Tuesday, September 08, 2009


UPDATE: THE SUICIDE POOL IS STARTING. Emails are starting to trickle in. Miguel De La "Over" is in, so is everyone's favourite federal blogger and fantasy football fanatic. If you want the Steelers or the Titans we need your email by tomorrow. Otherwise the deadline is 12:59 Sunday unless you pick a 4pm game, and then it's 3:59, but make our life easier and email your pick early. 

We received this email and print it in its entirety.

Rumpole: Today (Tuesday) was a nightmare in County Court. It does not appear the Judges did anything whatsoever to prepare for the extra cases today. Indeed, if anything there was this additional trial calendar at 11 AM that threw everything into a crisis. In at least three courtrooms 2-11, 4-10, and 4-9, the overcrowding was so bad that the courtrooms were boiling hot from the number of people jammed in. And when you get that many people jammed into a small space, they sweat. It smelled very bad in those courtrooms and in the hallways outside those courtroom which were also jammed with people trying to get into the courtrooms. I am not singling out those Judges- they did the best they could. It is just that it appears to me that Slom/Blake did nothing to ease those calendars in county court on this Tuesday after a holiday. It was just a madhouse. Lawyers were waiting in lines for a half hour or more. Then when you got to your next courtroom the Judge was upset because you were late. But you had to explain to them it took 35 minutes to get one DWLS done in 2-11 or 4-9.

Rumpole, this cannot continue. There was no semblance of any justice being done. The cops are unhappy, the clients are furious, the witnesses are leaving because they don't want to put up with the BS of siting around in a hot smelly courtroom till noon for a 9:30 trial. Something must be done. Please Rumpole, post this and solicit comments. I am back at my office at 2:30. I smell. I am hungry. I am frustrated. Clients were yelling at me. Judge's were calling my office every five minutes asking where I was. I just can't practice law this way.

Please help.

Sweaty, smelly, frustrated and unhappy in County Court.

Rumpole replies: We had a case in felony court. It was a rather pleasurable experience. Anybody have a different experience today in County Court?


Anonymous said...

Oh my GOD! A whole 1/2 hour! That must be grounds for an appeal! Get to writing!

Anonymous said...

I need some experienced advice about County Court.

I have an older client who gets beat up by two young guys, but he invokes his Miranda rights and the cop ends up arresting him, based upon the two "victims". He is charged with Battery in Miami Beach, with Judge Gayles.

Can I trust Gayles to figure this out on a bench trial, or should I demand jury, and it gets moved into Justice Building?

Best thoughts, please?

Anonymous said...

Listen dipshit at 7:30- I have ten courts to be in- 8 county courts and 2 felony courts. If I'm waiting a half hour in each county court, it takes me from 9 to 1pm to finish and that assumes I only wait a half hour in each courtroom once- which is not correct, because if you had any business of your own you'd know that you have to go for your 9 or 9:30 DUIs, and then repeat the process at 10 or 11 for the traffic cases.

perplexed PD said...

Rumpole, I'm a PD and I had the strangest experience at the jail over the weekend (and I wore jeans and if Mellon Head finds out, screw em). I have a young black client charged with trafficking in cocaine He would only answer my questions in some form of rap.

For instance:
Q- why are you selling drugs drugs?
A- "I had nothing and I wanted it; you had everything and you flaunted it; turn the needy into the greedy, with cocaine my success came speedy."


So I tried this- Q- Tell me about your home life:

A: So many hoes on my block think I'm a movie star, 19, I drive a hundred thousand dollar car.

Or this: Q- So you have enough money for a private attorney?
A: Imagine that, me working at Mickey'D's. That's a joke cause, cause I'm never gonna be broke, when I die it will be bullets and gunsmoke.

Q- So what you do is dangerous?
A: Fool I'm the illiest; bullet proof I die harder than Bruce Willis.

Q: Can I visit the scene where you were arrested?

A: You better not come down my block; wrong move-bang! Ambulance Cot; pregnant teens, children's screams; life is weighed on the scale of a triple beam.

Rump- how do you suggest I prepare for trial other than file a motion to withdraw because he has a $100,000.00 car?

Fake tom Risivy said...

First, Perplexed PD, let me holla at my brtha from anotha motha- YO! Fight the power my man.

I have as everyone knows, an extensive knowledge of modern day afro-american culture in general, and rap in particular.

I think my Perplexed friend that your client is a fan of Ice-T and his classic rap "Hustler" for the movie New Jack City. Word up.

I would suggest that you propound a few questions of our own to your "Hustler"

1) Is the last thing you sweated " a sucker punk cop""?

Suggest to him that he is "twisted, and jammed into a paradox; every dollar he makes another brother drops; maybe that's the plan and he don't understand; g-damn, you got him sinkin in quicksand!"

But remember dear PD- "SInce he don't know and he never learned hes gotta get paid, he's got money to earn; with his posse out on the ave, bumps his sound, and crack a forty and laugh."

Finally, you might mention that you appreciate his understanding of inflation- the original lyrics were "so many hoes on my block think I'm a movie star, 19, I got a fifty thousand dollar car..."

I guess 50 k doesn't buy as much as it used to.
Ho hum.
I'm out.

Rumpole said...

There are sometimes some extremely weird conversations on this blog that I must confess I have absolutely no idea what anyone is saying. And those two are an example.

the trialmaster said...

thats why kounty knourt attys are botttom feeders. the trialmaster rarely goes there unless there is a fee of at least 25k. the trialmaster stays in federal court and recently hit a civil jury verdict of 4 million. the trialmaster does not stand inline to get into court.

Anonymous said...

Hey - I am 7:36.

Can I get a straight answer? Coming up in court soon + I need to decide.

Less mumbo=jumbo. Help a brother out!

Anonymous said...

Gayles is a terrific and fair Judge however, you will ALWAYS do better with a jury

a real lawyer said...

The trial master is a phony blowhard. His only verdicts are in his head as he sits on his couch in some efficiency one room apartment eating stale cheetos and hoping they don't disconnect his cable because he doesn't have the dough to pay the bill. Outside of some rare 3rd or 4th duis, no one charges or gets a fee of 25K for county court- it would be excessive under the bar rules, and I doubt that moron could find federal court, much less file a worthwhile civil complaint.

Come on trialdisaster- we all have pacer- give us a case number to the 4 million verdict to shut me up. Either do that or stay the phony dreamer that you are.

Anonymous said...

In Miami Beach, unless the cops witness the fight, whoever wins gets charged with the battery. It doesn't matter if the loser started the fight and threw the first punch and the winner was acting in self-defense. The loser becomes the victim and the winner becomes the defendant irrespective of the facts.

civil war student said...

Rumps, I'm watching the History Channel on Lee and Grant and April 1865.

As you would say: Query: Was Lee really that better than the Union Generals?

Rumpole said...

Lee was that much better and more.
Lee was the greatest General our country had produced to that point, and the second greatest General or 1B to McArthur who is number one.

Lee did more with less than any General we have ever seen. It is true that the Union Generals that faced Lee were almost all incompetent at best, but it still took someone as great as Lee to understand the errors his opponents were making and capitalize on those errors. Lee had no room for error, and his greatest mistake- Gettysburg - sealed his army's fate.

Lee also had great generals assisting him- Stonewall Jackson the most notable. Lee was tragically let down by his Calvary's general- Jeb Stuart, who failed miserably to do his job and act as Lee's army's ears and eyes. Deaf and blind at Gettysburg, Lee lacked the information on the enemy he so desperately needed.

But Lee was great, and his greatness endures today.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about Patton. Say what you want about him, the man knew how to fight.

Anonymous said...

Lee was an excellent general, but not a great man. Unlike many, he had a choice between the Confederacy and the Union. He chose the side of immorality.

True, very few on the Union side truly believed in the equality of persons of African descent, but no one of Lee's education and acumen could mistake the fact that a Union victory would end slavery.

Anonymous said...

ice-t's new jack hustler is a classic from new jack city which was a great flick. chris rock in one of his first movie roles and wesley snipes as nino brown.

Anonymous said...

Lee may have been a great General but he was a traitor to the Republic and certainly not much better than Grant or Sherman

Rumpole said...

Patton is mythologized and not deservedly. Patton lost more men in an engagement then McCArthur lost in the entire Pacific. I give Patton his due for the winter of 1945 and the Battle of the Bulge for disengaging on one front against the Germans, and then marching for six days led by the 4th armoured division and re-engaging at Bastogne, and he was a top general for WWII, but he doesn't make my top ten. He lacked the finesse and the strategy of McArthur. And while McArthur with his daring could have fought as well as Lee continually out manned 3-1, Patton could not.

Robert E Lee was a great man. If you study what he did after he surrendered, he went to great lengths to stop the rest of the fighting and made several statements in firm support of the end of slavery. Lee didn't fight for slavery, he fought for Virginia. In retrospect that was a mistake, but he was a great man.

Anonymous said...

Agree with the trialmaster. If you have ten cases set for trial on the same day, 8 of which are in county, then you are likely doing a volume business and no one feels sorry for you. Stop charging 750 bucks for a DUI and 250 for a DWLS or get an associate.

Anonymous said...

9:22 the trialmaster is a fictional character who is actually quite entertaining, especially when he pisses off hacks like you who can't take a joke.

George W. Bush said...

Socialist Traitor Rumpole:

Aren't you misunderestimating our great general in the Middle East, Tommy Franks?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I have disagree on Patton to some extent. While he may not have been the type of leader would could overcome the odds you discussed, he certainly was a master at playing to his strengths. How many other generals could have pulled off what he did at Bastogne? Additionally, let's not forget that he and Eisenhower together developed the armored doctrine we relied on WWII and is largely responsible for victories in Africa.

Anonymous said...

To - 7:36

Gayles is fair and will probably figure it out. Good thing with going bench is you get W/H even if you lose plus no jail.

However, it sounds like a sure thing NG before a jury. County court juries don't convict on battery since they can't believe the State is wasting their time
with that crap.

Anonymous said...

Rump, your comments about Robert E. Lee showcase your Virgina roots (and bias).

Anonymous said...

Actually, they staggered the rest of the calender to try to avoid the post-Monday holiday backlog problems. While I agree that it didn't work, at least Slom/Blake tried.

Anonymous said...

Stonewall Jackson may have been a great Civil War general but was also one of the biggest psychopaths in American history. Of course, maybe that explains why he was a great Civil War general.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget McClellan in your list of top US generals - he protected Washington DC against the South's fake armies for over a year!

Anonymous said...

More like your Arkansas roots.

decoding slom said...

Rumpole- some attorneys were grumbling today over their inability to get Chief Judge Sam Slom to call them out of turn (Slom is covering for Miranda on a wednesday sounding.)

Judge Slom has some very simple rules, and as an experienced attorney I would like to help bring everyone up to speed:

Sloms rules: very simple- will call attorneys out of turn as follows; On EVEN NUMBERED DAYS: at 10;19 and 11:23 only and then every third pro se for every private case on DUI calendars, every 9th traffic pro se for every private case, and every second pro se for every private crimes case.

ON ODD NUMBERED DAYS THAT ARE NOT PRIME NUMBERS : You can be called out of turn when the sum of the time is less than 20. So for example from 946 on to 10:00 am and then and 10:45 to 11 am, and so on through 6 pm when he finishes his 9:30 arraignments.

ON ODD NUMBERED PRIME NUMBER DAYS ON MONTHS THAT END IN R (IE., 1,3,5,7,11,13,23, etc) if your clients name is A-L then between 936 and 1011 only, L-Y at 1040 to 1115 only. But Z at any time.

ON OTHER PRIME NUMBERED DAYS ON MONTHS THAT DON'T END IN R, the exact opposite of the above except that Z names must be called before 10:30.


I hope these simple rules will allow everyone to have a wonderful experience with Judge Slom at soundings....woops it's a non prime numbered odd day with a month that ends in R- look at the time- I have to get to court before 3 for the 9:15 arraignments.

See you in court as you like to say.

Anonymous said...

I'd be laughing more if it wasn't so damn close to the truth.

Rumpole said...

Of course McCellan was one of a series of totally useless and bad generals Lincoln kept relying on. Eventually he found the right guys in Sherman and Grant.

My SOUTHERN roots? Hardly. Never even eaten grits. Don't want too. I am more of a salami and eggs guy, except I don't eat eggs or salami anymore, but i would if I could. It's oatmeal and apples for breakfast for me. Dry whole wheat toast. Sliced turkey or a protein shake.

Ed Frank for Judge said...

Ed Frank and ONLY Ed Frank could solve the problems in county court.

Ed Frank for Judge, Make it happen. Believe in change.

county court fool said...

12:15 AM- I charge 3500 for a DUI 2500 for a DWLS and sign up 3-5 a week of each. You do the math, as I am earning more than most of you fools in Felony court fighting bondsmen for the 7500 X trafficking case (which you're kicking back 2500 anyway) So I'm getting 3500 for 2 or 3 court appearances and no depos and you're busting your ass for 2 years on a min man case and dealing with scum bondsmen. I'm grossing 750K+ a year on just these two types of cases, and you're laughing at me. Keep laughing and stay out of county court.

Anonymous said...

You honestly expected the Judges to actualy do something other than show up?

Get real.


The PDs call THIS JUDGE "the hammer"- FIND OUT WHY.

Who is that "MILFY JUDGE" EVERYONE was talking about? WE KNOW!



THIS JUDGE rarely works past 4pm, FIND OUT WHY?

JUDGE BROWN told this Judge something that shocked her? WHAT WAS IT? WE KNOW!


Anonymous said...

Rump--Grant was an above-average general; Sherman was good. But compared to their predecessors they seemed brilliant.

I largely agree with your comments about Lee, but one must remember that until Gettysburg he was up against a force that, while superior as to numbers and technology, was led by nincompoops. Lee suffered a string of defeats after Grant took over the helm of the Union troops in 1863.

not fake shumie said...

Not Fake Shumie picks the Browns.
Go Cleveland Go. Shumie time for the Brownies!!!!

Rumpole said...

Is this a real pick? I can't just take the ramblings of every nut on this blog and put you in the suicide pool. You need to send me an email as per blog rule 4-2.57(a), Contests.....

CAPTAIN said...



Prosecutors in Michigan are suing the state Department of Corrections over the release of hundreds of violent offenders, alleging murderers and rapists are being paroled with little or no say from prosecutors. Michigan is part of what prosecutors describe as a nationwide trend of cash-strapped states taking an axe to prison budgets, either by releasing inmates earlier than expected or by cutting rehabilitation programs.

Cap Out ...

Anonymous said...

Lee may have been the Confedracy's Romell, but he still betrayed His Oath as a US Army Officer, to Protect and Defend the Constitution of the United States.Perhaps had Lee excepted Lincoln's request to head the Union forces less than the 600,000 Americans would have died in our Civil War. That was TWO Percent (2%) of our county. For those who waive the Stars & Bars in recognition of their heritage, they should remember what they celibrate includes being in active armed rebellon against the USA [ oh yeah and slavery too].
D. Sisselman.

Anonymous said...

4:01 - you're a great businessman. Shame someone gave you a law degree just to sell out clients.

Anonymous said...

Go Keydets! Marshall was the greatest General the US has produced. He is responsible for today's peaceful Europe - he was able to manage Macarthur, Patton, Ike and the whole lot.

He was not a self-promoter and that is why some people don't even know who is was.

county court fool said...

6:22 what does that exactly mean? How do you know I "sell out my clients"? In fact I venture I try more cases than the "dui lawyers" and win more to boot. I file motions in almost every case and work my ass off for my clients. Lets look at your premise more closely:

I am a bad lawyer because I am a good business man. Thus the reverse should be true: I am a good lawyer and a bad business man,

Well hot shot, If I was a bad business man, I could not afford an office, secretaries to handle client files, make sure they get to court, get their DMV temporary licenses and set up the DMV hearings for me (because my clients can usually lose their DL longer at the DMV than in court). I could not afford the investigator I employ full time to go to every scene, take pictures, subpoena the police tapes so I can see if the cops were lying about the time of the stop or what they originally called the stop (many times I can use police tapes to show the officer called in a DUI before meeting my client at the car).

So yes, I employ people, we all earn money, and I bust my butt and I get my cases honestly, not by paying off correction officers and bondsmen like the rest of you felony hot shot lawyers. I charge a reasonable fee, leave no stone unturned, and don't stop fighting until the client tells me to. What exactly is wrong with that?

You're up tough guy.

Anonymous said...

Grant was the first "modern " general. Grant invented something his predecessors did not contemplate, war of attrition. Grant realized that he had 3 times the number of soldiers as lee and therefore if he killed one confederate for each union casualty he would ultimately win; So much for the glory of war. Grants great strength was his unflappability, he would fight, get bloodied and advance forcing lee, (who had interior lines, to move to defend Richmond. Spotsylvania, the wilderness, and Cold Harbor were bloodbaths, but broke the back of the rebel army. Chamberlain was the best. Grant was tough. Dulce et decorum es…./. Jason Grey

Anonymous said...

3 times this month Broward ASAs have failed to return my calls. What is it about that office? Like most of us, I like to call ASAs ahead of time to avoid trying to negotiate with them when they are calling a calendar. Broward is the worst. They will not call back, are never in when you do call, and treat you like you don't exist in court. And they always walk into court either 30 seconds before the judge takes the bench, or sometimes 5 minutes after. What the hell is wrong with that office??? When I was an ASA I returned every call and found that most of my cases closed out quickly. A defense attorney called, I called him back that day, we negotiated a plea and put it on calendar right away. Miami-Dade ASAs are hit or miss. Some call back right away, others never return calls or emails. But in Broward it seems to be part of the culture.

Anonymous said...


Lee may be your man, but he doesn't hold a candle to the man of all men:

Napoleon Bonaparte Broward.

CAPTAIN said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CAPTAIN said...


to 8:21 PM and others:

How to reach the State Atty. ?

I have to agree with everything you said in your post about the inability of getting a member of the Broward SAO to return a call.

Here is what I am now doing:

For ASA Julie Smith, an ASA in Broward, for example, you email her at:


I make it a practice to place a phone call and leave the standard voice mail with my office and cell phone contacts.

Then I immediately send an email containing the purpose of my wanting to speak with them and I let them know that at X time I just left them a voicemail to call me.

Give it a shot. It has been working for me.


the TRIalmaster said...

in a brief rebuttal, the TRIALMASTER responds. 1st to 7:49pm be very assured that the TRIALMASTER is not a fictional character. He is a trial lawer's trial lawyer. and to the fool at 9:22 pm. I assure you that the TRIALMASTER does not live in a 1 room att. TRIALMASTER has direct TV, not cable. and the TRIALMASTER has represented VIPs and has obtained several fees in the range that I cited. as the TRIALMASTER HAS, " A reasonable fee for a reasonable doubt"'Thank you to the followers of the TRIALMASTER.

Anonymous said...

To: county court fool ...

You "work your ass off" but you take "no depos". It sure sounds like your efforts are mostly in cashing their checks.

Anonymous said...

this issue about can I reach the Asa, the Apd etc., ultimately rests with the judge . If the judge wants information re: PTI, or another plea (like a cooperating def,) the judge pushes it to close.

If the judge let's it linger, it can go on for months to years.

So if a judge hears from an ATTY that calls/e-mails are not being returned, it's the judge's responsibility to assure those in his division are doing the right thing.