the Constitution.